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Old 2012-02-28, 18:14   Link #10221
Endless Soul
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GenjiChan View Post
True...and who knows, there are hidden psychopaths in online dating sites...
There are. I'm reminded of that every day.

~looks at the key marks that are still on the door of his truck after all these years~

Endless "Finder of hidden psychopaths" Soul
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Old 2012-02-28, 19:22   Link #10222
Hera
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I hope silly = clumsy and insane.

Like one friend who tried to light my pants on fire with a sparkler on Canada day.
That's rather scary
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Old 2012-02-29, 10:43   Link #10223
Kimidori
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this not really about "dating" but it about my friend's relationship so i think i should post here.

my friend is a Buddhist follower and have swear to devote her life for it. recently, a high ranked monk ask her to learn buddhism to a higher level but she will have to reject some "normal life" things. a friend of her, who unconditional helped her a lot in the past, absolutely against it and tell her she must stop.
now she not sure who she should listen to, she said that if she agree to learn buddhism to a higher level it would be like she betrayed that friend of her, but if she listen to that friend it also like she betrayed the monk's trust and she really want learn buddhism more.

she asked me for a solution but i can't think of any. what you think she should do in this situation?
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Old 2012-02-29, 11:06   Link #10224
Hera
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Guys and gals,
A male friend of mine said don't care about whether that person is taken or not, if you like him, tell him, rather than keep it inside and regret.
He has dated a lot of experience with dating and still he suggested such a thing.
Your thoughts on that?
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Old 2012-02-29, 11:10   Link #10225
ChainLegacy
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Massachusetts, US
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by GDB View Post
Probably more luck than you'd need in person, from what I've seen. And if you need that much luck, might as well just use real life where you can at least do it quickly.
I don't know, I'm hardly a Casanova (I'm decent looking, but definitely nerdy as a disclaimer, lol ), and I was talking to several girls the first night I signed up. It didn't seem that hard. Just say some funny stuff, regular common interests talk -> ask for number, then boom the whole online portion is mostly over with. Actually in my case I don't even think I asked for any numbers, it was them doing that part for once, so definitely easier than real life.

A good idea is to try to be funny starting off as it loosens people up to the idea of talking to you.
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Old 2012-02-29, 11:14   Link #10226
Gamer_2k4
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimidori View Post
she asked me for a solution but i can't think of any. what you think she should do in this situation?
Of course you can't think of any; neither direction has room for compromise. Your friend just needs to decide what's more important to her, and go after that.

However, two things are at play here that both should be pretty strong: friendship and religious oaths. If her friend truly supports her unconditionally, that should continue even with this new direction. Friendship doesn't stop just because you don't agree with someone. At the same time, if you swear to dedicate your life to something, that's pretty darn important and NOT a decision to take lightly. You said your friend wants to pursue a higher level of Buddhism? Then that's what she should do. If it was something extreme like a suicide cult, absolutely not, but Buddhism isn't like that. If it's what she wants to do, it's what she should do.
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Old 2012-02-29, 11:19   Link #10227
limao
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Dating = Stupid. Obviously males and females are not compatible.
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Old 2012-02-29, 11:24   Link #10228
Endless Soul
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimidori View Post
this not really about "dating" but it about my friend's relationship so i think i should post here.

my friend is a Buddhist follower and have swear to devote her life for it. recently, a high ranked monk ask her to learn buddhism to a higher level but she will have to reject some "normal life" things. a friend of her, who unconditional helped her a lot in the past, absolutely against it and tell her she must stop.
now she not sure who she should listen to, she said that if she agree to learn buddhism to a higher level it would be like she betrayed that friend of her, but if she listen to that friend it also like she betrayed the monk's trust and she really want learn buddhism more.

she asked me for a solution but i can't think of any. what you think she should do in this situation?
I have one question: WHY is her friend dead-set against her following Buddhism to a higher level? What is his motive?

And I agree with G2K4, it's her life, it's her decision. Her friend should respect that.

Endless "Inquisitor" Soul
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Old 2012-02-29, 11:28   Link #10229
Kimidori
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Endless Soul View Post
I have one question: WHY is her friend dead-set against her following Buddhism to a higher level? What is his motive?

And I agree with G2K4, it's her life, it's her decision. Her friend should respect that.

