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Old 2011-01-25, 03:49   Link #7881
Nightbat®
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Join Date: Dec 2005
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Uhmm,... people what is this about?

While I agree the placebo of internetlove won't hold forever,....

we're talking about 3 Friggin Months?

End of the world? 90 days? ...I think not
That is, unless it is all hormones and no substance, then it would take less than a month to die

If Miko Miko has nothing better to do than hang around her boyfriend all day, and doesn't know what to do without him,....
Well, there's something going wrong already, allthough I would not say it is the relationship
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Old 2011-01-25, 03:53   Link #7882
NorthernFallout
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Regarding distance talk above: I had never been with a girl, and neither did I believe in distance relationships. Nor did my girl, it has to be said. Attraction over the net, maybe, but not love. Especially if it was different countries. Ludicrous! That doesn't work.

Well, the ways of the world proved me, and her, wrong. Known her for 3 years (of which we have talked almost every day), been together since October last year. Going to see her this summer. After that, we'll know for sure... Though there isn't much doubt now even.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tsuyoshi View Post
Love is not a means through which you express your carnal desires, but to have someone with whom you can share you life with, create a connection with by way of knowing each other. To love someone is to love every aspect of them, not just simply to sleep with.
Also, this. Which is why I love her in the first place. Neither of us had anyone to confide deeply in (other than close family), then we found each other. So yeah.
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Old 2011-01-25, 04:42   Link #7883
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Originally Posted by Tsuyoshi View Post
Excuse me, but how exactly does the second hypothesis fail? I can't speak for everyone else here but I would absolutely love to have a gf with whom I can speak to about anything and confide in without worrying about the consequences. Love is not a means through which you express your carnal desires, but to have someone with whom you can share you life with, create a connection with by way of knowing each other (not by way of sex). To love someone is to love every aspect of them, not just simply to sleep with.
^^^
Tsuyoshi says it all

--------------------------------
This conversation reminds me why I had a crush with my highschool classmate I fell for her for her attitude rather than her looks.
--------------------------------
Miko Miko: I would suggest hanging out with your friends or get into hobbies that you liked before you met your bf. Action and comical movies sure can pass the time. This can be your chance to build up interesting adventures to converse with your bf when he comes back.
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Old 2011-01-25, 05:42   Link #7884
SJCrew
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I can't believe how naive you guys are with regards to sex. Sexual tension in a relationship, when not addressed, will boil over. If one of you is wondering about sex, bring it up with your partner and talk it out. I am not posting in a topic full of asexuals; every single one of you has the desire to have sex in some way, shape or form, and I'm pretty sure most of you talking about how unimportant it is are either sore or numb due to having missed multiple chances to score. Been there, done that.

Pretending sex isn't important in a relationship is dumb. If both you and your partner have the same ideals with regards to it and can hold off until a certain time, that's great. But chances are, there's going to be an incongruity somewhere along the line where one isn't communicating to the other about what they want or that the other party just plain isn't listening. This is why people cheat. If you don't want to risk being cheated on, address both the emotional and sexual needs of your partners.

If you're in high school, disregard all of the above. You kids stick to your books, games, and friendly social gatherings.
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Old 2011-01-25, 05:48   Link #7885
Tsuyoshi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SJCrew View Post
I can't believe how naive you guys are with regards to sex. Sexual tension in a relationship, when not addressed, will boil over. If one of you is wondering about sex, bring it up with your partner and talk it out. I am not posting in a topic full of asexuals; every single one of you has the desire to have sex in some way, shape or form, and I'm pretty sure most of you talking about how unimportant it is are either sore or numb due to having missed multiple chances to score. Been there, done that.

