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Old 2009-06-19, 09:09   Link #1201
ChainLegacy
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Join Date: Feb 2004
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I tend to believe that if somebody can not feel any sexual attraction towards his/her family members, there are a few indivisuals who can also develop something similar towards the other girls/boys once they are in couple.
We cannot rule this out, but I think it is at least somewhat beneficial from a biological perspective for the males to sometimes have such promiscuous thoughts. In modern times, it isn't so important, but considering the harsher conditions our ancient ancestors had to put up with, mating often was probably a necessity, and, thus, we still have such inclinations.
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Old 2009-06-21, 17:53   Link #1202
0utf0xZer0
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Update:
Well, she said she probably wouldn't be making the post convention meet, but I didn't outright get rejected either. I'm not sure if that's just her being polite or if she has other reasons for not making it and just didn't want to go into details.

As I've used up my excuse for e-mailing her (the con photos), I'm thinking that my best chance of keeping things from going completely cold is to ask if she has MSN or the like. Although I do worry a bit I'm just delaying an inevitable confession here.
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Old 2009-06-21, 18:00   Link #1203
Kakashi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
I took the hint, and I must say that as I walked away from her I smiled and felt as if a huge weight had been taken off of me. I'd finally asked a girl out, I could do it again; I'd been rejected, and it actually wasn't that bad; I couldn't be with her, but there would be others.
We do find ourselves smiling at the strangest of times...
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Old 2009-06-26, 13:10   Link #1204
King Lycan
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I Just got the "I just want to be friends" response first time of my life ever
I liked her a lot I actually consider her my high school crush where do i go wrong
Had a feeling deep down in my gut that something would go wrong ...i really going to need to go party for a while
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Last edited by King Lycan; 2009-06-26 at 13:37.
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Old 2009-06-26, 13:41   Link #1205
whitepearl
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Maybe she wasn't ready?

How long were you speaking to her?
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Old 2009-06-26, 14:25   Link #1206
King Lycan
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I mean basically the whole school year
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Old 2009-06-26, 14:42   Link #1207
Narona
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Maybe she really just sees you only as a friend. If that's the case, nothing went wrong, she just doesn't love you romantically from the start.

Maybe I am a bit blunt, sorry xD

But maybe I'm wrong. You should try to talk to her about that if you want to be sure.
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Old 2009-06-26, 14:55   Link #1208
whitepearl
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Quote:
Originally Posted by King Lycan View Post
I mean basically the whole school year
It appears (at first glance) to be a friendzoning.

She values your friendship too much to try and pursue anything romantic.
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Old 2009-06-26, 15:07   Link #1209
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whitepearl View Post
It appears (at first glance) to be a friendzoning.

She values your friendship too much to try and pursue anything romantic.
I don't say you're wrong, but that's what some boys tend to assume too much. I don't see what in her reply:

Quote:
I just want to be friends
Could imply that. King Lycan will have to tell us "how" she said it (the tone she used can give a lot of informations), and if she said something else.
I know what I mean since it happened that i gave that answer, and in my case it was not "i fear for our friendship", it was just "i never felt anything romantic for you".
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Old 2009-06-26, 15:14   Link #1210
whitepearl
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I don't say you're wrong, but that's what some boys tend to assume too much. I don't see what in her reply:



Could imply that. King Lycan will have to tell us "how" she said it (the tone she used can give a lot of informations), and if she said something else.
I know what I mean since it happened that i gave that answer, and in my case it was not "i fear for our friendship", it was just "i never felt anything romantic for you".
I've had 72956 potential relationships with women get thwarted because she just wanted to be friends (rough estimate).

We assume because women NEVER get to the point and throw all sorts of smokescreen answers at us.
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Old 2009-06-26, 15:17   Link #1211
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whitepearl View Post
I've had 72956 potential relationships with women get thwarted because she just wanted to be friends (rough estimate).

We assume because women NEVER get to the point and throw all sorts of smokescreen answers at us.
You mean that they don't say it clearly? Then I am the exception because if I feel that the boy starts to assume something wrong after a "soft" rejection from me, I say things blunty, even if it can be seen as very mean.

But many girls fear to be seen as mean, so they won't say "I don't love you romantically, we're just friends, so stop dreaming about things that don't exist between you and me"
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Old 2009-06-26, 15:21   Link #1212
LeoXiao
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I never understood why having a girl become your friend means there's no chance for a relationship. It seems logical (and on the converse, totally stupid) that you would marry someone you liked regardless of whether they were your "friend" or "girlfriend." My parents were never really "in a relationship" before they married and they're not particularly odd people; I don't see where the notion that you can't get in a relationship with a friend of the opposite sex comes from.


