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Old 2012-02-27, 11:58   Link #10201
Hera
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@monsta666: The message I sent him was to tell him to get over his fear (therefore, get together with HER)...

Quote:
Now if things remain the same in a months time then it maybe best either to confess or just pull away.
Umm.... Why did you suggest "either or"?? lol
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Old 2012-02-27, 12:42   Link #10202
monsta666
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hera View Post
@monsta666: The message I sent him was to tell him to get over his fear (therefore, get together with HER)...


Umm.... Why did you suggest "either or"?? lol
I suggest either because your action would depend on not only how you feel but if there is a chance you could get together. If he really has no interest beyond friendship or he gets with the other girl then confessing your feelings would be of little use and could actually create its own problems. On the other hand if he is not with the girl and there is hope you can get him interested in something beyond friendship then confessing might be a valid option. It really depends on the exact circumstances.
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Old 2012-02-27, 15:38   Link #10203
Hera
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Oh I get it. Thanks ^_^
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Old 2012-02-27, 18:43   Link #10204
Anime-fan10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hera View Post
Help!!! I'm trying to best to keep it as concise as possible:

Intro to situation: There's me, a guy I secretly have a crush on, and a girl I think he likes.

One day, he and I had a HUGE argument...
After the argument, he pushed everyone away, including her.
(There are more than one reason I think he pushed her away is because of fear of commitment).

I felt a lot of pain during the time he's away, so
I took the initiative to aplogize. Two weeks later, he came back to me as a friend, but he's still mentally "somewhere else." He tried to take part in conversations but he's still withdrawing socially.

His tone of voice told me he's still NOT over the argument yet.

I'm not sure which is on his mind: how to settle the conflict with me, or how to go steady with her...

Fastforward to 2 days ago,

Subconsciously,
or perhaps out of guilt (for I thought it's because of my argument that he pushed her away),
via email, I told him to get over his fear.
He didn't reply, but he contacted her right after that.
From what she said, I think he has tried to patch up with her.
But he's still keeping her away, hasn't taken her back into his circle yet.

Inadvertently I helped them get together...
I did not think twice: he pushed her away NOT because of our argument, because he started to withdraw from her way before that... It's HIS problem....
I start to regret that I gave him advice...
Now guess who's the one feeling pain?
This pain is so intense I can't stand it.

I wonder if it would be better to confess to him how I felt...
I know he won't choose me, and it's ok with me, I don't expect him in return, but just to get it out... should I?
In my opinion, you just have to do what feels right. I live my life so I can minimize the amount of regrets I'll have someday. You mentioned that you feel regret for giving him advice, but I don't think you should feel that way b/c your intent was to help him and you did that the best way you know how. As for you confessing to him, if you feel like you need to tell him how you feel, then tell him. At the end of the day, you're the only one that has to live w/ the decisions you've made so whatever you decide to do, be happy
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Old 2012-02-28, 01:57   Link #10205
Tenken's Smile
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Hey people, especially guys, this is a question for you:

A relationship counselor wrote in her book that things men love about women are femininity, such as, giggles, putting on make up, wearing skirts, dresses and high heeled shoes, being emotional, being creative, being silly, etc.
^ What do you think about this?
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Old 2012-02-28, 02:03   Link #10206
Kafriel
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^ That it is highly subjective, because every person has different tastes?
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Old 2012-02-28, 02:34   Link #10207
NorthernFallout
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Highly subjective, indeed. I prefer them just be who they are. Of course, I do have preferences... Giggling and being silly in general will make me go gagaga, which my gf do from time to time (and she knows it). There might also be more subtle ways, such as a particular way the hair is done, or the clothes worn.
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Old 2012-02-28, 04:42   Link #10208
LeoXiao
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tenken's Smile View Post
A relationship counselor wrote in her book that things men love about women are femininity, such as, giggles, putting on make up, wearing skirts, dresses and high heeled shoes, being emotional, being creative, being silly, etc.
^ What do you think about this?
Um...it's hard to make overarching general statements about that kind of thing. I like skirts and some "feminine" behavior, but things like high heels are overdoing it. But then again, what I see as "overdoing it" may be what some other guy sees as perfectly normal and desirable.
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Old 2012-02-28, 08:19   Link #10209
Paranoid Android
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I'm into tomboys =/
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Old 2012-02-28, 09:57   Link #10210
Anime-fan10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tenken's Smile View Post
Hey people, especially guys, this is a question for you:

A relationship counselor wrote in her book that things men love about women are femininity, such as, giggles, putting on make up, wearing skirts, dresses and high heeled shoes, being emotional, being creative, being silly, etc.
^ What do you think about this?
That's definitely subjective. Men look for different qualities and although there can be similarities, there are always unique differences; those are the things that makes a girl who she is. The counselor may have gotten her information from a survey taken among men, but you didn't specify whether the counselor did a survey on a particular group of men or not. Those so many different factors to consider...
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Old 2012-02-28, 11:49   Link #10211
zebra
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Though I'm a female and believe taste is a very subjective thing ... I can say this:
I get hit on way more when I'm dressed in a feminine way, than when I'm roaming around in a hoodie.

On the other hand guys often dig it if a girl does stuff that is considered to be a manly domain, e.g.: "The way you just kicked my ass in this game pisses me off as much as it turns me on."

