AnimeSuki Forums

Register Forum Rules FAQ Members List Social Groups Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   AnimeSuki Forum > General > General Chat

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 2009-10-09, 20:53   Link #1761
RadiantBeam
Test Drive
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Age: 23
Send a message via AIM to RadiantBeam Send a message via Skype™ to RadiantBeam
Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
She doesn't know how to ride a bike, and we're pretty much in the middle of a city right now haha.

Though maybe I'll remember camping in the future, I doubt either of our parents would allow it but it's worth a shot, lol.
Hmmm...

Why not just spend the day walking around the city?
__________________
RadiantBeam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-09, 20:58   Link #1762
Splitpersonality
Amateur Psychomocologist
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
We were going to do that, but plans got canceled as of just now, apparently she has to do tons of work, and "Talking to you is not conducive to getting my work done."

Even when "Talking to you" = saying I love you.
__________________
Splitpersonality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-09, 21:13   Link #1763
Cipher
.....
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
We were going to do that, but plans got canceled as of just now, apparently she has to do tons of work, and "Talking to you is not conducive to getting my work done."

Even when "Talking to you" = saying I love you.
Try forcing her into a corner then spill the beans. (she'll forget about the force part)
Cipher is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-09, 21:18   Link #1764
Splitpersonality
Amateur Psychomocologist
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Talking on phone, attempting to coerce her into talking to me is quite difficult.

I ended up talking to her again, and telling her all I wanted was three words, not a whole conversation. She said "Okay, I said them, bye."

Whatever, I'll deal with it tomorrow when I see her. The phone sucks for talking to people.
__________________
Splitpersonality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-09, 21:19   Link #1765
Cipher
.....
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
Talking on phone, attempting to coerce her into talking to me is quite difficult.

I ended up talking to her again, and telling her all I wanted was three words, not a whole conversation. She said "Okay, I said them, bye."

Whatever, I'll deal with it tomorrow when I see her. The phone sucks for talking to people.
Kidnap her.
Cipher is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-09, 21:22   Link #1766
RadiantBeam
Test Drive
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Age: 23
Send a message via AIM to RadiantBeam Send a message via Skype™ to RadiantBeam
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cipher View Post
Kidnap her.
I don't think that's the best plan of action to get some alone time with your significant other.
__________________
RadiantBeam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-09, 21:32   Link #1767
Splitpersonality
Amateur Psychomocologist
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Plus I can't drive and have no way of getting over there.

I do have handcuffs though....


lol
__________________
Splitpersonality is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-09, 21:39   Link #1768
Cipher
.....
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
Plus I can't drive and have no way of getting over there.

I do have handcuffs though....


lol
Use a cab. Trick her/Drag her/Force her to getting into the cab, go somewhere and do your bad deed.
Cipher is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-09, 21:40   Link #1769
Cinocard
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
You can use the bus to do the dirty job.

Quote:
Kidnap her.
Mirai..nikki.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
Talking on phone, attempting to coerce her into talking to me is quite difficult.

I ended up talking to her again, and telling her all I wanted was three words, not a whole conversation. She said "Okay, I said them, bye."

Whatever, I'll deal with it tomorrow when I see her. The phone sucks for talking to people.
I feel like she's treating you really, really...cold. Why is it so? You haven't met in 3 months, right? Is her work really that busy?

How far is her college from your place? And has her college had homecoming?
Cinocard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-09, 21:43   Link #1770
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Update on my situation: DANGER POINT.

Last night, she told me that "I can't tell whether what I feel for you is true love or just physical desire."



Ooooooh boy. I suppose I should be flattered that I'm apparently doing something right since she loves being intimate with me, but somehow I don't think it's a good sign that she's questioning the basis of our relationship. Sure, I know it's early days so neither of us can be expected to be sure about the relationship, but still....

So now what? Any extraordinary measures I have to take to solve any issue I don't know about? Or is it fine to just leave things be and let time work out what we really mean to each other, as I've been planning all this time?
Ascaloth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-09, 21:53   Link #1771
Cipher
.....
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
Update on my situation: DANGER POINT.

Last night, she told me that "I can't tell whether what I feel for you is true love or just physical desire."



Ooooooh boy. I suppose I should be flattered that I'm apparently doing something right since she loves being intimate with me, but somehow I don't think it's a good sign that she's questioning the basis of our relationship. Sure, I know it's early days so neither of us can be expected to be sure about the relationship, but still....

So now what? Any extraordinary measures I have to take to solve any issue I don't know about? Or is it fine to just leave things be and let time work out what we really mean to each other, as I've been planning all this time?
Give her anything she wants and have fun together but don't have sex with her. You gotta remove that "physical desire".
Cipher is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-09, 22:23   Link #1772
Quzor
It's the year 3030...
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Spaceport Colony Sicilia
Age: 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
Update on my situation: DANGER POINT.

Last night, she told me that "I can't tell whether what I feel for you is true love or just physical desire."



