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Old 2008-10-08, 10:05   Link #781
Amray
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: England
Age: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paladinoras View Post
heh, the only person who I thinks fit your description is well, the girl I am using as my avatar, Yui Aragaki...

Of course, SHE IS MINE, SO BACK OFF BUDDY!!!

And that is my idea of a perfect girl, btw ..
Is that so? Do not worry, I do not even know who she is so you have the higher advantage and priority. I admire Hirano Aya. I am not particularly in love with her, I just simply fancy her. Alas she is very much out of my reach.

Nontheless there is a very big, and very posh 'all-girls school/college' quite close to my house where there are many, many, many girls like that. I have seen them and they are just what I look for. Alas I am too afraid to just simply confront one of them. Believe me though, this school is the size of Hogwarts, and I mean quite literally. There is bound to be one perfect girl in there for me. I have seen enough of them that look a lot like the type I look for. So if I ever get overly desperate I know where to go. When one (male) walks past this school a lot of the girls will hang out of the windows and start waving and calling you, especially if one looks as handsome as I. 'tis quite good.
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Old 2008-10-08, 10:07   Link #782
npal
I desire Tomorrow!
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sixth Layer of Celestia
Age: 32
Ah, yes, there's bound to be a perfect girl for anyone... possibly. The REAL problem is, are you the perfect guy for that particular girl?
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Old 2008-10-08, 10:20   Link #783
Eczema
Ah! Pretty Shining Love!
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Australia
Quote:
Originally Posted by npal View Post
Ah, yes, there's bound to be a perfect girl for anyone... possibly. The REAL problem is, are you the perfect guy for that particular girl?
This is where I fail.
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Old 2008-10-08, 10:26   Link #784
Magin
#1 Akashiya Moka Fan
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where magic is real
Age: 26
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That's where so many of us guys fail, I would think. I know I do
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Old 2008-10-08, 10:30   Link #785
Amray
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: England
Age: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by npal View Post
Ah, yes, there's bound to be a perfect girl for anyone... possibly. The REAL problem is, are you the perfect guy for that particular girl?
The best, or maybe even the only, way to find that out is to talk to them. Call it flirting if you will but I do not see it like that. By getting to know them properly first you will eventually be able to determine whether you like them, and more importantly, whether they like you too. I would never have an instant relationship where I literally just ask for their number and then ring them to ask them out for a date. I would personally prefer to try and recognise first whether we have a chance. Talking to them is really easy though. The talking should come first, then the request for a phone number or E-mail, and then the meeting with eachother, and then proper dates.

These are my personal thoughts though, and I know that they do not apply to everyone.
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Old 2008-10-08, 10:49   Link #786
Nervous Venus
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Between a rock and a hard place.
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amray
Small Chest
Short hair, or, really long hair
Average height
Out-going but also likes night indoors
Quite spunky but sometimes really quiet
Cute
Shy
Thin
Cuddly
Can play games (this does not have to apply as I can teach her)
A younger age than myself
Shorter than me (I just could not date a girl that is bigger than me)
Can have a short temper
Sometimes sarcastic
(Japanese, but is not a necessity)
In other words, you want a 2D girl, lol.
Coincidentally, I hit off every point, except for "cuddly" and " younger age" xD

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynthia Herrera
I am a chicken you guys to do it . >.< I think he forgot about me threw the summer.
so is there still a chance or is it pointless.
If a guy is interested and remembers you, he'll definitely come up and say something like, " Hey...we used to hang out/talk, " or whatever.

I remember I had a crush on this guy in my English class during all of freshman year. He was dating some girl at the time, but by the time sophomore year came, I heard they had broken up. He came up to my table out of the blue one day, and said something like, " Hey. We used to have some sort of class together, right?" and I was like, " Yep. English." Of course, he was still nursing a wound and all, and I eventually made him patch things up with his ex-girlfriend (even though she still hates my guts), but it was nice while it lasted.

