AnimeSuki Forums

Register Forum Rules FAQ Members List Social Groups Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   AnimeSuki Forum > General > General Chat

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 2008-11-04, 03:00   Link #921
mit7059
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Austin, TX
Age: 25
Just ended a two-year relationship and feeling sorta empty inside. Breakup was mutual and unwanted but made necessary by a shitty situation, i.e. we don't go to the same school, never get to see each other. This was my first real relationship and I still really care for her but after a year of long distance, three and a half more wasn't realistic. It still sucks though.
__________________
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance baffle them with bullshit ~Coach Davids

More of a manga reader now than an anime watcher. Currently reading list here
mit7059 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-04, 03:19   Link #922
Zoned87
Mr. Awesome
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Underpants Gnome Factory
Age: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystique View Post
On the initial basis yes, a lot of people chase the desire to be with someone and can't stand being alone rather than simply enjoying their own company and hobbies and lives first.
But 9/10 seems to be extreme no? lol
Rather think of what the relationship brought to each person's life rather than the outcome.
They're a lot of hard work, that's what pple don't realise.
After the initial rush of lust, excitement and giddiness, when years start settling in (this is based if you're livin with someone or see them almost everyday)
- Then it's for both peeps to make the extra effort to communicate, to keep things interesting, to discuss and support.
Perhaps more often than not, some element doesn't happen and thus people split or drift apart, who knows.
But you gotta try
You go into a relationship with faith that'll it work, (not just with relationships, but anything in life tbh)
Else what would be the point of living?
Money, luxary and struggling to reach the top. It's not something that many people do, but those who try become more successful in life.

The 98% who are ready to settle down between 18-25 never get anywhere in life. The sacrifice is great, but the payout is worth it in the long run.

Ask any rich old man how he got there
Zoned87 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-04, 03:22   Link #923
Samari
World's Greatest
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: San Francisco
Age: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
I guess you changed your alias, but I recognize that avatar and signature - it's good to see you back on the forums, especially in this thread. I don't think you need to feel guilty over what happened, because it doesn't sound like you took advantage of her - if anything, it sounds like maybe it was the other way around Girls might see it differently.

Either way, the general advice, as you probably know already: if she just recently broke up, don't jump into a relationship with her. If she wants to be friends and it slowly escalates to something romantic, cool. If you immediately jump into a relationship then there's a good chance that you're being used as a rebound and/or she's still confused and thinking of her ex-boyfriend. Nearly every girl I can think of still isn't over someone, and it's either the very first guy they dated or the most recent one. Let her put some temporal distance between them so that she can establish what's important to her. It's the best way to protect yourself from being hurt.

Once again, welcome back.
Yeah it's been a while since I've been able to post here regularly. But now you should see me posting here a lot more on a consistent basis. I'm glad to be back. I like the people here and the discussion topics for the most part.

As for the situation, I admit it is tempting not to bring things up myself...since I think I do feel for this girl...and the interaction I believe made a part of me want her even more now...the "desperate" part of my persona if you'd like to call it that. Of course, I won't let that cloud my judgment...which is why I haven't talked to her since the incident. Not because I don't want to talk to her, I just don't think it's necessary at this point in time. I wouldn't want her to get the wrong idea and think that I'm now coming after her believing there is something substantial between the two of us...since there isn't. The facts are the facts. She was under the influence of alcohol and she had ended her relationship with her boyfriend...someone told me it may have been that day even.

Hopefully she doesn't feel uncomfortable when we bump into each other at SF State again. She's a really nice girl.
__________________

"Every light must fade, every heart return to darkness!"
永遠不要失去信心,你的命運。
Samari is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-04, 03:27   Link #924
Samari
World's Greatest
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: San Francisco
Age: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zoned87 View Post
Relationships are a waste of time, and 9 out of 10 times they end in disaster.