Ooooooh boy. I suppose I should be flattered that I'm apparently doing something right since she loves being intimate with me, but somehow I don't think it's a good sign that she's questioning the basis of our relationship. Sure, I know it's early days so neither of us can be expected to be sure about the relationship, but still....

So now what? Any extraordinary measures I have to take to solve any issue I don't know about? Or is it fine to just leave things be and let time work out what we really mean to each other, as I've been planning all this time?
I think your latter point is the best route here. In the early stages of any relationship, the odds that physical desire will trump raw emotion is rather high. Call it the "honeymoon phase," if you will. She's so excited to be with someone (and, I'd assume, vice versa) that there really doesn't appear to be any chance for wrongdoing on either part. As time progresses, though, I imagine she'll start to get her feelings in order, and be able to discern which of the two she is truly feeling.

My girlfriend and I went through this not too long ago. The long-distance factor of my relationship adds a new variable to the equation, but the end result is the same. Be happy, and content, with what you have for now, and let it run it's course. At the same time, try to recognize the fact that the possibility exists that she may decide her feelings for you are just "physical desire," and she may choose to call the relationship off. Ideally, this won't be the situation, but no one can say that for sure at this point. However, you'd only be doing the two of you a detriment to try and alter the situation, either in your favor or against it. Regardless of current standing, the end-game will probably result in the most truthful outcome of her feelings towards you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cipher View Post
Give her anything she wants and have fun together but don't have sex with her. You gotta remove that "physical desire".
At the risk of offense, I consider this bad advice. If you give someone everything they want, they're inevitably going to try and give you something in return. If what that person wants to give is "physical attention," and you decline, you only increase the chance of building animosity, towards yourself, in the other person. The real goal is to give as much as you receive, and hope that both parties are interested in working equally hard toward making the relationship a success. If you think calling off the physical part of your relationship is the best course of action, then that is a route that you can obviously pursue. However, making an attempt to fill the physical void by pleasing her in other facets will most likely lead to anger, frustration, and heartbreak.
__________________
http://www.tg-media.net/the_chaos/QuzorSig488.jpg
Quzor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-09, 22:30   Link #1773
Ricky Controversy
Frandle & Nightbag
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
Update on my situation: DANGER POINT.

Last night, she told me that "I can't tell whether what I feel for you is true love or just physical desire."



Ooooooh boy. I suppose I should be flattered that I'm apparently doing something right since she loves being intimate with me, but somehow I don't think it's a good sign that she's questioning the basis of our relationship. Sure, I know it's early days so neither of us can be expected to be sure about the relationship, but still....

So now what? Any extraordinary measures I have to take to solve any issue I don't know about? Or is it fine to just leave things be and let time work out what we really mean to each other, as I've been planning all this time?
Well, the 'stress test' approach would be to withdraw physical affection somewhat and see whether or not that becomes a deal breaker for her. However, I'd really not recommend that. Letting everything play out naturally is the best course of action, because it means you can just enjoy yourselves for the time being and when a conclusion is reached, well, it's reached.

No point in creating a scenario where your relationship is forcefully constrained and then possibly shorter when you can just enjoy what there is to it, ne?
Ricky Controversy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-09, 23:20   Link #1774
Ledgem
Love Yourself
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
Update on my situation: DANGER POINT.

Last night, she told me that "I can't tell whether what I feel for you is true love or just physical desire."



Ooooooh boy. I suppose I should be flattered that I'm apparently doing something right since she loves being intimate with me, but somehow I don't think it's a good sign that she's questioning the basis of our relationship. Sure, I know it's early days so neither of us can be expected to be sure about the relationship, but still....

So now what? Any extraordinary measures I have to take to solve any issue I don't know about? Or is it fine to just leave things be and let time work out what we really mean to each other, as I've been planning all this time?
Time is really the only way to resolve that one. What she says is true; whether she realizes it from past experience, or because she's pondered it heavily, or because she knows the scientific basis behind it, there's a neuroscience-based explanation that I won't get into here (I've probably said it four or five times in this thread; don't want to sound like I'm saying the same thing over and over). It explains the "honeymoon period" of early relationships, and it tends to wear off after three to six months (although for some people it never seems to wear off).

The best thing that you can do, I would think, is to be understanding of her concerns. I'd still reassure her that you love her and find her to be wonderful, but at the same time show that you're also aware that things will change with time.

In other words, you probably don't have to change anything.

As Cipher somewhat mentioned, having sex with her will complicate matters. On one hand it intensifies the relationship, but it also makes physical attraction and urges stronger. That muddies rational thought. I wouldn't say "don't do it at all" (unless you're a strong believer in no premarital sex, in which case, stand by your values) but do be careful.
__________________
Ledgem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-09, 23:31   Link #1775
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Seems like you guys have agreed that my current approach remains the best one, so far. Now I just have to wait and see what the married man or oneechan has to say....