If the guy you like is being shy, definitely go up to him and just ask him if he remembers you. Give him a little nudge in the right direction. You don't have to confess your feelings, or make him confess his outright. I'm sure if the time is right, and if he does have feelings for you, and vice versa, that one of you will eventually seal the deal.
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Old 2008-10-08, 23:17   Link #787
Ledgem
Love Yourself
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
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Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coffee_Kaioken View Post
I know this is like two years later. I know I may be taking the course of the thread off topic (I got this from the 5th-6th page, and the thread's about 39-40 pages long).

But your posts, Earth_Wyrm, and Zero Shinohara, completely match my situation at the moment. Only, I'm not 20, I'm going to be 19 soon, and in college at the moment, but, still. Accurate enough. I have had no relationships, and in high school, there was one girl who returned my feelings but I was too much of a wuss to take her hints and go for anything.
...
Really though, I'm not so sure I want to "date", as much as I'd like to find someone to actually go ahead and get serious with. Sort of like, friends first - yes, I know, outdated approach. Apparently, few at my age are even looking into that sort of thing. I'm not much into playing the games, the "girls-decide-in-5-minutes-whether-or-not-you're-worth-their-time, so-play-your-cards-right-and-use-all-these-mind-game-mental-hypnosis-tricks, download-our-ebooks-for-money-and-learn-how-to-not-be-yourself-but-attract-girls-anyway" BS. But it seems that there's this whole complicated approach to knowing who to be, how to act, etc. and it's all really confusing.

So like Earth_Wyrm said at the time, my perception on how the whole dating/romance field works is really distorted.

Pages like this don't really help much, either.
I started dating right before I hit 20, partly because I was ready for it and partly due to that nagging feeling that if I didn't even start dating before I left my 'teens, when some people start dating as early as middle school, then maybe I'd never date. I put an embarrassing amount of thought into it, too - how to start dating, that is. At my university the Greek system was quite influential, as were its parties. I wasn't into partying, and I wasn't into the Greek system. It was enough of a struggle to piece together a group of friends who had the same general interests that I did - and we were all guys with virtually no links to other girls. That's a dead end.

My first dating experience was a case where someone saw me, took interest, and took the first steps. We did it as you desire it - we would meet once or twice a week for lunch, and our conversation-filled lunches lasted for a long time. It ultimately didn't work out, but it was a first. The break-up didn't leave me with anything to work with in terms of other girls.

However, I ultimately came to realize some things that can work in your favor. Situations are different for everyone, so don't take this as an ultimate guide, but ponder it.

First, you need to meet girls. Perhaps I should be embarrassed to admit this, but I signed up for knitting clubs and certain volunteering clubs knowing that the groups would likely be almost 100% female. (Furthermore, girls who are into knitting would probably be compatible with me, just based off of stereotypes - someone cerebral and who doesn't live off of alcohol.) That never panned out, but it was a good idea. Meeting girls doesn't necessarily mean you're going to meet "the one" right there. The idea is to have solid, good friends who are female. Ideally these females would not be excessively tom-boyish - they need to have links to many other girls, not just guys. Through your female friends you'd then be able to meet other girls. It's a positive cycle, and starting it up is the hardest part. Once you're used to interacting with females in a friendly manner, it becomes even easier to make random female friends. At my peak I probably had 2-3 female friends for every one close guy friend. This excess initially and understandably put some strain on me and my girlfriend, once I'd found her.

The second part is actually making something happen. While the exact methodology will depend on who you are and who the girl is, everyone seems to have at least one thing in common: if person A is led to believe that person B has an interest in them, then person A will begin to develop an interest back (as long as the two aren't completely put off by each other). Spending a lot of time with someone is a relatively obvious way of showing interest. The added benefit is that even if the other person doesn't recognize it, her friends might, and their suggestions could trigger her interest in you. Another possible way of going about it would be to show her friends that you're interested in her, either by directly stating it or by hinting at it by asking certain things about her (possibly things like what her favorite flavors of ice cream or cake are, or what her favorite stuffed animals are, or... you get the idea, just remember what you're told because if you ever choose something after being told something else, you're in for it). It all depends.

