AnimeSuki Forums

Register Forum Rules FAQ Members List Social Groups Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   AnimeSuki Forum > General > General Chat

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 2008-10-12, 17:46   Link #801
Ledgem
Love Yourself
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kakashi View Post
When you think about it that way, Ledgem's solution was a stroke of genius. The girls in the volunteering and knitting club would naturally gather that he's a pretty self confident and assured young man, considering he dared admit alliegance to such a feminine pass time. Almost without question, he's got some desirable qualities right there.
Well if that's the approach, I wanted to clarify one other thing: simply going to events like that, or being friends with girls/doing "girly" things alone doesn't cut it. Your sexuality will almost certainly be questioned immediately, as would your "manliness." You absolutely must believe in yourself. I don't mean that you need to be overly sexual or make crudely hetereosexual remarks, but speak with confidence, look people in the eye, and have good posture when you walk and sit. Everyone is attracted to people who exude self-confidence, whether real or symbolic.

The approach I mentioned is more about taking an alternate route. You're going where few males are and many females are; the ratio is balanced in your favor and thus your competition is diminished. You're also potentially taking girls by surprise in showing up in scenarios where they weren't expecting males to be. That's the positive benefit; the negative is that you may initially be met with skepticism or you may be judged to be homosexual. In other words, your initial standing might be lower than if you met them randomly. Show confidence in what you do and let them get to know you, and all of that will be cleared up. The girls you're likely to encounter in doing this will probably be different from those you'd find at parties, but that isn't to say that there's no crossover. The methods used to win their hearts may thus be different as well. It's fine to listen to general "alpha male" advice, but I think that when dealing with girls along the less-traveled route it's fine to take a softer and less aggressive approach. If you're an introvert (I am) and/or more sentimental than aggressive, this will probably be your natural style anyway.

But for the record, I never ended up knitting anything (couldn't find the meeting room for the knitting club). My pairings and connections were all made through science classes. It wasn't intentional, but they were largely in biology classes - as of now, the current trend is that there are more females than males in the biology area.

Quote:
My first real relationship started at 20, with an Irish girl, who I still love dearly to this day. Not that I'm much older, but still.
*sniffle* How beautiful
__________________
Ledgem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-14, 16:52   Link #802
solomon
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Suburban DC
Ok im bored so here is a silly question.

What does a "serious" relationship mean to you all.

Naturally, this would depend on your age and personality. Normally I heard it in the context of 30-40 year olds contemplating who they want to marry, but about you college kids? And how long would you have to be seeing someone for it to constitute a serious relationship?
solomon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-14, 21:02   Link #803
Mystique
Honyaku no Hime
*Fansubber
 
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
You get bored a lot eh?
as for 30-40 year olds, who do you hang around with? O.o
Those in their early twenties are already moving in with their partners and having kids, getting married, etc etc.
It's not so distant a "future" as you teenagers think, you know.

The length depends on the couple, cutlure, religion (as most things in life).
Personally i'd attribute it to the person involved to determine how serious it'd be. With some people they may just want a casual relationship and will end it after 6months or so.
With some people, after two months of being together (and perhaps have had negative aspects in their lives which usually make them distrustful to others), to be with someone who they can relate to in that manner may be rare.
So their relationship could be classed as serious, since they plan to work very hard to maintain it as best as they could.

And so on, there is no set time, it depends on how much the couple want to put into the relationship and the way the view the nature of it themselves.
__________________

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere. - Van Wilder
"If you ain't laughin', you ain't livin'." - Carlos Mencia
Mystique is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-20, 14:36   Link #804
Kyomi
What do I know?
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: I should really think about updating my profile..
Age: 29
So here is a little story that I decided to talk about.

Around the beginning of this month I decided to move closer to my school. Currently living alone and have been for a while, it takes me about 1:30\2:00 hours of public transportation everyday and its a hassle. It was a Monday and I started searching on impulse throughout the school housing web site. I made a few phone calls and people we're interested in giving me a tour right away so I headed to the first place. It was pretty crappy and there isn't much to say. But later that day I made another appointment.

It was around 17:30 when I showed up, she opened the door and thats where it began. The girl that stood there looking at me was extremely cute, she was wearing a pair of short and a dark blue T-shirt. She was also wearing a necklace with her name written on it, you could tell this was a kind of indoor wear, that she got home from work and changed without anticipation of seeing anyone (mind you I called to make the appointment 5 mins earlier, I just happened to be very close by.)