Endless "Inquisitor" Soul
maybe it have something to do with "reject some "normal life" things" . but i guess i will ask her later
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Old 2012-02-29, 11:44   Link #10230
Paranoid Android
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hera View Post
Guys and gals,
A male friend of mine said don't care about whether that person is taken or not, if you like him, tell him, rather than keep it inside and regret.
He has dated a lot of experience with dating and still he suggested such a thing.
Your thoughts on that?
Depends, would you care about that person if they don't become in a relationship with you? If it's someone I see only as a possible girlfriend, I'd tell her my feelings regardless. Being too considerate of others isn't going to help me any, and yes it is regrettable most of the time if I don't let her know. If it's someone who's already a casual/close friend, then no, keep it to yourself, it's unnecessary headache for that person and they will separate them self from you entirely.

Personally, it's not a good sign if my crush dumps her bf for me. That suggests many things about that person, I might not make a judgement on what kind of person she is, but none of those possibilities are traits I want my girlfriend to have.

So generally, it's not a good idea. But gut moves and instinct do work a lot of time.

The good side to letting your crush know is that he/she will keep her intimacy with his/her partner away from you so you aren't hurt as bad. Unless your crush is gonna be a bitch about it too, then it's just not worth it.

Aggressive approach definitely increases your chances, most of us overly-thinking introverts can't get ourselves to do that however.
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Old 2012-02-29, 12:10   Link #10231
Hera
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paranoid Android View Post
Depends, would you care about that person if they don't become in a relationship with you? If it's someone I see only as a possible girlfriend, I'd tell her my feelings regardless. Being too considerate of others isn't going to help me any, and yes it is regrettable most of the time if I don't let her know. If it's someone who's already a casual/close friend, then no, keep it to yourself, it's unnecessary headache for that person and they will separate them self from you entirely.

Personally, it's not a good sign if my crush dumps her bf for me. That suggests many things about that person, I might not make a judgement on what kind of person she is, but none of those possibilities are traits I want my girlfriend to have.

So generally, it's not a good idea. But gut moves and instinct do work a lot of time.

The good side to letting your crush know is that he/she will keep her intimacy with his/her partner away from you so you aren't hurt as bad. Unless your crush is gonna be a bitch about it too, then it's just not worth it.

Aggressive approach definitely increases your chances, most of us overly-thinking introverts can't get ourselves to do that however.
So in summary:
- if they're barely a stranger, tell them regardless
- if they've been friends with you, shut your mouth?
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Old 2012-02-29, 12:12   Link #10232
Ascaloth
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimidori View Post
this not really about "dating" but it about my friend's relationship so i think i should post here.

my friend is a Buddhist follower and have swear to devote her life for it. recently, a high ranked monk ask her to learn buddhism to a higher level but she will have to reject some "normal life" things. a friend of her, who unconditional helped her a lot in the past, absolutely against it and tell her she must stop.
now she not sure who she should listen to, she said that if she agree to learn buddhism to a higher level it would be like she betrayed that friend of her, but if she listen to that friend it also like she betrayed the monk's trust and she really want learn buddhism more.

she asked me for a solution but i can't think of any. what you think she should do in this situation?
She's betraying her friend if she continues her Buddhist studies? She's betraying the monk if she doesn't?


So. Many. Uses.

A serious matter this may be, but it's not so serious it warrants the term "betrayal". It's not like she's harming her friend in any way if she doesn't take his advice, nor is she harming the monk if she does. I'm going to echo some of the other guys here; it's her own damn choice to make in life, and she doesn't have to answer to anyone for it. Her own damn choice.

Now that I've covered that, time to play contrarian; what do you mean by 'having to give up "normal life" stuff'? Possessions, friends, family ties perhaps? There isn't just one benign mainstream version of Buddhism; it's very possible your friend's in an extremist sect capable of planting Sarin in subway trains, or something like it. Is there some good reason the friend is so against her advancing further in her religious studies? We need to know these things.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hera View Post
Guys and gals,
A male friend of mine said don't care about whether that person is taken or not, if you like him, tell him, rather than keep it inside and regret.
He has dated a lot of experience with dating and still he suggested such a thing.
Your thoughts on that?
Well, I'd have to say I agree with your friend there. Better to lay it all out and resolve everything there and then, then carry around such a regret for an entire lifetime.
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Old 2012-02-29, 12:53   Link #10233
Gamer_2k4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paranoid Android View Post
Personally, it's not a good sign if my crush dumps her bf for me. That suggests many things about that person, I might not make a judgement on what kind of person she is, but none of those possibilities are traits I want my girlfriend to have.
To put explicitly what I assume you're implying, it means she's willing to drop her current boyfriend if someone "better" comes along. That's not a good quality for a relationship.
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Old 2012-02-29, 13:03   Link #10234
Paranoid Android
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4 View Post
To put explicitly what I assume you're implying, it means she's willing to drop her current boyfriend if someone "better" comes along. That's not a good quality for a relationship.
That's the most obvious reason.