The time is better spent trying to improve your own life and living situation.
Well you should always be happy with yourself first...instead of relying on someone else to make you happy.
__________________

"Every light must fade, every heart return to darkness!"
永遠不要失去信心,你的命運。
Samari is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-04, 12:13   Link #925
Kakashi
カカシ
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: London
Send a message via MSN to Kakashi
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystique View Post
xD
And so kakashi learns not to make a joke in a thread were people are giving genuine advice and taking each post seriously
- I think Ledgem was the only one who caught onto that tbh...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amray View Post
Kakashi should also learn that there is a time and a place for jokes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by othera View Post
And yeah kakashi.. there is a time and place for everything
What are you guys getting at?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Reckoner View Post
I have an interesting story regarding this...

A couple weeks ago a girl who I did not even know in my school confessed to me. I responded with something like the following: "I'm sorry, but I find relationships fruitless, especially at this age, when the goal is not something long term. Seeking my companionship for the rest of this senior year, or just school life as a means of ridding one's loneliness results in a general complacency between me and the interested party that makes me feel like I wasted my time, money, and emotion."

After she digested the information for a couple seconds, she proceeded to slap me and call me a jerk saying, "How can you be like that?", though I certainly was very expectant of the result. Even if it was someone I knew well and I thought was pretty and I was potentially interested in her, I still believe I would respond the same way.

I certainly hope I am not taking away from myself in life by having this attitude, since I am pretty sure that I will at least try to refrain from relationships until I have a stable job after college (And that could mean that I will be in my late 20s by then).
It sure is rare for a girl to confess directly. Usually a rumor is propagated around facebook or a third party acts as a matchmaker. Apart from the missed opportunity, your response came of as vulgar and slightly asexual...
I don't think you are either of those things so be sure to evince that every time you see her. In a situation like that it's less about being honest and more to do with being respectful. I'm kind of jealous since I've always wanted a dramatic situation like that to happen to me. All *I* ever received were crummy hints from 'a friend' implying this or that girl was interested in me, but when I started paying closer attention she seemed indifferent.

Whatever happened to that patriarchal view from the 1600s that women were irrational, emotional, not good at contemplating and making decisions?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystique View Post

Pffft, I wasn't the only one who took that seriously you know, lol. You two just seem to know each other well behind the scenes, so I pinned it down to that.
Just your lucky day ledgem.
I have no words for Ledgem, he is simply breathtaking when it comes to understanding my jokes.
Kakashi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-04, 13:52   Link #926
Ledgem
Love Yourself
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by mit7059 View Post
Just ended a two-year relationship and feeling sorta empty inside. Breakup was mutual and unwanted but made necessary by a shitty situation, i.e. we don't go to the same school, never get to see each other. This was my first real relationship and I still really care for her but after a year of long distance, three and a half more wasn't realistic. It still sucks though.
Sorry to hear about that. There are stories where people go through long periods of not seeing each other and make it, but it must be really painful. That aside, you're both young, and if it was your first relationship you might be curious. There's nothing wrong with going back later and, if she's free, seeing if you both want to try again. I knew of a couple who did that, although they broke up for a second time after trying again. Either way, give yourself a month or two and see how you feel.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Zoned87 View Post
Money, luxary and struggling to reach the top. It's not something that many people do, but those who try become more successful in life.

The 98% who are ready to settle down between 18-25 never get anywhere in life. The sacrifice is great, but the payout is worth it in the long run.

Ask any rich old man how he got there
The measure of success is completely subjective. So to you success is how much money is in the bank, is it? That's fine, but recognize that not everyone feels that way. Here in research, success is based on how many papers you write and what research discoveries you make. Some scientists live and breathe their work. Are they successful in their careers? Yes. Are they well-balanced as human beings? No.

