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Old 2011-05-13, 18:34   Link #8781
Shiemi
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
We were good friends for a number of years, and even after our fallout two years ago, he still treats my mother with kindness and respect, so I suppose she wanted him to come. It sort of puts me in an awkward position since she already extended the invitation and he wants to come, so I feel like the bad guy if I tell her I don't want him around.

Admittedly, part of the problem is I don't really feel settled on him, even now. I've avoided interacting with him for two years simply because I don't know how I'd be around him. I knew sooner or later I'd have to talk to him again, but I really wish I'd had more time, even if it's the coward's way out.
In what ways you don't feel settled on him? Do you think you still have feelings for him? I've had experiences of having exes appear in my life again. At least in my case, it wasn't too bad. Maybe a bit awkward, but in the end I saw I was perfectly fine in the situation.

One time, I was surprised by finding my first ex at my parents' house because he had been friends with my brothers. He suddenly gave me a bear hug when I entered the house meaning to talk to mum. I freaked out at first, but then we laughed it off and we talked for a while about how our lives had been in the last years.

Another ex found me thanks to Facebook and asked if he could come for a visit. I let him and we managed to talk normally, like friends. There was a very awkward moment when he tried to put the moves on me and I told him I was steady with the man who is now my husband. He tried to impress me with salary, his ride, and even having his own house. That made it even more awkward. But in the end it was okay. Though he never visited again. Anyway, if you do have to somehow meet with the guy and it is unavoidable, try to be cool about it. Hope it won't be difficult for you. I'm sure you'll be fine and after the experience, you can share it here so we know how it went.
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Old 2011-05-13, 22:55   Link #8782
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiemi View Post
In what ways you don't feel settled on him? Do you think you still have feelings for him? I've had experiences of having exes appear in my life again. At least in my case, it wasn't too bad. Maybe a bit awkward, but in the end I saw I was perfectly fine in the situation.
I like to think I'm over him. But I've more or less accepted that isn't the case, and that I'm still a little bit in love with him, even after two years and knowing we'll never have another shot. I guess I'm just nervous because we never had any real resolution over what happened; he only saw me as a best friend, and I never told him anything about my true feelings, and by the time we graduated it was so strained that our friendship just kind of died. It's been two years and just the thought of seeing him again makes my chest ache.
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Old 2011-05-16, 13:44   Link #8783
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
I like to think I'm over him. But I've more or less accepted that isn't the case, and that I'm still a little bit in love with him, even after two years and knowing we'll never have another shot. I guess I'm just nervous because we never had any real resolution over what happened; he only saw me as a best friend, and I never told him anything about my true feelings, and by the time we graduated it was so strained that our friendship just kind of died. It's been two years and just the thought of seeing him again makes my chest ache.
Bwah.
A little story of little zebes:
The first guy I really dated was just as stubborn and immature as me, so things ended very bad and awkwardly. He immediately hooked up with someone else (I have the suspicion they already saw each other when we were still together). Two years later they were married and a little family (she already had a child and they had another one together). I had no hard feelings when learning that, even so it was weird. I already knew he had a strong wish for children and family. I wished him the best and thought "Thank god, I'm fine with it."

But then I ran into him. And he was together with the little girl. He looked just as shocked as me. We didn't talk, we just looked at each other like deers. I felt like running away and I just felt aweful.

I was over him, but running into him unexpectedly brought so many things to the surface, how we parted in anger and never reall talked, didn't stay in touch. Uncertainity is what I hate the most and he was pretty much the embodiment of it, because there were so many things I didn't know.
I regret that I never talked to him.


Beams, you have one big advantage: You know that he'll be there.
Make the best of it. Be nice, be friendly, be like you want to be - be comfortable with yourself. Avoid being entirely alone at first.
But I'd try to talk to him and see how it is. It's a nice oppurtunity; you did get along after all.
Nothing to loose really. Just keep in mind that his heart is already somewhere else. As much as it might bother you -- but knowing you, you'll be nobel about it anyway.


(.. I was actually thinking about posting something that's bothering me a little, but enough for today XD)
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Old 2011-05-16, 20:09   Link #8784
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zebra View Post
Bwah.
A little story of little zebes:
The first guy I really dated was just as stubborn and immature as me, so things ended very bad and awkwardly. He immediately hooked up with someone else (I have the suspicion they already saw each other when we were still together). Two years later they were married and a little family (she already had a child and they had another one together). I had no hard feelings when learning that, even so it was weird. I already knew he had a strong wish for children and family. I wished him the best and thought "Thank god, I'm fine with it."

