AnimeSuki Forums

Register Forum Rules FAQ Members List Social Groups Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   AnimeSuki Forum > General > General Chat

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 2014-03-28, 18:10   Link #11081
Dextro
He Without a Title
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Lisbon, Portugal
Age: 27
Send a message via Skype™ to Dextro
Pardon my French but HOLY CARP I wasn't expecting having to deal with this kind of thing. Heck, it's so borderline scary that I'm not even sure that the person responsible won't find this. That's how scary this stuff is becoming right now. But if she does then kudos for her, maybe then she'll get the message and I won't have to deal with this quite so head on.

I'll try to keep this simple: Looks like a coworker is interested in me. She just sent me an email detailing what she's been trying to tell me apparently and it kind of freaked me out. Thing is she has a boyfriend and, apparently, a poly-amorous relationship at that. Thing is she seemed to be interested in me and apparently the right way to find debate material is to read what amounts to 10 years of blog posts... WHAAA???

And to top it all off she seems to have the idea that I was coming on to her. And now I'm going into stereotypical victim behaviour and say how I feel like it's partially my fault for talking with her like I do with my male coworkers. So yeah, the typical fake insults a bunch of 20 something year old dudes throw at each other just for kicks and giggles (and a bit of trolling I'll admit). The more rational part of my brain asks me to write that it's fully aware of how wrong this line of thinking is.

Now I've got a giant email from her that has the fear centre of my brain in overdrive and am serious wondering how this will almost without a doubt interfere with my work. I'm just too much of a coward to face this kind of thing head on.

Thing is that I really really like what I'm doing. I've managed to get a job exactly in the area I was interested in and am building the kind of software I wanted to build in college. It helps that I have a kickass boss and a team with whom I could bro-out normally.

Oh and let's be clear: I have no interest in her whatsoever. Kind of the opposite actually. If this was still in college I would probably have told her already to f*** off and been quite frontal about it. (Heck, I'm pretty sure everyone in the team still remembers when I had to, quite directly, ask her to shut up because I was trying to work).

Thinking about it now it was getting kind of awkward how it was getting increasingly harder to avoid her during lunch hour. I guess it makes sense now since she was probably actively doing the opposite!

Oh dear lord my brain hurts.

I've been thinking about re-working my personal website for a while but had been kind of stuck trying to salvage the old content. I'll probably re-evaluate my decision now and just nuke everything and start anew. I've been meaning to switch to writing in English anyway.
__________________

Dextro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-03-28, 18:37   Link #11082
Dr. Casey
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Tennessee
Age: 27
You could tell her that you're a strict monogamist and have no interest in polygamous relationships (this would probably be the way I'd handle it if I wouldn't see the girl much afterwards), but since she's a co-worker that would probably be a bad idea since it might create expectations that you'd be interested should she ever break up with her boyfriend. I understand how overwhelming this has to be, but sadly I think the least damaging route available is to steel yourself and do what has to be done (that is, give her an honest answer). Since she's in a polygamous relationship, she already has love from at least one if not multiple sources, so she should be fine.

And 10 years of blog posts is an awful lot to lose; I'd at least Ctrl + S everything before erasing it, just to keep it for myself so as to not lose all that history.
Dr. Casey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-03-28, 18:44   Link #11083
Dextro
He Without a Title
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Lisbon, Portugal
Age: 27
Send a message via Skype™ to Dextro
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Casey View Post
You could tell her that you're a strict monogamist and have no interest in polygamous relationships (this would probably be the way I'd handle it if I wouldn't see the girl much afterwards), but since she's a co-worker that would probably be a bad idea since it might create expectations that you'd be interested should she ever break up with her boyfriend. I understand how overwhelming this has to be, but sadly I think the least damaging route available is to steel yourself and do what has to be done (that is, give her an honest answer). Since she's in a polygamous relationship, she already has love from at least one if not multiple sources, so she should be fine.

And 10 years of blog posts is an awful lot to lose; I'd at least Ctrl + S everything before erasing it, just to keep it for myself so as to not lose all that history.
Yeah. I'm just trying to work up the courage to do so. Sadly I have to work closely with her (we're on the same team of 10 or so and we're the only team of developers in the company) so there's not much in the way of avoiding her.

And don't worry. Backups for the blog posts are safe, for now I just locked the server down with a password. Tomorrow I'll probably get working on the new pages and be done with it.

