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Old 2008-11-01, 19:21   Link #881
Ledgem
Love Yourself
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 29
Shared interests and hobbies are what makes great friends. I don't think you should base a relationship off of it. You want to be able to do things with your significant other, but I think there are more important aspects to worry about. If those aspects are in place, then shared activities and interests will likely come naturally.

If nothing else and your significant other isn't into anime/videogames, make sure to get your children into it early (Sort of a joke)
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Old 2008-11-01, 19:21   Link #882
Mystique
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Join Date: May 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kakashi View Post
If I told my girlfriend I watched anime in my spare time, she would dump me. In a way I look down at her for not dumping me already.
And you're with her because....?
(At least, I'd think she'd respect your hobbies, if not follow them)

Or is this just your pessimistic assumption and you've not actually approached the subject yet?
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Old 2008-11-01, 19:36   Link #883
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystique View Post
I didn't use the word 'slave' - i said 'for women who want to serve their husbands with no other ambitions of their own.'
Being a dutiful housewife is an ambition and that's what she wants to concentrate on then fine, as I'm guessing that's what your mother did, she poured all her energy into the relationship for your father with nothing else in mind.
I used that example as being the case where marriages and relationships tend to last when the girl is like 15/16 and the guy 21 and older, otherwise, there's too many external factors that happen nowdays that dissuade one person away from focusing as much as they used to in a relationship with someone they care about.
What I was trying to say is that no one forced her. She had to move with him when he left Slovakia, since he was not slovak.

The way you're saying things, in my eyes, sounds depressing and not positive at all. I can't talk for her, but she never thought she was limited by my father, nor my father asked her to be like this or like that. And most of all, she had and has a life full of happiness (and if someday she wants to study again, she can) So it's not like she didn't have the right to choose. She always had that right. And my father is not the kind of men who would force someone to something. I'm a bit biased because it's my father, but he's great.

And on another subject, even if some girls even now want to become an housewife, it's an ambition. Not maybe the kind of ambition you like but it's not nothing nor disgraceful.

Quote:
But like you said, you would have tried to stay with him no matter what.
(Given up education? Take a part time job? Look after the house? At 15?)
It's still a sacrifice of sorts, and a risk to invest yourself into the relationship. As Ledgem said, don't fall into the trap of deluding yourself if something were to go wrong.
And as I said, once the inital desires of marriage and kids are achieved, what else is there between the two of you that'll keep the relationship strong after 10-15 years?
Apart from being a housewife and mother, what other skills and interests would you have? Would you have the time to learn about yourself, to develop anything new?
When did I say that? In France you can find many students who have children and many don't stop studying.

When the boy is a bit older (and so works in most case), some are already married but don't stop studying either.

In my case I don't think I would have stopped studying just like that, if I had a baby with that person, yes but it would have been my choice, but maybe not definitely and not before finishing highschool at least. In France you can return to university even after one or some years. So babies and marriage are not an obstacle here.

I also find myself interested of having great housewife skills (taking care of children, babies, cooking etc.), but that doesn't mean I stop studying.

Also, since I replied to a PM just now, I am not an "idealist" (even if I have some ideals, like marriage and babies) nor stupid. Even if I meet someone who could be the right guy, he will have to wait a long time before having sex with me and getting married since I would want to be sure that he could be the right person. I am not the kind of person to marry someone after 1 month . I don't believe that everything is easy nor that everyone is nice. That's the total opposite.

Also, if some person want to stop studying to become a housewife/husband, if they are happy like that, I don't see any problem. We can't judge people without knowing them nor guessing if they are happy or not. I guess that some housewifes have even a more happy life that some other women who don't want to be an housewife.

Quote:
In the UK, the housewife was celebrated via the media during those times, though more during he 40's and 50's I guess (before the swinging sixties hit)
In Japan, there are many many reports on BBC, of wives now divorcing their husbands after finishing raising the kids and looking after the house while the husband worked all hours, there was nothing between her and her husband, he was like a stranger to her.
So they divorce and persue their own lives and hobbies, which doesn't necesarilly mean they find another man, but they finally start doing things simply for themselves, since they decided to set that aside at the young age that they got married
.
That's not the case here for most of the couple from 60's / 70's. Thanks for the infos about japan though