Pretending sex isn't important in a relationship is dumb. If both you and your partner have the same ideals with regards to it and can hold off until a certain time, that's great. But chances are, there's going to be an incongruity somewhere along the line where one isn't communicating to the other about what they want or that the other party just plain isn't listening. This is why people cheat. If you don't want to risk being cheated on, address both the emotional and sexual needs of your partners.
Yes, it is important. I am in no way denying that. However, at the same time, it is not the most important thing in a relationship and shouldn't be treated as such. I was simply pointing out that idiffer's argument that sex is what defines a loving relationship is incorrect. While sex is important, it is in no feasible way the factor that defines a proper, healthy relationship.
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Old 2011-01-25, 07:31   Link #7886
JuGG
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SJCrew View Post
I can't believe how naive you guys are with regards to sex. Sexual tension in a relationship, when not addressed, will boil over. If one of you is wondering about sex, bring it up with your partner and talk it out. I am not posting in a topic full of asexuals; every single one of you has the desire to have sex in some way, shape or form, and I'm pretty sure most of you talking about how unimportant it is are either sore or numb due to having missed multiple chances to score. Been there, done that.

Pretending sex isn't important in a relationship is dumb. If both you and your partner have the same ideals with regards to it and can hold off until a certain time, that's great. But chances are, there's going to be an incongruity somewhere along the line where one isn't communicating to the other about what they want or that the other party just plain isn't listening. This is why people cheat. If you don't want to risk being cheated on, address both the emotional and sexual needs of your partners.

If you're in high school, disregard all of the above. You kids stick to your books, games, and friendly social gatherings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tsuyoshi View Post
Yes, it is important. I am in no way denying that. However, at the same time, it is not the most important thing in a relationship and shouldn't be treated as such. I was simply pointing out that idiffer's argument that sex is what defines a loving relationship is incorrect. While sex is important, it is in no feasible way the factor that defines a proper, healthy relationship.
It's all about balance really, right? Finding a healthy middle where your relationship isn't only about sex but also that it isn't an issue or lacking for either of you. Like any other issue between a couple if it's not sorted out through a little fight, conversation, or whatever then it will erupt or destroy you one day--that's just human nature. But 90 days without sex will do no harm as long as you deal with your own needs whenever and keep in contact (and find yourself still happy to wait) then there'll be no problem here.

That is as long as you can find something else other than hanging around. Surely there must be something constructive you're interested in. (learning a new skill, language, cooking, going to mates, films, whatever)
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Old 2011-01-25, 09:28   Link #7887
idiffer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tsuyoshi View Post
Excuse me, but how exactly does the second hypothesis fail? I can't speak for everyone else here but I would absolutely love to have a gf with whom I can speak to about anything and confide in without worrying about the consequences. Love is not a means through which you express your carnal desires, but to have someone with whom you can share you life with, create a connection with by way of knowing each other (not by way of sex). To love someone is to love every aspect of them, not just simply to sleep with.
because it doesn't work without "carnal desires". talking is good, no arguement there from me. but for me love is sex+talking/sharing/whatever u want to call it. one without the other falls into other territory. sex defines a relationship just as confiding defines it. they are 2 sides of a coin. why do u think ppl say there can be no friendship between a man and a woman? cause they will be attracted to each other physically. conclusion - when its not friends, then its lovers or nothing.
also this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SJCrew View Post
I can't believe how naive you guys are with regards to sex. Sexual tension in a relationship, when not addressed, will boil over. If one of you is wondering about sex, bring it up with your partner and talk it out. I am not posting in a topic full of asexuals; every single one of you has the desire to have sex in some way, shape or form, and I'm pretty sure most of you talking about how unimportant it is are either sore or numb due to having missed multiple chances to score. Been there, done that.

Pretending sex isn't important in a relationship is dumb. If both you and your partner have the same ideals with regards to it and can hold off until a certain time, that's great. But chances are, there's going to be an incongruity somewhere along the line where one isn't communicating to the other about what they want or that the other party just plain isn't listening. This is why people cheat. If you don't want to risk being cheated on, address both the emotional and sexual needs of your partners.

