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Old 2008-09-03, 19:42   Link #2061
KillerYomaFromSpace
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosei View Post
Please look forward to the last three fights of this Carnival Arc.
looking forward to it =), and by reading the titles I have the feeling that its not gonna be pretty.

anyway, I'm glad this is not the end of Miria ^^
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Old 2008-09-03, 19:47   Link #2062
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Wow Jean sure kicked some ass in that fight. Good chapter, I'm looking forward to the last three fights now, and now that Irene is going to be watching Clare and Jean. Its almost a cliffehanger ending.
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Old 2008-09-04, 01:01   Link #2063
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AkatsukiYu View Post

It's pretty simple, I require participation of those who are willing to take part. An author must come up with a 3-chapter short story (arc) developing a Claymore (from the War of the North campaign) and a OC (which is entirely made up name) bonding relationship (love type). There are 18 (possibly 20) short story arcs to be made.

It's straight forward thing. It's all according to the author himself or herself on how to write it. The OC have names, but they have no physical descriptions or background since I allow the author to describe the OC in their way.
Hmm...Sounds interesting.

But there are some things which I find a bit unclear. What do you mean by write an "arc"? The 3 chapters bit I understand. And why all 21 Claymores? Do you want us to come up with a rewrite of the Northern campaign? Or just a set of stories?

Please don't misinterpret my queries. I'm willing to join (it's about time there was some coordination between Claymore fanfic writers anyway), but I don't get your description that you've mentioned here - is it a rewriting or a short story project? Maybe you can PM me will the details of what you are planning to write exactly & how interested people can contribute.
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Old 2008-09-04, 10:26   Link #2064
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Thanks for the willingness to help out AkatsukiYu, Shelter. Actually, if I may drop in a word about collaboration by the people around this thread, I'm proud to say Hell will be a guest writer in my current story. Expect his presence in the story sometime in the future.

It is late night over here, meaning it is time for the evening's completed chapter.

Chapter 13 is a very important chapter storylinewise, and I didn't plan for it to be that way. So when I completed it, I decided to change its name from "Champion Carnival! Clare vs. Sophia", to "The Legacy of Teresa". Sorry for the minor change, but this chapter focuses heavily on Irene and Teresa, and consequently, offers a dramatic possibility, storylinewise, of Clare's future. In other words, a fair bit happening in this chapter, moreso than usual.

I also indulge in some Irene-style angsty love towards Teresa, hope you can detect it in this chapter.


Spoiler for space:
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Last edited by Yosei; 2008-09-04 at 18:44. Reason: paragraph problems
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Old 2008-09-04, 16:16   Link #2065
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@Yosei: When I was reading the part when Irene is thinking about Teresa I was starting to think you were going to put them in shoujo-ai. Lol anyway it was still a good chapter, I felt even more suspence when I was reading the part where Irene is talking to Clare, or mabye its because I sort of know whats going to happen.
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Old 2008-09-04, 17:07   Link #2066
Tempest35
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Irene's like Yoda - only much taller and much better looking lol The way they seem to carry ageless wisdom despite being able to make mistakes and such and how they uphold themselves is frankly ... awe-inspiring. Aloof yet observant, disciplined yet passionate, speaks frankly and of little nonsense yet deep words and wisdom: Irene is in a class all on her own.

....with that said, I wonder if Yagi didn't base Irene off of Yoda for Claymore...

BTW Yosei - you've made Irene live up to her well-deserved reputation in this chapter. Well done. b
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Old 2008-09-05, 07:28   Link #2067
Yosei
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Thank you.

With only three fights to go till the end of the Champion Carnival (including Clare vs Irene), new bios of two characters are now revealed.


Spoiler for space:
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Old 2008-09-05, 20:46   Link #2068
shelter
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@Yosei: Very good work on Chapter 13. You made good your attempts to make it both believable & yet exciting to read at the same time. Your story has gone to another level because you've brought in another element of tension with Irene's revelation. I find that the idea of Clare trying to live up to Teresa's legacy - and everyone else either trying to help her to it consciously or unknowingly - is the biggest struggle Clare faces. But it's not properly explored in the canon. So by coming out into the open in Chapter 13, it gives a 2nd dimension to Clare's budding sense of herself & her pitiless job.

Normally (if you've seen my reviews to Hell) I abhor flashbacks. But this one was completed very fluidly. For some reason, when a flashback incorporates more dialogue & an interruption of the thought process like Irene's it seems more realistic rather than just descriptions. It didn't feel too disruptive. And when the flashback ended, you moved your story forward in accordance to lapsed time. So I saw Irene/ Teresa's flashback bout as a replacement for Sophia/ Clare's. Now that's something original

Reading Irene's angsty love made me shudder at least once...
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Old 2008-09-05, 21:35   Link #2069
Yosei
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Thank you, shelter. I'm glad I introduced the overarching theme of this plot: that Clare is the potential Champion who can surpass them all (despite Teresa having predicted that, she does not know/want Clare to be that person). I'm trying to make many of the themes in this story tributes to the elements of the canon (Teresa gets beaten by Priscilla, Clare's vengeance, Irene's role as teacher, Clare's monstrous potential, etc).

Hence I'm glad I abandoned the "fight-rest-dialogue, rinse and repeat" approach for this chapter.

Did you shudder at Irene's love because it was so corny, or because imagining Irene and Teresa like that is a bit... ick? I don't know, not sure how to interpret your sentence. Would like to know, because I am clueless but curious.
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Old 2008-09-06, 07:29   Link #2070
Tempest35
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Hnnn, now that I read it over....I supose that it could be less....'lovey dovey'...between Teresa and Irene.

I mean, if you read it quickly in one go, it kinda seems as if they're all over each other on a regular basis... Maybe that's what shelter's refering to.