Last edited by Narona; 2008-11-01 at 20:51.
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Old 2008-11-01, 19:38   Link #884
Kakashi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
If nothing else and your significant other isn't into anime/videogames, make sure to get your children into it early (Sort of a joke)
I like that idea...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystique View Post
And you're with her because....?
(At least, I'd think she'd respect your hobbies, if not follow them)

Or is this just your pessimistic assumption and you've not actually approached the subject yet?
Neither, that was just a joke. I made her watch an episode of Death Note so she didn't question my maturity, while saving Naruto for another time.
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Old 2008-11-01, 19:56   Link #885
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xvoki View Post
Who said making a relationship work is easy? But it can and has been done by thousands of people the world over.
The important thing, I think, is that the persons must have the right to choose. If no one force them, if they decide something, then no one has the right to judge them nor to say if their life will not be good till they are proved wrong (if it happens).

And I am not an idealist. I have ideals in life but I am not an idealist who think that Life is easy and filled with pink color full of nice persons.
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Old 2008-11-01, 21:00   Link #886
Samari
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: San Francisco
Age: 27
Interesting thing happened Halloween night. I was attending an extra practice session of drawing at my school after hours and I got out around 9:00pm. As I was walking the streets of San Francisco to take me back home to retire for the evening I see loads of people just walking the streets in their respective costumes preparing for whatever activities they were planning. I went in a grocery store before getting on the bus to buy some bread. As I was in line to purchase my merchandise I see two Taiwanese girls who attend SF State and comment on how cool their costumes looked. They were wondering where mine was. I told them that I didn't have one and wasn't planning on doing anything for the evening. I was going to go home and basically "study" some more...especially since I had work the next day at 9:45am. They insisted that I should be out partying and have some fun. It was apparently their first Halloween in America and they were very stoked. I could tell by the six pack of Corona they placed on the conveyor belt. As I got on the bus afterwards, seeing all the people on the streets preparing to have fun...I kept finding myself bothered by my plans for the evening...which was nothing. After the 15 minute bus ride I unpacked my things and called my friend who also attends SF state and told him that I would be coming over there to basically have some fun after all. Earlier I had mentioned that I probably wasn't in line for anything special. But it appears the words of two total strangers in a food store changed my mind.

So I end up hopping on the Muni (public transportation in San Francisco) and take it all the way to SF State. I go to Academy of Art so most of my buildings are all the way on the other side of San Francisco. The entire trip takes about nearly an hour. I see a lot of interesting costumes on the way and people dressed in the same manner...if you've been to San Francisco on this day you'll know what I mean.

Arriving at SF State I meet up with one of my best friends, Steven, and basically chill with some friends from his school. A few I've never met before and a few others that I've been acquainted with once or twice. One of those acquaintances was a very cute Chinese girl who I found attractive, but never really chased after her too much...since we go to different schools and quite frankly, I'm a very busy individual like everyone else.

Long story short, we're both at the same party...which is kind of dying down like every other one around the campus due to strict security patrol by the school and local law enforcement. She was drunk to put it mildly. Not to the point of throwing up or being extremely drowsy, but clearly not herself. We start talking and after some playful flirting she takes me by surprise and suddenly we're making out on the couch. Now...apparently she had just broken up with her boyfriend either that day or the day before who I don't believe goes to the same college. And she was drunk at the time like I mentioned. I figured this was her way of letting off some emotion and she probably wouldn't remember it in the morning anyways. I'm no psychologist but that's my assumption.

I find myself at my job the next morning. It was a quite busy afternoon today. It was raining very hard and people were in high demand for rain jackets. Retail Armageddon aside, I found myself at times being unable to concentrate on work. For some reason, the events of the previous night were bothering me. I'll be straight-forward with my persona. I'm an ethical man. I live my life based on the morals and values I grew up on and use them as guidance to make most of my decisions in life. Which I take pride in. That being said, it's most likely that I feel guilty for the actions I proceeded with on Halloween with this drunk "acquaintance" of mine. Like cheating on a test or something. And I suppose you could say that I really find this girl attractive to a good degree, and when she's sober she seems quite nice from the few times I've met her. Yet I still couldn't stop my desire. Quite pathetic if I do say so myself. I'm going back to SF State tonight to celebrate the birthday of someone there. If I see her again I'm going to act like everything is normal. If she talks to me about it, I'll acknowledge it, but I won't jump all over her about it. The facts are that she was quite drunk and broke up with her boyfriend that day or very recently.
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Last edited by Samari; 2008-11-01 at 23:08.
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Old 2008-11-02, 01:26   Link #887
Mystique
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
@ Narona & Xvoki - Don't forget that my initial reply was to Amray who made the statement that 'age doesn't matter if a couple want to be together.' The example of young girls being long term housewives and mothers was an example used in cases where in those situations relationships tend to last for a long long time.
That's a good thing in my book, the point being, someone out of the two will have to set their ambitions of a career or a degree or pursuing a sport full time at age 15, 16, 17 if they want to dedicate their full time to a relationship. (typically)

