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Old 2007-10-05, 00:55   Link #161
Shinoto
Rollin' Like A Boss
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
It may be awkward for a little while, but it really depends on how you ask. I was friends with one girl that I asked out. There was nothing overly dramatic about it, or even very straight-forward - I just asked if she'd be free to do lunch some time, and named a time (aggressive dating advice: don't name a time, because it makes it easier for the girl to back out). She said she was busy with friends, so I named another time, and she said she was busy again. I wasn't very aggressive about it, and took the hint. It may have been my imagination, but she avoided me for about two or three months after that, before being friendly towards me again.
Personally...I would say you saved yourself time. A girl like that...really the only word I can think about is ***** to describe it. She doesn't tell you straight out then proceeds to ignore you because of it. I would say you got the better end of the deal out of it.

Really the best advice to give is, Give it your best shot and Dont waste anymore time after. They are not worth it then. If they still want to be friends, that is golden. But don't bother trying again or anything.
If you like someone, Go for it. Its selfish to yourself and her. Because all your doing is lieing about it to both of you. And here is the good side...even if you ask a friend out and she says no. If she decides to ignore you, cold shoulder...and not actually just tell you. Pretty much you just found out she is a ***** right off the bat and didn't even have to waste too much time to do it. If she still cherishs you...Then you found a real friend for sure.
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Old 2007-10-05, 06:13   Link #162
Syaoran
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Dating seems like a complicated thing... especially when you're more of a reserved type of person. It's even more complicated when your world gets turned upside down because you fell for a person of the same sex >___<
You just can't do what you would do when you like a girl... except observing and trying to become friends little by little and finding out what and how *sigh*
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Old 2007-10-05, 12:51   Link #163
Ledgem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shinoto View Post
Personally...I would say you saved yourself time. A girl like that...really the only word I can think about is ***** to describe it. She doesn't tell you straight out then proceeds to ignore you because of it. I would say you got the better end of the deal out of it.
I discovered later that I saved myself a whole lot more than that, but I won't mention it here. Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. For one, if it was her first time being asked out (which is possible) then she may not have known how to react. That may explain her ignoring me (which, admittedly, may have also been unintentional/coincidence, but I strongly doubt it). Secondly, she was of Asian background. From a cultural standpoint, Asians (and many other "minority cultures") communicate indirectly. It links into aspects of their culture, but the general idea is saving face and not offending the other person. If a girl flat-out tells you "no, I don't want to date you" then on one hand, you do have closure... but on the other hand, that hurts. At least if there's an indirect response, you're free to pick up on the message yourself, and for some reason, it's less painful than being told directly.

Quote:
Really the best advice to give is, Give it your best shot and Dont waste anymore time after. They are not worth it then. If they still want to be friends, that is golden. But don't bother trying again or anything.
It depends on the scenario; there are plenty of real-life love stories where persistence was the factor that won a woman/man's heart. If it really matters to you, keep trying. Just don't be discouraged by failed efforts, or by giving up entirely. And don't become stalkerish over it.

Quote:
If you like someone, Go for it. Its selfish to yourself and her. Because all your doing is lieing about it to both of you. And here is the good side...even if you ask a friend out and she says no. If she decides to ignore you, cold shoulder...and not actually just tell you. Pretty much you just found out she is a ***** right off the bat and didn't even have to waste too much time to do it. If she still cherishs you...Then you found a real friend for sure.
I agree that you should just go for it anyway. Asking someone out is a real thrill. If it's difficult for you to do (sure was for me) then know that it does get easier with each successive time you do it, but not by too much. The more confident you are in yourself, the easier it is, for sure.

If a girl ignores you as a result, I wouldn't consider it to mean that she's a bad person. We'd need a girl's opinion on this here, but I'd imagine that they'd be ignoring out of feeling awkward or perhaps even bad/guilty about having rejected you. It could also mean that they were weirded out by you (my sister has had an experience like that and never wanted to see the guy again), but presuming that you're a fine person and all that, I'd presume it's more along the lines of being unsure of how to act, being unsure of what your inner feelings are at having been rejected, or perhaps even just trying to sort out her own feelings. Don't go assuming the worst

Quote:
Originally Posted by Syaoran
Dating seems like a complicated thing... especially when you're more of a reserved type of person. It's even more complicated when your world gets turned upside down because you fell for a person of the same sex >___<
You just can't do what you would do when you like a girl... except observing and trying to become friends little by little and finding out what and how *sigh*
I always felt a bit of pity for homosexuals, actually. They'd be attracted to other people in much the same way that heterosexuals, but there's a lot more "noise" - in addition to wondering if they can get the other person to like them and whether the relationship would work out, they have to wonder if the person they like is also a homosexual. I don't know if they can tell easily, but it certainly can't be as easy as telling a male from a female.
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Old 2007-10-06, 18:07   Link #164
Syaoran
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Finding out isn't easy. Ok, you've those where you've to be blind not to notice, but most of them just act like any straight guy. And finding out about someone is a delicate venture where no errors are allowed.
At least it's the case for me... Even if it's in vain, staying friends with that person is still more valuable than creating a hostile situation because of it.