They're suppose to be rivals, at least Irene views Teresa as such, but they also like and admire each other - Teresa admires Irene for her passion and dedication for this sport while Irene admires Teresa for her strength and is also not a little jealous of it too.

Spoiler for I have waaay~ too much imagination...:


Oh yeah....
@ shelter : Y'know, rare is the fic that I find nothing to be improved upon but the last two chapters you sent for Snakehead....They're good to go. I sense that you re-worked them a lil bit after I finished your first two chapters from so long ago....lol Re-read them a final time then post them up. They're good.
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Old 2008-09-06, 08:34   Link #2071
Yosei
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Originally Posted by Tempest35 View Post
Hnnn, now that I read it over....I supose that it could be less....'lovey dovey'...between Teresa and Irene.

I mean, if you read it quickly in one go, it kinda seems as if they're all over each other on a regular basis... Maybe that's what shelter's refering to.

They're suppose to be rivals, at least Irene views Teresa as such, but they also like and admire each other - Teresa admires Irene for her passion and dedication for this sport while Irene admires Teresa for her strength and is also not a little jealous of it too.
Does it really seem like they're all over each other? Hmm... But I like the hawtness

Quote:
Spoiler for I have waaay~ too much imagination...:
No, it's cool! It's a good suggestion. I hope someone can take it up next time there's an opportunity for a Teresa/Irene moment. But I admit, I enjoyed writing the hair-stroking scene with Irene inwardly drooling over Teresa's touch.
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Old 2008-09-06, 09:05   Link #2072
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@Yosei: They're not all over each other that much, it could be more.

Alright well anyway I finally got the next chapter of my fic done, here it is.

Spoiler for double edged chapter 6:
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Old 2008-09-06, 10:04   Link #2073
Yosei
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I appreciate how you really highlighted Priscilla's power. It seems that even the Dragons are no match for her - of course I'm not sure how she will stand up to Dracul and perhaps some of the other "good" dragons. But I always imagined if Priscilla could be controlled, she would have been the best anti-Dragon weapon the Organization wanted...

And of course I always like it when Galatea's in the chapter...
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Old 2008-09-06, 10:34   Link #2074
shelter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosei View Post
Did you shudder at Irene's love because it was so corny, or because imagining Irene and Teresa like that is a bit... ick? I don't know, not sure how to interpret your sentence. Would like to know, because I am clueless but curious.
Maybe because unlike a lot of Claymore fans, I have no special interest/ liking for Teresa & view her as simply the "greatest" Claymore. And what Tempest says is kind of right: prior to Clare, both in canon & in your story, there's nothing to indicate Teresa is capable of such affection.

In your scene, I found the relationship between the 2 hard to comprehend. People like to push that Irene has a love-hate-love-regret relationship with Teresa, & that Teresa playfully exploits that. But I think that's very difficult to show. I reacted to your attempt knowing you put the effort, but the kind of Teresa/ Irene closeness there is - for the lack of words - unprofessional for both. But it wasn't corny - trust me on that

It'll take me some time to see Teresa, Irene & all the Claymore characters of their generation as approachable enough to write fanfiction on.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tempest35 View Post
@ shelter : Y'know, rare is the fic that I find nothing to be improved upon but the last two chapters you sent for Snakehead....They're good to go. I sense that you re-worked them a lil bit after I finished your first two chapters from so long ago....lol Re-read them a final time then post them up. They're good.
You serious? But if that's what you think I won't bother you with any more emails or questions
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Old 2008-09-06, 11:03   Link #2075
Tempest35
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I think that Teresa could have a teasing, playful side but due to the circumstances that made Teresa who she is, all we get out of it is her snarkiness to everyone. She won't pull pranks but she won't pull her punches either. She doesn't have to say that she's 'the best' the best all the time - that's what everyone else is there for.

"I don't care - you can keep on dreaming about being the best. I'm better than anything you could ever dream of anyway."

I think that sums up her actual disposition pre-Clare.

Ah, don't worry about this Yosei - I just love picking apart characters thru fanfiction. And this way, some of us better understand the actual characters. ^_^
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Old 2008-09-06, 19:26   Link #2076
Yosei
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@ shelter and Tempest, ah I see, I understand now.

Hi all, Chapter 14 up. With the completion of this chapter there are only two fights ahead: the struggle for the Lightweight Continental Championship, and the Featherweight Continental Championship bout between Clare and Irene.



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Old 2008-09-06, 20:00   Link #2077
hell88
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@Yosei: Oh no Jean lost! Well there goes my bet, it felt like to me that Noel seemed to be a soar winner when she stepped on Jean's head after she beat her. I could almost feel the humiliation. Finally Cynthia will fight now, I've been waiting for her to fight for a while now. Anyway good job, your story telling feels like it keeps getting better and better.
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Old 2008-09-06, 22:28   Link #2078
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wow there are some really good fanfiction in here ...

i ought to read a few later
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Old 2008-09-07, 11:41   Link #2079
shelter
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@Yosei: I was kind of expecting Jeane to lose (sorry Hell...) because of Clare's overwhelming power & influence. The manner of Jeane's defeat, I think, as cruel as it sounds, differentiated this bout from the others. Because I find Noelle's advantage a bit hard to follow, the effect of the defeat mattered.

Saw that your section breaks & chapters ends are handled with the same format: deep thoughts in single paragraphs. It's worked all the way. So its a bit of a shame that I say perhaps some variation might be good.

This chapter still can't compare to the previous Chapter 13 though. Hoping the Cynthia fight or the Irene vs. Clare one will
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Old 2008-09-07, 19:41   Link #2080
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Here is chapter seven, I'll probably have chapter eight up tomorrow.

Spoiler for double edged chapter 7:
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