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Old 2011-05-20, 15:40   Link #8861
Endless Soul
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Age: 46
Completely agree. It's very normal, and even very human, to enjoy thoughts and fantasies and what-if scenarios about other people from time to time. We all do that. It's when you have these thoughts all the time that they will become problematic for you and the one you're currently with.
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Old 2011-05-20, 15:46   Link #8862
Aqua Knight
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But I think they have rise-fall tendency but at an increasing rate, though I don't feel any difficulties with my current relationship.
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Old 2011-05-20, 15:47   Link #8863
synaesthetic
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Checking people out and letting your imagination run wild is especially amusing when you're gay. This sort of thing happens to me and my worse half all the time. We'll both see the same cute girl and both have the same dirty thoughts without realizing it, then I'll turn to her and be like, "hey did you just see that cute girl" and she'll be all like "you were looking, too, huh?"

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Old 2011-05-20, 15:53   Link #8864
Kreceir
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Derping in League of Legends
Age: 20
uhhm, though it happend a few months ago it still bothers me.

I was really good friends with a girl i really loved and i knew her about 1~2 years.
So i asked her on a date, but i think she understood it as ''lets hang out''.
So the day came where we supposed to meet up and i really was exited.
But then she came with her boyfriend, so i was kinda shocked.
Cause she said she didn't had a boyfriend.
We talked and she said ''sorry that didn't tell you before but since were hanging out i wanted him to meet you once since your always where a great friend''.

Its still haunts my mind and thoughts that the girl i loved was kissing with a other boy infront of me.
But i have a girlfriend and yet i still think about the other girl.

Is it normal to still think about her when ur with someone else?

sorry if its to much to read but, i really want to know about someone else opinion.

(Sorry for my bad english)
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Old 2011-05-20, 16:02   Link #8865
Aqua Knight
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Age: 21
I think that the girl you liked before has no common sense.. but you're ok if you think about, though after what she has done I personally wouldn't think about her.

By the way one of the girl from my dream, I really liked her and even told her about my affection towards her though it even was kinda obvious to her.

But then I found myself with another girl as my gf, and I think my dreams and desires are the residuals of unanswered feelings.
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Old 2011-05-20, 16:38   Link #8866
Kreceir
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Join Date: May 2011
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i still cant stop thinking about her,
even though i wanted to stop thinking about her she still keeps popping in my mind.
when i calm down and close my eyes and listen to the rain or other things that can calm me down she pops up.

2 days ago when i and my girlfriend went out on a date.
It was raining so we kinda rushed to a bus stop so we wont get drenched.
While listening to the rain i kinda dozed off.
i was dreaming / having a nightmare about the girl i liked before,she said i wasn't Worthy of her and that i'm better of dead and regrets that she knew me.
I woke up and cried and screamed like I'm in pain and agony, i told my girlfriend what i was dreaming.
She teared and hugged me softly.

I asked her why she did that but then she hugged me more tightly.
I have no clue what to do any more...
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Old 2011-05-20, 17:22   Link #8867
Kafriel
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Quote:
I have no clue what to do any more...
Focus on what you've got and forget about what could have been. Maybe you can't take the other one off your mind completely, but it is a problem only as big as the attention you're paying to it.
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Old 2011-05-20, 17:33   Link #8868
Dextro
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kreceir View Post
i still cant stop thinking about her,
even though i wanted to stop thinking about her she still keeps popping in my mind.
when i calm down and close my eyes and listen to the rain or other things that can calm me down she pops up.

2 days ago when i and my girlfriend went out on a date.
It was raining so we kinda rushed to a bus stop so we wont get drenched.
While listening to the rain i kinda dozed off.
i was dreaming / having a nightmare about the girl i liked before,she said i wasn't Worthy of her and that i'm better of dead and regrets that she knew me.
I woke up and cried and screamed like I'm in pain and agony, i told my girlfriend what i was dreaming.
She teared and hugged me softly.

I asked her why she did that but then she hugged me more tightly.
I have no clue what to do any more...
I think you need some time off and I'm not talking about the relationship btw, I'm saying you might need to do something different and relaxing to get your mind off those weird things. Having dreams is normal, having nightmares usually indicates something like stress or just plain exhaustion caused by the day to day life. You need a vacation probably

Anyway don't take the people you think you dream with seriously. What you think you see in dreams is just your subconscious mind trying to make heads and tails of the random impulses that get fired when you are waking up so they don't mean much. The subconscious mind tries to fill the gaps using your memories so everyone you dream with is someone you have at least seen once and while that might be influenced by the fact that you subconsciously feel bad over that rejection that doesn't mean you're lying to yourself or anything and you can probably safely disregard it.

Still my take on it is: you need to chill out and have fun, it'll blow over. Also: don't go worrying your girl like that cause she might not have the clear head to come to the same conclusion I just reached and feel like there's some deeper meaning to your dreams leading to some doubts about herself.