In my opinion, your own happiness should be your measure of success. Be competitive, go out and get what you want, sure - but if winning it all doesn't make you happy, then you've failed by my parameters. You only have one life. Make the most of it, and enjoy it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Samari View Post
As for the situation, I admit it is tempting not to bring things up myself...since I think I do feel for this girl...and the interaction I believe made a part of me want her even more now...the "desperate" part of my persona if you'd like to call it that. Of course, I won't let that cloud my judgment...which is why I haven't talked to her since the incident. Not because I don't want to talk to her, I just don't think it's necessary at this point in time. I wouldn't want her to get the wrong idea and think that I'm now coming after her believing there is something substantial between the two of us...since there isn't. The facts are the facts. She was under the influence of alcohol and she had ended her relationship with her boyfriend...someone told me it may have been that day even.
I think that the most cautious advice to give would be to completely get her out of your mind and drop the idea of a relationship with her, unless you meet her again a year or so from now and something starts under completely different circumstances. A recent breakup plus alcohol-induced fooling around just doesn't sound like a stable foundation for a good relationship, which is something I think you deserve, could contribute to, and are looking for.

On the other hand, this is life. There's no rule that says you can't both agree that "we had a bizarre start, let's do this properly from the beginning again." For your emotional safety and to make sure that this isn't just a hormonally-induced thing but something from within your heart, give yourself some time - let's say 2-4 weeks. If you're still thinking about her, then you owe it to yourself to contact her. Just get together, maybe grab lunch or dinner together. What do you have to lose? Mind you, I wouldn't call it desperation if you wait it out a bit - desperation would be calling her the next day and asking if she wants to do it again (yes, some guys and some girls do this).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kakashi View Post
I have no words for Ledgem, he is simply breathtaking when it comes to understanding my jokes.
That's the funniest joke ever!
__________________
Ledgem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-04, 20:01   Link #927
WanderingKnight
Gregory House
*IT Support
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
Age: 25
Send a message via MSN to WanderingKnight
@Reckoner:

Relax, man! Take it easy. I don't know you personally, but from the way you post you always struck me as a rather overly-serious person. No one's right behind you with a sword ready to cut your neck at the very sign of a mistake on your part. It's best to loosen up a bit, both for your sake and those around you.

(I might seem angry and foul-tempered from the way I post, but I can assure you I'm completely the opposite. I'm one of the guys who takes human relationships in the lightest manner possible).

I know it's best not to make mistakes, but look at the bright side: 19 years ago, my parents made a mistake, and I was born!

(But seriously, though, my mom was 17 at the time, so I probably was a mistake ).
__________________


Place them in a box until a quieter time | Lights down, you up and die.
WanderingKnight is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-04, 20:36   Link #928
BOOKGLUTTON
;;'
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: California
Quote:
Originally Posted by WanderingKnight View Post
@Reckoner:

Relax, man! Take it easy. I don't know you personally, but from the way you post you always struck me as a rather overly-serious person.
He doesn't want a relationship that's just going to create lots of drama and not bring him happiness, or at least an actual bond.
__________________

NOM NOM NOM
BOOKGLUTTON is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-04, 20:39   Link #929
Mystique
Honyaku no Hime
*Fansubber
 
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
uuh, glutton, why are you quoting me from something i posted in another thread that isn't related to the topic at hand in here?

please don't take my replies out of context from what I was referring to.
__________________

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere. - Van Wilder
"If you ain't laughin', you ain't livin'." - Carlos Mencia
Mystique is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-04, 20:40   Link #930
BOOKGLUTTON
;;'
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: California
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystique View Post
uuh, glutton, why are you quoting me from something i posted in another thread that isn't related to the topic at hand in here?

please don't take my replies out of context from what I was referring to.
haha, my bad. I don't sleep much.
__________________

NOM NOM NOM
BOOKGLUTTON is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-04, 22:09   Link #931
Ledgem
Love Yourself
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by BOOKGLUTTON View Post
He doesn't want a relationship that's just going to create lots of drama and not bring him happiness, or at least an actual bond.
Since when was he a fortune teller? If he had a strong prediction or inkling that nothing good would come from it, that's all well and fine. You shouldn't jump into things just because you can. At the same time, if you don't take some risks and try new things then how can you know whether a lot of drama would be created or not?

