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Old 2012-12-29, 12:40   Link #10921
Kafriel
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Athens (GMT+2)
Age: 25
It might not be that bad...just make sure you get a room with few girls in it, the excessive squeeing and jeering (even at the same time) can really ruin the...uh, experience, I guess?
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Old 2013-05-30, 15:31   Link #10922
DonQuigleone
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 25
So recently I got myself a job, and so the last excuse I had for not dating has pretty much fallen away. So I've made this my latest "project" (makes it sound soooo creepy).

Anyway, I've tried Online Dating, but I've pretty much messaged all the girls I'm interested in on the sites (for whatever reason, Online Dating isn't particularly popular in Dublin,). My reply rate has been pretty low there (from what I've read, that's not that unusual).

Anyway, I'm trying to find alternative ways to get into conversation with the fairer sex. Work is pretty much out. I'm on a team of 35, and only ONE of them is female. Suffice to say, my workplace is an absolute sausage fest.

Beyond online dating (I'll keep trying to message people who start new profiles), I'm thinking of trying meet up groups, but the groups I'd be interested don't meet up too often. But I'll keep an eye out for them.

I'm not too keen on clubs as they're far too loud (at least around here), and I'd like to actually just talk to people.

I'm thinking of even trying to talk to women on my daily bus journeys. Bit risky, but then what's the worst that could happen?

Any other ideas?
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Old 2013-05-30, 15:51   Link #10923
NorthernFallout
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Frosty Scandinavia
Age: 25
I find it funny you got a job around the same time I did... and I, too, am looking for the companionship of the female kind again.

The two things I'm thinking (as like you, I can't handle clubs), are potential outdoor (or indoor) hobbies or homeparties. For me personally, the latter requires me to travel a fair bit, but hey. Though it also comes with "competition" (we're talking "country kid" VS StockholmBrats essentially). The former (sailing+skiing) not being the more normal "meetup" scenarios. And my town ain't that big.

I'd never talk randomly in public either as I don't have the nerve for it... Though working as a cashier atm is improving that part.
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Old 2013-05-31, 00:10   Link #10924
Masuzu
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: « キセキの世代 »
Any conventions around your area? That's what I'm going for, though I can't say I've made any progress...
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Old 2013-05-31, 02:31   Link #10925
solidguy
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the dreams of beautiful women
Age: 21
Need some thoughts on my little dilemma.

I've been dating a couple girls and recently they've been trying to make things official by making one of them my GF. I feel like I'm at a cross roads where the fun stops and I gotta make a decision to end this little fairytale life I've been living recently. I wanna ask my fellow animesukians what would you do in these kinda situations? Do I make a choice and settle down early...or do I continue to keep my distance from these girls and continue to live the young, free and single life? Is it bad of me that I don't want to choose between them?

I've been here before and found some great advice, was just trying my luck again
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Old 2013-05-31, 02:44   Link #10926
Masuzu
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Do you feel strongly enough about any of them to give up what you have now?

In the first place, how much longer do you think you can keep it up?

You might end up losing all of them.
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Old 2013-05-31, 02:46   Link #10927
MeoTwister5
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Where I can learn to be lonely.
Age: 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by solidguy View Post
Need some thoughts on my little dilemma.

I've been dating a couple girls and recently they've been trying to make things official by making one of them my GF. I feel like I'm at a cross roads where the fun stops and I gotta make a decision to end this little fairytale life I've been living recently. I wanna ask my fellow animesukians what would you do in these kinda situations? Do I make a choice and settle down early...or do I continue to keep my distance from these girls and continue to live the young, free and single life? Is it bad of me that I don't want to choose between them?

I've been here before and found some great advice, was just trying my luck again
Number One rule: Take into consideration first and foremost how each of them feel and how they're actually living their lives in respect to the way you live yours as of now. Do they know about each other, are they okay with you having a... uh... harem, how would they adjust to your choice etc etc.

Number Two rule: Don't commit if you're not ready to commit, because not only will you hurt yourself but also the one you choose and those that you didn't.
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Old 2013-05-31, 03:34   Link #10928
larethian
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by solidguy View Post
Need some thoughts on my little dilemma.

I've been dating a couple girls and recently they've been trying to make things official by making one of them my GF. I feel like I'm at a cross roads where the fun stops and I gotta make a decision to end this little fairytale life I've been living recently. I wanna ask my fellow animesukians what would you do in these kinda situations? Do I make a choice and settle down early...or do I continue to keep my distance from these girls and continue to live the young, free and single life? Is it bad of me that I don't want to choose between them?