Anyways the place was very clean and newly renovated. I was very satisfied. She also explained that she was going on vacation back in her country for 3 months and thats why she was renting. She wasn't sure if she would come back to this place afterwards since she has no nearby family besides for an uncle 2 hours drive away. Its been 2 and a half years since she last saw her mother and was homesick so her mind was a bit blurry at the moment, but the terms remained as a 3 month rent.

It was very inconvenient for me to move just for 3 months even though the place was very attractive to me. Of course out of silly impulsion I took the place as I could see she seemed to be very worried and needed someone of trust to take care of her things while she was gone (I'll be using her furniture).

The second time I saw her was a few days later, where I was to sign to papers. This was relatively short. The deal took about 5 minutes and soon as I was done I got up and went to grab my shoes. We talked for another 5 minutes standing next to the front door as she explained to me the reasons while she wasn't sure if she would come back. As it happened it was a language barrier. I live in a bilingual area and she only speaks English besides her native language. However she just graduated from fashion school and while she was looking for a job they we're asking for both local languages. So then comes the idea for her to move somewhere that only requires English. And so I left, but not before telling her that I was in university to become a teacher, and that if she should come back and if she needed help I would be glad to assist her. Keep in mind this was said in a rather casual way before I left.

Then we move up to the third encounter. A few days later I had to meet her to make a payment for the place. Again this was rather quick, I went in, sat down, took out my checkbook and payed up. It wasn't the full amount required but it was most of it. I told her I would contact her within the week to let her know when I would come back for the rest, and that would most likely be next week (This happened last Tuesday) As I got up and headed for the door, she again followed me as we talked about our situations. However this time we ended up talking for a hour, just standing next to the entrance (boy was my backpack heavy with my laptop and all that crap) At this point I'm figuring maybe that this situation means something. Obviously I'm interested but I wasn't looking further than that.
Key points of the conversation: She is at least 4 years older than me (27, didnt ask for birthday) Single and very open to local culture, she also had a cold that day.

Very satisfied, I went home and though about it for a while. 2 days later, I decided to try something and sent her text message saying "Hey there, hope you felling better, are you free tomorrow?" Soon later I got a reply saying that she was available in the afternoon and so I began my attack plan.

I had just sent her a message with a vague questing that didnt actually tell of my intentions. So the idea was to go in there and see what happens without knowing of her expectations, in any case I brought the remaining of what I owed for rent in case that I would need a excuse later on.

It went pretty much like this: As soon as I went in she offered a drink and so I sat down at her table and we started talking, again we talked about the different situations of our lives. She expressed that she felt pressure having to go back home and that her mind was still a bit hazy about what choices she would make, but it seems she will come back properly to her apartment once she comes back in February. She also mention during the conversation how she was glad she kept the place for sub-rent and that maybe it would give her a reason to come back. (hint,hint?) Anyhow this lasted for an hour until her cellphone rang...

The voice was one of a man but I couldn't understand what he was saying. The conversation seemed a bit shaky, she told him she was busy and she would call back. Most likely he tried to know what she was doing, as the conversation seemed to heat up at one point she just told him "I'm with a Friend!" and a few seconds later she told him my name and said she had to go.

I was shocked and disappointed so I gave her the last payment and left soon afterwards. I didn't give hints of my feelings and neither did she give details of what happened, but as I write these lines about what happened last Friday I have yet to see her again. Although we do have a few other things to take care off so we already made plans to see each other this Friday.

Of course I was furious for a few moments after what had happened, but the more I though about it, the more it seemed improbable for him to be in a relation with her. An Ex-boyfriend or someone who is interested in her perhaps, but I doubt there is something going on. The fact that she didn't want to give me details seems to me important. If I didn't mean anything then it wouldn't matter right? But she didn't want to upset me. Also the fact that she said she didn't have anyone and that she was ready to move at the other end of the world also would seem to hint that she isn't seeing that man.

In any case I wrote plenty already so I'll try to finish up this post quickly. For now my plans are simple. She leaves in 10 days, best for me not to rush anything since I won't see her for 3 months, and a lot can happens within this time. When she comes back I plan to ask her out properly. Right now the situation just ain't ideal to make a move. I think my chances are pretty fair. It's mostly the time apart that can change things a lot.

And so there are many things more I could say but I feel like it's enough for now. I'm not really seeking advice or something of sort but if you want to comment feel free. Perhaps for now I just wanted to share this situation as I rather not to talk to friends about it until I know for certain that there is something going on.