All this talk of drama in relationships seems silly to me. The perpetuation of drama is your choice. There doesn't have to be drama if you don't play into it or allow it to continue. While I recognize that sometimes it may be out of control, I speak from personal experience. Part of the reason why things become so drama-intensive is because secretely, most people deep down enjoy it.
__________________
Ledgem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-04, 22:21   Link #932
BOOKGLUTTON
;;'
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: California
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
how can you know whether a lot of drama would be created or not?

don't play into it or allow it to continue.
It would be unrealistic to say that some people in a school wouldn't hear about a relationship. I cannot tell you how many times I saw people getting harassed and basically just ended up breaking it off. Even then, there's no telling how people would take it, but there are those few who literally just throw shit at you all day and scream "did you hit that?" regardless of what you say to them.
__________________

NOM NOM NOM
BOOKGLUTTON is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-04, 22:30   Link #933
Ledgem
Love Yourself
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by BOOKGLUTTON View Post
It would be unrealistic to say that some people in a school wouldn't hear about a relationship. I cannot tell you how many times I saw people getting harassed and basically just ended up breaking it off. Even then, there's no telling how people would take it, but there are those few who literally just throw shit at you all day and scream "did you hit that?" regardless of what you say to them.
Ah yes, high school. If people are being unreasonable, then ignore them. Ultimately what it comes down to is how willing you are to stand up for yourself and what you want to do, or whether you're going to let the dickish actions of a few others influence what you're going to do.
__________________
Ledgem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-05, 00:52   Link #934
BOOKGLUTTON
;;'
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: California
Lol, more like "Ah yes, that's cafe's/workplaces"
__________________

NOM NOM NOM
BOOKGLUTTON is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-05, 02:12   Link #935
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by WanderingKnight View Post
(But seriously, though, my mom was 17 at the time, so I probably was a mistake ).
Oh hi, Mistake-kun!

Ascaloth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-05, 03:04   Link #936
Samari
World's Greatest
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: San Francisco
Age: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
Ah yes, high school. If people are being unreasonable, then ignore them. Ultimately what it comes down to is how willing you are to stand up for yourself and what you want to do, or whether you're going to let the dickish actions of a few others influence what you're going to do.
High school. Oh geez...so glad I'm in college now. Leagues better. And I actually had a good high school experience personally. I do remember all of the immature people back then though.
__________________

"Every light must fade, every heart return to darkness!"
永遠不要失去信心,你的命運。
Samari is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-05, 13:54   Link #937
Ledgem
Love Yourself
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 29
I always thought that once I'd left high school (the "grade school" system) the immature people would be left behind. Some people never grow out of it and there are plenty of adults who act like high schoolers or lower, but I figured that they wouldn't move on to upper levels of education. The ratios shifted somewhat, but those people were there, too. Some even make it to graduate school, although the ratios seem to be massively shifted against them (for now).

You can't run from the immaturity of others very well, so the only thing you can really do is figure out how to deal with it. Whether it's by confrontation, swaying "public opinion" in your favor, or simply ignoring immature actions, there are a number of possibilities open. It isn't easy, of course, but it's a challenge to be overcome and a growing experience.
__________________
Ledgem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-05, 17:34   Link #938
Samari
World's Greatest
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: San Francisco
Age: 27
I moved to the city of San Francisco because of necessity to be closer to my school. And the benefits of being able to stay at the facilities to finish my work and make more friends is definitely showcasing themselves. However, after being in the city for just about a month I've already had several interesting experiences regarding my social life. One I already told you guys about which was on Halloween night. Another one happened a day after that. Did you guys ever watch Quantum Leap back in the day with Scott Bakula? Remember when Sam would jump into another reality and at the end of the show he would be in an awkward situation and always say "Oh boy"? Yeah well I keep thinking about that when these situations occur. It's quite funny personally at times. Here's the latest incident.

So a day after the Halloween thing with the girl I described, I went back to SF State to another party. This time it was a birthday party for a friend that I had met the previous night. So I came to support him. I'm 21 and a senior at my school, and ehhh...there seemed to be a lot of freshmen at this party. Which is fine I guess, but I felt like I was a little bit at a high school party at times. So I was just talking with a friend for the majority of the time I was there.