PS: btw I have little to no training in psychology aside from a class in high-school in which I didn't do so good so take what I say with a massive grain of salt.
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Old 2011-05-20, 20:26   Link #8869
Masuzu
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Quote:
I was really good friends with a girl i really loved and i knew her about 1~2 years.
So i asked her on a date, but i think she understood it as ''lets hang out''.
So the day came where we supposed to meet up and i really was exited.
But then she came with her boyfriend, so i was kinda shocked.
Cause she said she didn't had a boyfriend.
We talked and she said ''sorry that didn't tell you before but since were hanging out i wanted him to meet you once since your always where a great friend''.
oh god, i laughed like a dog

"hey, uhm...wanna go out?"
"sure, hey, wouldn't it be a great idea if i brought my boyfriend?"
"WHAT!!??? I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T HAVE ONE!!!???"
"ooohhhhh....forgot"
"okay, now i'm going to think of you constantly for the next few months"

is basically your situation?

Quote:
I think that the girl you liked before has no common sense..
*ahem*quotedfortruth*ahem*

seriously though,

it's kinda abnormal that it's been, you said, months? since that happened, and you're still thinking about her? okay wait, back up back up

when the incident happened, did you already have a girlfriend? i assumed you didn't, but if you asked another girl out while you already had a girlfriend then well
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Old 2011-05-22, 15:52   Link #8870
Tsuyoshi
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Actually, I think it quite normal, especially if he had really strong feelings for her. Some people even take years to get over it completely. But with all due respects, considering you have a gf, you have every reason to move on. Perhaps you did consciously, but I can understand how memories of the feelings you had for her and the way she brushed them aside so abruptly. The shock of what had happened hit you pretty hard. Two months isn't such a long time either. But as Dextro said, you just need to get your mind focused on other things, and maybe try to go out with your gf more often and do things together to get to share more experiences and memories. That's what you need the most to relax and get your mind off of what happened. What's done is done, and the fact that you have a gf now is all the more reason for you to move onwards
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Old 2011-05-22, 19:00   Link #8871
Decagon
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Join Date: Jan 2004
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I'm a bit lost on dating. What do women perceive as signals that a guy is looking to start a romantic relationship and not just continue a friendship? I've been told that I'm like a brother, a father (by someone older than me, even), a very nice guy, but I haven't been able to ford that river of just friends. How much should I chalk to polite rejection through feigned ignorance and how much to my own ineptitude?
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Old 2011-05-22, 19:48   Link #8872
Sumeragi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Decagon View Post
I'm a bit lost on dating. What do women perceive as signals that a guy is looking to start a romantic relationship and not just continue a friendship? I've been told that I'm like a brother, a father (by someone older than me, even), a very nice guy, but I haven't been able to ford that river of just friends. How much should I chalk to polite rejection through feigned ignorance and how much to my own ineptitude?
Depends on the girl. However, given my sexuality, I'll let other's answer this more clearly.
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Old 2011-05-23, 05:07   Link #8873
Kafriel
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Athens (GMT+2)
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Decagon View Post
I'm a bit lost on dating. What do women perceive as signals that a guy is looking to start a romantic relationship and not just continue a friendship? I've been told that I'm like a brother, a father (by someone older than me, even), a very nice guy, but I haven't been able to ford that river of just friends. How much should I chalk to polite rejection through feigned ignorance and how much to my own ineptitude?
Depends on the person, as well as the people who influence said person; if she is used to having around her people who can express themselves more than necessary, she won't take a hint even if you tell her in the face "I want us to go on a very romantic date, just the two of us". This actually happened, fortunately not to me...
Now, if you have any reason to believe that you're being kindly rejected, but are not too sure about it, you can try again, maybe you'll get a different answer. If by ineptitude you mean inability to express yourself, I don't know how you approach others, so I can't tell how far that goes...but remember, people love having friends, but know that relationships have ups and downs, so if you want to start a romantic relationship with someone you know, don't wait too long to ask them out, otherwise you will become a part in their daily or weekly life that they wouldn't want to miss.
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Old 2011-05-23, 17:36   Link #8874
Flinch
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There always are the exception of when you're in the friend zone for long enough, the friend zone tends to move farther from your current position. It is the exception, though.
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Old 2011-05-23, 22:13   Link #8875
King Lycan
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Its not very hard to get out of the friend zone as people think it is
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Old 2011-05-23, 23:43   Link #8876
Masuzu
« 勝利のため »
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Join Date: Apr 2011
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Quote:
Its not very hard to get out of the friend zone as people think it is
really? that would've been useful info to me like, 2 years ago i guess
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Old 2011-05-23, 23:48   Link #8877
luniz
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Depends on your age too, the older you are, the easier to move out of the friends zone (mostly via drunken hookups). However if you're told you're like a father that's a bad sign. That means you're overprotective and/or overbearing and women generally don't like that. You will have more luck if you can share interests/experiences more as equals, rather than trying to impress her.
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Old 2011-05-31, 01:13   Link #8878
Flinch
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Da_Box View Post
oh regrets, how i loath thee
Then don't regret them. Do everything to the best of your ability. Knowing that your best wasn't good enough is a lot more comforting than mulling over all the possibilities again and again.
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Old 2011-06-01, 06:23   Link #8879
Samari
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You could always grab her ass. The direct approach. Just kidding.
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Old 2011-06-01, 06:31   Link #8880
Masuzu
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You could always grab her ass. The direct approach. Just kidding.
curious, doe that ever work?
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