On another note, I think the reason why girls throw 'smokescreens" at guys is because they themselves want to get attention from guys whilst at the same time not actually getting into a relationship. This kind of behavior seems pretty despicable, so it's probably an unconscious happening.

Last edited by LeoXiao; 2009-06-26 at 15:49.
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Old 2009-06-26, 15:25   Link #1213
stubby42
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Not that anythings on the cards at the moment but what would you guys do in this situation.

I live in the UK and I'm currently single and I have been for a while, partly because for the past two years I've been spliting the year, the first half in the UK and the second half in Canada.

Right now I'm back in the UK for a big stint, I dont really want to be here but for various reasons (ok so its really only one reason, money a.k.a I dont have it) I'm going to be here for just over a year and then I'll be back in Canada for a start on a three year long stint that could turn into full time residence.

What am I supposed to do if a relationship comes up given the fact that its my dream to live in Canada (something I've been working towards for two years already) and have no intention of moving back to the UK unless I'm forced to?
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Old 2009-06-26, 15:26   Link #1214
whitepearl
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I wouldn't mind meanness as I could easily counter that lol xp

If there was one thing that drives me insane the most, it is when people spend too much time answering circuitously. Just get to the point.
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Old 2009-06-26, 15:26   Link #1215
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeoXiao View Post
I never understood why having a girl become your friend means there's no chance for a relationship. It seems logical (and on the converse, totally stupid) that you would marry someone you liked regardless of whether they were your "friend" or "girlfriend." My parents were never really "in a relationship" before they married and they're not particularly odd people; I don't see where the notion that you can't get in a relationship with a friend of the opposite sex comes from.
The ladder theory, maybe? If I understood it correctly, it is said that once you enter the friendzone, it's over, you can never be her lover.

I already replied to that, since I know a few couples that don't fit that theory.

But even if friendship can, imo, evolve in deep love ; it can also happen that people misunderstood one's actions from a friend. And it's not only about boys towards women. For example, the married boy i talked about recently in this thread is very nice, to the point that there were girls who fell in love with him and assumed that he had possibly some romantic feelings for them. It ended with him getting all "????????" because he never had romantic thoughts in mind towards them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by whitepearl View Post
If there was one thing that drives me insane the most, it is when people spend too much time answering circuitously. Just get to the point.
Same here xD. It doesn't drive me insane but I dislike when people don't get to the point clearly.

As we say in France, "ne tournez pas autour du pot !"
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Old 2009-06-26, 15:27   Link #1216
Shinoto
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Did she say something like this?
I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?

I knew you would understand. You always do.

We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.

It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.

No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.

Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.

Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.

Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.

Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.

Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.

Best friends. Friends forever.

Because if she did, The Onion beat her too it

Now if want to add a cherry on top to it all
Say" We'll I have plenty of friends already"after she is done giving you the friend's speech.
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Old 2009-06-26, 15:37   Link #1217
whitepearl
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post

Same here xD. It doesn't drive me insane but I dislike when people don't get to the point clearly.

As we say in France, "ne tournez pas autour du pot !"
A friend of mine would send me an IM saying he would tell me something but spends 10+ IMs telling fluff crap for "back story"

Just as bad is when people get to the point the first time but keep talking and repeating themselves. My mom does this all the time
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Old 2009-06-26, 17:53   Link #1218
King Lycan
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Join Date: Sep 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I don't say you're wrong, but that's what some boys tend to assume too much. I don't see what in her reply:



Could imply that. King Lycan will have to tell us "how" she said it (the tone she used can give a lot of informations), and if she said something else.
I know what I mean since it happened that i gave that answer, and in my case it was not "i fear for our friendship", it was just "i never felt anything romantic for you".
I just told her that
"That she was always on my mind" at like 2am in the morning i was feeling sappy

She replied
"Thats sweet but idk i don't want you to the get the wrong idea.. I just want to be friends"
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Old 2009-06-26, 18:30   Link #1219
Ledgem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stubby42 View Post
Not that anythings on the cards at the moment but what would you guys do in this situation.
...
What am I supposed to do if a relationship comes up given the fact that its my dream to live in Canada (something I've been working towards for two years already) and have no intention of moving back to the UK unless I'm forced to?
There are a lot of variables to that, but let's start with one bit of reasoning: what if you meet "your one and only"? How much does true love and having a lifelong companion matter to you compared to where you live?

