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Old 2011-02-01, 02:44   Link #8041
Knightrunner
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Ricky,

I know you have to do what is best for you, but for some reason I get this "ick" feeling when I read it is best to part ways. When you had that conversation of parting ways I don't see how she had much of a choice when you gave her the ultimatum that you will leave permanately. She only could agree with parting ways because that was practically her only option not because she truely believe it is best for her. Now I'm wondering where she can turn to now. She seems like she barely has any friends, a broken up family that experienced death, a job she could potentially lose, and now this adding to her shoulders. If I were a good friend of hers I would really try to find a better option. Does she even have anybody to talk about her problems too? If she doesn't then I think in the short run which will lead to a middle run permanent scars.
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Old 2011-02-01, 13:15   Link #8042
RadiantBeam
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jjo View Post
As your for opinion on that "superficial notion" ..you don't have to grasp it, not everyone shares your belief or opinions regarding a relationship or romance. So it's pretty silly to concern yourself with anothers opinion on what should take place in a relationship. Doesn't make on "superficial" and yours not superficial. Just different.
Actually, in Ricky's defense, this does often seem to be a very common opinion/notion about romance in general; that you "need" the person, or that the person is the one person who truly "understands" you, thus making your relationship with them special. And it's something that drives me up the wall, personally. Because for me, the one person I tend to need the most is someone I've always considered my closest friend. And when I try to describe my relationship with her, everyone tells me it sounds more like it's a romance than friendship.
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Old 2011-02-01, 14:00   Link #8043
Kaijo
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Because humanity does need each other. We humans are social creatures, and do need people we can depend and rely on, and whether you want to blame it on genetics or feelings, a lot of us need a partner. And when you talk to two people in love, you'll hear a lot about how they complete each other, that they need each other, etc. So it's no coincidence that people hold this viewpoint.

In fact, some might argue that if refer to your partner as "Eh, I like him/her, but I don't care if he/she is around or not" then it might not really be love. From a psychological standpoint, there has to be some strong need there, in order to able to continue to live together for years. If there is no need, then the relationship is easily broken.

Something that is easily formed, is easily broken.
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Old 2011-02-01, 15:52   Link #8044
synaesthetic
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I don't need people.

I need money.
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Old 2011-02-01, 16:17   Link #8045
Miyuki-ism
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Quote:
Originally Posted by synaesthetic View Post
I don't need people.

I need money.
Quote of the Millennium.
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Old 2011-02-01, 16:29   Link #8046
Jinto
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Quote:
Originally Posted by synaesthetic View Post
I don't need people.

I need money.
At least you are not that kind of person, who needs people who have money (because of the money).
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Old 2011-02-01, 17:02   Link #8047
GDB
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jjo View Post
Some of you here really need to get over yourself, stop trying so hard, and go outside and socialize with real people. Honestly, not everyone sees things that way you do. You will need to accept this at some point.
This is the Dating thread. There is nothing definitive or 100% factual about dating and relationships. Everything is based on opinion and experience. If you don't like people expressing their opinions, why do you come to this thread?

Quote:
Originally Posted by synaesthetic View Post
Obsessing over your romantic partner is not healthy. Any psychologist can tell you that!
Even moreso when said obsession isn't even at the level of romantic partner.
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Old 2011-02-01, 17:46   Link #8048
NightWish
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I don't like removing discussion but you guys were veering way to much into debating the debate rather than the topic at hand. Please try to avoid doing that in the thread. VMs and PMs are available if you need a meta-discussion.
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Old 2011-02-01, 17:56   Link #8049
Kaijo
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Obsessing over anything is bad. But if you don't miss your partner while they are gone, if you don't light up in their presence, if you don't think about them several times a day, then I'd argue that there is no relationship.

A guideline I use: We humans think about ourselves a lot. For your other half, you should be thinking about them just as much.
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Old 2011-02-03, 20:50   Link #8050
dredmorte
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since these are the internets, i guess i can say whatever i want maybe feel better so here it goes:

I'm a complete looser, 20 years old and still haven't even kissed a girl. I'm not even that ugly, I mean, i don't consider myself attractive but not ugly either. I used to be a bit chubby but I've been getting better ever since i started working. I'm slight above average IQ. My intrests, besides anime and games are politics, philosophy, economics and history (i'm a libertarian, a rarity in a socialist country that is Portugal).

Yet, despite not being unlucky at birth, i still can't get a girlfriend. My biggest problem i think, is a lack of opportunities, and a lack of skill to create them. It doesn't help that i hate alcohol, smoke and loud noises. I can't even fathom entering a disco. I wouldn't know how to talk to a girl either, I'm too shy.

I go to work, arrive home (live with parents and 2 younger sisters), eat, play computer, sleep, go to work, repeat.... free days mostly do nothing...
The years are passing and i'm starting to feel lonely.

So for all you peoples complaining your dates have been shit, well, cheer up, there are those even less fortunate
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Old 2011-02-03, 21:02   Link #8051
LMF
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^Just talk to a girl. Talk as much as you want...

I'm worst than you, bro...

I don't have a job nor money. Those are the first priorities with women...
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Old 2011-02-03, 21:06   Link #8052
dredmorte
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Oh i don't have any money either lol

each month i deposit almost half of my income into my parents account
the rest i have been saving up for a drivers license (it's very expansive) and for whenever it's needed

i've worked 3 months so far (i used to be in college but i left for a while), besides about 50€ spent on food each month, i spent 100€ on a pair of shoes and 2 pairs of pants.