As for the whole "friend zone" thing, according to some girls there is a bit of truth in it. I wouldn't worry too much about it, though. If anything, consider that the main idea behind it is to keep you moving and working toward your goal. Don't feel rushed, but do use it as a motivation if you ever feel too shy to move forward.

Above all, enjoy the process. It can be frustrating to build up tons of friendships and still not enter a romantic relationship, or to see so many beautiful, wonderful girls who are still incompatible/unavailable to you. As long as you're not too focused on the end result, simply making friends and seeing where your friendships take you is rewarding in itself.
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Old 2008-10-09, 05:39   Link #788
Paladinoras
Pancakes
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: In Your House. No, really, look properly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amray View Post
The best, or maybe even the only, way to find that out is to talk to them. Call it flirting if you will but I do not see it like that. By getting to know them properly first you will eventually be able to determine whether you like them, and more importantly, whether they like you too. I would never have an instant relationship where I literally just ask for their number and then ring them to ask them out for a date. I would personally prefer to try and recognise first whether we have a chance. Talking to them is really easy though. The talking should come first, then the request for a phone number or E-mail, and then the meeting with eachother, and then proper dates.

These are my personal thoughts though, and I know that they do not apply to everyone.
No, I agree with you. That is what I would do.

And at any rate, in my opinion, there is no such thing as a prefect guy or a perfect girl. People who accomodate their personalities to their partner's personalities would be my idea of perfect.. .
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Old 2008-10-10, 09:04   Link #789
solomon
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Suburban DC
So just wondering,

To all you girls out there, when you're looking for something fairly serious; what do you look for in a guy?
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Old 2008-10-10, 09:14   Link #790
Mystique
Honyaku no Hime
*Fansubber
 
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
Quote:
Originally Posted by solomon View Post
So just wondering,

To all you girls out there, when you're looking for something fairly serious; what do you look for in a guy?
Father of potential kids and surname compatibility (since we'd technically lose our maiden name)
Have i scared off anyone yet?

I think that'd flash past most of our minds, but not all of us will bank on it and aim towards it if a good thing has began, depends on the girl, if i have to answer your question deadly seriously

Me personally, i look for someone who has some interests to my hobbies and a relation to my general life direction/future. (No one can tell for certain, but we have an idea how distance plays in a relationship and our lives.)
Also needs to be able to handle and give as good as he gets with my "dry" ironic british sense of humour.
If humour and chemistry clicks, then there's a good thing going, even if it's just friends at first
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Old 2008-10-10, 18:33   Link #791
Shiemi
Counting days
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Not even close to the Caribbean anymore
Quote:
Originally Posted by solomon View Post
So just wondering,

To all you girls out there, when you're looking for something fairly serious; what do you look for in a guy?
Stability, security, honesty, someone I can respect and respects me back, listens to me, and satisfies my needs of intimacy.
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Old 2008-10-11, 02:51   Link #792
stubby42
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: UK/Canada
For me dating is pretty difficult because any relationship I start will be close then suddenly turn into a very long distance relationship. I'm in the process of immigrating to canada from the UK so at the moment I'm bouncing from work visa to work visa, because I'm still in school in the uk it means I spend six months of the year in the uk and the other six in canada.

I should just go into a relationship open minded and not worry about it and I really do want for it to happen but I worry that the girl is going to end up being the one and that the long distance relationship will brake us down (every single person I've met that have started in a close relationship where their rarely apart then go long distance, it brakes down and fast) which ends up being a stumbling block because it means I dont start the relationship in the first place.