And realizing and accepting what you are >____<
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Old 2007-10-24, 01:37   Link #165
KyuubiRocks
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In my life experiences..being friends with an ex is pretty much a hard thing...'once someone new steps into yours or your ex's life, its not easy for that person to see their partner with the someone you once dated
so eventually the two ex's just end up drifting apart and on occasions they do bump into each other..it's usually just a hi , bye interaction like saying hi to just a familiar face......
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Old 2007-11-02, 04:50   Link #166
Samari
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fome View Post
Ever feel like the girl/guy you like is way out of your league?

That's what i thought.

I can't believe she said yes, and without hesitation.

I'm the happiest guy alive.

Yes, i'm being a stupid romantic.
Yes, all the time. Like I'm up against the world. I remember during my high school prom when I asked out a gorgeous girl and she said "yes". I honestly thought she was going to say "no", because she was like "Well, I've thought about it and..." I was preparing for the decline, but things worked out.
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Old 2007-11-02, 09:32   Link #167
ChibiMenos
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
If a girl ignores you as a result, I wouldn't consider it to mean that she's a bad person. We'd need a girl's opinion on this here, but I'd imagine that they'd be ignoring out of feeling awkward or perhaps even bad/guilty about having rejected you. It could also mean that they were weirded out by you (my sister has had an experience like that and never wanted to see the guy again), but presuming that you're a fine person and all that, I'd presume it's more along the lines of being unsure of how to act, being unsure of what your inner feelings are at having been rejected, or perhaps even just trying to sort out her own feelings. Don't go assuming the worst
That sounds about right to me--not that I can speak for all girls, but for me, rejecting someone else has always been much worse that being rejected myself. If I get rejected, I can get over it pretty easily (even if getting over it often involves several hours of chick flicks and sugary foods). On the other hand, if I'm the one doing the rejecting, I tend to start worrying about the guy's feelings, or thinking that he might try again, and get very shy and nervous around him. It usually ends up being easiest for me to avoid him altogether, or to only interact with him in the context of work or classes. There was this one guy who asked me to a dance our church was putting on when I was 14--even though I didn't like him at all, I felt really bad about turning him down, and stayed away from him for about a year. (Incidentally, we ended up being really good friends eventually, and even dated for a couple of months before I left for college in the middle of August. First impressions aren't everything, I guess.)

Anyway, I guess the whole avoidance thing is part of how girls are much less direct with communication than guys; we'll go out of our way to avoid causing trouble or embarrasment for anyone (at least, trouble as we percieve it), and often won't fully explain ourselves. I guess in the end that can lead to even more hurt feelings, though.
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Old 2007-11-02, 13:34   Link #168
Marina
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Huh, well, I'm a girl and I've never had any problem with turning a guy down. If I know I don't feel the same way, then by saying 'no', you're saving him a lot of heartache. He wouldn't want to date someone who doesn't really care about him the same way he feels about her, and by letting him know that this particular girl is off-limits, then he can stop limiting himself to one and open himself up to more possibilities that are assuredly better for him. And the avoidance thing? I find that cowardly and a guy who usually has the balls to tell me he likes me usually is someone that I'm friends with and would never want to ruin a friendship with. So, kindly turn them away, brutally if they're too persistent, but don't insult him by ignoring or avoiding, because he worked hard to let you know how much he likes you.
The only kind of guys that I will avoid at all costs are the ones I let too close as a friend or other and they turn around and backstab you and then expect you to welcome them with open arms later. Same thing goes for ex-boyfriends, I generally stay friends with them after, but the unlucky one who does the unforgivable forever gets written off my radar. Happily though now, I'm with someone I've been dating for 2 years now, so I haven't had any recent love trouble
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Old 2007-11-02, 13:54   Link #169
ChibiMenos
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Well, I never said that the way I handle things is at all good, just that that's how it is for me. :P And I know a couple of girls who have similar reactions...though in one case at least, running away from all males is certainly justifiable... (Not going to get into that here, though.) Maybe it comes from a lack of experience, or the fact that my guy friends aren't usually the sort who'd even think of asking me out--I'm more like an extra little sister. The inner workings of the male brain are still a mystery to me...
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Old 2007-11-02, 19:53   Link #170
Black_Rose
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Join Date: Aug 2007
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Dudes..... that never happened to me before besides dont think like that.
Id be happy which also proves that your in the same league as him/her
Do positive thoughts and carry on with your life. If they like you then definately why not?
Besides pople come and go in yur life any way Married or not.And it really doesnt matter about your look when if it was your personality that atracted Him/Her......
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Old 2007-11-03, 16:42   Link #171
Darkman.exe213
Yurippe is mai waifu
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I still like someone that I don't see very often, but I can't keep in touch with her, either. I recently found her MySpace by accident(yeah, lots of stuff happened there...), but I don't know if I should talk to her via MySpace.(remember, she doesn't know I found her MySpace) Any suggestions?