The house rent plus insurance is going to climb to about 700€ this october, my family is screwed if we can't sell this house for a good price, fast...
Life's really not easy
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Old 2011-02-03, 21:08   Link #8053
Dextro
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dredmorte View Post
Yet, despite not being unlucky at birth, i still can't get a girlfriend. My biggest problem i think, is a lack of opportunities, and a lack of skill to create them. It doesn't help that i hate alcohol, smoke and loud noises. I can't even fathom entering a disco. I wouldn't know how to talk to a girl either, I'm too shy.
Well my fellow countryman I hear you: discos here are completely unfathomable.. I can't for the life of me understand what's so good about drinking high amounts of alchool in a room so crowded you can barely move while music is pumping at insane levels so you can't even hear anyone speak. Seriously can't.

Now what I can say to help you out is: go out with some friends cause disco's aren't the only place to socialize. Go to a café and chat with friends or go catch a movie... I find that not thinking about the problem is the best way to get over it. Like it's been said plenty in this thread (and I'm guessing you didn't read so I'll say it again) people in your situation end up with a visible lack of self-esteem that drives potential interested parties off. It's one of those evolutionary leftovers: females are looking for the best protectors and the ones that fit that criteria are the guys who are very self-confident (for various reasons).

So first things first: get the issue out of your head and stop thinking your a looser. The best way to do so is to have fun, stop thinking about girls and relationships and start feeling better about yourself in the process. Opportunities will eventually present themselves if you just keep yourself socially connected and start showing enough self-confidence.

Good luck with that, I'm currently trying to do the same myself.
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Old 2011-02-03, 21:08   Link #8054
LMF
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Half? Yet you buy clothing? You set to go, bud. Just be clean and talk to that girl sitting by herself or that waitress...
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Old 2011-02-03, 21:13   Link #8055
dredmorte
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Lol i went to buy those those shoes cuz mine had been damaged for weeks, and the pants because i had only one pair im really poor, the only luxury i have is this laptop, bought at a time when life wasn't so gloomy

Oh and btw, i don't like coffee either, nor cafés - everything to expansive there

for americans, this type of thinking may sound too weird, but around here it's kind of normal

I'm just hoping for something to happen, don't know what... some opportunity, i'll take it
if all else fails, i won't accept as my fate to be a total looser, oh no, i'll just turn Yes Man and see where crazyness takes me - i'll even enter a disco if i have to, i'm just not that desperate yet.
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Old 2011-02-03, 21:42   Link #8056
solidguy
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Here's a few tips if anyone needs it
1) Get that loser talk out of your mind.
The only thing you can posibly achieve is sympathy, and sympathy relationship are unsightly

2) Put yourself in opportunities.
You say your day is basically work, games and sleep. Well realisticaly speaking, do you expect to meet new people that way? I mean cyber dating and socializing online is becoming increasingly popular these days but nothing can substitute human contact. Get a feel for this kinda thing. Talk to people more often. Practice your ice breaking skills.

3)Don't give a shit if you get rejected.
Even if a blind man throws a thousand darts, eventually he'll hit the bulls eye (i just made that up now lol). Why do you always see a douche with a girl you'll never have the guts to talk to? Because that same douche has been bounced a million times over. But he got that girl because that lucky s.o.b had the guts to keep going.

4) Be yourself....but not creepy
Act normal, loosen up when your talking to a potential suitor. Talk about things vaguely, don't go into your whole life story. "I shy because my dad used to whoop my ass when i was 9"= failsz. Talk about common interests, what she does for a living, whats she studying. Pay attention to what she says too, nothing more annoying to a girl than a guy staring at her boobs (well atleast annoying to a girl whose not loose with her goose and trust me, they're not all that). And please for the love of god dont talk about the weather
and finally

5.) Have fun
the way you talk its like finding a girl is a chore. Its not. Meeting new people is suppose to be fun. If your not enjoying their company, then you dont need to be around them. The are literally millions of fish in the sea. You can either be that stud muffin shark or that loser lemon fish , its all upto you buddy
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Old 2011-02-03, 23:17   Link #8057
Magin
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You know, that's probably the best advice there is... the only problem is most are either afraid of #2 or #3... I'm just recently getting over #3 (two strike-outs in a row teaches one to keep moving on...). As for #2, well, I already know that's my biggest problem.
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Old 2011-02-04, 08:54   Link #8058
Dextro
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dredmorte View Post
Oh and btw, i don't like coffee either, nor cafés - everything to expansive there
I'm Portuguese too and I can assure you it's perfectly reasonable to spend as little as 1€ on a night out and still have fun. I don't know from which part of the country you are, in smaller towns it's the spots are a bit more limited but even then it's not impossible to find nice spots to have a beer or a coffee with friends. Cause right now what you should do is get out of the house and socialize a bit to get your self-esteem up.
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Old 2011-02-04, 23:05   Link #8059
RadiantBeam
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Well, March 5th promises to be interesting.

I was at my anime club meeting tonight, and when I left one of my friends from there caught up with me and asked me to go to an event for his RCA group here. It seems like his girlfriend dumped him a couple days ago, and he wanted someone to attend with him, even if only as just a friend. I'm friends with him; we aren't incredibly close by any means, but he's a nice guy and he's helped me out a couple of times before. It'll certainly be a fun way to spend a night, if nothing else.
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Old 2011-02-05, 03:55   Link #8060
JC...
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I dunno, I'd only date someone I know. I myself wouldn't go out to scout around for someone and try to get them to go out with me. I don't see how being rejected by a stranger would be anything to get upset about.
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