Of course in the huge wide world, diff cultures and practices exist, so each situation is a little different. Amray's from the same country and same society as me (unless he recently moved there) - so my examples and references largely refer to UK/American culture where women have so much choice and opportunity to experience so much during their teens, a lot of relationships end up being light or lasting for a short while for reasons I stated before where age does play a factor.
But sometimes sharing life ideals and love isn't enough.
Short of eloping somewhere else, there's usually family issues to deal with and at age 15, 16 where you're not legally an adult, parents have a good way to making life so much more complicated.

Sorry if I have a 'negative' tone to my posts, lol - it's more the things I say are factors in life that aren't so pretty, aren't so nice and more than often are enough to dissolve a relationship; I'm just someone who kinda lays it on the table. Amray's feeling frustrated with the hassle he's currently facing and I'm explaining 'why age does and can be an issue'.
But you did (or didn't) notice that I wish him well and I also said 'doesn't mean it can't be done'.
It can; however where relationships are hard work, elements like that make somedays unbearable. It requires a hell of a lot of emotional and mental energy to keep persisting and for some people, despite all their ideals, wishes and ambitions to be together forever, they burn out and cannot continue with the relationship, hence age wise perhaps more often than not a relationship breaks down or the couple mutually split without too many hard feelings.

@ Samari - oooooooh, it's one of those huh
She's somewhat heartbroken and intoxicated and you guys end up making out.
That usually counts for nada in my book, but it isn't so much what happened as much as 'what's gonna happen now?'
- What is her personality like when sober? Is she generally a serious and mature student? What kind of crowd does she hang with? Does she seem shy by nature or generally out going?
I cannot speak for her or what she may be feeling (if she remembers), but most girls kinda regret that action too.
"Oh gosh, I kissed some random guy last night, I can't bear to face him. What if he thinks more of it? Was he just a rebound? What if he thinks I'm easy?"
Etc etc.

As for 'pathetic' - don't beat yourself up so much. You already are contemplating your actions and thinking of a suitable resolution, have assessed the situation at hand - that's a lot of mature points right there of which girls actually appreciate.
You're human, you make mistakes - the difference is whether you're a person who takes responsibility for them and you seem to be a guy who does.

Anyways, good luck future wise, hope things work out between you and her so it's not to awkward anymore.
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Old 2008-11-02, 02:01   Link #888
Waking_Dreamer
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: lost - with no intention to be found...
Age: 29
@ Samari

Interesting story...I agree with Mystique its not too bad a situation.

As a guy I admit that would be a very tempting situation and if it is the first time you find yourself in that scenario, heck i would have done exactly the same thing. Actually, from what ive seen when girls are at that level of drunkness, yea they can act totally out of character...and the next day they have absolutely no recollection of the night before (or at least thats what they say...maybe they say that just to avoid awkwardness...hmm...) so i think your in the clear.

It would be interesting to see her reaction if you went up to her and said hi. She probably doesn't remember though.

Btw: was she a good kisser? ...just kidding never mind...
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Old 2008-11-02, 03:18   Link #889
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystique View Post
@ Narona & Xvoki - Don't forget that my initial reply was to Amray who made the statement that 'age doesn't matter if a couple want to be together.' The example of young girls being long term housewives and mothers was an example used in cases where in those situations relationships tend to last for a long long time.
That's a good thing in my book, the point being, someone out of the two will have to set their ambitions of a career or a degree or pursuing a sport full time at age 15, 16, 17 if they want to dedicate their full time to a relationship. (typically)
You're forgetting the other possibilities. A girl of 16 who becomes the girlfriend of a guy who is 20 doesn't mean she will instantly becomes a housewife and will abandon everything else.