Oh, and as far as I see it, the part where she told him over the phone that she was with a friend seems like a plus to me, she could have easily just said that she was with the guy renting her place. That would have seemed to be easier on the call.
__________________
Kyomi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-20, 19:55   Link #805
Mystique
Honyaku no Hime
*Fansubber
 
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
*squeals*
It's something like out of a movie!!!!!
I'm so excited for you!
(okay, okay, girly moment has passed now, lol)

By the way, you write amazing well, i enjoyed reading that.
But yeah, 3 months, see how it plays out, but there definitely seems to be the initial chemistry between the pair of ya since you were able to chat for hours on end on each meet.
(Bear in mind, she's a single woman, getting acquainted with a single young man in her place, the situation isn't the safest of one, but she obviously feels comfortable around you)
That's prob saying a lot for the present situation. I guess for now you just have to get on with things and make yourself comfy in her place.
__________________

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere. - Van Wilder
"If you ain't laughin', you ain't livin'." - Carlos Mencia
Mystique is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-20, 20:13   Link #806
shinobiknight0
I'm a Senior Member!
*Graphic Designer
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: The Bronx
Age: 22
Edit-Posted in the wrong thread.

I might as well say something while I'm here.

I'm 16, and I just moved out of an all guys' high school and transferred to a co-ed. It's not really a new experience for me, but it's pretty fun and all the girls I've met are friendly. I'm suprised at how many people just want to talk when you sit next to them or have seen them walking around before.
__________________

Last edited by shinobiknight0; 2008-10-20 at 20:26.
shinobiknight0 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-22, 18:18   Link #807
Ledgem
Love Yourself
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 29
Kyomi thanks for sharing, that was a nice read. I think there's no reason to be upset over that phone call of hers, but you're definitely right not to initiate anything right now. A friend of mine uses the expression "don't poop where you sleep" (using a different word, of course) - the idea is that if you're roommates with a girl, or your living arrangement creates a link to a girl, don't pursue a relationship with her. The stakes are simply too high in the event that something goes wrong, and partly as a result of that you might be swayed to be less than honest with yourself when it comes to measuring up how content you are with the relationship (that is, you'll tend to avoid breaking it off). You're subletting from her, so when she comes back and you're in your own place then give it a go. Fully living together is generally for a very well-established relationship where both people involved agree that they want to have a shared future.

But heck, even though what I've just said is very sensible and will probably keep you out of a lot of bad love situations, I've barely followed my own advice. You only live once, and isn't love the worthiest thing to gamble on?

Get her contact info so that you can talk to her when she's away - ask for her email address (and give her yours) under the guise of saying that you'd like to contact her in the event that there's a problem with the place. If she doesn't contact you after one month or so, then write her an email to just say that everything is fine with the place, and maybe idly ask how she's doing. A lot can happen in three months, indeed - but there's no reason to cut yourself out of it entirely
__________________
Ledgem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-24, 21:05   Link #808
Waking_Dreamer
Dreamer King
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: lost - with no intention to be found...
Age: 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystique View Post
You get bored a lot eh?
as for 30-40 year olds, who do you hang around with? O.o
Those in their early twenties are already moving in with their partners and having kids, getting married, etc etc.
It's not so distant a "future" as you teenagers think, you know.

And so on, there is no set time, it depends on how much the couple want to put into the relationship and the way the view the nature of it themselves.
Woah, woah slow down there...you're making me think Im missing something.

Well it depends as you said, but for college students it seems if a relationship has gone on for more than a year/year and a half, its fairly serious. Ive know quite a few couples from uni who have been together for more than two years and their still going...thats just crazy.

Anyway an interesting conversation came up in one of my group meetings consisting of me and two girls. Somehow the topic of marriage came up and one of them said if you've been dating a girl in your late teens or early 20s, once you've reached the 5 year mark you HAVE to propose to her. She went on about taking those 5 years away from her or wasting them if in the end you just break up. Interesting.

It makes kind sense now that i think about it, though being as a guy I reserve the right to naturally not think that far into the future...yes definitely not that far into the future. So what do the girls/women on the forum think about the 5 year rule?
__________________

All current Sig & Avy images coloured by me / Waking Dreams Studios
Waking_Dreamer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-24, 21:53   Link #809
CMHerrera
Miss. Fangirl
*Graphic Designer
 
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In a land where Shota's and Bishounens live in a vast land full of suger filled meadows.
Age: 21
Send a message via Skype™ to CMHerrera
You remember me posting..
Spoiler for Self Quote:


Okay about what happen now, he moved to another high school. But the thing is he move close to were my grandma lives, My grandma was going to drop me home and I said "bye" to my grandpa and aunt when he was walking in the street what went to my head wtf? he move here? It looked like him so yea. I think he saw me and I saw him. And he looked at me for 20 sec and then kept walking. I think we kind of scared each other.
__________________



CM-san's Mystical Creations

"The one who can win
against me, is me!"