But she might also not even make a comparison, she might not like her bf at all and be sincerely taking a liking to me after I confess to her. And that she only took part in that relationship for the social image. Faking a relationship for the sake of image isn't a good trait. I would have a hard time knowing what's true and what's false about her.
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Old 2012-03-01, 05:16   Link #10235
Masuzu
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hera View Post
Guys and gals,
A male friend of mine said don't care about whether that person is taken or not, if you like him, tell him, rather than keep it inside and regret.
He has dated a lot of experience with dating and still he suggested such a thing.
Your thoughts on that?
Personally I agree, I think of it as fair game.
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Old 2012-03-01, 05:48   Link #10236
NoemiChan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4 View Post
To put explicitly what I assume you're implying, it means she's willing to drop her current boyfriend if someone "better" comes along. That's not a good quality for a relationship.
Agree. If she could do this once, there could be a possibility that, in the future , if you mess up... she will leave you without a second thought...even without trying to fix the problem.

Last edited by NoemiChan; 2012-03-01 at 05:59.
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Old 2012-03-01, 15:59   Link #10237
Hera
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Has anyone ever asked someone whom you've just met go to on a date? How was it? How did you manage to do it?

How long did your first love last?

Last edited by Hera; 2012-03-01 at 17:06.
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Old 2012-03-01, 17:19   Link #10238
zebra
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Quote:
Originally Posted by solomon View Post
Been at the online dating thing a little while and it's a thorough meh for me so far, besides Endless Soul, anyone else have any real strong opinons about it?

It seems impossible to get through to people and have them respond to you, albiet these are for various reasons. Long story short, I'm becoming a bit unenthused with the notion of the "first impression" being a picture, a blurb you punch into a template and and what ever "witty and charming" line you use to attract attention.
The thing is: There is nothing else to judge you by then your picture and your tacky line to say hi. Add the anonymity of the internet and people forget their manners and won't leave a proper response.
If you're waiting for the key to change that - I'm afraid I can't help you, every girl reacts differently. You have to find a way to catch their interest and stand out from the other dozens of messages. That isn't easy.

You might do well if you refer to her profile in some way - it shows you're interest in the person herself. Especially if there's a common interest or hobby, that might even be a door opener.
Open questions are a good way to give an impulse for an answer, but don't overdo it. Too many questions at one time and you'll seem like a detective.

No guarentees, though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by limao View Post
Obviously males and females are not compatible.
Apart from the middle.
BA-DUM-TISS.

... could'nt resist ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hera View Post
Has anyone ever asked someone whom you've just met go to on a date? How was it? How did you manage to do it?
I'm a girl so I have this wonderful advantage of getting asked that more often than asking it myself. However:
I only did when I met the guy at a club or a bar and went with a simple "I'd like to meet again to get to know you, how about you?"

Worked well
Common practice is also to exchange phone numbers, say "I'll message / call you" and do just that.

But of course first comes the flirting

If I met a guy in a different scenario I simply kept in touch or happened to meet and ... then everything progressed naturally, I guess?
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Old 2012-03-04, 16:00   Link #10239
Crimrui
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Man, if I didn't see it for myself I would never believe it. My good friend met this one girl through online MMORPG. I think it was Lineage II. So they kinda played together a bit and eventually exchanged their e-mail addresses. I was assuring him that it was probably a dude pulling his leg.
But I was wrong and it was a girl. So they chated for a while through cam and apparently they started liking each other. Next time I saw him, he was telling me that he plans on visiting her in another country.

I told him that he was out of his mind and urged him not to waste his money on a blind meeting. In reality I think I was jealous as I wanted something like that to happen to me. I tried online dating before and that never actually worked for me so I transported all my negativity about it on his actions . And for him to find a girl without actually ''looking for one'' left a sense of unfairness in me.

Anyway, his parents were against it too but with him having his own money they couldn't stop him. So yeah, he went there and came back with a smile. They are in the relationship over 2 years already and he visits her every few months. I saw pictures of them and they look really happy together. Even chated through msn with his new girlfriend and she really is an awesome girl. I'm really happy for him but also a bit envious of his lovey-dovey experience. Haha and I even told him that but he just pated my back assuring me that my time will come lol.

I won't go into discussion if that relationship will last and what will become of it later but the whole point was, that sometimes, good stuff like this happen to people. ^^
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Old 2012-03-04, 16:52   Link #10240
warita
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Hera chan, you seem to have a relationship fetish, hahahaha
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