If you're in high school, disregard all of the above. You kids stick to your books, games, and friendly social gatherings.
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Old 2011-01-25, 09:32   Link #7888
Tsuyoshi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by idiffer View Post
because it doesn't work without "carnal desires". talking is good, no arguement there from me. but for me love is sex+talking/sharing/whatever u want to call it. one without the other falls into other territory. sex defines a relationship just as confiding defines it. they are 2 sides of a coin. why do u think ppl say there can be no friendship between a man and a woman? cause they will be attracted to each other physically. conclusion - when its not friends, then its lovers or nothing.
also this.
The way you put it makes sound like you need sex to know that you're in a relationship with someone. Otherwise, you two are just friends. Let me ask you this then: to know you're in a relationship with someone, do you need to have sex with them first? Also, what you said above doesn't go along with what you said here:

Quote:
Originally Posted by idiffer View Post
sex is what seperates friendship from love.

Last edited by Tsuyoshi; 2011-01-25 at 09:44.
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Old 2011-01-25, 09:49   Link #7889
idiffer
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no, u don't need that to KNOW. u need it for it to FEEL like a relationship. we can put labels, but in the end, u can't deceive feelings
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d) I was accidentally dropped into a barrel of whiskey, so now I am constantly drunk.
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Old 2011-01-25, 09:55   Link #7890
Khu
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How the hell I managed to have a relationship without sex I'll never understand now.

[/sarcasm]

You don't need sex at all, even to make it feel like a relationship.
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Old 2011-01-25, 10:00   Link #7891
idiffer
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you don't need life for it to feel like life
u don't need to hear for it to be music
y don't need to see for it to be a painting
we'll put words on the walls
and ideas in head
we'll drift in the halls
healthy and fed
@idiffer 2011
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b) Wasu~p?! *brofist*
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d) I was accidentally dropped into a barrel of whiskey, so now I am constantly drunk.
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Old 2011-01-25, 10:03   Link #7892
Tsuyoshi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by idiffer View Post
no, u don't need that to KNOW. u need it for it to FEEL like a relationship. we can put labels, but in the end, u can't deceive feelings
I respecfully have to disagree. You really don't need sex to feel love between you and her. Sex comes as a result of the strong feelings the two have for each other. You have sex because you feel like you're in a relationship, not in order to feel or make it feel like one. If people don't already have strong feelings of love, they're just friends with benefits at best.

Quote:
Originally Posted by idiffer View Post
you don't need life for it to feel like life
u don't need to hear for it to be music
y don't need to see for it to be a painting
we'll put words on the walls
and ideas in head
we'll drift in the halls
healthy and fed
@idiffer 2011
you don't need sex for it to be a relationship
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Old 2011-01-25, 10:07   Link #7893
Miko Miko
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Quote:
Originally Posted by synaesthetic View Post
Go to school.
I actually wish I could.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kafriel View Post
Start off by finding out the hours during which you can call him, first few days are always rough! As for you, uuuuh...

Great time to focus on either. If you can't or won't do any of the above, at least get some friends and hang out all week, it can be really fun if...well, if they're funny
Well yesterday evening he text me basically saying that he might be able to facebook me at lunchtime during the week. But so far he hasn't been able to get on.. but i appreciate he is busy.. anddd.. it's harder to get friends than you think for me, I'm not the most outgoing person, and literally everyone I am friends with it at school/work/college.. so I can only see them on days off, lunch hours and stuff. Which is kind of sucky, not sure really where to find some new friends round here?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy View Post
Consider this an excellent opportunity to focus on yourself, because really, your relationship shouldn't be so all-consuming that when your boyfriend is absent, you don't know what to do with yourself: that's a situation that leads to dependency and desperation.

Sounds like you need a constructive, productive hobby! Might I recommend learning an instrument, or perhaps reading books?
Not big in reading and I don't have an instrument to learn?
But I definately need a hobby.. or a job.
And I don't want to be that dependent or desperate.. that's just not me.