Plus I feel like a dick because the fact is if I'm with a canadian girl it would make my life alot easier, its basically hello work visa but I dont want to feel like the main reason I'm staying with a girl is to get in the country.
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Old 2008-10-11, 09:17   Link #793
CuXe
Loving Romeo X Juliet
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: City of Angels
Quote:
Originally Posted by stubby42 View Post
For me dating is pretty difficult because any relationship I start will be close then suddenly turn into a very long distance relationship. I'm in the process of immigrating to canada from the UK so at the moment I'm bouncing from work visa to work visa, because I'm still in school in the uk it means I spend six months of the year in the uk and the other six in canada.

I should just go into a relationship open minded and not worry about it and I really do want for it to happen but I worry that the girl is going to end up being the one and that the long distance relationship will brake us down (every single person I've met that have started in a close relationship where their rarely apart then go long distance, it brakes down and fast) which ends up being a stumbling block because it means I dont start the relationship in the first place.

Plus I feel like a dick because the fact is if I'm with a canadian girl it would make my life alot easier, its basically hello work visa but I dont want to feel like the main reason I'm staying with a girl is to get in the country.
I feel ya.... long distance relationships can be a total mess, thats the main reason I try not to get myself in that situation as I travel a lot as well (work related) ... my take is to start dating when you have finally set yourself up in one place, or country in this case, otherwise, things will always go downhill. I haven't met many people who have held a long distance relationship and made it work, it just doesn't happen anymore. Maybe back in the days when a man and a woman dreamed with each other all because of the promise of a kiss things might have worked out but we don't live in such times ....... maybe this is why I like anime so much... anime romance is so pure (in most series) ... and one gets to fantasize a lot... lol

OFF Topic line............ How the heck is it that I never knew this part of the forum existed... I spent most of my time in the anime series threads ... lol .. silly me... will have to start interacting with some people here.........
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Old 2008-10-11, 09:49   Link #794
tehjoker
It's all useless.
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Never had a girlfriend but dated a few times.

Well, it kills me to know that every girl i date likes a friend of mine.
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Old 2008-10-11, 10:56   Link #795
stubby42
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: UK/Canada
Quote:
I haven't met many people who have held a long distance relationship and made it work, it just doesn't happen anymore
I've met quite a few people that make long distance relationships work but the reason their relationships carry on is because thats how their relationship has been from the beginning.

One friend started dating his girlfriend two weeks before he went to school, she lives in alberta and he goes to school in sasketchewan, they only see each other two or three times times in a semester (at most) but when they are together its the most amazing time, the rest of the time they call each other or talk on web camera and it makes a hell of a difference.

Apparantly the most difficult part of their relationship is when he comes back home for summer because their together for a long time then he has to leave. They manage it because they've got their relationship to a point where they only want to be with each other.

Like I said though, long distance relationships only seem to work if thats how your relationship starts, the person is worth it and you manage to see them a few times a semester.

If I were back in the uk and wanted to visit it would just not be possible, the plane tickets are way too expensive, I only earn enough to scrape together for that six month stint and even then its a huge struggle and I'm trying to get into an industry thats low pay and tends to be temporary contracts.

Its fun and worth it but it makes my life so much harder.
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Old 2008-10-11, 14:22   Link #796
AceD
See You En' Tee
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: England
Age: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiemi View Post
Stability, security, honesty, someone I can respect and respects me back, listens to me, and satisfies my needs of intimacy.
sounds like maybe your describing your mother?...apart from the last bit anyway...i hope
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Old 2008-10-11, 16:20   Link #797
Shiemi
Counting days
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Not even close to the Caribbean anymore
Quote:
Originally Posted by Voracious Hollow View Post
sounds like maybe your describing your mother?...apart from the last bit anyway...i hope
Nope! I'm actually describing my boyfriend.

On another note, to the ones talking about LDRs, long distance relationships are truly hard. I'm in one right now and sometimes I think it's too hard. Whenever we manage to spend days together I end up crying a lot when we have to get separated again. Then, like a couple of months after we've been able to be together for some days and then we've been away from each other, I go into panic attacks and start telling him I cannot do it anymore. Somehow, he manages to calm me down every time and I'm really glad it doesn't happen often. Only when we've been together like two months before or so.

