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Old 2013-12-16, 12:21   Link #11041
bigdeal000
malefic
 
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Nowhere, because I don't exist
Age: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by GDB View Post
...I hate you.

Also, getting a bit annoyed at trying online dating when girls contact you, but then expect you to carry the conversation 100%. It's one thing if it just sort of peters out, but when their only contributions are "Want to chat", responding to your conversation as curt as possible, and responding with "What about you?", then they can screw off.
THAT. That's how they all are. It's like it's set in their genes or...oh wait.
Yeah...you need to get used to that.
And it just so happens that sometimes, they want to talk. It's rare, but it happens. Meaning they have something to say, and they want to say it to YOU. Don't miss that opportunity. Don't talk, just listen. Don't try to make it a conversation, just listen (unless they wait for an answer, but they usually don't).
That's my personal experience talking. What's even worse about that: I don't do online dating. It's just my everyday friends. And we're just friends. It's not like we're dating or something. And still, they act like that.
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Old 2013-12-16, 15:02   Link #11042
NightbatŪ
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: The Neverlands
Age: 38
Well I took a look at those online relation things

And there I was setting up my profile, wondering if mentioning "I leave the toilet seat up" and
"I try to refrain from farting in public" would show my sense of honesty and integrity

Then I figured, I better check some other guys' profiles to get some idea of what would be good to write down
amazing how many men are enthusiastic, adventurous, spontaneous, caring, social, etc

I see a problem or 12 for me there

Also, checking out the ladies from my demographic (also very enthusiastic, adventurous, spontaneous, caring, social, etc)
I'm beginning to think, I'm gonna have to sell my house if I'm supposed to take them on all those travels they want to go
Looking at my paycheck, I don't think I can afford a lady

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Old 2013-12-16, 16:46   Link #11043
bigdeal000
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Nowhere, because I don't exist
Age: 23

Thank you for the laugh. This just confirms my beliefs about online dating
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Old 2013-12-16, 17:00   Link #11044
DonQuigleone
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by NightbatŪ View Post
Well I took a look at those online relation things

And there I was setting up my profile, wondering if mentioning "I leave the toilet seat up" and
"I try to refrain from farting in public" would show my sense of honesty and integrity

Then I figured, I better check some other guys' profiles to get some idea of what would be good to write down
amazing how many men are enthusiastic, adventurous, spontaneous, caring, social, etc

I see a problem or 12 for me there

Also, checking out the ladies from my demographic (also very enthusiastic, adventurous, spontaneous, caring, social, etc)
I'm beginning to think, I'm gonna have to sell my house if I'm supposed to take them on all those travels they want to go
Looking at my paycheck, I don't think I can afford a lady

You're overthinking things. Online dating isn't about honesty, and it's not meant to be serious (even if your goal is). Just approach it with a sense of fun. Enjoy yourself. And leave out grim stuff (unless it's funny!). Think of it like writing a job application. Don't give a reason not to go out with you.

And I can guarantee that most of the people aren't any more interesting then you are, they're just selling that part of themselves.

Aim to give a girl a good time, not tell her your life story, that comes later . She needs to like your good qualities enough to put up with your bad ones.
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Old 2013-12-16, 17:15   Link #11045
Homucifer
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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Age: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdeal000 View Post

Thank you for the laugh. This just confirms my beliefs about online dating
I learned the hard way.
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Old 2013-12-16, 18:45   Link #11046
NightbatŪ
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: The Neverlands
Age: 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonQuigleone View Post
You're overthinking things. Online dating isn't about honesty, and it's not meant to be serious (even if your goal is). Just approach it with a sense of fun. Enjoy yourself. And leave out grim stuff (unless it's funny!). Think of it like writing a job application. Don't give a reason not to go out with you.

And I can guarantee that most of the people aren't any more interesting then you are, they're just selling that part of themselves.

Aim to give a girl a good time, not tell her your life story, that comes later . She needs to like your good qualities enough to put up with your bad ones.
that's funny, going to a site to meet ladies because it doesn't work out well 'IRL', then having to lie your ass off for a chance to meet people also lying their ass off

Don, really,
...I can't be the bloody only one who has a problem with this?

*Note that I specifically stated "online relation", not "dating"
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Old 2013-12-17, 15:04   Link #11047
DonQuigleone
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by NightbatŪ View Post
that's funny, going to a site to meet ladies because it doesn't work out well 'IRL', then having to lie your ass off for a chance to meet people also lying their ass off

Don, really,
...I can't be the bloody only one who has a problem with this?