I've been here before and found some great advice, was just trying my luck again
Settle down? Kid, I honestly think you are too young to be in a committed relationship (though I'm not encouraging you to have a harem). As you mature more and get more societal experience, the things you look for in a life-long partner will be different.

Of course, it really depends on what GF means to the both of you in your culture and society and what levels of commitment are expected.
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Old 2013-05-31, 04:20   Link #10929
csuree
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Romania, Oradea
Age: 26
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Well Hello back.

what I think solidguy meant as being committed was to make one of the girls his GF. As far as I understand.(not like marriage and so)

Well I'd say you are young and now you have to have fun. But a "harem' is so risky that you can lose all of the girls and they tell it to their friends and the word gets out that you're a womanizer. My little brother burned himself just like that.

I'd say it as an advice. The girl you like the most should be your GF and the other girls should be friend-zoned. You keep up a good relationship with them(not too romantic, so it will not be considered cheating.) That would seem the best and if things would not work out with the first girl you still have the "back-up" girls.

This is just my own opinion about it. this would seem the most diplomatic way of solving things. But remember you are still young, you should have fun......Thinking about marriage can wait until you get to 28-30.(Men are still at their prime even at 35)

DonQuigleone good to see you again. How's it been? online dating is very tricky. about 1% success rate. you need good introductory text and good pictures. It is the same as real life dating. you have to get the girl interested in you. if you get her interest it is easy to get things going. I have a video of how to make a good profile on dating sites, but it is only in hungarian. it gave me a few tips and since then my visitors have doubled and some of the girls have even wrote to me. Too bad I'm in the middle of finding a job(low on money) but I still talk to them.
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Old 2013-05-31, 05:49   Link #10930
Ledgem
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeoTwister5 View Post
Number Two rule: Don't commit if you're not ready to commit, because not only will you hurt yourself but also the one you choose and those that you didn't.
This is good advice, but it deserves mention that you might never feel "ready." I remember having pangs of anxiety when I asked my wife to marry me (I was 22), and again when we actually got married (I was 24). It was something that I had given great thought to, wanted to do and felt strongly about, but the thought that this was it - a commitment for life and eternity - was still frightening (I know some people have lax attitudes toward marriage and divorce, but it's something I take very seriously). It's only natural to wonder if you're making a mistake, if you wouldn't be better off with someone else, if the timing is right, and so on.

Nobody can predict the future to know how life and time will change you and your partner, to know whether the two might grow apart and become incompatible. The way I see it (and the way it has worked in my experience) is that being truly devoted to someone, and having them return that devotion to you, results in the two growing together.

You still need to choose your commitment wisely, but the point is that you will likely rise to the occasion when you do. Feeling at least a little bit of doubt is normal.

And I'm talking about marriage. The advice is still applicable to dating (unless you're "dating" just to mess around), although obviously that's a step below on the commitment scale.

Quote:
Originally Posted by larethian View Post
Settle down? Kid, I honestly think you are too young to be in a committed relationship (though I'm not encouraging you to have a harem). As you mature more and get more societal experience, the things you look for in a life-long partner will be different.
It varies person by person. We were 20 or 21 when my wife and I first started dating; we were engaged 1-2 years later, and then married two years after that. We were both focused on the same thing, both took relationships seriously and were looking to the long-term. We both had reputations for being "more mature" than our ages, which probably contributes to how it all worked out. It's been seven years and yet we're still crazy about each other. Marrying her was the best decision I have made in my life.

The decision to commit was based on our compatibility and had nothing to do with our ages. I had never met anyone like her (nor have I to this day), and I couldn't imagine anyone else being more compatible with me than she is. Sure, we were young by today's standards (old by historical standards), and we have changed with time and experience. Yet because we were both committed to each other we have changed together, such that we are both even more compatible than when we started.

There are some people who are like I was, ready to commit and be a devoted other half at age 20 (or earlier); there are also some who reach age 60 and still don't want to commit or don't understand what's required of them in a relationship dynamic. In my opinion, you don't necessarily need to commit for life by age 20, but once you hit age 19 or 20 it's a fine time to at least start thinking about it and going through the motions of dating seriously.