My love life is a wreck right now, I know.
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Old 2007-11-03, 19:49   Link #172
Li Jianliang
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Just talk. Online communication is lot easier than real life and it's totally up to the recipient to interpret the tone of the message.

I wonder what having an ex feels like. I've been dating for over 3.5 years with my first love and we're still together, despite living on opposite sides of the coast and in different countries (US + Canada). The biggest difficulty so far has been the time zone difference (3 hours).

I hear other people saying that one should get out and date around to experience various people from all walks of life, but I don't know if that's a good idea for me...
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Old 2007-11-04, 05:12   Link #173
Samari
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Darkman.exe213 View Post
I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I still like someone that I don't see very often, but I can't keep in touch with her, either. I recently found her MySpace by accident(yeah, lots of stuff happened there...), but I don't know if I should talk to her via MySpace.(remember, she doesn't know I found her MySpace) Any suggestions?

My love life is a wreck right now, I know.
Sounds like we're in the same boat. From my experience, I don't know if I would contact the person that way. They might take it the wrong way or something. I guess if the person knows you a little then it's okay.
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Old 2007-11-04, 05:32   Link #174
ChibiMenos
Gillian-class Chibi
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
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So, here's a question for you peoples with more understanding of guys than me. (I have three brothers, and yet I fail...)

There's this guy--he's in my DnD group, we like the same anime, we're both nuts about Firefly/Serenity, he's smart and hilariously funny... needless to say, we get along quite well. He's been really nice, too, offering me rides to and from Quark events (the scifi-fantasy-gaming-anime club at our school), and inviting me to go trick or treating with him... heh, that was fun, and we took along his niece so we wouldn't get quite so funny looks from the people handing out candy. XD I've thought a couple of times about asking him him out (because I prefer to do that rather than wait around for the guy to ask, it's more fair anyway). Just to a movie or something. But here's my problem: I'm not sure what he thinks about me--whether he only sees me as a friend. Sometimes I'm sure he doesn't, but then he'll do something like try and get me hooked on Guitar Hero (it worked, btw)...which seems like more of a just wants to be friends thing to me. Anyway, I definitely don't want to scare him off or anything... <.< So, any advice on what to look for while I'm trying to figure this out?
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Old 2007-11-04, 10:51   Link #175
Darkman.exe213
Yurippe is mai waifu
 
 
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Originally Posted by bluejazz87 View Post
Sounds like we're in the same boat. From my experience, I don't know if I would contact the person that way. They might take it the wrong way or something. I guess if the person knows you a little then it's okay.
She and I are good friends. Thanks for the advice, guys.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ChibiMenos View Post
So, here's a question for you peoples with more understanding of guys than me. (I have three brothers, and yet I fail...)

There's this guy--he's in my DnD group, we like the same anime, we're both nuts about Firefly/Serenity, he's smart and hilariously funny... needless to say, we get along quite well. He's been really nice, too, offering me rides to and from Quark events (the scifi-fantasy-gaming-anime club at our school), and inviting me to go trick or treating with him... heh, that was fun, and we took along his niece so we wouldn't get quite so funny looks from the people handing out candy. XD I've thought a couple of times about asking him him out (because I prefer to do that rather than wait around for the guy to ask, it's more fair anyway). Just to a movie or something. But here's my problem: I'm not sure what he thinks about me--whether he only sees me as a friend. Sometimes I'm sure he doesn't, but then he'll do something like try and get me hooked on Guitar Hero (it worked, btw)...which seems like more of a just wants to be friends thing to me. Anyway, I definitely don't want to scare him off or anything... <.< So, any advice on what to look for while I'm trying to figure this out?
I'd say just ask him out to a movie or something. Even if he doesn't like you back, you could say you're asking him out as a friend.

But then again, I don't know much about dating, so you might want a second opinion on the matter.
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Old 2007-11-04, 18:14   Link #176
Marina
~La-la Land~
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Join Date: Jul 2007
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Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChibiMenos View Post
So, here's a question for you peoples with more understanding of guys than me. (I have three brothers, and yet I fail...)

