Dating

[Haladflire65]

Thanks for the great advice everyone! You actually did get me feeling a little better about myself in general I sometimes do wonder if I'd be attractive to guys, as all I see in my school here are a lot of really thin and pretty girls that I feel like I'd totally be shadowed by... I also have issues with wearing dresses, or dressing up in general which doesn't help my confidence at all either >.< and sheesh, maybe I'm too naive... It's pretty weird that a kid my age still hasn't drunk alcohol or done drugs or made out with anyone yet, even if I'm in a pretty enclosed environment...

[Sumeragi]

Originally Posted by solidguy

well she isnt gonna marry the dude, its just an easy, fun way to make a connection with someone. Like she said, practice will suffice.

I was using a very extreme example to make a point: Laughing at "jokes" that are not funny can lead to problems later down the road when one tells the truth at the end.

Originally Posted by Haladflire65

Thanks for the great advice everyone! You actually did get me feeling a little better about myself in general I sometimes do wonder if I'd be attractive to guys, as all I see in my school here are a lot of really thin and pretty girls that I feel like I'd totally be shadowed by... I also have issues with wearing dresses, or dressing up in general which doesn't help my confidence at all either >.< and sheesh, maybe I'm too naive... It's pretty weird that a kid my age still hasn't drunk alcohol or done drugs or made out with anyone yet, even if I'm in a pretty enclosed environment...

You're actually one of the cutest girls I've seen. Also, I've also never done drugs at your age. (I hope you don't mean going all the way when you talk about making out. If you are, though, don't worry, it's not like losing one's virginity early is a good thing)

[Haladflire65]

Originally Posted by Sumeragi

You're actually one of the cutest girls I've seen

Wow, really? You think so? Aw, thanks... *hides for a moment*

Originally Posted by Sumeragi

I've also never done drugs at your age. (I hope you don't mean going all the way when you talk about making out. If you are, though, don't worry, it's not like losing one's virginity early is a good thing)

Yeah, I know they're not good things... but most of the people in my school seem to be doing all sorts of... strange stuff already. I guess I'm just growing up very clean, I know that pretty much everyone drinks and smells like weed all the time and stuff I'm just a bit nervous about what things would be like when I'm suddenly thrust into uni, I suppose...

[solidguy]

Originally Posted by Sumeragi

I was using a very extreme example to make a point: Laughing at "jokes" that are not funny can lead to problems later down the road when one tells the truth at the end.

huh? please explain how faking orgasims *ahem* a laugh leads to marital problems? Thats an awfully big assumption

Originally Posted by Haladflire65

Yeah, I know they're not good things... but most of the people in my school seem to be doing all sorts of... strange stuff already. I guess I'm just growing up very clean, I know that pretty much everyone drinks and smells like weed all the time and stuff I'm just a bit nervous about what things would be like when I'm suddenly thrust into uni, I suppose...

University is a BIG place ya know. Im not sure how it is down your end of the world but here in NZ, in particular Auckland, its all pretty mellow. If you don't want to be promiscuous or a stoner then you wont be no peer pressure and shtick like that from high school. From my experiences that is.

[Sumeragi]

Originally Posted by solidguy

huh? please explain how faking orgasims *ahem* a laugh leads to marital problems? Thats an awfully big assumption

Just as faking orgasms can potentially lead to breakdowns in relationships, faking laughs can lead to misunderstandings which, in the ling run, takes away rather than add to a relationship.

[solidguy]

Originally Posted by Sumeragi

Just as faking orgasms can potentially lead to breakdowns in relationships, faking laughs can lead to misunderstandings which, in the ling run, takes away rather than add to a relationship.

But the whole purpose of the practice is to initiate a conversation/flirt with the person you are interested in. Laughing at their lame jokes very weakly supports your claim that it leads to break downs in the relationship. I know you said that this was an extreme example but i just don't find it plausible that something so trivial would wind up being a big thing. If halad remains shy her whole life there may be alot of what if moments because of missed opportunities.

p.s the right-best way to connect with people has been said many times over already, just be yourself halad those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by Haladflire65

Wow, really? You think so? Aw, thanks... *hides for a moment*

I think so too. You shouldn't judge yourself based on other people's appearances. They all have their pros and cons, and there are plenty of definitions of beauty out there, such that you shouldn't stick to just one like a lot of other people mistakenly do.