But then I ran into him. And he was together with the little girl. He looked just as shocked as me. We didn't talk, we just looked at each other like deers. I felt like running away and I just felt aweful.

I was over him, but running into him unexpectedly brought so many things to the surface, how we parted in anger and never reall talked, didn't stay in touch. Uncertainity is what I hate the most and he was pretty much the embodiment of it, because there were so many things I didn't know.
I regret that I never talked to him.


Beams, you have one big advantage: You know that he'll be there.
Make the best of it. Be nice, be friendly, be like you want to be - be comfortable with yourself. Avoid being entirely alone at first.
But I'd try to talk to him and see how it is. It's a nice oppurtunity; you did get along after all.
Nothing to loose really. Just keep in mind that his heart is already somewhere else. As much as it might bother you -- but knowing you, you'll be nobel about it anyway.


(.. I was actually thinking about posting something that's bothering me a little, but enough for today XD)
Aw, little zebes.

Yeah. I'll figure something out. My mom wants me to try and meet with him before the graduation party so that we get anything awkward out of the way and resolve it ourselves. I know he misses me, and honestly.... I sort of miss him, too. I miss the friendship I used to have with him and how it connected me to our little group.

Maybe if it's not too hard, I can get back to that. I want to try.
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Old 2011-05-16, 21:13   Link #8785
Moczo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Aw, little zebes.

Yeah. I'll figure something out. My mom wants me to try and meet with him before the graduation party so that we get anything awkward out of the way and resolve it ourselves. I know he misses me, and honestly.... I sort of miss him, too. I miss the friendship I used to have with him and how it connected me to our little group.

Maybe if it's not too hard, I can get back to that. I want to try.
Good luck! It sounds like he wants to be friends again, so that's the first step done right there. We're all rooting for you.
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Old 2011-05-16, 22:22   Link #8786
DonQuigleone
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Aw, little zebes.

Yeah. I'll figure something out. My mom wants me to try and meet with him before the graduation party so that we get anything awkward out of the way and resolve it ourselves. I know he misses me, and honestly.... I sort of miss him, too. I miss the friendship I used to have with him and how it connected me to our little group.

Maybe if it's not too hard, I can get back to that. I want to try.
You liked each other enough to go out with each other for a while. So you obviously have plenty in common.

Look on the bright side.
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Old 2011-05-17, 10:22   Link #8787
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Originally Posted by DonQuigleone View Post
You liked each other enough to go out with each other for a while. So you obviously have plenty in common.

Look on the bright side.
We never actually dated. We went to prom together, but that was about it.
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Old 2011-05-17, 13:04   Link #8788
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To a lot of dudes, Beamers, simply not being a horrible bitch to them can be taken as a sign of romantic or sexual interest. Not all guys, but quite a few guys still believe that it's impossible to have a friendship with a woman without six million tons of unresolved sexual tension.
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Old 2011-05-17, 13:45   Link #8789
Moczo
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Originally Posted by synaesthetic View Post
To a lot of dudes, Beamers, simply not being a horrible bitch to them can be taken as a sign of romantic or sexual interest. Not all guys, but quite a few guys still believe that it's impossible to have a friendship with a woman without six million tons of unresolved sexual tension.
Um... actually, from her posts, it seems like you have it backwards, Syn. He is the one who only wanted to be friends, and Beams wanted to take it further.
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Old 2011-05-17, 22:24   Link #8790
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Originally Posted by synaesthetic View Post
To a lot of dudes, Beamers, simply not being a horrible bitch to them can be taken as a sign of romantic or sexual interest. Not all guys, but quite a few guys still believe that it's impossible to have a friendship with a woman without six million tons of unresolved sexual tension.
Most guys are shallow like that. It's a pity how many guys I know can't comprehend platonic friends.
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Old 2011-05-17, 22:25   Link #8791
synaesthetic
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Um... actually, from her posts, it seems like you have it backwards, Syn. He is the one who only wanted to be friends, and Beams wanted to take it further.
Oh I was meaning now, not before.
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Old 2011-05-17, 22:38   Link #8792
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Hmmm... I am sort of barging into the conversation here but I really wanted to ask a not-so-quick question...