I said that "ages" because I know at least one couple of my generation who met at that age. She never gave up highschool, she entered university after two years later, and got married two years after that. they are happy/. So maybe you tend to see only the bad solutions and the bad sides of some things. When I read you, it's like it's impossible. It feels like reading a sad person who only see the bad sides (sorry). In my case, i prefer to be optimistic and see that in some cases it ends up really well.

And again, don't look down at the girls who make the choice to become housewife whatever their age. It's not simple and in my opinion, a girl who make a career choice or other things like that is not better and can end up less happy. Wanting to be a housewife and/or a mother at home is also an Ambition (It feel like that you didn't read my last post)

Quote:
Of course in the huge wide world, diff cultures and practices exist, so each situation is a little different. Amray's from the same country and same society as me (unless he recently moved there) - so my examples and references largely refer to UK/American culture where women have so much choice and opportunity to experience so much during their teens, a lot of relationships end up being light or lasting for a short while for reasons I stated before where age does play a factor.
But sometimes sharing life ideals and love isn't enough.
Short of eloping somewhere else, there's usually family issues to deal with and at age 15, 16 where you're not legally an adult, parents have a good way to making life so much more complicated.
Again, sorry to repeat myself, but you see only the bad cases. It's not like if every couples end up with problems, nor like if all the people want to experience many things. I am not interested myself in many things, that doesn't mean i don't enjoy life and such.

We have many opportunities, but it depends on each people if they want to experience them or not. For instance, I was not interested to experience some things in my teens, that doesn't mean i am an idiot, while some other girls made the choice to experience many things, that sometimes in my case when I hear about that, disgust me. So each people see things differently.


Quote:
Sorry if I have a 'negative' tone to my posts, lol - it's more the things I say are factors in life that aren't so pretty, aren't so nice and more than often are enough to dissolve a relationship; I'm just someone who kinda lays it on the table. Amray's feeling frustrated with the hassle he's currently facing and I'm explaining 'why age does and can be an issue'.
But you did (or didn't) notice that I wish him well and I also said 'doesn't mean it can't be done'.
It can; however where relationships are hard work, elements like that make somedays unbearable. It requires a hell of a lot of emotional and mental energy to keep persisting and for some people, despite all their ideals, wishes and ambitions to be together forever, they burn out and cannot continue with the relationship, hence age wise perhaps more often than not a relationship breaks down or the couple mutually split without too many hard feelings.
Not in every cases. It's nice of you to expose the bad issues and problems, but not every cases is full of problems like that.

I don't say it's simple, but from what I can tell around me, a relationship with "normal" bases (same age etc.) can end up very badly or can have a lot of problems too.


edit: thanks Mystique

Last edited by Narona; 2008-11-02 at 04:00.
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Old 2008-11-02, 03:40   Link #890
Waking_Dreamer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
@Samari

What worries me in your theory is that I wonder if You protected yourself. Because if she is not on the pills, she can get pregnant. And if she didn't remember how it happened, it's even worse...
Well, unless I missed it (which I dont think I would have) he only mentions making out right? Though Samari did you mean to imply you went further...?
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Old 2008-11-02, 03:43   Link #891
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Waking_Dreamer View Post
Well, unless I missed it (which I dont think I would have) he only mentions making out right? Though Samari did you mean to imply you went further...?
I thought he did it XD, sorry If i was wrong. I slept only two hours last night (was revising for a next week exam........ o my mind is not really clear)
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Old 2008-11-02, 03:46   Link #892
Mystique
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
You're forgetting the other possibilities. A girl of 16 who becomes the girlfriend of a guy who is 20 doesn't mean she will instantly becomes a housewife and will abandon everything else.
When I read you, it's like it's impossible. It feels like reading a sad person who only see the bad sides (sorry). In my case, i prefer to be optimistic and see that in some cases it ends up really well.
That's the side I present to this debate, so no need to apologise. I am playing the side no one typically wants to hear, just cause that's the way i've grown up lately and those closest to me (friends wise) relate in the same way.
We're all out there trying our hardest, striving, struggling, hoping for the best, but we make sure to ground each other too. Just be aware of the good and bad and the worst cases.
- I didn't state the good cause that's obvious.
It's obvious that life isn't dealt in absolutes; it's obvious that when 60-70% of a situation is bad, 30-40% is good. It's obvious that there are typically two sides to it.
It's obvious, Amray's gonna try to make this work through his troubles, however I don't agree when he said 'age doesn't matter' - during the teens I believe it does, and thus I gave an example of a situation when relationships last long from an early age, (I assume first loves too) and the other external factors that usually add grief to a couple with that age difference.
My example is only just that: an example.
To list all the possibilities would flood the forums, so there's no need for me to say the others, i just use words such as 'typically', 'in most cases' 'commonly', 'can', 'perhaps' - they're not absolutes.