As the party went on, I went up to this one girl who looked lonely. Decided to just make some casual conversation. I'll admit, she was kinda cute...but she definitely looked like a freshmen. So we had a good conversation for a while. She's from Shanghai, and is studying abroad for business. She tells me later that her true passion is dancing and says I should see some of her videos on Facebook or something. I didn't have a pen on me or anything, so I just wrote her name in my cell phone. As I'm writing it down she tells me "Hey do you want my phone number too"? I was taken aback for a second, but I just said "sure" and didn't really think anything of it.

Two days later, yesterday night, I'm online and I see several comments on my Facebook page after she accepted my friend request. Just a few flattering comments on a couple of pictures of mine or something. Later on I get an AIM message from someone I don't know. It's her. And we talk for quite some time. And there was some flirting going on to be honest. Afterwards, I was thinking to myself "What are you getting yourself into"? I think she might like me to a decent degree. But then there's this other side of me that's thinking that she's really too young...or rather looks really young. She's only two years younger than me, but she looks a lot younger. I don't know, I'm just getting this really strange vibe from all of this. I mean she's quite cute, but ehhh...something seems unethical about this situation.
__________________

"Every light must fade, every heart return to darkness!"
永遠不要失去信心,你的命運。
Samari is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-05, 19:35   Link #939
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Samari View Post
I moved to the city of San Francisco because of necessity to be closer to my school. And the benefits of being able to stay at the facilities to finish my work and make more friends is definitely showcasing themselves. However, after being in the city for just about a month I've already had several interesting experiences regarding my social life. One I already told you guys about which was on Halloween night. Another one happened a day after that. Did you guys ever watch Quantum Leap back in the day with Scott Bakula? Remember when Sam would jump into another reality and at the end of the show he would be in an awkward situation and always say "Oh boy"? Yeah well I keep thinking about that when these situations occur. It's quite funny personally at times. Here's the latest incident.

So a day after the Halloween thing with the girl I described, I went back to SF State to another party. This time it was a birthday party for a friend that I had met the previous night. So I came to support him. I'm 21 and a senior at my school, and ehhh...there seemed to be a lot of freshmen at this party. Which is fine I guess, but I felt like I was a little bit at a high school party at times. So I was just talking with a friend for the majority of the time I was there.

As the party went on, I went up to this one girl who looked lonely. Decided to just make some casual conversation. I'll admit, she was kinda cute...but she definitely looked like a freshmen. So we had a good conversation for a while. She's from Shanghai, and is studying abroad for business. She tells me later that her true passion is dancing and says I should see some of her videos on Facebook or something. I didn't have a pen on me or anything, so I just wrote her name in my cell phone. As I'm writing it down she tells me "Hey do you want my phone number too"? I was taken aback for a second, but I just said "sure" and didn't really think anything of it.

Two days later, yesterday night, I'm online and I see several comments on my Facebook page after she accepted my friend request. Just a few flattering comments on a couple of pictures of mine or something. Later on I get an AIM message from someone I don't know. It's her. And we talk for quite some time. And there was some flirting going on to be honest. Afterwards, I was thinking to myself "What are you getting yourself into"? I think she might like me to a decent degree. But then there's this other side of me that's thinking that she's really too young...or rather looks really young. She's only two years younger than me, but she looks a lot younger. I don't know, I'm just getting this really strange vibe from all of this. I mean she's quite cute, but ehhh...something seems unethical about this situation.
Embrace the Lolicon passion, friend.
Ascaloth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2008-11-05, 20:13   Link #940
Mystique
Honyaku no Hime
*Fansubber
 
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
She's 19, you're 21.... What's unethical about it?
You obviously have some kind of charm if a chinese girl is:
1: Offering you her digits.
2: Offers to add you on FB (tho, that's prob on a casual basis)
3: Hunts you down on AIM. (This is what surprised me a little)

That's initiative there, all from her, so at the very least, i'd be curious to see where her interests lie in relation to you.
If you never offer to go for coffee or the cinema or anything like that, it'll probably keep it platonic at best between you both since you're keeping your distance.

At least go with the flow and see how it plays out?
__________________

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere. - Van Wilder
"If you ain't laughin', you ain't livin'." - Carlos Mencia
Mystique is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:44.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
We use Silk.