AnimeSuki Forums

Register Forum Rules FAQ Members List Social Groups Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   AnimeSuki Forum > Anime Discussion > Older Series > Retired > Claymore

Notices

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
Old 2008-09-12, 23:07   Link #2121
Yosei
Death by writing
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Hong Kong/Brisbane
Oh, it seems you edited different parts of the chapter. I thought you were just going to edit the end of the Irene vs Clare bout. But still, I'll paste the whole thing anyway.
__________________
Some of my writing:

Buddhism and spirituality: Buddhist Door

Fanfiction: Transformers 00
Galaxy Fantasy
Yosei is offline  
Old 2008-09-12, 23:18   Link #2122
Tempest35
Awe of She
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Orlando
Sorry, I couldn't help myself.... I did say a few hours - that's way too long just to edit a line or two. lol
__________________
"Focus entirely on me, you ordinary soldier."
Tempest35 is offline  
Old 2008-09-13, 08:46   Link #2123
Yosei
Death by writing
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Hong Kong/Brisbane
Hurrah, here is Chapter 18, "The Old Ways Shall Fall". A reasonably important "in-story" chapter in regards to this AU, hopefully the lack of fighting doesn't make it too boring. This is an 'experiment', in the sense that I'm seeing if you guys will like the solidification of the plot. Hopefully you'll find it okay.


Spoiler for space:



Hope it's nice.

And Tempest, you can edit my entire chapter if you want, but perhaps you would consider writing an actual chapter to bring your own hand and talent into this AU? I am currently seeking people who would like to be part of this "festival" now.
__________________
Some of my writing:

Buddhism and spirituality: Buddhist Door

Fanfiction: Transformers 00
Galaxy Fantasy
Yosei is offline  
Old 2008-09-13, 08:59   Link #2124
Tempest35
Awe of She
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Orlando
lol, thanks for the offer, I'll consider it.

As for editing the chapter, not much to be edited - I just pounced on the Irene chapter because...well, it was Irene.

If I do write something, it will be funny - a day where everyone gets to relax. But I'm not sure about the time and era this story's occuring in so you'll have to tell me that much. lol
__________________
"Focus entirely on me, you ordinary soldier."
Tempest35 is offline  
Old 2008-09-13, 09:11   Link #2125
Yosei
Death by writing
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Hong Kong/Brisbane
I guess I could break my own rule so you can write about Irene (as it seems she's one of your favourites)... as long as it does not interfere with the actual plot (if there is one lol). So it'll have to be "Oh Teresa, how I hate you, how I love you" all over again and I'm not sure if anyone can stand that after the previous arc when a fair bit of it was devoted to said angst. Or, your suggestion about a day out with the boxers sounds great, Hell and I were also discussing on the idea of filler chapters.

BTW, no "modern" technology like electricity. It's a pretty eclectic world, with modern grammar like "gym" or "tournament circuit", but from all the chapters you've read, you'll get the impression this world only has horses as transport Buildings are described pretty vaguely, Teresa's "cottage" is set in a pastoral setting, reminiscent of Celtic times. A blur between the forests of Europe and the metropolis of canon Claymore cities like Rabona.


*


Typical of a shonen style story, I have been forced to flesh out this world a bit more, and introduce this final arc's seasonal antagonists. Luckily I believe this is slightly different from my (Grand General --> Dragon General --> Dragon Emperor) formula a few months ago.

Spoiler for click here to meet the Royal Lancers:
__________________
Some of my writing:

Buddhism and spirituality: Buddhist Door

Fanfiction: Transformers 00
Galaxy Fantasy

Last edited by Yosei; 2008-09-13 at 09:28. Reason: whee
Yosei is offline  
Old 2008-09-13, 09:42   Link #2126
hell88
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Canada, but sometimes in La La-Land hanging out with Midori-chan89
Age: 25
@Yosei: Yay the new arc is finally starting, can't wait to see who is fighting who and everything, like I said before, "should be good."
hell88 is offline  
Old 2008-09-13, 10:39   Link #2127
shelter
Every word must conjure
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: City of No Yesterdays
Send a message via MSN to shelter
@Yosei:
I don't really have much comments on the final Chapter because it felt like a kind of transition between 2 arcs. But I think I was temporarily blinded & unable to use my abilities of analysis by the very thought of the image of Flora in a sarong
shelter is offline  
Old 2008-09-13, 11:07   Link #2128
KillerYomaFromSpace
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
@Yosei: looks promising, I can't wait to read it, I just hope Miria does not loose this time >< (yes I'm starting to sound like a broken disk, can't write a frakking post without naming her =P)
KillerYomaFromSpace is offline  
Old 2008-09-14, 11:42   Link #2129
Yosei
Death by writing
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Hong Kong/Brisbane
Happy Mid-Autumn! Here is a new chapter with a beginning segment devoted to "reflections by the moon".