- Daiki Aomine
CMHerrera is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-25, 04:10   Link #810
Kakashi
カカシ
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: London
Send a message via MSN to Kakashi
I think you let the situation get a bit awkward, the longer you let things stand the more uncomfortable you'll get around eachother. Also, don't think what to think, think what to do. There's no point in waiting about. Your chances are high since most guys don't ask girls about boyfriends unless they're interested. Even if he's not -- you don't go to the same school so it shouldn't be a problem.
Kakashi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-28, 14:17   Link #811
NightShade99
Naughty & Nice
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: I travel alot....but at the moment i'm in Hawaii
Age: 25
well what happens if ur not attracted to any1 around you,
but you desperately wana be attracted to someone =O
NightShade99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-28, 14:53   Link #812
BOOKGLUTTON
;;'
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: California
You wait. And if that doesn't work, I suggest travel.
__________________

NOM NOM NOM
BOOKGLUTTON is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-28, 15:04   Link #813
Amirali
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Over the rainbow.
Age: 29
Send a message via MSN to Amirali
Quote:
Originally Posted by NightShade99 View Post
well what happens if ur not attracted to any1 around you,
but you desperately wana be attracted to someone =O
You try to get to know people well (as friends). Sometimes the right person doesn't spark fireworks until you know and spend time with each other.
Amirali is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-28, 18:11   Link #814
raikage
日本語を食べません!
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: San Francisco
Age: 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by NightShade99 View Post
well what happens if ur not attracted to any1 around you,
but you desperately wana be attracted to someone =O
You make friends.

And those friends might have hot friends.
raikage is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-28, 18:50   Link #815
Waking_Dreamer
Dreamer King
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: lost - with no intention to be found...
Age: 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by raikage View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by NightShade99 View Post
well what happens if ur not attracted to any1 around you,
but you desperately wana be attracted to someone =O
You make friends.

And those friends might have hot friends.
All the cute girls I know are already taken and its pretty much the same with all their friends - off limits there.

Though as a guy the actually concept of not being attracted to anyone is unusual and foreign . I can kind of pretty much go for a walk outside and end up finding myself attracted to someone. The way a guy's mind works is so simple and straightforward its kind of beautiful.

Anyways, as for your dilemma...just go clubbing. Thats a sure bet to meet people dressed to impress...though your age maybe a factor...cant remember the minimum age.
__________________

All current Sig & Avy images coloured by me / Waking Dreams Studios
Waking_Dreamer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-28, 19:30   Link #816
King Lycan
User Title eaten by ravenous bunnies
*IT Support
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Zeon
Age: 23
It really depends on the location Imo
Where i live almost every girl is single -_-
__________________
King Lycan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-28, 20:41   Link #817
Narona
Emotionless White Face
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Waking_Dreamer View Post
All the cute girls I know are already taken and its pretty much the same with all their friends - off limits there.
It depends where you live actually.

Where I live, there are some pretty girls who are single. And a few have even never had a boyfriend.

However, the boys seem to think that all the pretty girls have already a boyfriend. They are not so well informed XD.
Narona is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-28, 21:05   Link #818
BOOKGLUTTON
;;'
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: California
Quote:
Originally Posted by Waking_Dreamer View Post
Anyways, as for your dilemma...just go clubbing.
Ugghhh...I don't particularly suggest this unless you want to meet a girl who chews gum loudly and wears absurd amount of gloss. I mean, most of my dates or numbers are from the staff at local stores or restaurant's. I usually only try to date the one's that seem kind...it doesn't really all have to be about if they're good looking.
__________________

NOM NOM NOM
BOOKGLUTTON is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-29, 01:14   Link #819
NightShade99
Naughty & Nice
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: I travel alot....but at the moment i'm in Hawaii
Age: 25
I do go clubbing and i do have know alot of
attractive guys but i'm never attracted to them.......
i think somethings wrong with me T_T.............but
every time i get asked out i dnt wana go out with
the guy who asked.
NightShade99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-10-29, 02:30   Link #820
BOOKGLUTTON
;;'
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: California
Then don't? I mean, it's not like you don't have a choice. I haven't dated in a while and have turned down numerous people because I didn't think they were...right for me.
__________________

NOM NOM NOM
BOOKGLUTTON is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:49.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
We use Silk.