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Old 2008-12-16, 18:29   Link #2941
hell88
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Originally Posted by MisterJB View Post
Why did they stopped again?

Well, I should focuse on getting my lincence first, then I can dream about these kind of machines
Lamborghini stopped making the Diablo in 2001 I think. I don't know why, but Lamborghini still makes a lot of nice cars, like the Murciélago, the Gallardo, and the Reventón.

Yes get your license, driving is fun!
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Old 2008-12-16, 19:05   Link #2942
Yosei
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Re!! Don't die! Please?

An exciting chapter. I see the plot is beginning to thicken further. I'm sure we'll begin to see the full machinations of Isley's work in the next chapter or two. Keep it up.
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Old 2008-12-17, 16:25   Link #2943
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This next chapter is a bit shorter than the others but here is chapter 12.

Spoiler for chapter 12:
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Old 2008-12-17, 17:21   Link #2944
MisterJB
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What!?
Raki died No
Well, I wasn't seeing that coming for sure.
I was expecting to see more developing on his relatioship with Cynthia. However, this shows that you are not scared of killing important characthers

Rachel being mistaken for a dude was hilarious. The race was also really good. Still, It would have been better if you described in how did TJ's yoki helped him to win the race
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Old 2008-12-17, 18:22   Link #2945
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Rachel being mistaken for a dude was hilarious. The race was also really good. Still, It would have been better if you described in how did TJ's yoki helped him to win the race
It only helped him because when it activated Rachel noticed it like any other Claymore would, and she lost her attention to what she was doing by looking over for to long, which is why she went off the track.
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Old 2008-12-17, 18:45   Link #2946
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I imagined that his reflexes improved or something like that
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Old 2008-12-17, 19:00   Link #2947
hell88
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I imagined that his reflexes improved or something like that
Well not to spoil you or anything, but I'm going to anyway. That will happen in time.
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Old 2008-12-17, 19:08   Link #2948
AkatsukiYu
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My eyes lit up like a child on Christmas morning, when I read the two words: ...Raki's gone

XD Not a saddist, but I would've given Raki a more painfuller death. Since it's Christmas, I guess I'll be nice to him :P.
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Old 2008-12-17, 19:13   Link #2949
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My eyes lit up like a child on Christmas morning, when I read the two words: ...Raki's gone

XD Not a saddist, but I would've given Raki a more painfuller death. Since it's Christmas, I guess I'll be nice to him :P.
I wrote that chapter a few days ago, lol kind of wasn't thinking about Christmas at that time.
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Old 2008-12-17, 20:42   Link #2950
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AkatsukiYu's right... Christmas has come early.
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Old 2008-12-17, 20:47   Link #2951
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New chapter is here. The figth scene migth be a little short. I did the best I could, please enjoy.




Spoiler for chapter 10:
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Old 2008-12-18, 06:13   Link #2952
Yosei
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Let me just say I'm sad about what you did to Dietrich. But the last part in particular was full of drama. Well done.


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Old 2008-12-18, 07:59   Link #2953
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Yosei: Thank you for the review on chapter 10 and also thank you very much the kind review you left at ff.net. I'm really glad you enjoyed "My dear sister".
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Old 2008-12-18, 11:02   Link #2954
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Quote:
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New chapter is here. The figth scene migth be a little short. I did the best I could, please enjoy.




Spoiler for chapter 10:
Finally we get to see some more action in your fic. Although I think you should stop calling the continent that they live on an island, its way to big to be called an island. So its a continent.

I'm interested to see what will happen to Dietrich, will she awaken? Or partially awaken, or will Amanda kill her? Next chapters should be good.
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Old 2008-12-18, 13:30   Link #2955
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Thank you hell88

I don't want to spoil too much but I can tell already that Dietrich won't get killed by Amanda. I think that what will happen will surprise everyone or at least I hope so
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Old 2008-12-19, 12:46   Link #2956
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Next chapter!

Spoiler for chapter 13:
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Old 2008-12-19, 15:21   Link #2957
MisterJB
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hell: First of all, nice chapter. Some good relationships between characthers

Still I think your figth scenes migth be a little short for example, Rigardo vs Priscilla could have been a little more explored if you described from his point of view that he was facing an invicible monster or something like that and altough we know how Priscilla and Rigardo Awakened forms look like, a description of them would only enrich the text.
By the way, how many chapters are you planning for this?
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Old 2008-12-19, 16:08   Link #2958
Yosei
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Dialogue is quite good, especially between Re and Galatea. However, the restriction on words continues to be a small problem. Before Jean was injured you used "kill" too many times. A less serious case is where you said isley had left and there was no one left. XD

A fun and suspenseful chapter. Keep it up.
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Old 2008-12-19, 17:52   Link #2959
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@MisterJB: There is a reason why the fight scenes are so short, because long detailed fights are not what I'm going for in this fic.
Oh and there is a ton of characters in this story.

@Yosei: Yeah I must have been in La La Land when I wrote this chapter.
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Old 2008-12-19, 18:06   Link #2960
MisterJB
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comparing to the other fic I'm reading rigth now it's obvious that you worked more on the figths on that.
Well, the races are amazing, that's for sure.
In this chapter in particular I was talking about Re, Galatea, Priscilla and TJ

oh, I almost forgot. Good sugestion about the continent stuff. I don't believe I didn't noticed it.
Thanks
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