Spoiler for space:
__________________
Some of my writing:

Buddhism and spirituality: Buddhist Door

Fanfiction: Transformers 00
Galaxy Fantasy
Yosei is offline  
Old 2008-09-14, 11:54   Link #2130
shelter
Every word must conjure
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: City of No Yesterdays
Send a message via MSN to shelter
@Yosei:
My immediate thoughts after reading this chapter are to do with Rigardo's challenge. You have got both the mood & tone of the challenge pretty spot on. Plus I think you crafted a very insidious person out of the character with his appearance & words. I felt the only thing that's missing is the context & culture.

What I'm saying is: right now I don't understand why Galatea & Irene take Rigardo's words so seriously (to the extent that they are concerned about their students' safety with his mere appearance). Some link is missing: the competitive culture of the World Circuit is the closest I can think of, or perhaps the violent nature of their professions....You did mention a bit of this when you described the Royal Lancers in profile, but right now I feel some more detail on why the Lancers are dismayed at Clare's win & how the cutthroat field of bare-knuckle boxing has been stunned by Rabona's 2 very unpredictable wins. That is, try to make the personal victories/ aspects of Clare, Cynthia & Flora have visible repercussions to the greater world of your story.

And yes, happy Mid-Autumn. The moon is real bright tonight
shelter is offline  
Old 2008-09-14, 13:47   Link #2131
Tempest35
Awe of She
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Orlando
Heh, this is why I wanted slightly more detail to the background world in his previous chapters because of this very situation.

Now, even though we have info via a bio of the 'Royal Lancers', it still feels as though Rigaldo's presence and his reasons were dropped on us too suddenly. ....hnnn.... ~Plotting Mode: Activated~ ... I shall retire so as to meditate upon this, and how to gradually pull the larger world into scope better... And I think I know just the person to use....
__________________
"Focus entirely on me, you ordinary soldier."
Tempest35 is offline  
Old 2008-09-14, 13:48   Link #2132
hell88
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Canada, but sometimes in La La-Land hanging out with Midori-chan89
Age: 25
@Yosei: Wow Rigaldo sure likes to talk a lot. Reminds me why I don't like him very much. My thoughts are the same as Shelter's on this chapter.

Hmmm well if its Mid-Autumn where you guys live, its only happy almost end of summer over here.

Here's my next chapter.

Spoiler for double edged chapter 9:

Last edited by hell88; 2008-09-14 at 18:59.
hell88 is offline  
Old 2008-09-14, 19:40   Link #2133
Yosei
Death by writing
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Hong Kong/Brisbane
@ Shelter: I am hoping the next chapter, which I haven't started typing, will enlighten Clare more of Galatea and Irene's perspectives regarding Rigardo and the others. The end of this most recent chapter was Clare-centric, almost 100% Clare-centric. I would like her to appear clueless at first, given her meteoric rise to power. The Royal Lancers serve whichever Academy they choose, although since all four of them hail from Sutafu, they tend to agree with its rather Machiavellian policy. But this is not the reason they have declared war, or it would be so lame and petty

@ Tempest: If you're going to edit my chapter again, could you italicize the parts you added in or changed? Because that way I don't have to paste the whole thing in and make all the cosmetic changes to the format which were already there in the old document. Once I've added in your parts I'll have removed the italics.

@ Hell: Not too bad and I'm happy Raphaela's back... but I'm sort of rather weary of Raki's refusal to learn and, quite literally, be a bit more upright. I mean, his ventures with Clarice have cheapened his previous reparations with Clare and Miria. And it sort of made his words "I love you" completely unbelievable. It also makes his character... pretty much irredeemable in my eyes, unless you have something drastic planned for the next few chapters.

And hopefully you'll be able to describe Cynthia's emotions more often before the end of your story. Otherwise it does seem all she wants is sex, first from Raki, then from Galatea. I can't really see Cynthia like that, although I guess my glasses have been coloured by my previous two stories. I'm all for people having sex with different individuals, but you can't do that sort of thing without feeling something. Doesn't matter if it's good or bad or even just boredom, just write of them FEELING something.
__________________
Some of my writing:

Buddhism and spirituality: Buddhist Door

Fanfiction: Transformers 00
Galaxy Fantasy

Last edited by Yosei; 2008-09-14 at 19:52.
Yosei is offline  
Old 2008-09-14, 20:59   Link #2134
hell88
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Canada, but sometimes in La La-Land hanging out with Midori-chan89
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosei View Post
@ Hell: Not too bad and I'm happy Raphaela's back... but I'm sort of rather weary of Raki's refusal to learn and, quite literally, be a bit more upright. I mean, his ventures with Clarice have cheapened his previous reparations with Clare and Miria. And it sort of made his words "I love you" completely unbelievable. It also makes his character... pretty much irredeemable in my eyes, unless you have something drastic planned for the next few chapters.

