Dating

[Khu]

Originally Posted by Hooves

I'm saving up money to buy a plane to Sofiel.

Oh.

Awkies for me.

:S

(thought you were talking about another anime character as a joke... >.<")

Anyways~ Yay!

[Who]

It's nice to have wingmen sometimes, even if you didn't ask for it and get annoyed by it.

A friend of mine is withdrawing from college for personal reasons so we all decided to celebrate our last day together with some Korean BBQ.

There was this awesome and pretty cute waitress there, and she deserved an extra tip for being attentive and friendly. So the aforementioned friend goes up to her while I'm outside looking for our parked cars and tells her that "little Asian boy sitting with us would like your number."

According to everyone who was there, she giggled like crazy and said she had a boyfriend. Dunno if she was telling the truth or not, but I'm not setting foot in that restaurant again for at least another six months.

It was my first time having someone represent me like that... and I'm not sure I like it, although he was just trying to help me out and despite what I said at the beginning of the post. I'd rather go up and talk to her myself if I wanted her number.

[solomon]

Dude, if the food is good. Just go in there again. You really can't let stuff like that be a huge impediment to enjoying life. You learned a lesson.

[Hera]

...................

[GenjiChan]

Originally Posted by Hera

Help!!! I'm trying to best to keep it as concise as possible:

Intro to situation: There's me, a guy I secretly have a crush on, and a girl I think he likes.

One day, he and I had a HUGE argument...
After the argument, he pushed everyone away, including her.
(There are more than one reason I think he pushed her away is because of fear of commitment).

I felt a lot of pain during the time he's away, so
I took the initiative to aplogize. Two weeks later, he came back to me as a friend, but he's still mentally "somewhere else." He tried to take part in conversations but he's still withdrawing socially.

His tone of voice told me he's still NOT over the argument yet.

I'm not sure which is on his mind: how to settle the conflict with me, or how to go steady with her...

Fastforward to 2 days ago,

Subconsciously,
or perhaps out of guilt (for I thought it's because of my argument that he pushed her away),
via email, I told him to get over his fear.
He didn't reply, but he contacted her right after that.
From what she said, I think he has tried to patch up with her.
But he's still keeping her away, hasn't taken her back into his circle yet.

Inadvertently I helped them get together...
I did not think twice: he pushed her away NOT because of our argument, because he started to withdraw from her way before that... It's HIS problem....
I start to regret that I gave him advice...
Now guess who's the one feeling pain?
This pain is so intense I can't stand it.

I wonder if it would be better to confess to him how I felt...
I know he won't choose me, but just to get it out... should I?

Is this for real? It's like a poem or sort of.

Going to the question, to confess in the face of total rejection. Hmm... If only this was in an anime, I would still expect a going ending. But reality is quite different, I assume he loves the girl, and it's hurting you.. Will your confession lessens the pain or just worsens it? Or are you still hoping for love to go your way...The decision is for you to decide yourself...

If I were in your place, I'll just leave it that way.. It may cause more confusion... for you and for him... If you truly want to... do it through a letter... tell everything to him... facing him might just cause an explosion of emotions... that is not helpful.. so again for me... I back out... If you insist, write a letter and express everything to it and if he doesn't reply... then its a No...

[Gamer_2k4]

Originally Posted by Who

There was this awesome and pretty cute waitress there, and she deserved an extra tip for being attentive and friendly.

Translation: She deserved an extra tip for being pretty cute.

[monsta666]

First of all sorry to hear that and I am sorry to hear you are in so much pain. It must be difficult holding a secret love. As for your question, it is a difficult position to handle and I do think your answer will depend on what the argument was about and how this girl feels toward this guy and whether this guy has any interest (beyond a friendship) with you. I guess what is also another potential issue is how long you have known this guy but that is more a secondary issue. I think the argument and the overall feelings (both platonic and romantic) are most relevant when trying to provide a answer.