(Unless your goal isn't to find one life partner, in which case you should do what ever you want.)
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Old 2013-05-31, 13:25   Link #10931
DonQuigleone
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hasumi View Post
Any conventions around your area? That's what I'm going for, though I can't say I've made any progress...
Dublin is not big for conventions, alas.

Also, when I did go to a convention (once!) I found the crowds intimidating, and didn't end out talking to anyone (maybe it was because I was on my own...).

I always keep telling myself to talk to random strangers, but I always keep chickening out. Still, I can't exactly expect any girls to come talk to me, can I?

Quote:
Originally Posted by solidguy View Post
Need some thoughts on my little dilemma.

I've been dating a couple girls and recently they've been trying to make things official by making one of them my GF. I feel like I'm at a cross roads where the fun stops and I gotta make a decision to end this little fairytale life I've been living recently. I wanna ask my fellow animesukians what would you do in these kinda situations? Do I make a choice and settle down early...or do I continue to keep my distance from these girls and continue to live the young, free and single life? Is it bad of me that I don't want to choose between them?

I've been here before and found some great advice, was just trying my luck again
An enviable position. Two questions:
1. How much do you like both of them. If you don't feel particularly passionate about either, don't commit. If there's one you really like, go for it.

2. How the hell did you get two girls to like you that much??? I find it difficult to meet, let alone connect, with any girls ever.

Quote:
Originally Posted by larethian View Post
Settle down? Kid, I honestly think you are too young to be in a committed relationship (though I'm not encouraging you to have a harem). As you mature more and get more societal experience, the things you look for in a life-long partner will be different.
I don't think he's too young. My great grandmother got married at 16. That's young.
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Old 2013-05-31, 13:49   Link #10932
NorthernFallout
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Frosty Scandinavia
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hasumi View Post
Any conventions around your area? That's what I'm going for, though I can't say I've made any progress...
As for me, pretty much nothing. Sweden isn't known for their anime cons... and even then they are of varying quality.

That said, there are other cons/events I should check out, so it is an idea...
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Old 2013-06-01, 03:31   Link #10933
Masuzu
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: « キセキの世代 »
I don't think the convention thing is a very good idea in practice anyway, there's hardly a shortage of conventions around here so I've had ample opportunity to try...hasn't worked out so well but I figure it's most likely my best shot.
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Old 2013-06-01, 23:58   Link #10934
solidguy
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the dreams of beautiful women
Age: 21
Thanks guys for the legit advice . I wouldn't call me having a harem, it's pretty common to have a few 'friends', playing the field etc. where I'm from. I just feel like there's an expiration date on this certain way of life with these specific girls before feelings develop. Ofcourse I feel something for these girls, I'm not the heartless womaniser that comes to mind...I guess at the end of the day despite the advice it's up to me. MeoTwister5 I agree completely with that. Im fairly sure these girls know what the situation is, I mean I don't constantly bring it up to them but our relationships are just not at that level where we should expect...the key word commitment. Cheers guys definitely good to see peoples opinions

Quote:
Originally Posted by DonQuigleone View Post

2. How the hell did you get two girls to like you that much??? I find it difficult to meet, let alone connect, with any girls ever.
Sorry if I came across as abit pretentious, I genuinely didn't mean to come across as a 'player' who casually has a harem. I worked very hard to improve my 'game' through trial and error, through embarrassment and triumph, through ups and downs. Perhaps that is why I feel abit insecure with committing to a relationship because I've been burned. There are ALWAYS people who you will be able to connect with, some people have a larger pool of people they can connect with but that can be overcome with looking alittle bit harder . Also being a 20 year old uni student does make it a tad easier for me to meet alot of new people
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Old 2013-06-02, 07:18   Link #10935
DonQuigleone
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by solidguy View Post
Sorry if I came across as abit pretentious, I genuinely didn't mean to come across as a 'player' who casually has a harem. I worked very hard to improve my 'game' through trial and error, through embarrassment and triumph, through ups and downs. Perhaps that is why I feel abit insecure with committing to a relationship because I've been burned. There are ALWAYS people who you will be able to connect with, some people have a larger pool of people they can connect with but that can be overcome with looking alittle bit harder . Also being a 20 year old uni student does make it a tad easier for me to meet alot of new people
I wasn't implying you were pretentious or anything. I'm just genuinely curious. A lot of people say it just "happens", but I've waited a long time for things to just "happen", and have had nothing come of it.