*Note that I specifically stated "online relation", not "dating"
I never said lie. Put it this way, which of these two girls do you want to go out with:
1. The girl who spends the evening with you cracking jokes about the latest anime, and who enjoys cooking japanese food.
2. The girl who spends a few hours explaining how she has bulimia and purges her dinner every night.

Probably 1 right? Now consider this:
3. A girl who spends an evening cracking jokes about anime, likes making sushi, and you learn on your 6th or 7th date has bulimia, but is working to overcome it.

You can probably take the bulimia a bit better right? Because it doesn't define her! Now apply the same logic to yourself. You can tell her all this stuff when you get more serious...

We all have problems, but it's important to be discreet. And you're not lying, if she asks you to your face, tell the truth, but almost no girls ever do that. Show them the good you, you're actually being MORE honest that way.

And I've never lied on online dating, but that doesn't mean I tell them my life story! Instead I give them a little entertainment to brighten their day!
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Old 2013-12-17, 20:45   Link #11048
NightbatŪ
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: The Neverlands
Age: 38
The trouble here is not keeping certain 'personal' info quiet not to scare people away

It's the image people put up to appear more interesting

In the world of advertising yourself, that girl you use as example would profile herself as having a slim figure
Hook line sinker, because if she manages to make you fall in love BEFORE you're made aware of the fact, it's gonna be a bitch walking away
(Hurray for the brain's chemical processes )

Hell, that's why I would prefer meeting someone in the everyday world, instead of the glamour of clubs, or the acted methods of internet

I'm a weird guy, I kind of admire integrity, it's what I look for in people
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Old 2013-12-18, 08:51   Link #11049
DonQuigleone
Knight Errant
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 27
I don't put up any kind of "image", I just show off my best qualities. If they like em, great, if they don't, not my problem!

Realistically, the initial stages of finding love aren't really any different from making male friends. Just focus on having a fun conversation. Everything else can come later.

Online dating isn't about showing off how great your life is, it's about giving the other person an entertaining time. Hone your sense of humour, that's what will score you dates.
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Old 2013-12-18, 10:06   Link #11050
willx
Nyaaan~~
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Age: 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonQuigleone View Post
Online dating isn't about showing off how great your life is, it's about giving the other person an entertaining time. Hone your sense of humour, that's what will score you dates.
I agree with that. For the rest of you guys, what the heck do you think dating is!?

Barring children, marriage and all those other complicated things that typically come much much later ..

People date and are together when they enjoy themselves. They split when they don't. No one says you should lie, but for people that don't know you, you wouldn't walk around on the streets advertising your flaws for no reason, right?

You don't go to work and wear otaku t-shirts or drag hug pillows with you do you?
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Old 2013-12-18, 11:15   Link #11051
GDB
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Age: 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by willx View Post
People date and are together when they enjoy themselves. They split when they don't. No one says you should lie, but for people that don't know you, you wouldn't walk around on the streets advertising your flaws for no reason, right?
But this whole conversation started because of lines that people have on their profiles that are obviously lies. Like, scripted stuff that's supposed to make them seem awesome. You know, like being "adventurous" or "liking to travel" or some such, when the most adventurous thing they've done in the past 3 years is buy a new brand of shampoo, or even though they "like to travel" they never do because they can't/won't spend the money.

This post, this one right here:

Quote:
Originally Posted by NightbatŪ View Post
Then I figured, I better check some other guys' profiles to get some idea of what would be good to write down
amazing how many men are enthusiastic, adventurous, spontaneous, caring, social, etc

I see a problem or 12 for me there

Also, checking out the ladies from my demographic (also very enthusiastic, adventurous, spontaneous, caring, social, etc)
I'm beginning to think, I'm gonna have to sell my house if I'm supposed to take them on all those travels they want to go
Looking at my paycheck, I don't think I can afford a lady

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Old 2013-12-18, 11:50   Link #11052
SaintessHeart
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by willx View Post
I agree with that. For the rest of you guys, what the heck do you think dating is!?

Barring children, marriage and all those other complicated things that typically come much much later ..

People date and are together when they enjoy themselves. They split when they don't. No one says you should lie, but for people that don't know you, you wouldn't walk around on the streets advertising your flaws for no reason, right?

You don't go to work and wear otaku t-shirts or drag hug pillows with you do you?
I do wear otaku T-shirts to work since I am an engineer. Fun part comes when some of the users are actually closet otaku.
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Old 2013-12-18, 14:02   Link #11053
bigdeal000
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Nowhere, because I don't exist
Age: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by willx View Post
I agree with that. For the rest of you guys, what the heck do you think dating is!?