I know I could do things so that we can live close to each other sooner, but at the moment, it wouldn't be a wise decision and my studies come first. Plus I already left my master's degree studies once for a man before and almost ended up getting killed. Obviously, after the murder attempt/threat and years of abuse that did not work out, but because of such a painful experience I feel my life comes first and my boyfriend understands my decision. Still, that doesn't make the LDR situation easy.
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Old 2008-10-11, 19:31   Link #798
Mystique
Honyaku no Hime
*Fansubber
 
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiemi View Post
Plus I already left my master's degree studies once for a man before and almost ended up getting killed. Obviously, after the murder attempt/threat and years of abuse that did not work out, but because of such a painful experience I feel my life comes first and my boyfriend understands my decision. Still, that doesn't make the LDR situation easy.

uuhhh... mind going into that in detail via your profile board or pm? It's only like the randomest, kinda intriguing thing you can toss in a date thread, so casually O.o
Quote:
Originally Posted by stubby42
Like I said though, long distance relationships only seem to work if thats how your relationship starts, the person is worth it and you manage to see them a few times a semester.
More or less how it works. With the distance already there, you build and strengthen the relationship around it, rather than having to learn to adapt to a new situation that you've never been in.
Nonetheless, "parting is such sweet sorrow."
The couple involved do need to be strong to make it last.
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Old 2008-10-12, 12:34   Link #799
Coffee_Kaioken
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New York
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
I started dating right before I hit 20, partly because I was ready for it and partly due to that nagging feeling that if I didn't even start dating before I left my 'teens, when some people start dating as early as middle school, then maybe I'd never date.
Agreed. At my point, most girls my age are dating those older than them. That, and, it's hard because, if you didn't have your foot in the door, you can't do it now. It's a cycle, like I said earlier (or like someone else did...)

Quote:
I put an embarrassing amount of thought into it, too - how to start dating, that is. At my university the Greek system was quite influential, as were its parties. I wasn't into partying, and I wasn't into the Greek system. It was enough of a struggle to piece together a group of friends who had the same general interests that I did - and we were all guys with virtually no links to other girls. That's a dead end.
....Greek system? Does this have anything to do with the ABC Family show?


Quote:
My first dating experience was a case where someone saw me, took interest, and took the first steps. We did it as you desire it - we would meet once or twice a week for lunch, and our conversation-filled lunches lasted for a long time. It ultimately didn't work out, but it was a first. The break-up didn't leave me with anything to work with in terms of other girls.

However, I ultimately came to realize some things that can work in your favor. Situations are different for everyone, so don't take this as an ultimate guide, but ponder it.

First, you need to meet girls. Perhaps I should be embarrassed to admit this, but I signed up for knitting clubs and certain volunteering clubs knowing that the groups would likely be almost 100% female. (Furthermore, girls who are into knitting would probably be compatible with me, just based off of stereotypes - someone cerebral and who doesn't live off of alcohol.)
And if it's the first few experiences, I wouldn't be in any rush to 'get laid' or whatever this whole fad with trying to lose virginity is, either.

Quote:
That never panned out, but it was a good idea. Meeting girls doesn't necessarily mean you're going to meet "the one" right there. The idea is to have solid, good friends who are female. Ideally these females would not be excessively tom-boyish - they need to have links to many other girls, not just guys. Through your female friends you'd then be able to meet other girls. It's a positive cycle, and starting it up is the hardest part. Once you're used to interacting with females in a friendly manner, it becomes even easier to make random female friends. At my peak I probably had 2-3 female friends for every one close guy friend. This excess initially and understandably put some strain on me and my girlfriend, once I'd found her.
Understood. And, BTW, I actually always have mostly female friends anyway, to begin with. I am used to interacting with them in a friendly manner.