EDIT: Seems like the married man says much the same.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
As Cipher somewhat mentioned, having sex with her will complicate matters. On one hand it intensifies the relationship, but it also makes physical attraction and urges stronger. That muddies rational thought. I wouldn't say "don't do it at all" (unless you're a strong believer in no premarital sex, in which case, stand by your values) but do be careful.
Well....I'm not a strong believer in no premarital sex, but she is. So I guess that's that. Although, to be frank, we have been skirting dangerously close to that lately, especially last night. Mostly due to my fault. Mea culpa.

I wonder if I should go as far as she would let me, or whether I should set some limits for myself as well?

On another note, I neglected to mention the other issue that arose from the date I had last night with her. She said she needed to start studying, so she can only spend a bit of time with me before she has to go home and do just that. So since she was uncomfortable with hugging me openly before others, we went and found ourselves a secluded corner in the campus, and....I should probably stop there.

In any case, last night, I experienced General Relativity first-hand:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Albert Einstein
“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.”


So, yeah. I think if we're both not careful about it, our spending time with each other might very well affect our studies. What kind of time management measures should I take to make sure that doesn't happen?
Ascaloth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-09, 23:51   Link #1776
Ricky Controversy
Frandle & Nightbag
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
So, yeah. I think if we're both not careful about it, our spending time with each other might very well affect our studies. What kind of time management measures should I take to make sure that doesn't happen?
I think the best approach would be to entirely prioritize your studies and recommend she do the same. Whatever work needs doing, whatever materials need reviewing, you get all of that out of the way as it comes to you, as early as possible, so that you have longer stretches of time with her, and during these spans, you don't have to worry about the work/study you will be returning to when your time with her is done.
Ricky Controversy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-09, 23:52   Link #1777
UltimaWolf
~Nani...?~
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: ~Bleh~
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
So, yeah. I think if we're both not careful about it, our spending time with each other might very well affect our studies. What kind of time management measures should I take to make sure that doesn't happen?

I actually had the same problem, me and my girlfriend would spend every day together, once college started in the fall...we still did the same thing until our grades started to drop. Now we have actually been good about time management, but trust me it IS hard. There will be days I'll go without seeing her and it'll feel like weeks. But we both know it's whats best. Like when she calls asking me to come over, I ask her if she has any assignments due or alot of homework, if she does...as hard as it is I'll tell her No, atleast until she's done. She does the same to me if I ask and I have stuff to do. So I guess it takes both people to work together to try and get it to work.

I know it will be hard to do, I'm also not saying you can't spend any time together, just try and think of the best times when to do it. It does make it that much nicer when you do see each other after periods of time without it. Not sure if I really helped any. But good luck!!
__________________
UltimaWolf is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-10, 02:00   Link #1778
Ledgem
Love Yourself
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
EDIT: Seems like the married man says much the same.
Hey! I'm not married yet!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
So, yeah. I think if we're both not careful about it, our spending time with each other might very well affect our studies. What kind of time management measures should I take to make sure that doesn't happen?
That depends on you and her, and on your studies. The general advice seems to be "keep away from each other" but my fiancee and I didn't follow that. We both became crazy about each other, to the point where even being apart for a few hours was painful (things are different now, but you can bet there'll be a lot of tears when my fiancée has to leave for an upcoming week-long conference that's thousands of miles away).

We studied together. We were worried that we'd distract each other, so we tried to create rules - five-minute hug breaks once every 30-60 minutes, sitting on opposite sides of the table, and so on. Didn't work. For the first three or four weeks I don't think we were able to get any effective studying done. As things stabilized (that is, hugging and kissing weren't 100% new anymore) we were able to be more serious about not distracting each other. We had a shared class or two and our areas of study were very closely related, so we were also able to help each other there.

Yet again, it'll depend on the individuals. My take on it was that it was painful to be separated, and neither of us wanted that; we may not have worked effectively whether together or apart. And in hindsight, I'm glad that we did it that way. It allowed us to grow together and bond further. Our relationship advanced (in terms of closeness) in a week what seemed to take other couples a month or more. We were spending time together, we were confirming each others' desires to be together, and we were tackling a challenge - together. It may not work for everyone, but I'm lucky that it did for me.
__________________
Ledgem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-10, 02:12   Link #1779
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Well....so the general consensus is to try and "keep away from each other", but even that might not work. Hell, me and the girl even agreed to each other that we should focus on our studies....and that didn't work out so well for now, either. Looks like I'm really in a pickle this time.

But, thanks anyway, guys. Guess I'll have to take it a step at a time from here.
Ascaloth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-10-10, 11:44   Link #1780
Splitpersonality
Amateur Psychomocologist
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
So instead of three days to hang out we now have one. Her friend the roommate stole her away from me and took her out to the city for the day to have a "girls day in the city" despite the fact that she goes to an all girls school and has no other male friends so I don't see any day not being an all girls day, but whatever.

This is all despite the fact that she promised me we could all hang out together in the city.

EDIT

In regards to her treating me coldly, that's sort of what she does, but she did apologize for it.
__________________
Splitpersonality is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:11.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
We use Silk.