I'm just curious how you met these girls, and got to where you are with them.
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Old 2013-06-02, 09:19   Link #10936
Ledgem
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonQuigleone View Post
I'm just curious how you met these girls, and got to where you are with them.
solidguy's reply is bound to be interesting, but I just figured I'd chime in with some advice of my own. If you make friends with women you will likely be introduced to other women through them (assuming you haven't befriended a woman who strongly prefers male friends). Looking back on my experiences I think that being friends with a lot of ladies can also make you seem more attractive as a friend to other women, who will then be more likely to befriend you (perhaps because it makes you seem harmless or clearly identifies you as not being a creeper). You're probably worrying about the friend zone at this point, but don't - in my experience that doesn't seem to apply until a lot of time has passed, or until the relationship reaches a very deep point and if you don't make any effort to charm the lady or put a romantic spin on things.
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Old 2013-06-02, 18:41   Link #10937
DonQuigleone
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
solidguy's reply is bound to be interesting, but I just figured I'd chime in with some advice of my own. If you make friends with women you will likely be introduced to other women through them (assuming you haven't befriended a woman who strongly prefers male friends). Looking back on my experiences I think that being friends with a lot of ladies can also make you seem more attractive as a friend to other women, who will then be more likely to befriend you (perhaps because it makes you seem harmless or clearly identifies you as not being a creeper). You're probably worrying about the friend zone at this point, but don't - in my experience that doesn't seem to apply until a lot of time has passed, or until the relationship reaches a very deep point and if you don't make any effort to charm the lady or put a romantic spin on things.
Making female friends is no easier! My whole social circle, and my whole work place is entirely male dominated! All my hobbies are also male dominated! The only women I come into any regular contact with is my mother, and my sister.

Maybe I need to find myself some new hobbies...
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Old 2013-06-02, 19:39   Link #10938
LeoXiao
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Vereinigte Staaten
Age: 22
You probably do have to change your hobbies, or add new ones. Presently the girls I'm familiar with (not that many) on a non-classmate basis were all met by going to and taking part in extracurricular events.
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Old 2013-06-02, 20:19   Link #10939
solidguy
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the dreams of beautiful women
Age: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonQuigleone View Post
I wasn't implying you were pretentious or anything. I'm just genuinely curious. A lot of people say it just "happens", but I've waited a long time for things to just "happen", and have had nothing come of it.

I'm just curious how you met these girls, and got to where you are with them.
Well tbh I've known these girls for quite some time. This is bound to sound cliche but I didn't go out searching to meet a special girl...which admittedly was once my mentality. I made friends and met their friends and eventually grew into multiple circles of people. As mentioned already it helps out alot if you befriend some females. In my first year of university I felt like I was stuck in a circle of guy friends who got up to boy things...which never really gave me any opportunity to meet new people (unless we go out to town etc.).
I guess the turning point for me was the late Aaron Swartz advice "when doing something for the first time act like as if everyone is doing it for the first time". Although not directly applicable to this particular area of life the ethos of the quote can help you out alot. Don't sweat the small stuff (assuming you do ofcouse), don't take dating so seriously. It really helps me when looking at it as having fun everything just becomes easier. Also don't be afraid to take charge! Chances are any girls still out there won't be very outgoing (there's a reason they are still single) and it will be up to you to be the chaser. To each their own of course but after a while I found this approach isn't too bad
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Old 2013-06-02, 21:07   Link #10940
DonQuigleone
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 25
I know what you mean about "not being too serious about it", but I have found in the past the only way I ever get anything "done" is to be serious about it. If I was to sit back and relax (which is pretty much the attitude I've taken for the last few years), I just spend my time reading along with some other solitary pursuits.

Not that I don't have a social life, I'm actually pretty happy with things as they are right now, in fact it's ideal, I spend 1 or 2 days a week hanging out with close friends, in the evening I enjoy reading and other things, while I also occasionally chat with some net friends.

The issue then is that I don't really have much opportunity to expand my social circle.

Another problem is that I just get along a lot better with men then women. There's a feeling of chemistry you sometimes get with a person, that you both are on the same page, and the conversation flows without effort. It's something I occasionally get when I talk to men, but that I only very rarely get with women. Of course, it might simply be that due to my education, jobs and hobbies I associate with a lot more men then women. I'm not really sure.

So basically, what I want to do right now, is just get myself talking to women on a regular basis. I'd hope eventually I'd find a person with "chemistry", and nice flowing conversation.

I'm just not very sure how.
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