Quote:
Originally Posted by cheyannew View Post
Besides the fact we live in the digital age, where webchat, cell phones, etc mean you're never REALLY far from a loved one, this is a great chance to do things with your friends, or stuff your bf isn't necessarily into.

I also agree about the whole dependency thing, though you didn't mention how long you two've been together. You guys could very well be in the "newlywed stage", aka NRE (New Relationship Energy), where you're spending a lot of time together. If so, then it's understandable to a degree. That makes these 3 months all the more important; if you can both go separate ways (such as it is), and reunite when it's over and still want to be together, good on ya!

Long story short? Enjoy the time, do stuff you want to do, hang out with friends, and keep in touch if he wants to as well. If he says let's take a break or anything, take it, see where it leads for you both.

Now's also the time you'll want to clarify if seeing other people is an option or desired thing, just so it's out there as being ok or not ok.
But I don't want to 'see other people' that's not what we want. We've been together since the beginning of November. So not very long, but ofc we want to keep in touch with eachother and not see anyone else?

Quote:
Originally Posted by idiffer View Post
what i forgot to say is, don't call, don't chat on IRC or skype. because all that will make u miss him even MORE. no, the daily chat over ICQ does not suffice. u will want sex, and u cant have it and that will frustrate u both and well...its all sad from there....
Well for one, I don't want to not speak to him for 3 months. He likes to know what's going on here and I like to know how he's getting on? I'm not just going to blank him for 3 months. That's rude. And it's not about sex, sex is the least important aspect of our relationship to be honest.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kafriel View Post
And people are surprised they get cheated on...seriously just wtf are you smoking when you're posting?

Friend of mine ditched his girl, because she didn't give a damn about him when he was in the army. In his words, "I'm not your personal toy to play around with while I'm here". Keeping the relationship as alive as possible is a #1 priority.
Agree 100%

Quote:
Originally Posted by Knightrunner View Post
^^^
Miko Miko: I would suggest hanging out with your friends or get into hobbies that you liked before you met your bf. Action and comical movies sure can pass the time. This can be your chance to build up interesting adventures to converse with your bf when he comes back.
I'm just going to find a hobby. Maybe watch some anime, play some games and hope 3 months flies by.


Thanks for the replies. Some more appreciated than others.
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Old 2011-01-25, 10:11   Link #7894
idiffer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tsuyoshi View Post
I respecfully have to disagree. You really don't need sex to feel love between you and her. Sex comes as a result of the strong feelings the two have for each other. You have sex because you feel like you're in a relationship, not in order to feel or make it feel like one. If people don't already have strong feelings of love, they're just friends with benefits at best.

you don't need sex for it to a relationship
man, u ruined such a poetic moment...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miko Miko View Post
I actually wish I could.

Well for one, I don't want to not speak to him for 3 months. He likes to know what's going on here and I like to know how he's getting on? I'm not just going to blank him for 3 months. That's rude. And it's not about sex, sex is the least important aspect of our relationship to be honest.
my posts should be read completely. and i don't mean sex alone. seeing, touching a person - that sort of thing. and if that isn't the important aspect, why would u go and ask internet ppl for advice on how to deal with him being away?
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My posts seem retarted? I invoke the freedomof choice upon thee to choose one of the below.
a) I’m batshit insane or mentally challenged. Nyan!
b) Wasu~p?! *brofist*
c) Your mind is too narrow to embrace my genius, de geso.
d) I was accidentally dropped into a barrel of whiskey, so now I am constantly drunk.
e) Go home and die! Dattebayo!