I think a general rule of thumb I follow is when it comes to major situations/arguments I try to convey those thoughts and feelings either by meeting face to face (this is the preferred option) or if that is not possible due to time schedules etc then do it over the phone. By doing it this way you stress the importance of the situation because you have gone out of your way and devoted personal time to them. It also reduces the chances of misunderstandings as both people can get things off their chest and it generally avoids those lingering feeling were you are not quite sure what is happening. But what is done is done, no use dwelling over the past... I do think it was good that you did send some message but the question is what to do next? I think the ball is really in his court. You reached out for him and he needs to do the same. You said, he has not fully got over that girl so we cannot say they have made up and will be together with any certainty. It seems he still has issues he needs to resolve and the dust has still not settled yet so let us not get ahead of ourselves and despair (easier said than done unfortunately).

I think the best thing is to wait things out and come back maybe in a month time and reassess the situation then. In the meantime it would be best to try and get your mind of this guy as this whole thing can eat away at you. Now if things remain the same in a months time then it maybe best either to confess or just pull away. In either case this issue does need a resolution and is not something that should eat away at you. If you can, really try and do something that will distract you from this relationship as at this point thinking about this more will not do you much good. Watch some anime or pursue some hobby and then when you are mind is more clear through the passage of time then you can see where your heart stands. Things should become clearer and you will be more sure of yourself once your feelings have settled down.

[Hera]

@monsta666: The message I sent him was to tell him to get over his fear (therefore, get together with HER)...

Now if things remain the same in a months time then it maybe best either to confess or just pull away.

Umm.... Why did you suggest "either or"?? lol

[monsta666]

Originally Posted by Hera

@monsta666: The message I sent him was to tell him to get over his fear (therefore, get together with HER)...


Umm.... Why did you suggest "either or"?? lol

I suggest either because your action would depend on not only how you feel but if there is a chance you could get together. If he really has no interest beyond friendship or he gets with the other girl then confessing your feelings would be of little use and could actually create its own problems. On the other hand if he is not with the girl and there is hope you can get him interested in something beyond friendship then confessing might be a valid option. It really depends on the exact circumstances.

[Hera]

Oh I get it. Thanks ^_^

[Anime-fan10]

Originally Posted by Hera

Help!!! I'm trying to best to keep it as concise as possible:

Intro to situation: There's me, a guy I secretly have a crush on, and a girl I think he likes.

One day, he and I had a HUGE argument...
After the argument, he pushed everyone away, including her.
(There are more than one reason I think he pushed her away is because of fear of commitment).

I felt a lot of pain during the time he's away, so
I took the initiative to aplogize. Two weeks later, he came back to me as a friend, but he's still mentally "somewhere else." He tried to take part in conversations but he's still withdrawing socially.

His tone of voice told me he's still NOT over the argument yet.

I'm not sure which is on his mind: how to settle the conflict with me, or how to go steady with her...

Fastforward to 2 days ago,

Subconsciously,
or perhaps out of guilt (for I thought it's because of my argument that he pushed her away),
via email, I told him to get over his fear.
He didn't reply, but he contacted her right after that.
From what she said, I think he has tried to patch up with her.
But he's still keeping her away, hasn't taken her back into his circle yet.

Inadvertently I helped them get together...
I did not think twice: he pushed her away NOT because of our argument, because he started to withdraw from her way before that... It's HIS problem....
I start to regret that I gave him advice...
Now guess who's the one feeling pain?
This pain is so intense I can't stand it.

I wonder if it would be better to confess to him how I felt...
I know he won't choose me, and it's ok with me, I don't expect him in return, but just to get it out... should I?