Barring children, marriage and all those other complicated things that typically come much much later ..

People date and are together when they enjoy themselves. They split when they don't. No one says you should lie, but for people that don't know you, you wouldn't walk around on the streets advertising your flaws for no reason, right?

You don't go to work and wear otaku t-shirts or drag hug pillows with you do you?
With "live" dating, you don't need to fill an internet sheet with bullshit and then wait for a random someone to fall for it. And then, maybe you'll have fun. That's the issue here. "Live" dating (I really dunno what else to call it) is a lot more...well, up close and personal. That means you'll see the girl for what she is and then ask her out if you think you'll have fun with her. How am I supposed to choose someone if everyone is " enthusiastic, adventurous, spontaneous, caring, social, etc"? I don't have time for that sort of trial and error...
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Old 2013-12-18, 14:08   Link #11054
willx
Nyaaan~~
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Age: 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by GDB View Post
But this whole conversation started because of lines that people have on their profiles that are obviously lies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
I do wear otaku T-shirts to work since I am an engineer. Fun part comes when some of the users are actually closet otaku.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdeal000 View Post
With "live" dating, you don't need to fill an internet sheet with bullshit and then wait for a random someone to fall for it. And then, maybe you'll have fun. That's the issue here. "Live" dating (I really dunno what else to call it) is a lot more...well, up close and personal. That means you'll see the girl for what she is and then ask her out if you think you'll have fun with her.
Hm, I'm confused, maybe this relates to the idea of Online vs. Real-life Personas? I don't act any different in real life than I do online:http://forums.animesuki.com/showthre...hlight=persona

My comments are thus:
1) Why are you presuming that those people are lying on their profiles? I would write the same thing and I wouldn't be lying. I do like to travel .. but I also enjoy staying at home playing games for 15 hours.

2) Even if they were lying -- if it's that obvious -- do you think the girls reading these profiles don't have eyes that can see through bullshit? If you say you like to travel -- people will actually ask you where you've gone? Where you'd like to go? Do you think if you all lied on your profiles other people wouldn't see through it?

3) Saintess ..
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Old 2013-12-18, 15:00   Link #11055
DonQuigleone
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by GDB View Post
But this whole conversation started because of lines that people have on their profiles that are obviously lies. Like, scripted stuff that's supposed to make them seem awesome. You know, like being "adventurous" or "liking to travel" or some such, when the most adventurous thing they've done in the past 3 years is buy a new brand of shampoo, or even though they "like to travel" they never do because they can't/won't spend the money
Willx is generally right. Anyway, my own experience of online dating is actually that most profiles are horrendously dull. If you can spell correctly, you're already beating most people.

I also feel that you might be down on yourself for your lack of "adventure", if so do something about it! Either lose the excuses and do those adventures, or be a bit more positive about your unadventurous lifestyle! I crack jokes on my profile about how I'm on my computer most fridays nights, and plenty of girls dig that. The ones who don't I probably wouldn't get along with anyway.

You need to be in a place where you like yourself, after all if you can't love yourself, how can you expect the same of someone else to? And if you don't like yourself, figure out why and work on it. For instance I was down on myself for being unemployed, and so I focused on that instead of dating. After I got a job I had nothing to be ashamed of anymore, and I found it much easier to talk with women, as I didn't need to hide anything.
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Old 2013-12-18, 17:55   Link #11056
NightbatŪ
Deadpan Snarker
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: The Neverlands
Age: 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by willx View Post
Hm, I'm confused, maybe this relates to the idea of Online vs. Real-life Personas? I don't act any different in real life than I do online:http://forums.animesuki.com/showthre...hlight=persona

My comments are thus:
1) Why are you presuming that those people are lying on their profiles? I would write the same thing and I wouldn't be lying. I do like to travel .. but I also enjoy staying at home playing games for 15 hours.
So, you travel around the world 9 months of the year, (I assume for leisure, not work)
Or just like most people, you scrounge up the money for a few weeks long vacation somewhere on this planet

I bet you stay at home and play games more than you travel

"I like to take my motorcycle to the track"
Exciting stuff huh,... better NOT mention I've only done so 2 times in the 9 years I have my license

Quote:
2) Even if they were lying -- if it's that obvious -- do you think the girls reading these profiles don't have eyes that can see through bullshit? If you say you like to travel -- people will actually ask you where you've gone? Where you'd like to go? Do you think if you all lied on your profiles other people wouldn't see through it?
No they can't, because they're looking for someone that offers what they want