Last edited by NightWish; 2011-01-25 at 17:18. Reason: comment removed; successive posts merged
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Old 2011-01-25, 12:36   Link #7895
Kafriel
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Quote:
touching a person - that sort of thing. and if that isn't the important aspect
Sometimes people can touch and grope and try all they want and still not reach out to their partner. The most important thing in a relationship, is understanding. You have to reach another's heart in order to love and be loved in return, and if you can't do that...might as well live in the net.
Quote:
Well yesterday evening he text me basically saying that he might be able to facebook me at lunchtime during the week. But so far he hasn't been able to get on.. but i appreciate he is busy.. anddd.. it's harder to get friends than you think for me, I'm not the most outgoing person, and literally everyone I am friends with it at school/work/college.. so I can only see them on days off, lunch hours and stuff. Which is kind of sucky, not sure really where to find some new friends round here?
I assume you work, but since you had said you used to spend all day with him, I take it you were working together?
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Old 2011-01-25, 13:44   Link #7896
Mr.Raw
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tsuyoshi View Post
Love is not a means through which you express your carnal desires, but to have someone with whom you can share you life with, create a connection with by way of knowing each other (not by way of sex). To love someone is to love every aspect of them, not just simply to sleep with.
Funfact: Love is a production of a brain part we humans gained through evolution --> The Amygdalae

Muhahahahaha...I like this idiffer guy, not many members have the guts (or should I say, stupidiy?) to say ''such'' things so blunt

As for the sex/love discussion:
In my opinion there should be a balance between sex and ''social stuff''. Yes, understanding each other is very important, heck I should say the most important in a relationship. Sex IS NOT the most important thing in a relationship, but it is needed. Every brain has the prehistoric instinct to make love and have children. But for humans there are some exceptions, like asexuals or anorexia people (homosexuals are a different story, explaining them would be offtopic IMO). How could one organism ignore the most important instinct, which it to EAT?

Then there is kissing, foreplay and other stuff...I'd call that ''Soft sex''
...*is shot*

I seriously wouldn't recommend long distance relationships. I have seen too many people suffering from it.

Excuse me for my bad English ...Then again, I'm just 16 and have never been in a relationship. The adults may know better.
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Old 2011-01-25, 14:11   Link #7897
Kafriel
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Quote:
I seriously wouldn't recommend long distance relationships.
Nobody likes being in one, but most people would choose that instead of breaking up.
Quote:
Sex IS NOT the most important thing in a relationship, but it is needed.
Ah, is it really? To the best of my recollection, in the days of old, people would first get to date for a long time, then get engaged, then get married, and then engage in coitus. Of course nowadays people want and have the freedom to sleep with whoever they want at any given age, but just because you can do it doesn't necessarily mean you have to. And to be more realistic and more on topic, judging from Miko's age I wouldn't recommend sex to anyone below 18 as I deem it to be one of the things that come with age.
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Old 2011-01-25, 14:15   Link #7898
RadiantBeam
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I... just... GAH! I hate this boy, dammit!

I don't usually hate people my friends date. In general, I like to get along with them. If I can't, I like to keep our interaction down to a minimum so that there isn't any trouble caused between them and my friends. But when you have the nerve to tell my best friend that she should interact with me less and not joke around with me as much because you're around... GAH!

Goddammit. I've known her longer than you. You have no right to push me out of her life just because you're jealous, you sad, pathetic little boy. I seriously hope she dumps you soon. I'm waiting for it.

....

That was more rant-ish than I intended it to be...
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Old 2011-01-25, 14:16   Link #7899
Mr.Raw
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@kafriel
Totally agree with you on the age thing. I do believe in ''no sex before marriage''. So when I talk about a relationship, I talk about being with someone who you really want to spend your life with. Patience is the key to most successful relationships
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Old 2011-01-25, 14:37   Link #7900
Simon
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
But when you have the nerve to tell my best friend that she should interact with me less and not joke around with me as much because you're around... GAH!
Eww, it's never good when a guy tries to separate a girl from her friends. I know too many women who've ended up with insecure control-freak bfs and the results are always ugly. IMO his behaviour is even more reason for you to ignore him and spend time with her when you want to.

Quote:
That was more rant-ish than I intended it to be...
That's OK, better to rant here than punch him out in front of her.
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