And hopefully you'll be able to describe Cynthia's emotions more often before the end of your story. Otherwise it does seem all she wants is sex, first from Raki, then from Galatea. I can't really see Cynthia like that, although I guess my glasses have been coloured by my previous two stories. I'm all for people having sex with different individuals, but you can't do that sort of thing without feeling something. Doesn't matter if it's good or bad or even just boredom, just write of them FEELING something.
Yeah I've been waiting forever to bring Raphaela back, she will be a little different than before, with her experience with Riful and everything. Raki is a little dumb, either that or Clarice likes to have some adventure lol. Yes I do have something drastic planned for Raki in the future, can't say Miria will want to go back to him though. Now that he is with Raphaela and Clare mabye he will learn something.

Well hey I can describe Cynthia's emotions right now actually, for anyone that hasn't got it by now, she is a nymphomaniac in my fic. Along with Helen but she pretty much already is one anyway, Cynthia hung around Helen too much in the north and Cynthia became the way she is from listening to Helen's sex stories. So I thought why not have Galatea do something that would make Cynthia want her, don't worry there will be feeling.
hell88 is offline  
Old 2008-09-15, 19:27   Link #2135
Yosei
Death by writing
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Hong Kong/Brisbane
Flora's updated profile, post-Carnival.

Spoiler for i believe we've met somewhere:
__________________
Some of my writing:

Buddhism and spirituality: Buddhist Door

Fanfiction: Transformers 00
Galaxy Fantasy
Yosei is offline  
Old 2008-09-15, 23:31   Link #2136
shelter
Every word must conjure
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: City of No Yesterdays
Send a message via MSN to shelter
Some small, quiet one-shot that I've been too distracted with for the past few days. For the Miria fans. And for the unseen, unheard & unaware Tabitha fans - if there are actually any

Written in the usual style (my older style, less experimenting), keeping the story as updated to the canon as possible. I've said it once & I'll say it again: Miria & Tabitha are 2 great characters to write on.

I'm a promoter of inter-Claymore conflict

Spoiler for The Sound of Bells:


Comments, criticism welcome. Also need advice on whether I should continue doing this irregular one-by-one posting of fics, or come up with something more lasting.
shelter is offline  
Old 2008-09-16, 00:20   Link #2137
KillerYomaFromSpace
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
@Shelter: I think its great, independent fics are fine, however, I would love it if you made something more lasting if its about Miria ^^
KillerYomaFromSpace is offline  
Old 2008-09-16, 01:59   Link #2138
Yosei
Death by writing
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Hong Kong/Brisbane
@ shelter: That was very well done! Enjoyed it all. I thought the beautiful part between Miria and Tabitha, fine as it is, could be actually lengthened. In particular, although this was written with the Tabitha fans in mind, even more of Tabitha's thoughts on Miria's perspectives would I think satisfy fans on both sides. This isn't really a suggestion of improvement per se, more like lengthening to please the readers.

I myself would be a Tabitha fan, if Cynthia did not exist. The thing about good entertainment like Claymore is that there are too MANY good characters to write about! I can barely get one right, let alone 7 (8 if you count Galatea)!


Spoiler for shameless self-promotion so I'm going to spoil this:
__________________
Some of my writing:

Buddhism and spirituality: Buddhist Door

Fanfiction: Transformers 00
Galaxy Fantasy
Yosei is offline  
Old 2008-09-16, 04:54   Link #2139
AkatsukiYu
Leave me alone...
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Canada - QC
Yosei... now you feel, my problem XD.

You have contributed to my project... it is my turn to return the favor Yosei...

I can't really decide right now, but from where I am seeing, I would do Miria, but I like to see other people to write about her for you

But I am willing to assist you in another way no matter what. I owe you 6 chapters, four characters, a minimum of 9,000 words.

PM me so we can get this show on the go Yosei.

BTW Yosei... your story is still yours. What would be shared amongst the authors would be the arc itself, but not the entire story
AkatsukiYu is offline  
Old 2008-09-16, 07:15   Link #2140
Tempest35
Awe of She
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Orlando
I changed the plot....??? Curses, I've done it again....

@ Shelter - Hnnn *stares hard* excellent as always ... and yet ... I so want to push a lil Clare/Miria into this fic....even just the barest hit of it....lol Hnnn, could I suggest the Clare/Miria angle if for nothing more than to have even more development for Tabatha - and her feelings of being measured up against Clare in Miria's mind? A lil angst there but hey - its for the story...lol Just an idea, but as Yosei pointed out - seems that many of my ideas have altered the course of many a fanfic. lol
__________________
"Focus entirely on me, you ordinary soldier."
Tempest35 is offline  
Closed Thread

Tags
fanfiction

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:24.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
We use Silk.