PS: I find it awfully fitting that the OP to Bounen no Xam'd randomly played on the car stereo on the way home. Kind of fitting
__________________

Dextro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-03-29, 01:26   Link #11084
Masuzu
« ヒーロー »
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: « キセキの世代 »
Quote:
<<Yandere has appeared!>>

<<What will you do?>>

<<Fight>> <---
<<Run>>
If you're not comfortable confronting her maybe you can bring some friends?
__________________
Masuzu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-03-29, 05:28   Link #11085
DonQuigleone
Knight Errant
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 26
This isn't so complicated. Just write a short polite email back saying something along the lines of:

"I'm very flattered that you're interested in me, but I am not interested in this kind of relationship. Have a nice day"

She is very likely quite used to rejection.
DonQuigleone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-03-29, 05:55   Link #11086
Dextro
He Without a Title
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Lisbon, Portugal
Age: 27
Send a message via Skype™ to Dextro
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonQuigleone View Post
This isn't so complicated. Just write a short polite email back saying something along the lines of:

"I'm very flattered that you're interested in me, but I am not interested in this kind of relationship. Have a nice day"

She is very likely quite used to rejection.
I talked to a friend of mine and yeah, that's what I went with. I'm really not sure what'll be her reaction but we'll see.
__________________

Dextro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-04-01, 07:24   Link #11087
Sammy388
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Boston, MA
I completely agree, that's one of the nicest feelings. At first you think it's crazy to ask them out but you do anyways and they say yes! And the best part is when you find out the other person, the one you thought was out of your league, felt the same way about you!
Sammy388 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-04-14, 15:01   Link #11088
DonQuigleone
Knight Errant
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 26
Recently I got some opportunities to talk to some Chinese girls, while I've generally tried to keep my enthusiasm for all things Chinese and Asian subtle, I have found an extremely positive reaction to my being able to name characters from romance of the three kingdoms. Anyone else encountered this?
DonQuigleone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-04-14, 15:59   Link #11089
DevilHighDxD
I <3 u SAKI!
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: In the arm of the Saki Rukino... Duh!
Has anyone like really like some girl before and began to approach them with the goal making them your gf. But when you're coming very darn close to the goal, you suddenly lost all your interest/feeling for them?

It happened so many times on me that it isn't funny anymore, at first there a girl I really like and I'm seeing and talking with her almost every days until one I completely lost interest in her. From then on I'm actively avoiding seeing her and like there one time she has a same class as me, I used some random excuse to transfer out of that class. She not a yandere btw, we just happened to put in a same class together. She is a nice girl too, just that when I lost interest I feel extreme awkward and weird even by just being near her. Is this like even normal?
__________________
<3 <3 <3 SAKI RUKINO!!
DevilHighDxD is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-04-14, 19:06   Link #11090
Nightbat®
Deadpan Snarker
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: The Neverlands
Age: 37
Some people like the chase better than the catch
__________________
Nightbat® is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-04-14, 20:35   Link #11091
Who
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: NY, USA
Age: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by DevilHighDxD View Post
Has anyone like really like some girl before and began to approach them with the goal making them your gf. But when you're coming very darn close to the goal, you suddenly lost all your interest/feeling for them?

It happened so many times on me that it isn't funny anymore, at first there a girl I really like and I'm seeing and talking with her almost every days until one I completely lost interest in her. From then on I'm actively avoiding seeing her and like there one time she has a same class as me, I used some random excuse to transfer out of that class. She not a yandere btw, we just happened to put in a same class together. She is a nice girl too, just that when I lost interest I feel extreme awkward and weird even by just being near her. Is this like even normal?
Yes, it happened to me recently. I really feel terrible; she's one of those girls who you'd love to bring home to your parents.

But realistically speaking, it's really not a good time for me, personally. She's a sophomore in college; I'm about to graduate in less than two months and start working full-time.
Not only that; she's from out of state, so that would complicate things even further. Also, I'm not the type who likes travelling about all the time, since I have a rather strict and controlled lifestyle. So basically, I'm just not what she's looking for, or deserves in the long run.
I don't know how she feels deep down, but I don't feel awkward in apologizing and continuing to maintain our friendship. She'll move on and find someone who's suited to her.
Who is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-04-15, 07:44   Link #11092
DonQuigleone
Knight Errant
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by DevilHighDxD View Post
Has anyone like really like some girl before and began to approach them with the goal making them your gf. But when you're coming very darn close to the goal, you suddenly lost all your interest/feeling for them?

It happened so many times on me that it isn't funny anymore, at first there a girl I really like and I'm seeing and talking with her almost every days until one I completely lost interest in her. From then on I'm actively avoiding seeing her and like there one time she has a same class as me, I used some random excuse to transfer out of that class. She not a yandere btw, we just happened to put in a same class together. She is a nice girl too, just that when I lost interest I feel extreme awkward and weird even by just being near her. Is this like even normal?
This is inevitable, as you get to know girls, they'll lose their mystique, and you'll realise they weren't what you were looking for.

Just be nice about it and move on.
DonQuigleone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-04-19, 05:34   Link #11093
DonQuigleone
Knight Errant
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 26
So I've been out with a few girls now, and the pattern I've been noticing is that I might have 2 or 3 dates, but then the chemistry fizzles out. Now I think I have two problems:

1. The only activities I've been doing is dinners and coffees. There's only so much you can talk before you start to run out of stuff.

2. I haven't really "built up" any intimacy, no kissing or even hand holding. So things basically drift into that "Friend zone" people talk about.

