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Old 2009-06-13, 22:19   Link #1141
whitepearl
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Did you say yes right away? When was the moment where you said to yourself that he wasn't what you thought he was?
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Old 2009-06-14, 02:36   Link #1142
Miko Miko
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I said yes after about 3 mins, I didn't want to let him down.

Quote:
When was the moment where you said to yourself that he wasn't what you thought he was?
I haven't.. but.. I know he isn't right for me.. he seems to think differently though.
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Old 2009-06-14, 03:10   Link #1143
Jazzrat
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Imouto chan, i think you should come clean with the boy in regard of your true feeling. It's terrible to love someone out of expectation/fear of disappointment.

He ll be hurt, disappointed but atleast he wont be living a lie. Let him you know you treasure him as a friend but not as a bf.

You might lose him but i think it's better for both of you in the end.
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Old 2009-06-14, 03:16   Link #1144
Miko Miko
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Okay, It might take me some time to get up the courage. And I don't ever want to lose him as a friend, he is one of my closest friends. Ughh. It was a mistake saying yes..

Thanks Jazzrat
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Old 2009-06-14, 09:23   Link #1145
Fome
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Originally Posted by Miko Miko View Post
Okay, It might take me some time to get up the courage. And I don't ever want to lose him as a friend, he is one of my closest friends. Ughh. It was a mistake saying yes..

Thanks Jazzrat
Did you say closest friends?

Another point for the ladder theory
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Old 2009-06-14, 09:32   Link #1146
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
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@Miko Miko,

Mata kimi wa, Imouto-chan?

Anyway, as Jazzrat said. Better to come clean now than later, and really in this kind of case, not to sound too cynical, but you should always think of yourself first, and others can come second. It's your happiness you're putting at stake here, after all....and the boy? He can go suck it.
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Old 2009-06-14, 09:34   Link #1147
Miko Miko
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Another point for the ladder theory
ehh?

and thanks Ascaloth
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Old 2009-06-14, 09:37   Link #1148
Ascaloth
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Originally Posted by Miko Miko View Post
ehh?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ladder_theory

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Old 2009-06-14, 09:52   Link #1149
Miko Miko
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Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
Oh Sankyuu
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Old 2009-06-14, 23:07   Link #1150
whitepearl
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Never heard of the ladder theory until now but I can say that I have used it when evaluating female acquaintances...

I will agree with what the others have said, Miko Miko; just come clean to the guy and be honest with him. Hope he doesn't take things too negatively.
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Old 2009-06-15, 01:12   Link #1151
Shinoto
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No one likes un-confident and indecisive people
The quicker you tell him, the better. The longer you postpone it the worse it shall be.

And also, if your worried about losing him as a friend then your being a terrible, selfish friend. Your thinking about yourself and not him while conveniently hiding behind the excuse of "I don't want to hurt his feelings so I went along with it"
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Old 2009-06-15, 04:32   Link #1152
Miko Miko
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I guess you guys are right. I won't see him until wednesday but I am going to tell him then.

Thanks for your advice and I guess I was being kind of selfish and a bad friend when you put it like that.
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Old 2009-06-15, 10:03   Link #1153
0utf0xZer0
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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I need to send one of my cosplay models from the convention an e-mail of her photos in the next few days.

Now, what makes this a bit awkward is that I had actually been thinking of inviting her for dinner on the second night of the con, but decided against it when I realized she was going to be meeting the group she came with for dinner. I didn't see her around on day three.

At least one person I've asked recommended straight asking her out in the follow up e-mail. I personally wonder if this is a little overly direct - yes, I did intend to ask her out at the con, but con dining tends to be rather informal. What I'm wondering is what I should tell her, and whether I should bring this up in the initial e-mail of her photos or in a subsequent e-mail.

(Also, if it makes any difference, I tried (and failed) to help her find another cosplayer playing her character on a couple occassions on day two. Unfortunately this also meant our last couple run ins (after we realized the cosplayer wasn't around) at the con were rather awkward since we'd kind of gotten used to at least saying whether we'd found the other cosplayer yet.)
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Old 2009-06-15, 16:40   Link #1154
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0 View Post
At least one person I've asked recommended straight asking her out in the follow up e-mail. I personally wonder if this is a little overly direct - yes, I did intend to ask her out at the con, but con dining tends to be rather informal. What I'm wondering is what I should tell her, and whether I should bring this up in the initial e-mail of her photos or in a subsequent e-mail.
Email is the only solution so far, or will you have an opportunity to ask her out IRL?

Quote:
(Also, if it makes any difference, I tried (and failed) to help her find another cosplayer playing her character on a couple occassions on day two. Unfortunately this also meant our last couple run ins (after we realized the cosplayer wasn't around) at the con were rather awkward since we'd kind of gotten used to at least saying whether we'd found the other cosplayer yet.)
What I wonder is, have you helped her because you planned/calculated that it could be seen as a plus to ask her out, or did you do it out of kindness as if it was any other of your friends?

