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Old 2012-02-22, 17:07   Link #10161
monsta666
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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I think the best middle ground is to use google. Not only do you save money as you don't buy a book but quite often the guides you find through google are not so professional or dressed up which paradoxically might actually be a good thing to a novice cooker. They don't want to be confused nor do they want to feel intimidated from complex instructions so something more down to earth is much more fitting. And besides by not explaining too much it leaves you, the cooker, to improvise a bit more which I think is a good thing when it comes to cooking. At the end of the day it is not an exact science and it also teaches you how to make decent meals even if you don't have all the ingredients you wished to have. Another good skill to save a bit of money.

Well that is what I did as a student when I didn't want to invest money in a cookbook because I wasn't sure I would even make use of it. And with google there is really no need to buy a book. I just simply type tuna dishes if I have a tuna craving and let google do the rest. But going back to the topic of dating... I do think a good well served dish can be romantic in itself. A candlelight dinner with a bit of wine with your significant other will add another element to the relationship. Do it enough times and I think that would add something to the relationship. It's not going to fix the broken things or make people fall in love again but it will add a nice element to an already good existing relationship. To me personally I think these little gestures matter more than what happens on Valentines day because let's face it, that day has become commercialised; I mean once a treat becomes expected the goodwill tends to be lost somewhat in my eyes. Romance should contain some element of spontaneity and a random romantic meal can deliver that but that is only my personal opinion.
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Old 2012-02-23, 05:40   Link #10162
warita
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Quote:
Originally Posted by monsta666 View Post
To me personally I think these little gestures matter more than what happens on Valentines day because let's face it, that day has become commercialised; I mean once a treat becomes expected the goodwill tends to be lost somewhat in my eyes.
Personally, I think that Valentines is simply an opportunity to do something nice with your gf/bf, somehting that goes beyond the every day stuff.

Many people say, that they dont like the idea of fixating it on a specific day. They say one should show love regularly, if not every day. And they are right, but do we really do that? I mean, once a certain routine is established in a relationship, do we go out of our way to surprise him/her?
Of course one should try to make the other feel loved and surprise him with something nice every now and then. But on the top of that, Valentines day offers a nice opportunity to do something above the normal, something truly special. Does it have to be on 14.2. exactly? NO, thats not the point of the event I believe.

I have always wondered, why anniversaries are so important for women, while guys often couldnt care less. This is just my theory, so bear with me, but I think this has to do with the fact that women like attention and they like to have some confirmation of his feelings. If he regularly forgets her birthdays and all important days of the relationship.... it is almost the same as saying " I dont care about you". Maybe the guy actually does care and is just bad with remembering days.... but really, thats what personal organizers are for. Women are emmotional beings and have emmotional needs that need to be satisfied. Not only once a year, but regularly.
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Old 2012-02-23, 08:55   Link #10163
Endless Soul
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Quote:
Originally Posted by warita View Post
Maybe the guy actually does care and is just bad with remembering days.... but really, thats what personal organizers are for. Women are emmotional beings and have emmotional needs that need to be satisfied. Not only once a year, but regularly.
I'm actually one of those guys that are pretty bad at remembering birthdays and such. That's why we got married on my birthday, I can't possibly forget our anniversary.

I also have a personal organizer.

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Old 2012-02-23, 08:57   Link #10164
SaintessHeart
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Originally Posted by Endless Soul View Post
I'm actually one of those guys that are pretty bad at remembering birthdays and such. That's why we got married on my birthday, I can't possibly forget our anniversary.

I also have a personal organizer.

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Old 2012-02-23, 14:42   Link #10165
GDB
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If you're another guy, yes it is very much weird. Otherwise it's only weird if you aren't trying to flirt.
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Old 2012-02-23, 14:46   Link #10166
Tenken's Smile
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I'm a girl So it's only "natural" when I'm flirting, eh? 0_0
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Old 2012-02-23, 16:53   Link #10167
Gamer_2k4
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Originally Posted by GDB View Post
If you're another guy, yes it is very much weird. Otherwise it's only weird if you aren't trying to flirt.
It may be weird, but if you really notice it, no harm in saying something about it. The first time I met my friend's mom, for example, I said that I really liked her hair color. I wasn't trying to flirt or pick her up or anything. I just liked her hair color.

Of course, I'm the kind of guy that doesn't notice things like that (I'm notoriously bad at recognizing and remembering eye color, for example), so the fact that I'm commenting means it stood out and was therefore worth the comment.
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Old 2012-02-23, 20:12   Link #10168
solomon
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I wouldnt say it's wierd, i'd say it's a nice compliment. From Girl to Guy even if not flirting.