I personally think men simply notice you 'faster' if you show female attributes, but it doesn't mean you're their type overall.
Liking to look at a booty is something different then wanting to get to know the person after all. I at least am guilty of liking to look at some guys who I would never date, because of their unattractive personality (from my pov)


Just my 2 cents froms the other side of the fence, just as subjective of course
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Old 2012-02-28, 13:05   Link #10212
Hera
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What is being silly? I hope it's not pretending to be an idiot
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Old 2012-02-28, 15:34   Link #10213
Paranoid Android
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zebra View Post
Though I'm a female and believe taste is a very subjective thing ... I can say this:
I get hit on way more when I'm dressed in a feminine way, than when I'm roaming around in a hoodie.

I personally think men simply notice you 'faster' if you show female attributes, but it doesn't mean you're their type overall.
Liking to look at a booty is something different then wanting to get to know the person after all. I at least am guilty of liking to look at some guys who I would never date, because of their unattractive personality (from my pov)
For me, it's much easier to ask a feminine (WTF I can't believe I just wrote feminem -.-"/1000facepalms) woman out than it is than a masculine. It seems more natural, despite being not -as- much of a turn on. It's harder to understand a rarer personality.

Like that counselor said, she believes that's what men find attractive in women's appearance. By looking like that, you're already giving the signals to men that you want to attract attention. Whether men find you attractive or not, it certainly shows a welcoming intention to conversation and opportunity.

My highschool prom date was the only female there who didn't wear make-up. I thought that was such a nice thing from her.

-----------
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hera
What is being silly? I hope it's not pretending to be an idiot
I hope silly = clumsy and insane.

Like one friend who tried to light my pants on fire with a sparkler on Canada day.
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Old 2012-02-28, 16:08   Link #10214
Dextro
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zebra View Post
I personally think men simply notice you 'faster' if you show female attributes, but it doesn't mean you're their type overall.
Liking to look at a booty is something different then wanting to get to know the person after all. I at least am guilty of liking to look at some guys who I would never date, because of their unattractive personality (from my pov)
Zebra just hit the nail in the head: it's not so much that us men are more interested in a woman who's feminine but that when one woman behaves and dresses in a feminine way it will draw a man's attention more effectively than when she doesn't.

And I'll also join the club of those who aren't particularly turned on by high heels or make up. I however do not mind seeing women using a slight heel or a very discrete make up from time to time but please ladies, don't overdo it.
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Old 2012-02-28, 16:21   Link #10215
solomon
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Not to derail the convo (is that possible),

just had to get some things off my chest.

Been at the online dating thing a little while and it's a thorough meh for me so far, besides Endless Soul, anyone else have any real strong opinons about it?

It seems impossible to get through to people and have them respond to you, albiet these are for various reasons. Long story short, I'm becoming a bit unenthused with the notion of the "first impression" being a picture, a blurb you punch into a template and and what ever "witty and charming" line you use to attract attention.

I think I prefer getting rejected better in real life (LOL).
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Old 2012-02-28, 16:46   Link #10216
GDB
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Pretty much exactly the same feeling solomon.
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Old 2012-02-28, 17:07   Link #10217
Gamer_2k4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tenken's Smile View Post
Hey people, especially guys, this is a question for you:

A relationship counselor wrote in her book that things men love about women are femininity, such as, giggles, putting on make up, wearing skirts, dresses and high heeled shoes, being emotional, being creative, being silly, etc.
^ What do you think about this?
If a girl acts like a guy, what's the point? I have enough male friends. I want a girlfriend/wife to act feminine, just as she'd want me to act masculine. I can think off the top of my head of two of my female friends - one more masculine, one more feminine. Both look feminine enough, but the attitude of the former makes her seem a lot less attractive. Luckily, my girlfriend is just feminine enough that it's attractive but not so much that it's annoying (modest makeup, modest clothing, appropriately hygienic without being grossed out at certain things, etc.) Can't complain, which leads me to this next question...

Quote:
Originally Posted by solomon View Post
Been at the online dating thing a little while and it's a thorough meh for me so far, besides Endless Soul, anyone else have any real strong opinons about it?
Hey, it worked for me. I never had a girlfriend until I explored online, and now we're going as strong as can be. She lives about an hour away, so we're restricted to seeing each other on weekends, but we talk every night. In fact, neither of us has any doubt that we'll marry the other when the time is right, but we're being very patient with that. Once money and job stability and proximity and all those things are in place, then we'll take it further.

So yes, online dating can very definitely work out. You just need to get lucky, I guess.
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Old 2012-02-28, 17:21   Link #10218
GDB
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Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4 View Post
So yes, online dating can very definitely work out. You just need to get lucky, I guess.
Probably more luck than you'd need in person, from what I've seen. And if you need that much luck, might as well just use real life where you can at least do it quickly.
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Old 2012-02-28, 17:47   Link #10219
NoemiChan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GDB View Post
Probably more luck than you'd need in person, from what I've seen. And if you need that much luck, might as well just use real life where you can at least do it quickly.
True...and who knows, there are hidden psychopaths in online dating sites...
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Old 2012-02-28, 17:56   Link #10220
GDB
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Hidden psychopaths in real life, too. Overall I'd consider them similar, with two key differences.

Online: People can take their time and overthink things, or just outright ignore them without so much as a second thought. There's also a high chance of short, curt responses that don't allow a conversation to continue. Granted this can happen in real life too, but it's more obvious there if it's due to non-interest or incompetence.

Real Life: You don't have as much prior information about a person, including hobbies, likes, and dislikes.

I'm at the point where I'm leaning toward the latter.
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