So, I'm in an all-girls' school and boarding on top of that. I'm also pretty passive and reserved. It ends up that this isn't really a great combination... Because I never attend events or dances or anything like that, I have absolutely no guy friends at all. This is pretty bad, since I haven't really interacted with guys my age for a really long time now. I didn't really care about it before, but now that I've seen the grads going to prom with their dates this year and knowing I'll be in that position next year, I guess I got more self-conscious... So my question is this. Honestly, will my current state affect me socializing after I graduate, do you think? Is it really bad that I've had no experience in dating and relationships at all at this age?
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Old 2011-05-17, 22:43   Link #8793
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If you're as confident and well-spoken in reality as you are online, then you may have no problems, but it's important to remember that hormones can melt your brain. Even the strongest minds have been felled when their lady-bits are set a-tingling...
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Old 2011-05-17, 22:52   Link #8794
Haladflire65
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If you're as confident and well-spoken in reality as you are online, then you may have no problems, but it's important to remember that hormones can melt your brain. Even the strongest minds have been felled when their lady-bits are set a-tingling...
Mmm, that's the thing. I'm really quite passive in real life and can be such a chicken... (so much that the fact that I'm considered well-spoken here surprised me O.o) not having talked to guys for so long, I'll probably have trouble dealing with them, I feel >.<

And gulp. Hormones I'm really afraid what sort of stupid judgements I might make when they kick in...
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Old 2011-05-17, 23:01   Link #8795
Flinch
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Originally Posted by Haladflire65 View Post
Mmm, that's the thing. I'm really quite passive in real life and can be such a chicken... (so much that the fact that I'm considered well-spoken here surprised me O.o) not having talked to guys for so long, I'll probably have trouble dealing with them, I feel >.<

And gulp. Hormones I'm really afraid what sort of stupid judgements I might make when they kick in...
Well, what seems to be a stupid idea normally seems like a pretty good one. Keeping one's wits about them is not as easy as it should be.
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Old 2011-05-17, 23:05   Link #8796
King Lycan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Haladflire65 View Post
Mmm, that's the thing. I'm really quite passive in real life and can be such a chicken... (so much that the fact that I'm considered well-spoken here surprised me O.o) not having talked to guys for so long, I'll probably have trouble dealing with them, I feel >.<

And gulp. Hormones I'm really afraid what sort of stupid judgements I might make when they kick in...
Well don't worry we aren't so scary. You'll be ok just find someone you have something in common with and you guys can relate to each other you'll be good. My cousin went to an all guy high school and he's had more one night stands then I have and I went to regular high school
Just have sex with us and were awesome


Anyway question for the females. How do you guys feel when one of your guy friends tell you how he felt about you but he was drunk do you guys take it seriously ?
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Old 2011-05-17, 23:11   Link #8797
Haladflire65
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Originally Posted by King Lycan View Post
Well don't worry we aren't so scary. You'll be ok just find someone you have something in common with and you guys can relate to each other you'll be good. My cousin went to an all guy high school and he's had more one night stands then I have and I went to regular high school
Just have sex with us and were awesome
lol thanks for the advice, it's what I want to believe but am kind of afraid to, you know? Sometimes it seems really intimidating, seeing kids I'm friends with grinding on the dance floor making out with a guy (this is on our mandatory dance >.<). Where do people learn these things? Does it come naturally when you start going out with someone? I feel like I'm kind of... 'behind'.

I'll... I'll keep that last bit in mind
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Old 2011-05-17, 23:26   Link #8798
King Lycan
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lol thanks for the advice, it's what I want to believe but am kind of afraid to, you know? Sometimes it seems really intimidating, seeing kids I'm friends with grinding on the dance floor making out with a guy (this is on our mandatory dance >.<). Where do people learn these things? Does it come naturally when you start going out with someone? I feel like I'm kind of... 'behind'.

I'll... I'll keep that last bit in mind
Well simple practice with your date, go out more meet some new people yes its sometimes intimidating but see it as a challenge
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Old 2011-05-17, 23:38   Link #8799
GDB
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Originally Posted by Haladflire65 View Post
I feel like I'm kind of... 'behind'.
You're not behind yet, but if you're as shy as you say you are, it's probably best to get some practice in. It's never going to get easier. In fact, it'll become harder because expectations and pressures will rise the older you get. I'm not saying to go crazy or anything, but I'd definitely suggest socialization practice before it causes harm to your general demeanor.
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Old 2011-05-17, 23:40   Link #8800
solidguy
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@ halad here is one piece of advice that always seems to work when girls talk to guys.

Laugh at everything they say
Its abit cheesy but honestly guys go apeshit over girls that think they're funny, unless they're a douche but then no amount of advice will change that.
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