Personally, I'd be a bit wary as a dude doing it to a girl, cause ioono, you'd be surprised how sensitive (OMG YOURE SO SEXIST) some people can get.

Also (at least in my experiences on the online dating scene), apparently ladies don't like that being reinforced BUT SO OFTEN otherwise I guess you come off as if you are just trolling for sex.....sorry for the ramble. I love the ladies, but as a guy, they are WIIEEERRRDD.
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Old 2012-02-24, 00:28   Link #10169
LeoXiao
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tenken's Smile View Post
Hey, is it weird to compliment a man's facial features, such as, eyes? like "Dude, you have such pretty wide eyes"
I'm kind of a narcissist when it come to my own eyes (which I like a lot), and it would probably overjoy me to be complimented on that. And even though it's easy to think "I don't care if people think I look good or not, it's what I say and do that matters", it's simply unavoidable to feel happy when someone compliments your appearance.

So yeah, if it isn't awkward, feel free to compliment a guy on his looks. He'll probably like it.
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Old 2012-02-24, 01:59   Link #10170
Tenken's Smile
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Thank you for the replies. Now I know I'm not too weird

Quote:
Originally Posted by solomon View Post
Personally, I'd be a bit wary as a dude doing it to a girl
...
Also (at least in my experiences on the online dating scene), apparently ladies don't like that being reinforced BUT SO OFTEN otherwise I guess you come off as if you are just trolling for sex.....sorry for the ramble. I love the ladies, but as a guy, they are WIIEEERRRDD.
What, really? I think it's "more normal" when a Guy compliments a Girl.
And I think Girls loooooove being complimented, too.
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Old 2012-02-24, 02:06   Link #10171
Ledgem
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Originally Posted by Tenken's Smile View Post
What, really? I think it's "more normal" when a Guy compliments a Girl.
And I think Girls loooooove being complimented, too.
As with most things, it depends on the context, the relationship between two people, and how the compliment is given. Everyone loves a good compliment, but we're living in times where people are generally untrusting of each other. If you tell me that I have nice eyes, I might allow myself to feel flattered, but then I'd start to wonder if you were trying to sell me something, rope me into some sort of contract, or break my marriage. All three of those things aren't uncommon (yes, including that last one - there's a medical screening form that I saw once for analyzing a woman's sexuality, and one part asks the woman to go through a checklist of things and indicate what "turns her on"; 'man with a wedding ring' was one of them ).

Basically, for many people, we can't just take a compliment at face value anymore. It's probably a regional thing too, though... I recently moved out of New York City, and now reside in a place where random strangers will wave at me as they drive by. It's so refreshing to just have people acknowledging each other, being kind and friendly...
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Old 2012-02-24, 02:31   Link #10172
solomon
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Ledgem hit the nail on the head.

I mean it may seem kind a shallow, but unless you make a compliment VERY non threatening (and unless you yourself are really hot) you may just get a wierd look if this is guy to girl.

Like Ledgem said, there is a lack of trust and chicks probably have it somewhere back in the mind "is this some sleazeball trying to worm his way into my pants".

Sorry if this sounds offensive, it's just an impression I got.
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Old 2012-02-24, 15:36   Link #10173
Tenken's Smile
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Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
.... one part asks the woman to go through a checklist of things and indicate what "turns her on"; 'man with a wedding ring' was one of them ).
^ I don't f-ing understand this. That's a big turn-off for me.

Quote:
chicks probably have it somewhere back in the mind "is this some sleazeball trying to worm his way into my pants".
I never had those thoughts :|
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Old 2012-02-24, 16:01   Link #10174
Kakashi
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A girl complimented me on my eyes once...it was a suprise but it didn't feel weird. I agree with Ledgem and solomon that it depends a lot on the context and such. It's difficult to predict how a certain person will react, but in most cases I'd imagine they'd be grateful.
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Old 2012-02-24, 16:42   Link #10175
Endless Soul
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Originally Posted by Tenken's Smile View Post
^ I don't f-ing understand this. That's a big turn-off for me.
|
Paraphrasing here, but according to some girls I have met, they see it as a challenge to validate how beautiful (physically) they are. A sort of "I can make any man fall for me" attitude, Thankfully, these kinds of girls are few and far between.

On a side note, neither one of use wear wedding rings, but this is because neither one of us wear jewelry at all. She doesn't even have her ears pierced.

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Old 2012-02-24, 17:21   Link #10176
warita
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
there's a medical screening form that I saw once for analyzing a woman's sexuality, and one part asks the woman to go through a checklist of things and indicate what "turns her on"; 'man with a wedding ring' was one of them ).
Wedding ring is certainly something I would notice, but would consider it a turn off, if I want a serious relationship. Just the amount of work I would have to invest into him noticing me and to get him to the point he would consider divorce is making my head spin and thats putting aside all moral issues I have with such behaviour.