Quote:
And again, don't look down at the girls who make the choice to become housewife whatever their age. It's not simple and in my opinion, a girl who make a career choice or other things like that is not better and can end up less happy. Wanting to be a housewife and/or a mother at home is also an Ambition (It feel like that you didn't read my last post)
*laughs* Because i said the same thing myself:
'being a housewife is an ambition'
Usually a full time one at that, especially once kids come into play too.
But it feels you're so caught up with your defence when i'm not even attacking here, that anything i say in relation to my claim is gonna get a retaliation, so at this point, i won't add anything further to Amray's situation or regarding young girls getting together with older guys.
I like dancing, but we've danced this dance before and circles are no fun.
Quote:
@Samari

What worries me in your theory is that I wonder if You protected yourself. Because if she is not on the pills, she can get pregnant. And if she didn't remember how it happened, it's even worse...
Making out = American slang for a couple kissing and groping only. No masturbation, oral, or intercourse.
(unless this definition got updated in the last 10 years, someone tell me) >.>
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Old 2008-11-02, 03:48   Link #893
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystique View Post
Making out = American slang for a couple kissing and groping only. No masturbation, oral, or intercourse.
(unless this definition got updated in the last 10 years, someone tell me) >.>
Thanks for the infos, I wasn't sure

And so I wonder why he is so worried
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Old 2008-11-02, 03:53   Link #894
Waking_Dreamer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Thanks for the infos, I wasn't sure

And so I wonder why he is so worried
I guess hes just a really nice guy....
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Old 2008-11-02, 03:57   Link #895
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Waking_Dreamer View Post
I guess hes just a really nice guy....
Yes he is!

Sorry if what I said can be seen as mean. That wasn't my intention. I am pleasantly surprised. I don't know a lot of guys here who will be so worried for that, in most cases, they are worried only when they actually "did" it.
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Old 2008-11-02, 07:08   Link #896
Eczema
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Australia
What is everyone's opinion on work place relations? At my casual job, I do customer service/retail, and there's a cafe integrated into our building, and I'm interested in the waitress there. I'm not sure if it's appropriate to just drop by and have a chat, especially if I'm not buying anything. Any comments?
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Old 2008-11-02, 07:21   Link #897
othera
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Join Date: Sep 2008
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^ Well i don't think there is anything wrong with it, personaly i would only go there if i was buying something also.

Work place relationships seem to normaly work out fine.
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Old 2008-11-02, 07:24   Link #898
Mystique
Honyaku no Hime
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
In bigger multinational organisations, some companies actually embed it as part of your contract, 'no relationships with another staff member' on the chance if it turns sour, it could jeopardise your work or motivation or make the atmosphere downright hostile.
- In more relaxed workplaces like the libraries (in my case) parents and kids, boyfriends and girlfriends have been known to work in the same branches or other ones, but relations of some sort are around.

For a casual job such as yours, I’d say it's fine to go for a chat/ get a date. Just be aware that she's near ya if anything were to go wrong.
If in doubt, you may wanna consult a higher staff member for advice
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Old 2008-11-02, 07:54   Link #899
Xvoki
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Join Date: Sep 2008
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Age: 5
@Exzema

I would feel odd about just going in and talking to her without buying something first. Hope the coffee tastes nice. ^_^
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Old 2008-11-02, 08:18   Link #900
Amray
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kakashi View Post
If my girlfriend knew I watched anime in my spare time, she would dump me. In a way I look down on her for not dumping me already.
If that is the case then I would recommend that you end the relationship. If this girl really would seperate herself from you just because you watch Japanese animated programmes then that is, no offense, but quite pathetic. If she would actually do this then she obviously does not love you in the way that she should.

If I were you I would much rather be single for a period of time until I find a girl that would accept me for who I am and respect me and my interests. If I was in a relationship with a girl that is likely to leave me because I like anime, then I would leave them first because I would think them foolish and petty.
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