Originally Posted by Haladflire65

Yeah, I know they're not good things... but most of the people in my school seem to be doing all sorts of... strange stuff already. I guess I'm just growing up very clean, I know that pretty much everyone drinks and smells like weed all the time and stuff I'm just a bit nervous about what things would be like when I'm suddenly thrust into uni, I suppose...

I've been in a university where people are pretty horrendously promiscuous. I knew a girl who had a bf on her first week there, and then she started going out with the other. The funniest thing is that the girl lived in the same flat as the other two guys. There were also stories of girls doing it with two guys _separately_ in one day, and don't get me started on some of the guys either. And guess what? I'm still a virgin and haven't drank any alcohol. I haven't gotten a lot of peer pressure into drinking, and hardly any into bedding a random girl. Just don't worry about it. You don't have to conform with the _unwritten_ social standards that dictate "sex and alcohol are what make you cool" because they're not, and people won't be pushing you into it. If they do, it's only because you let them. Don't have doubts in yourself, just do what you need to do and what you feel is right for you

Originally Posted by solidguy

But the whole purpose of the practice is to initiate a conversation/flirt with the person you are interested in. Laughing at their lame jokes very weakly supports your claim that it leads to break downs in the relationship. I know you said that this was an extreme example but i just don't find it plausible that something so trivial would wind up being a big thing. If halad remains shy her whole life there may be alot of what if moments because of missed opportunities.

I don't know how pretending to do anything (fake laughs, fake orgasms, what have you) will help in getting a strong, solid relationship going for a long while. Eventually, one side or the other is going to break down the façade and leave because of a series of misunderstandings and whatnot. That's not the sort of relationship I would want, at least. If either side simply can't accept the other for who they are, then there just isn't any point.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by Sumeragi

You're actually one of the cutest girls I've seen.

I thought Korean girls are usually into BL, but I didn't know that when two cute Korean girls interact, they interact amidst lilies and - *gets set upon by a horde of zerglings*.

GET THEM OFF ME! GET THEM OFF ME! GIMME A GAUSS RIFLE! NOW!

Also, I've also never done drugs at your age. (I hope you don't mean going all the way when you talk about making out. If you are, though, don't worry, it's not like losing one's virginity early is a good thing)

I started smoking when I was 14, and dropped it after getting hospitalised. I have also hung around with people who can't think or work straight without Subutex. Honestly speaking, doing drugs is not a good thing - don't ever touch that stuff.

And from a point of a guy, I think most guys like their girls being brand new first-hand goods. Personally I don't mind second-hand ones if they have got good personalities and characters, but I still prefer pristine condition ones.

Originally Posted by Tsuyoshi

the _unwritten_ social standards that dictate "sex and alcohol are what make you cool" because they're not, and people won't be pushing you into it. If they do, it's only because you let them. Don't have doubts in yourself, just do what you need to do and what you feel is right for you

It is not a social standard. It is a general agreement of like-minded consumer units who can't think critically and independently - like that mantra of "buy the rumours, sell the news".

Neither of those statements make sense anyway.

[Kafriel]

You don't have to conform with the _unwritten_ social standards that dictate "sex and alcohol are what make you cool" because they're not, and people won't be pushing you into it.

QFT, like Tsuyoshi said, uni is a big place, with all sorts of people. As long as you stay true to yourself and protect your morals, you're bound to find people who think the same way; I was once like you, not talking much, with only 4 friends, but after my first year at uni I got surrounded by people who don't smoke, hate coffee, don't mind collecting comics or figurines and always study hard with me Oh and we're all out of relationships atm, our age in the group varying from 18 to 46 years old.

Yeah, I know they're not good things... but most of the people in my school seem to be doing all sorts of... strange stuff already.

Just because others do something doesn't mean you have to follow them, even if you want to blend in their company.

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

It is not a social standard. It is a general agreement of like-minded consumer units who can't think critically and independently - like that mantra of "buy the rumours, sell the news".

Neither of those statements make sense anyway.