But I have heard it before, that supposedly you become much more popular with the opposite sex, when you are in a relationship. There is some psychology to it.... as in, if others desire you, you have to be something special. That charm never worked with me, I prefer the non problematic single guy, who is tired of being lonely and is looking for somebody special, just like me and immediately available.
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Old 2012-02-24, 17:26   Link #10177
Ledgem
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Originally Posted by Tenken's Smile View Post
^ I don't f-ing understand this. That's a big turn-off for me.
My guess is that it has to do with one of two things - maybe both. The first is the idea that you're getting something that's forbidden. A married man is supposed to be off-limits. Almost everyone gets a bit of a thrill when they indulge in something that's supposed to be forbidden.

The second is the idea of how attractive the woman must be. A man who marries someone and cheats on her could just be a sleaze ball who really doesn't care for his marriage, but we usually give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that they really are attracted to their wife, and care quite a bit for her. If a man is willing to risk his marriage to do something with you, what does it say about you? You must be hot stuff, right? Even men who are committed can hardly control themselves in this woman's presence. What a confidence-booster!

Woman may not actively think those thoughts, but that's my best guess after having read a bit about women's fantasies...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kakashi View Post
A girl complimented me on my eyes once...it was a suprise but it didn't feel weird. I agree with Ledgem and solomon that it depends a lot on the context and such. It's difficult to predict how a certain person will react, but in most cases I'd imagine they'd be grateful.
Yeah, there was one time when a girl complimented my eyelashes out of the blue. She was a colleague, so it wasn't like she was a total stranger, but we weren't close and I really wasn't sure what to make of it. Was she hitting on me? Was she actually fishing for compliments, herself? If I complimented her back, would it seem as if I was hitting on her? After a second or two I just said thanks and allowed myself to feel a bit pleased. (I wasn't very smooth back then )

My opinion now is that if you have something nice to say, consequences be damned (within reason), say it. We've become a society of people who are paranoid about how others perceive us, and as a result we are timid about saying or doing anything unless we're pissed off and beyond caring for others' opinions. Add a bit of positive energy into the world and brighten someone's day, even if they might not be sure what to do with it for a bit.
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Old 2012-02-24, 17:39   Link #10178
Ledgem
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Originally Posted by warita View Post
But I have heard it before, that supposedly you become much more popular with the opposite sex, when you are in a relationship. There is some psychology to it.... as in, if others desire you, you have to be something special. That charm never worked with me, I prefer the non problematic single guy, who is tired of being lonely and is looking for somebody special, just like me and immediately available.
That bit of conventional wisdom is true, but it's not necessarily for the reasons that people think. We immediately assume that a man in a relationship becomes more desirable because it means that some other girl has vetted him, and clearly he's checking out OK. He's relationship-worthy. I don't know that a girl in a relationship becomes more desirable... I don't think it changes her attractiveness (aside from killing some hopes about making anything of it), but maybe some guys disagree. Regardless, I'm sure that's true to some extent, but I think it's not as prominent as people would believe.

Rather, the reason why people become more popular with the opposite sex is confidence. I can tell you that as a single guy who desired a relationship, my single status was something that played into my self-image. It's not that I felt that I was a loser, or that I was unattractive. And yet, clearly the guys who were changing girlfriends from week to week had something that I didn't, or were doing something that I wasn't. When I interacted with women, I was probably a bit apprehensive. It would be a working relationship, or perhaps a friendship, but in the back of my mind I was always wondering if it could be something more, and I didn't want to screw that possibility up.

When I was in a relationship, those thoughts disappeared. I was with someone who valued me, who chose me. That, in itself, is a huge boost to self-confidence. You're no longer alone - you are worthwhile enough for someone else to take interest in you. I suspect that self-confidence on its own is what makes people seem so much more popular. On top of the self-confidence boost, I was no longer looking for a relationship, so I could truly just be myself around other women. If they didn't like me, what did I care? I was already with a woman who was attracted to me. Perhaps a man with a crappy personality who shows his true self won't experience a surge in popularity, but for guys with even decent personalities who were initially holding back while single, it will seem as if the world wants you.

That's one of the crucial differentiators between "asshole" guys that girls seem to love, and kind/caring/thoughtful guys that never seem to catch a girl's attention. It's in how confident you are about yourself, and how much of yourself you show.
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Old 2012-02-25, 23:45   Link #10179
Hooves
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I'm in a serious case of lovestruck apparently..
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Old 2012-02-25, 23:47   Link #10180
Masuzu
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I'm in a serious case of lovestruck apparently..
With someone other than Shana!? I never thought I'd see the day.

But since you're here, Hooves--do you require assistance?
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