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Old 2008-08-31, 19:48   Link #2041
hell88
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Cool chapter Yosei, Helen and Miria had an epic battle I think. To have them both beat each other like that was very unexpected. It was cool.
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Old 2008-08-31, 20:05   Link #2042
KillerYomaFromSpace
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awww poor Miria =(
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Old 2008-08-31, 20:12   Link #2043
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Thank you guys And sorry, KillerYoma. I didn't plan the chapter after you placed the bets, I swear. X3

Next chapter I'm introducing a fan favourite (we haven't heard much from her lately on the threads around here though). Click here if you want to find out. (couldn't resist)

Spoiler for lol:
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Old 2008-08-31, 20:13   Link #2044
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosei View Post
Thank you guys I'm so glad to have the holiday time to write stuff before uni starts next year

Next chapter I'm introducing a fan favourite (we haven't heard much from her lately). Click here if you want to find out. (couldn't resist)

Spoiler for lol:
Yay Flora!
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Old 2008-09-01, 05:33   Link #2045
Yosei
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Hi

There is not long to go for Clare... there need only be two more opponents until her final battle against the Continental Champion, Flash-Strike Irene...

Unfortunately for Clare... her current opponent is the lovely Flora... can she find the heart to punch her angelic face??


Spoiler for space:
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Old 2008-09-01, 07:02   Link #2046
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nice chapter, I'm gonna be very sad for Flora and her academy =(
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Old 2008-09-01, 10:35   Link #2047
hell88
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@Yosei: Jean won her fight! Anyway the fight between Clare and Flora sounds like its going to be a good one, with both of them wanting to win to save they're academy, almost gives me a sad feeling inside. Anyway can't wait to see how it happens.
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Old 2008-09-02, 10:13   Link #2048
Yosei
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I am wondering where wierdo went with his story. I hope he will be back.

The Champion Carnival for bare-knuckle boxing continues. Clare faces her greatest challenge yet; her fight against Windcutter Flora. But it's a different challenge to her last few fights... can she find the heart to destroy the last hope of a boxer whose Academy is on the verge of closing down?


Spoiler for space:



Spoiler for hehe:
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Last edited by Yosei; 2008-09-02 at 10:35.
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Old 2008-09-02, 11:29   Link #2049
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@Yosei: Gone for 2 days & I miss 3 chapters of your story. And 3 bouts!

I found it slightly coincidental that both Miria & Flora hail from Pieta Academy. That's your choice of character backgrounds of course, but with their academy in the lurch, it made both their failures quite poignant. The Miria/ Helen fight, apart from the fact that it ended in an unexpected stalemate, was a bit tough to read...not sure exactly where Miria strength lay. Helen seemed to be in control from the start.

Also, didn't you mention that Clare's fighting name was also the "Windcutter". I think you gave Flora the same one too.

The effort you took in shaping Flora's character really paid off: schoolteacher, respectful, loyal, with a husband (who is surely one lucky guy). And I know you're trying to emphasize Clare's conflict while fighting - the thrill of revenge vs. the ethics of beating an innocent, worse-off opponent senseless. This particular theme was a little stretched in Chapter 11. It made a good story, but for what solid, logical reason would Flora go to all the lengths to know Clare a day before battling her? It seemed a bit overboard. But at least you justified it with her exceptional character: exceptional characters do exceptional things

Clare seems a bit moralistic here...I would expect more blind idealism from her. Unless probably you refer back to her friendship with Jeane as a kind of turning point.
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Old 2008-09-02, 12:14   Link #2050
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@Yosei: aaahh poor Flora, really, I have the feeling that in your story, nobody really win
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Old 2008-09-02, 13:13   Link #2051
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*cries tears of manliness*

That was beautiful!

Poetic, yet brutal.

Bloody, yet pristine.

I LOVE IT! XD
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Old 2008-09-02, 16:09   Link #2052
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I have the same thoughts about this chapter as ghazghull, it was great. The fight and how Clare caught Flora before she fell was dramatic, and how she was holding her at the end. Great chapter.
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Old 2008-09-02, 16:36   Link #2053
weirdo487
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosei View Post
I am wondering where wierdo went with his story. I hope he will be back.
Sorry for taking so long I'm almost finished with the chapter I think. Shouldn't be more than a day or so at any rate.
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Old 2008-09-02, 20:03   Link #2054
Yosei
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Take your time, wierdo. Thanks guys for the very kind reviews! KillerYoma I hope you don't hate me for doing this to Flora . And welcome back Shelter, just wanted to address your points (as always, I hold your reviews very importantly)

Quote:
The Miria/ Helen fight, apart from the fact that it ended in an unexpected stalemate, was a bit tough to read...not sure exactly where Miria strength lay. Helen seemed to be in control from the start.
In the manga I recall Flora was very diffident to Miria and did her best to enforce Miria's orders during the Northern Campaign. I thought a more personal friendship in this story would be nice. And I admit I struggled to write a "defensive" character. In real life there are very few defensive boxers/martial artists who can hold up for long against an aggressive "offense is defense" opponent. But I promise that the next time Miria fights, she will be superhuman, i.e., her counterpunching skills will have progressed to the point that she is not easily enraged or disturbed by offensive fighters like Helen.


Quote:
Also, didn't you mention that Clare's fighting name was also the "Windcutter". I think you gave Flora the same one too.
In the official canon, Clare has developed a technique called "Flashcutter" after having obtained Irene's arm and learned Flora's technique, "Windcutter". In this story, Clare's "Flashcutter" nickname comes as a result of Galatea's invention; she didn't earn it. In this AU Flora is still known as "Windcutter", whereas Irene isn't "Flash Sword", but "Flash-Strike". Hope that clears things up.