That's another way of looking at it, and probably a more modern view as well. Consumer units who indeed are driven by their lust for pleasure and so on. The reason I say it's considered "more socially acceptable" (when it really isn't) is because even since ancient times, people considered things like sex and alcohol part of what makes you an adult. A rather short-sighted view even now, and what defines an adult aren't those things at all. So I guess it's either/or

[synaesthetic]

I drink alcohol and have sex because I like to, not because other people want me to.

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

I drink alcohol and have sex because I like to, not because other people want me to.

That's fine The whole point is to do what you feel is right for you, which basically means what is normal for you. Some people end up doing these things not because they want to, but because they try too hard to fit in with the rest of the group or are pushed hard by said group.

[Sumeragi]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

I thought Korean girls are usually into BL, but I didn't know that when two cute Korean girls interact, they interact amidst lilies and -

I actually happen to be a lesbian (with one exception), for your information

Check my member title

[DonQuigleone]

Originally Posted by Haladflire65

Yeah, I know they're not good things... but most of the people in my school seem to be doing all sorts of... strange stuff already. I guess I'm just growing up very clean, I know that pretty much everyone drinks and smells like weed all the time and stuff I'm just a bit nervous about what things would be like when I'm suddenly thrust into uni, I suppose...

You'd be surprised at the number of people who don't drink, don't have sex and don't do drugs. They're a silent majority (or a very large minority, depending on age and location).

I'd be very surprised if the majority of students in your school are into that stuff. Most people certainly don't get significantly into drugs (if they did, they'd be legal.) and alcohol wise even in Ireland which is the most alcohol drinking in the world there's a sizeable number of people who don't drink at all, or only moderately.

Sex is similiar, depending on the country the average age to lose virginity is usually somewhere around 17 or so. So almost half of students don't lose their virginity until after high school (and for some of us we're still virgins after college ).

Saw you in the photo thread, you're no Jessica Alba (who is?) but I'd go out with you, you're fine. You'd have to be an obese ogre before you'd start having trouble. Heck even then there are some men who are into... big women. Girls worry a lot more about their appearance then they really need to. And if it's really a problem you'll find loads of guys desperate for female attention in your local game, sci-fi or anime clubs. Film clubs too (basically every club I was ever a part of...).

So just dress however you like and go out there with confidence. The best beauty enhancer in a world is an air of confidence and happiness. Look at all those weird before and after photos on makeover shows, ever noticed that in the before they're scowling (or indifferent) and in the after they're bright smiling and confident? The facial expression and posture does as much (or more) to improve the woman's appearance as the makeup and/or clothes and/or surgery. That said, don't go out there wearing a frumpy track suit. But you don't need to go out wearing haute-couture either. I've always found sundresses real nice on the eyes...

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by DonQuigleone

You'd be surprised at the number of people who don't drink, don't have sex and don't do drugs. They're a silent majority (or a very large minority, depending on age and location).

*raises hand as one of the silent majority/very large minority*

[viperdk1]

Originally Posted by DonQuigleone

You'd be surprised at the number of people who don't drink, don't have sex and don't do drugs. They're a silent majority (or a very large minority, depending on age and location).

*Raises hand*

Though to be fair, when people ask me whether I drink/have sex/do drugs, I have no issue in saying it

[Endless Soul]

*also raises hand as one of the silent majority/very large minority*

[Last Sinner]

*raises hand*

I don't enjoy getting excessive. Everyday life provides me with enough fulfillment without the need to get off.

[zebra]

Originally Posted by King Lycan

Anyway question for the females. How do you guys feel when one of your guy friends tell you how he felt about you but he was drunk do you guys take it seriously ?

Depends. But I'll definitely keep it in mind at the very least.
There's a saying "Children and drunkards speak the truth." (it's fools instead of drunks in the english idiom) and I find it to be true in most cases.

Sometimes the guy was just confused or simply felt lonely suddenly. But since I'm often misinterpreting guy signs I make sure not to forget personally.

[Last Sinner]

Originally Posted by zebra

Depends. But I'll definitely keep it in mind at the very least.
There's a saying "Children and drunkards speak the truth." (it's fools instead of drunks in the english idiom) and I find it to be true in most cases.

Sometimes the guy was just confused or simply felt lonely suddenly. But since I'm often misinterpreting guy signs I make sure not to forget personally.

Whereas your boss knows it's time to quit when she stars ranting in Spanish after a few brews.