To me, I don't care where I am. I may prefer some climates over others, but I've never cared or had an idea of where I wanted to be - only what I wanted to do. Therefore, a relationship (a really solid one) trumps location. However, you do have to consider whether you might be miserable at a certain place. After all, if you're miserable and you're there because of your other half, then you'll likely become resentful.

But it doesn't have to be so black and white. If you've truly found that perfect relationship, there's a good chance that your mate will heavily consider moving with you, especially if it means a lot to you.

In your case specifically, the big question is whether you can really evaluate whether someone is truly right for you within the relatively short period of time that you'll be stuck in the UK. It's possible (especially if you've truly found "the one") but in most cases, that's probably not enough time.

If I were you, unless I found a girl that I liked who also was trying to get to Canada, I'd hold off on any serious relationships. Distance is a rotten thing to deal with when you're crazy about someone. Save yourself the trouble. Even if you linked with someone and decided that you'd return to the UK eventually, you're returning to Canada to finish your studies, right? And you'll be there for three years? So that's a forced separation right there, during which you'll be tormented and your relationship (which will only be a year old, if that) will be stressed, perhaps to the point of falling apart.

But then again, that's all planning from a logical stand point. As the saying goes, "Man tries to plan, and God just laughs." Life is unpredictable and you can never know what's coming your way. Try to look ahead, but ultimately do what you think is right.
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Old 2009-06-26, 18:30   Link #1220
Mystique
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Join Date: May 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shinoto View Post
Did she say something like this?
I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?

I knew you would understand. You always do.

We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.

It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.

No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.

Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.

Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.

Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.

Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.

Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.

Best friends. Friends forever.

Because if she did, The Onion beat her too it

Now if want to add a cherry on top to it all
Say" We'll I have plenty of friends already"after she is done giving you the friend's speech.
I was about to say 'wow, bitter much?"
But then realised that its a parody anyways.

Thing is, espeically with the part I singled out, that kinda stuff maybe you'll hear from teenage girls more than people in their mid-late 20's (for some reason, we're more happy to take the risk) - but it's out of fear.

The fear of risking what you've already established to go further against the fear of it not working out and losing it all.
Not everyone can be friends with their ex's, not all break ups are even friendly and you end up hating each other because emotions run deep.

Moments like that, some girls don't wanna chance and thus use the friend level as an emotional barrier.
There are the bitter, shallow girls like the Onion parody, sometimes methinks you should just tell them to their faces plainly:

"Sorry, I can't be a 'friend' only to you. I actually wanna f*ck you.
I want to make love to you, look after you, dedicate my life to you and it kills me to pretend otherwise.
If you truly can't see me as a man and not as your 'best buddy', then this is where we say goodbye."

Yeah yeah, she'll be shocked, may slap you, etc, but she'll be majorly disillusioned, shaken and forced to look at you in a different way.
Whether she really feels "creeped out" by it or begins changing her thoughts of you over the weeks, is also a risk many men are afraid of finding out with and remain silent.

If after confessing and she truly and sincerely views you as a friend but doesn't abuse you in terms of telling her exploits with bad guys and supports you, then it's for the guy to decide if he can continue on this level or walk away.
Those who walk away... I dunno... maybe sometimes it'll work out better cause the girl's lost a friendship, which he obviously values so it's a quick harsh lesson that to befriend guys to the level of emotional support carries a risk of something developing further.

Some girls don't realise it or even see it, at the loss of a good person, perhaps they'll open their eyes more and spout out less of the:
Quote:
We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.
(Good, kind, caring) Sex doesn't destroy a friendship.
It just makes it much more vunerable but it takes it to another higher level.
Not all can handle that transition, and thus prefer to stick in a realm that's just "safe".

Fear steals a lot of opportunities in our life.
Life is short, time is precious, use it wisely.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem
But then again, that's all planning from a logical stand point. As the saying goes, "Man tries to plan, and God just laughs." Life is unpredictable and you can never know what's coming your way. Try to look ahead, but ultimately do what you think is right.
I'm ironically enrolled in that "Life Lesson" at present, it's incredibly frustrating to have that kinda control taken away from you, but we can only make the best of each day as much as we can
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