Quote:
The effort you took in shaping Flora's character really paid off: schoolteacher, respectful, loyal, with a husband (who is surely one lucky guy). And I know you're trying to emphasize Clare's conflict while fighting - the thrill of revenge vs. the ethics of beating an innocent, worse-off opponent senseless. This particular theme was a little stretched in Chapter 11. It made a good story, but for what solid, logical reason would Flora go to all the lengths to know Clare a day before battling her? It seemed a bit overboard. But at least you justified it with her exceptional character: exceptional characters do exceptional things
I think I've fallen in love with her (character). I made her go to Rabona to meet Clare because I wanted to emphasize her noble nature, but I think I pretty much elevated her to the status of a saint afterward. I loved writing about her. Consider that a writer's bias though, apart from the emotions I wanted to invoke in her fight. Flora won't simply drop out of the story. I plan for her to make recurring appearances, although she has decided to retire from boxing. I can't think of a luckier husband either BTW.


Quote:
Clare seems a bit moralistic here...I would expect more blind idealism from her. Unless probably you refer back to her friendship with Jeane as a kind of turning point.
Good point! I think Clare's very first fight with Jeane didn't have the 100% clout I wanted. I want to really show that Clare was instantly disillusioned with boxing the moment she stepped into the pit. And I want to continue to emphasize Clare's devotion to Teresa (after all, we all love this relationship), even though she is forced to hurt those she admires and loves.
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Last edited by Yosei; 2008-09-02 at 20:33. Reason: Forgot to address point about Miria
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Old 2008-09-02, 21:36   Link #2055
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well, I'm done with this one hope you guys like it. Next chapter will probably be short but will also have the first interlude too so it will probably take some time.

any way heres this one,

Spoiler for those with out a home chapter 4:
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Old 2008-09-03, 09:36   Link #2056
Yosei
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Thanks

Seems there's a lot of political intrigue going on. I'd like to see more - but careful not to lose your readers in its complexity. I reckon a writer literally needs to go easy on the plot sometimes, in the sense of slowing down and letting the reader take it all in, and then BAM! that's when you hit 'em with a big revelation or a rout by the Prince's forces.
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Old 2008-09-03, 11:30   Link #2057
shelter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosei View Post
In the official canon, Clare has developed a technique called "Flashcutter" after having obtained Irene's arm and learned Flora's technique, "Windcutter". In this story, Clare's "Flashcutter" nickname comes as a result of Galatea's invention; she didn't earn it. In this AU Flora is still known as "Windcutter", whereas Irene isn't "Flash Sword", but "Flash-Strike". Hope that clears things up.
Yes. This clears things up. It's a very good reference: I'm cutting & pasting it on my notes so I can refer back to the techniques. There's so much borrowing of names that I'm beginning to lose track

And who hasn't fallen in love with Flora? She's close to the ideal Claymore...But it's very difficult to write about her. So I think you've done more than decently.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosei View Post
Good point! I think Clare's very first fight with Jeane didn't have the 100% clout I wanted. I want to really show that Clare was instantly disillusioned with boxing the moment she stepped into the pit. And I want to continue to emphasize Clare's devotion to Teresa (after all, we all love this relationship), even though she is forced to hurt those she admires and loves.
I can understand this approach. But don't you think her change in attitude is too much an absolute about-turn? It'll all depend on how strong you portray that loyalty to Teresa: that desire alone seems to drive her on & on.
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Old 2008-09-03, 14:47   Link #2058
AkatsukiYu
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Yosei recommended that I exploit what I wanted to "experiment on" roughly two weeks ago. But personally, I don't think anyone would be interested, but it's a long shot.

It's pretty simple, I require participation of those who are willing to take part. An author must come up with a 3-chapter short story (arc) developing a Claymore (from the War of the North campaign) and a OC (which is entirely made up name) bonding relationship (love type). There are 18 (possibly 20) short story arcs to be made.

It's straight forward thing. It's all according to the author himself or herself on how to write it. The OC have names, but they have no physical descriptions or background since I allow the author to describe the OC in their way.

The reason why I'm doing this is due to the fact of quality that a character process is based on how the author writes them. If I were to write all 21 of them, not only it would take a huge amount of time (due to college) but quality will not see fit in them. Not only that, but I rather view the claymores from a different perspective of mine. I rather see how YOU would portray them.

Let's say I've already done 12 short stories already and moved onto the 13th. I may have given my all into the first 12 short stories and wasted every characteristics or personality I can possibly think of.

I don't want to expose such weakness in writing. So I am asking if anyone is willing to participate. I am hoping for 5 to 9 participants to take part, depending on the number of participants may range 2-4 short stories per each. There are some limitations such as "no yuri" "no killing of the characters" etc etc. Chapters are to be 1500 words minimum. How you write them is entirely up to you because there are no limitations, but note that all short story end pretty much the same way --> Claymore x OC

Duration of this project is now until December (Possibly pushed to January) so everyone will have until December-January. I'm sure everyone is capable of doing this.
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Old 2008-09-03, 18:36   Link #2059
Yosei
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May I just drop in a word in support of Akatsuki, I vouch that you will find writing the Arcs quite straightforward once you get the hang of it, and he is very patient and understanding with those who participated with an Arc. Please consider and contribute to the experiment, even if it ended up so far as one Arc like me (so far). I will be doing the Profiles for the OC's, and indeed, it is complete freedom for you to write their personalities and how they interact with the Claymores.

@ Shelter: Will try to make it believable to the extent of my best ability.
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Old 2008-09-03, 19:16   Link #2060
Yosei
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Hi, here is tonight's session.


Spoiler for space:




Please look forward to the last three fights of this Carnival Arc.
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