In my opinion, you just have to do what feels right. I live my life so I can minimize the amount of regrets I'll have someday. You mentioned that you feel regret for giving him advice, but I don't think you should feel that way b/c your intent was to help him and you did that the best way you know how. As for you confessing to him, if you feel like you need to tell him how you feel, then tell him. At the end of the day, you're the only one that has to live w/ the decisions you've made so whatever you decide to do, be happy

[Tenken's Smile]

Hey people, especially guys, this is a question for you:

A relationship counselor wrote in her book that things men love about women are femininity, such as, giggles, putting on make up, wearing skirts, dresses and high heeled shoes, being emotional, being creative, being silly, etc.
^ What do you think about this?

[Kafriel]

^ That it is highly subjective, because every person has different tastes?

[NorthernFallout]

Highly subjective, indeed. I prefer them just be who they are. Of course, I do have preferences... Giggling and being silly in general will make me go gagaga, which my gf do from time to time (and she knows it). There might also be more subtle ways, such as a particular way the hair is done, or the clothes worn.

[LeoXiao]

Originally Posted by Tenken's Smile

A relationship counselor wrote in her book that things men love about women are femininity, such as, giggles, putting on make up, wearing skirts, dresses and high heeled shoes, being emotional, being creative, being silly, etc.
^ What do you think about this?

Um...it's hard to make overarching general statements about that kind of thing. I like skirts and some "feminine" behavior, but things like high heels are overdoing it. But then again, what I see as "overdoing it" may be what some other guy sees as perfectly normal and desirable.

[Paranoid Android]

I'm into tomboys =/

[Anime-fan10]

Originally Posted by Tenken's Smile

Hey people, especially guys, this is a question for you:

A relationship counselor wrote in her book that things men love about women are femininity, such as, giggles, putting on make up, wearing skirts, dresses and high heeled shoes, being emotional, being creative, being silly, etc.
^ What do you think about this?

That's definitely subjective. Men look for different qualities and although there can be similarities, there are always unique differences; those are the things that makes a girl who she is. The counselor may have gotten her information from a survey taken among men, but you didn't specify whether the counselor did a survey on a particular group of men or not. Those so many different factors to consider...

[zebra]

Though I'm a female and believe taste is a very subjective thing ... I can say this:
I get hit on way more when I'm dressed in a feminine way, than when I'm roaming around in a hoodie.

On the other hand guys often dig it if a girl does stuff that is considered to be a manly domain, e.g.: "The way you just kicked my ass in this game pisses me off as much as it turns me on."

I personally think men simply notice you 'faster' if you show female attributes, but it doesn't mean you're their type overall.
Liking to look at a booty is something different then wanting to get to know the person after all. I at least am guilty of liking to look at some guys who I would never date, because of their unattractive personality (from my pov)


Just my 2 cents froms the other side of the fence, just as subjective of course

[Hera]

What is being silly? I hope it's not pretending to be an idiot

[Paranoid Android]

Originally Posted by zebra

Though I'm a female and believe taste is a very subjective thing ... I can say this:
I get hit on way more when I'm dressed in a feminine way, than when I'm roaming around in a hoodie.

I personally think men simply notice you 'faster' if you show female attributes, but it doesn't mean you're their type overall.
Liking to look at a booty is something different then wanting to get to know the person after all. I at least am guilty of liking to look at some guys who I would never date, because of their unattractive personality (from my pov)

For me, it's much easier to ask a feminine (WTF I can't believe I just wrote feminem -.-"/1000facepalms) woman out than it is than a masculine. It seems more natural, despite being not -as- much of a turn on. It's harder to understand a rarer personality.

Like that counselor said, she believes that's what men find attractive in women's appearance. By looking like that, you're already giving the signals to men that you want to attract attention. Whether men find you attractive or not, it certainly shows a welcoming intention to conversation and opportunity.

My highschool prom date was the only female there who didn't wear make-up. I thought that was such a nice thing from her.

-----------

Originally Posted by Hera

What is being silly? I hope it's not pretending to be an idiot

I hope silly = clumsy and insane.

Like one friend who tried to light my pants on fire with a sparkler on Canada day.