There's this guy--he's in my DnD group, we like the same anime, we're both nuts about Firefly/Serenity, he's smart and hilariously funny... needless to say, we get along quite well. He's been really nice, too, offering me rides to and from Quark events (the scifi-fantasy-gaming-anime club at our school), and inviting me to go trick or treating with him... heh, that was fun, and we took along his niece so we wouldn't get quite so funny looks from the people handing out candy. XD I've thought a couple of times about asking him him out (because I prefer to do that rather than wait around for the guy to ask, it's more fair anyway). Just to a movie or something. But here's my problem: I'm not sure what he thinks about me--whether he only sees me as a friend. Sometimes I'm sure he doesn't, but then he'll do something like try and get me hooked on Guitar Hero (it worked, btw)...which seems like more of a just wants to be friends thing to me. Anyway, I definitely don't want to scare him off or anything... <.< So, any advice on what to look for while I'm trying to figure this out?
Well, a lot of the stuff you're describing sounds like it could go either way: either he just wants to be friends, or he really is wanting something more. When he does said activities with you, is it just the two of you most of the time, or does he invite others? Is he similarly courteous with other girls when giving rides, or just with you? Guys are typically easy to read when it comes to figuring out if they like you or not, just check out his body signals. When you sit down, how close do you sit? When you walk together, how close does he walk to you? Do you ever notice him looking at you longer than usual, and when you turn your head, does he suddenly whip his head back and pretend he wasn't looking? It won't hurt to ask him out, a lot of guys these days find it refreshing to have a girl who makes the first move, especially one who seems cool and plays video games, the perfect girlfriend material! And if you really do think he likes you, then go ahead and ask him what he thinks about you as "more than just a friend" and gauge his reaction. If it's no, then that's fine, you didn't do anything embarassing that would ruin a friendship, if it's a yes, then you'll congratulate yourself for initiating the relationship.
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Old 2007-11-04, 21:04   Link #177
ChibiMenos
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marina View Post
Well, a lot of the stuff you're describing sounds like it could go either way: either he just wants to be friends, or he really is wanting something more. When he does said activities with you, is it just the two of you most of the time, or does he invite others? Is he similarly courteous with other girls when giving rides, or just with you? Guys are typically easy to read when it comes to figuring out if they like you or not, just check out his body signals. When you sit down, how close do you sit? When you walk together, how close does he walk to you? Do you ever notice him looking at you longer than usual, and when you turn your head, does he suddenly whip his head back and pretend he wasn't looking? It won't hurt to ask him out, a lot of guys these days find it refreshing to have a girl who makes the first move, especially one who seems cool and plays video games, the perfect girlfriend material! And if you really do think he likes you, then go ahead and ask him what he thinks about you as "more than just a friend" and gauge his reaction. If it's no, then that's fine, you didn't do anything embarassing that would ruin a friendship, if it's a yes, then you'll congratulate yourself for initiating the relationship.
Yeah, usually it's just the two of us, except for stuff where it has to be a group, like DnD. And he actually doesn't seem to pay much attention to other girls. He did say something odd the other night... something about being courteous being a new thing for him? Not sure what he meant by that, though. He's been opening doors and stuff for me, except when I make it to the door first, so maybe that's what he meant.

But on Halloween after we finished trick or treating we rented a movie and went back to my grandma's house (where I am staying for school) to watch it. My cousin Chris was there, and while I was getting the popcorn and stuff ready, they were talking...Chris was saying something about how he somehow only attracts the really crazy girls, then Jon said that he didn't seem to attract anyone at all...a little bit later he added that he didn't really care because he wasn't looking for anything like that right now. Which makes me think "just friends" again.

Then again, when we grabbed dinner at Panda Express for dinner last night, he asked if it was okay for him to pay...he knows how independant I am, lol. I told him it was fine, on the condition that I got to pay next time. He seemed happy about that....but if he just cared about the money, he could easily have said nothing and I would have bought my own dinner to begin with.

Maybe he's just as confused as I am.

I'm gonna try asking him out... I think I'll check and see if there are any good movies showing around here. That's always the least-scary option for me... "hey, have you seen this movie, I heard it was really good"...heh.
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Old 2007-11-18, 20:56   Link #178
Loli Gurl
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I hope everything works out for you ChibiMenos.

I like this boy that's in my class. I don't know if he likes me or not. He sits near me in class. Sometimes before the bell rings he stand up and waits facing in my direction. And in the corner of my eye I see him looking at me. I'm too quiet and shy to talk to him. How do I start talking to him?
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Old 2007-11-18, 21:05   Link #179
Tri-ring
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Originally Posted by Loli Gurl View Post
I hope everything works out for you ChibiMenos.

I like this boy that's in my class. I don't know if he likes me or not. He sits near me in class. Sometimes before the bell rings he stand up and waits facing in my direction. And in the corner of my eye I see him looking at me. I'm too quiet and shy to talk to him. How do I start talking to him?
The oldest trick in the book is to drop a pencil, eraser,etc. for him to pick it up as an excuse to start a conversation.

Not that there is any certainty of him picking up the thing the first place.
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Old 2007-11-18, 21:19   Link #180
Loli Gurl
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Thanks for the advice.
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