The term "looking for my prince on his white steed" is found ad nauseum in these profiles
So the fantasy needs to be kept alive as best as possible

And I'm pretty sure me stating "No prince with steed, I'm more like a labourer on a bicycle"
-even though it's pretty close to true-
will have negative effects on how they percieve me, when 2 profiles earlier some guy DOES claim to be their fantasy delusion
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Old 2013-12-18, 18:27   Link #11057
GDB
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Age: 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonQuigleone View Post
You need to be in a place where you like yourself, after all if you can't love yourself, how can you expect the same of someone else to? And if you don't like yourself, figure out why and work on it. For instance I was down on myself for being unemployed, and so I focused on that instead of dating. After I got a job I had nothing to be ashamed of anymore, and I found it much easier to talk with women, as I didn't need to hide anything.
And if one doesn't like themselves due to wanting a relationship, but having little to no experience in such, what then? Rather nasty perpetual motion cycle to be stuck in there.

Also, what Nightbat said.
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Old 2013-12-18, 22:34   Link #11058
willx
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Age: 32
As for the first part of your message -- you're making an absurd comparison (reductio ad absurdum) -- it's like saying:

"You said you like fried chicken? Well, do you eat it 9 months out of the year!?"

I'm am also perfectly okay with saying: "I travel when I can, which is not as much as I'd like, a couple of weeks a year .. most of the time I'm a bit of a homebody, sitting around watching tv, playing games and spending time with close friends" - how about that one? Do you have an objection against that?

Quote:
Originally Posted by NightbatŪ View Post
And I'm pretty sure me stating "No prince with steed, I'm more like a labourer on a bicycle"
-even though it's pretty close to true-
will have negative effects on how they percieve me, when 2 profiles earlier some guy DOES claim to be their fantasy delusion
I'll take that bet with you. If you say:

"I'm not a prince on a white steed, but I'm a hard working guy that is looking for a down to earth girl to get to know and maybe have some good times with" -- I bet you it'll resonate with more than a few nice girls.
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Old 2013-12-19, 05:26   Link #11059
DonQuigleone
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by NightbatŪ View Post
The term "looking for my prince on his white steed" is found ad nauseum in these profiles
So the fantasy needs to be kept alive as best as possible

And I'm pretty sure me stating "No prince with steed, I'm more like a labourer on a bicycle"
-even though it's pretty close to true-
will have negative effects on how they percieve me, when 2 profiles earlier some guy DOES claim to be their fantasy delusion
I rarely see that. Maybe you're on the wrong sites? Try okcupid, I find a lot of pretty nerdy girls there.

But you're reading too much into it. Most women have pretty low expectations. Social skills are the only thing you need.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GDB View Post
And if one doesn't like themselves due to wanting a relationship, but having little to no experience in such, what then? Rather nasty perpetual motion cycle to be stuck in there.
I know how you feel, but you have to look at yourself more objectively. Besides your inexperience, are you smart, funny and attractive with a bit of ambition? Then don't worry, they'll love you! And if you're not, work on it!

And if you feel anxious about your inexperience, don't worry too much, unless you're cruising for sex, most girls won't notice, and those who do may find it "cute"! (Think hugh grant).

However you do need to get used to rejection, it's going to happen A LOT. It's their problem though!
Online dating is a great safe way to get used to this, I find.

Quote:
Originally Posted by willx View Post
As for the first part of your message -- you're making an absurd comparison (reductio ad absurdum) -- it's like saying:

"You said you like fried chicken? Well, do you eat it 9 months out of the year!?"

I'm am also perfectly okay with saying: "I travel when I can, which is not as much as I'd like, a couple of weeks a year .. most of the time I'm a bit of a homebody, sitting around watching tv, playing games and spending time with close friends" - how about that one? Do you have an objection against that?



I'll take that bet with you. If you say:

"I'm not a prince on a white steed, but I'm a hard working guy that is looking for a down to earth girl to get to know and maybe have some good times with" -- I bet you it'll resonate with more than a few nice girls.
THIS. It's not about WHAT you say, but the way you say it. It's your choice whether or not you're proud of your lifestyle. Nothing to be ashamed of being a bike riding working man!
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Old 2013-12-19, 05:34   Link #11060
Seitsuki
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Auckland, NZ
Quote:
I would rather cry in a BMW than laugh on a bicycle.
At least you guys still have some things easier than others?
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