Now I think both problems can be solved with one solution, namely planning a greater variety of activities that also "break" the touch barrier. So far I've only come up with one: Social Dancing (Ballroom, Salsa, Swing etc.). I'm alright at it (though not amazing), it's unique and fun, and it requires physical contact (and so makes future intimacy easier).

However, I'd like to have more possibilities that I can use depending on the interests of the girl in question.

Any date ideas that you have found to give a fun time? I have a first date coming up on Monday that might be a good opportunity to try something out.
DonQuigleone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-04-24, 07:37   Link #11094
RRW
Unspecified
*Scanlator
 
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Unspecified
Just having interesting convo

1) do you ever in romantic relationship?
2) how do you differentiate like and love?
3) how does it feel to feel in love?

For note I don't have love problem atm. It just I never feel in love
__________________
RRW is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-04-26, 18:31   Link #11095
DonQuigleone
Knight Errant
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 26
When you're in love you're a bit obsessed with the person in question. You can't stop thinking about them, and you can't stop looking at them.

That's my figuring of it.
DonQuigleone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-07-12, 07:03   Link #11096
Nightbat®
Deadpan Snarker
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: The Neverlands
Age: 37
Don't know if anyone is experiencing rains of fire, floods, disease, famine and locusts
But prepare for Armageddon peeps, ...I got a date tomorrow

Odd situation I must say
2 weeks ago I've gotten in contact with a lady

If someone would've said I'd be going out with a financial sector employed, career oriented vegetarian who also likes soccer 10 years ago
Well,.. I'd still be cracking a smile over the idea now if I survived the outburst of laughter then

...but there are a few things in which we connect, and it's not like I would want to meet a lady who's the female variant of me
(I probably also matured a little over those 10 years - emphasis on 'a little' )

after only a week of contact (no mail-bombing back and forth, a few mails a day) she asked to meet 'live' which I consider a good thing:
Spending too much/long time communicating as your 'internet persona' can not work out well in a real life setting

Gotta prevent 2 things now:
-putting my foot in my mouth
-give a damn

The first is always a good thing, I envy a buddy of mine who always had the habit of going silent when he got nervous around a lady he fancied

The second is gonna be hard to pull off
I think it's a testament to my life when I say that I'm less worried about things going wrong, but would be screwed if things go right
From experience I've learned that the more I want/put effort into something, the bigger the chance is for mistakes and disappointment
BUT, in good conscience, I can't downplay the situation into "something trivial"
or treat it with apathy
just because I'm used to things going wrong doesn't mean I want them to, hell, I'm not a masochist

Ah well, I'll find out soon enough
__________________
Nightbat® is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-07-13, 17:16   Link #11097
Nightbat®
Deadpan Snarker
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: The Neverlands
Age: 37
Well, judgment day has been averted for awhile



The lady in question did not feel a 'spark' and therefore decided not to continue further
Consider it a shame, not only did I have a conversation with a girl on equal terms since,...ever
but there was also more common ground than I expected

Can't force what isn't there

Back to the old "Shut off all emotions to continue functioning as expected"
__________________
Nightbat® is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-07-14, 12:12   Link #11098
Kafriel
Senior Guest
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Athens (GMT+2)
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightbat® View Post
Well, judgment day has been averted for awhile

The lady in question did not feel a 'spark' and therefore decided not to continue further
Consider it a shame, not only did I have a conversation with a girl on equal terms since,...ever
but there was also more common ground than I expected

Can't force what isn't there

Back to the old "Shut off all emotions to continue functioning as expected"
Sounds just like me right now...back to the old routine of work, food, sleep with the occasional buddy sortie.
__________________
Kafriel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-07-14, 18:28   Link #11099
Nightbat®
Deadpan Snarker
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: The Neverlands
Age: 37
I'm able to stay away form the buddy sortie 'till weekend
I've heard the BS cheerups before, and have no illusions that they'll be as shallow as usual

"Yeah, my goal was having a nice chat on a beachterrace, mission accomplished, I can rest peacefully now"
"Ok, since when is failure a boost of selfconfidence? Don't worry, I'll add it to the rest of my 0% succesrate"
"Enjoying the moment? Like that bubblegum I just spat out you mean?"


Edit:
Man!
It's been over a week and that gnawing feeling is beginning to bite...
__________________

Last edited by Nightbat®; 2014-07-22 at 12:50.
Nightbat® is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2014-08-19, 08:45   Link #11100
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Alright, so.

For any of the former usual suspects who's still reading and/or still gives a damn, an update on my situation. As of last Friday, 15/8/14, I am officially married.

Granted, my girl and I were simply registering at the local Registry of Marriages, which makes it more like an engagement than anything, and the wedding ceremony or whatever it might be would be held some time next year (in her hometown, for what it's worth). But either way, we're now husband and wife, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

So, end of the dating game for me. You guys and girls keep up the good quest.
Ascaloth is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 16:54.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
We use Silk.