I can't talk for all the girls, and one might say that I don't act like most girls But anyways, what some girls like is men who show selfless kindness. So the question would rather be, if you're a natural nice guy, "does it make a difference to be a nice guy?", as a reply, I will say that it depends on her tastes But many girls like the nice/kind side of some men.
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Old 2009-06-15, 17:41   Link #1155
Kakashi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I can't talk for all the girls, and one might say that I don't act like most girls But anyways, what some girls like is men who show selfless kindness. So the question would rather be, if you're a natural nice guy, "does it make a difference to be a nice guy?", as a reply, I will say that it depends on her tastes But many girls like the nice/kind side of some men.
According to that Ladder Theory (my mind was blown), it pays to lay some foundations in the "potential boyfriend" category before buttering her up with kindness.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0 View Post
What I'm wondering is what I should tell her, and whether I should bring this up in the initial e-mail of her photos or in a subsequent e-mail.
I'd tell her in a subsequent e-mail, afterall you don't want her to get the wrong idea. As for what you should tell her...well we don't know enough about her...but I guess anything will be fine, as long as you steer clear of "I like your ass in that bunnygirl outfit, would you sip some tea for me in my capsule corp penthouse?"
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Old 2009-06-15, 18:59   Link #1156
whitepearl
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0 View Post
(Also, if it makes any difference, I tried (and failed) to help her find another cosplayer playing her character on a couple occassions on day two. Unfortunately this also meant our last couple run ins (after we realized the cosplayer wasn't around) at the con were rather awkward since we'd kind of gotten used to at least saying whether we'd found the other cosplayer yet.)
I'm curious if the other girl regards you as being just a friend. Trying to ask her out via e-mail is something that will catch her offguard and will probably make things even more awkward between you two than they already are.
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Old 2009-06-15, 20:42   Link #1157
Jinto
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I can't talk for all the girls, and one might say that I don't act like most girls But anyways, what some girls like is men who show selfless kindness. So the question would rather be, if you're a natural nice guy, "does it make a difference to be a nice guy?", as a reply, I will say that it depends on her tastes But many girls like the nice/kind side of some men.
If you don't act like most girls, you might actually know what you want and stated what you really like a guy to be. I believe you do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by whitepearl View Post
I'm curious if the other girl regards you as being just a friend. Trying to ask her out via e-mail is something that will catch her offguard and will probably make things even more awkward between you two than they already are.
If we always knew for sure, so that we did not need to ask, wouldn't that make life so much easier? Or just cruel? ^^'
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Old 2009-06-15, 21:37   Link #1158
Narona
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Originally Posted by Jinto View Post
If you don't act like most girls, you might actually know what you want and stated what you really like a guy to be. I believe you do.
[/SIZE]
While it's true that I prefer people who show real kindness (male or female, i don't talk about romance only), actually I am not the only girl around me to think like that. For example, one of my friends is actually married to a guy like that. Not that this is his sol quality, but he's really a nice person.

Last edited by Narona; 2009-06-15 at 21:58.
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Old 2009-06-15, 22:27   Link #1159
0utf0xZer0
Pretentious moe scholar
 
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Email is the only solution so far, or will you have an opportunity to ask her out IRL?
I only have her e-mail.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
What I wonder is, have you helped her because you planned/calculated that it could be seen as a plus to ask her out, or did you do it out of kindness as if it was any other of your friends?
A bit of both. I'm normally quite helpful - even to people I don't know on occassion - and I didn't decide to invite her out for dinner until after I had helped her. However, I strongly suspect that the reason I helped search for so long was because I thought she was cute.

I can't say whether or not she's the type who likes nice guys, but the cosplay she choose would tend to suggest she might.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kakashi View Post
I'd tell her in a subsequent e-mail, afterall you don't want her to get the wrong idea. As for what you should tell her...well we don't know enough about her...but I guess anything will be fine, as long as you steer clear of "I like your ass in that bunnygirl outfit, would you sip some tea for me in my capsule corp penthouse?"
Given the semi-conservative skirt-length on the costume, I think I'd avoid any comments like that.

The ladder theory thing is interesting but I don't think I'd consider it a universal truth.

Quote:
Originally Posted by whitepearl View Post
I'm curious if the other girl regards you as being just a friend. Trying to ask her out via e-mail is something that will catch her offguard and will probably make things even more awkward between you two than they already are.
Maybe I didn't make this clear in the first post, but this is a girl I meet at the convention this year. It's kind of hard to tell what she thinks about me.
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Old 2009-06-16, 01:22   Link #1160
Throne Invader
Protecting the Throne
 
 
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@0utf0xzer0

I think you should ask her out through a different email but I think it's better if you personally ask her instead. You should be prepared to be rejected and perhaps feel slightly embarrassed but tell yourself it's ok because you tried. There would be higher chances of her saying yes if you talk with her and got to know a bit of her personal life. Good Luck with that

Concerning the "ladder theory" and nice guys, well I don't believe it and I seriously don't care about their "research." I appreciate nice guys and I don't think any guy should go out of their way to change their image just because some theory says that bad boys get all the girls. I know a lot of shy and meek guys who have very pretty girlfriends.
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