Quote:
The second part is actually making something happen. While the exact methodology will depend on who you are and who the girl is, everyone seems to have at least one thing in common: if person A is led to believe that person B has an interest in them, then person A will begin to develop an interest back (as long as the two aren't completely put off by each other). Spending a lot of time with someone is a relatively obvious way of showing interest. The added benefit is that even if the other person doesn't recognize it, her friends might, and their suggestions could trigger her interest in you. Another possible way of going about it would be to show her friends that you're interested in her, either by directly stating it or by hinting at it by asking certain things about her (possibly things like what her favorite flavors of ice cream or cake are, or what her favorite stuffed animals are, or... you get the idea, just remember what you're told because if you ever choose something after being told something else, you're in for it). It all depends.
I was starting to worry that I had a distorted perception and that with all girls, if you don't do something in the first few minutes you meet her for the first time, or if you don't make any moves in the first few days, then it's all over. I would worry that by the time you do make contact with her friends or take the time you are suggesting, that she'd already have put you in the friend zone.

Quote:
As for the whole "friend zone" thing, according to some girls there is a bit of truth in it. I wouldn't worry too much about it, though. If anything, consider that the main idea behind it is to keep you moving and working toward your goal. Don't feel rushed, but do use it as a motivation if you ever feel too shy to move forward.

Above all, enjoy the process. It can be frustrating to build up tons of friendships and still not enter a romantic relationship, or to see so many beautiful, wonderful girls who are still incompatible/unavailable to you. As long as you're not too focused on the end result, simply making friends and seeing where your friendships take you is rewarding in itself.
The last sentence, caught my focus. I'll do just that.

Ledgem, thank you for your response. Not all of your paragraph may be a guide but I will incorporate several of your ideas. Thank you again.
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Old 2008-10-12, 14:09   Link #800
Kakashi
カカシ
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: London
Send a message via MSN to Kakashi
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coffee_Kaioken View Post
But your posts, Earth_Wyrm, and Zero Shinohara, completely match my situation at the moment. Only, I'm not 20, I'm going to be 19 soon, and in college at the moment, but, still. Accurate enough. I have had no relationships, and in high school, there was one girl who returned my feelings but I was too much of a wuss to take her hints and go for anything.
That's not uncommon, from what you've told us, all you lack is a bit of confidence to take things a step further. I think Ledgem touched on a good point in his post, as pathetic and unmanly as his solution was, it worked. It requires guts to take an active approach to even socialise with the opposite sex, especially when you're the solitary male surrounded by giggling girls who are almost definitely commenting on how "cute" you are -- never "hot" but "cute". Belittling your manliness systematically. Some people are fairly self conscious and find such situations tough to handle. But you don't want to inflate it into something it's not. It's not the end of the world if you embarass yourself, you will get another chance if you chickened out the first time and there are tons of guys out there with the same problems.

When you think about it that way, Ledgem's solution was a stroke of genius. The girls in the volunteering and knitting club would naturally gather that he's a pretty self confident and assured young man, considering he dared admit alliegance to such a feminine pass time. Almost without question, he's got some desirable qualities right there.

As for me, the situation was slightly different. I got a girlfriend at around 17 years old, purely on a whim. I'm not much of a party guy at all, but in college, a couple a year was the norm. During one of them this decent looking lass I knew suddenly sat on my lap and stayed there for most of the night. After a while we got into flirting, (not much of a flirter either, but being drunk can give you a new outlook on life), and sure enough a relationship ensued. However, long story short, there were discrepancies - big ones. I thought myself an introvert, and she sure confirmed those beliefs, consequently the relationship fell apart about 4 months later.

My first real relationship started at 20, with an Irish girl, who I still love dearly to this day. Not that I'm much older, but still.

So I guess my point is, there's no rush. It's not about diving head first into any relationship pronto, it's about getting into something more worthwhile. In that sense your prudent approach might even be wise.

Last edited by Kakashi; 2008-10-25 at 04:18. Reason: Converted a few personal pointers to general advice, having just read your above post properly.
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