Claymore Fanfiction Discussion

[hell88]

@MisterJB: Just read your chapter, I think you made Dietrich scary. She was getting such a large fanbase to.XD Anyway why not keep going with your story? I can't see why it should be stopped because at the end of this chapter it looked to me like all the good stuff was just about to happen.

[shelter]

Originally Posted by MisterJB

Well here it is.
I hope you all enjoyed the ride. I guess I'm still very green.

Now you decide, Is this worthy a second season?

Actually, towards the end, especially in the last 2 chapters, things started going a bit off tangent. Individually, if each of your chapters stood alone as stories, they are well-written & meticulously descriptive. But the problem is: there are too many sub-plots & secondary stories going on within the story, to the point that I'm a bit unsure which one to follow.

The end of this series seems to be very deliberate. Like Hell said, you seemed to end when everything was about to begin. A 2nd season seems definitely worth it to answer the huge amount of questions which have accumulated in the last chapter, especially with all the father-son revelations flying around.

This is just my style: but personally it would be good if you 2nd season would be more streamlined, restricted to 1-2 perspectives. You can't cover everything in a story - so by limiting things you can probably go more in-depth.

[hell88]

Originally Posted by shelter

Actually, towards the end, especially in the last 2 chapters, things started going a bit off tangent. Individually, if each of your chapters stood alone as stories, they are well-written & meticulously descriptive. But the problem is: there are too many sub-plots & secondary stories going on within the story, to the point that I'm a bit unsure which one to follow.

The end of this series seems to be very deliberate. Like Hell said, you seemed to end when everything was about to begin. A 2nd season seems definitely worth it to answer the huge amount of questions which have accumulated in the last chapter, especially with all the father-son revelations flying around.

This is just my style: but personally it would be good if you 2nd season would be more streamlined, restricted to 1-2 perspectives. You can't cover everything in a story - so by limiting things you can probably go more in-depth.

I realized this to, there is too much going on in the story at one time and it kind of makes it go all over the place and then its hard to tell whats going on. This is something MisterJB will have to work on.

[MisterJB]

Thank you very much hell88 and shelter for the reviews. I wanted to see if anybody was interested in seeing the end of this story, that's why I asked.
Well, the crowd wants and I give it.

After "Secrets in the Past" we have

Love, War and Death

the title says everything, lots of pairings and sex-scenes, three large scales battles and at least 3 Yagi-san characthers are going to die. Probrably more
Also, my new premise is "One chapter, One plot to work on"
I think it will make the story less confusing. For example, in the last chapter we saw that 3 figth are already prepared, Helen and Deneve vs Thelmus; Clare, Cynthia and Yuma vs Irene and Nadia and a siege on Rabona. So instead of always being changing the action from figth to figth I will reserve at least two chapters for each one.
Starting with Helen and Deneve. We will also have a shocking revelation about Helen's father that me and hell88 came up with.

I should post some previews later today.

[Yosei]

I look forward to reading your new season, MisterJB.

The Tigress chapter up! Bring on two new characters.

[hell88]

Now here is my next chapter, I haven't written a fight scene like the one in this one in a very long time now.

Spoiler for chapter 17:

Burning Rubber
Chapter 17: Operation Take Down The Silver King

Galatea stayed cuddled up to Re in her dark room, he had healed from Easley's assault. Galatea could tell because of how freely he could move now and how freely he could move while doing other things. Those others that had helped them get that much closer together, she had felt so calm now because of him. Only until he asked her something.

"Galatea."

It was silent for a few seconds. "Yes."

"You know we have been doing almost every other night. We aren't even protected from eachother and you know I'm kind of starting to wonder if you are pregnant."

Galatea couldn't help but start to chukle to herself, she covered her mouth with her hands trying to make herself stop realizing that she may have just hurt Re's pride. Then after a minute that wry smile had shown itself. "Re, mine doesn't work anymore."

Doesn't work anymore?"

"Thats right I can't have kids, and niether can any of the others that have been experimented on. The organization takes that away from us when we are young, at the sametime as they are infusing us with pieces of yoma."

"Why do they do that?"

"Well its because they don't want us ending up having sex with some normal human man and then we will end up giving birth to a hybrid. Its a good idea on the organizations part, because you get a girl like Helen who does it a lot and then who knows how many kids she could have that could turn out to be potential monsters."

"I see...."

"Oh but don't worry just because that is gone does not mean we still can't feel the pleasures like a normal human woman would. Don't worry I'm not pretending whenever we are in here." Galatea said as that wry smile got even bigger.

It was silent for a bit longer, until Galatea had something to say. "I think it would be a good idea if you hid yourself for a little after tonight. Easley is probably going to try and find you if anything should happen to us. I doubt that he is to happy about letting you get away."

"I understang."

* * *

The next day.

Galatea stood infront of everyone, her dark battle attire draped down her body, as the same with everyone elses. She looked up on the wall behind her where she had all of the information that Re had stolen from Easley up.

"Alright everyone we are finally going to take down Easley. Before I say anything else I want to say this. He won't be as easy as it was for us to kill Rigardo, we beat Rigardo by chance."

"So what are you saying? We are going to die in this fight?!" Helen blurted out.

Galatea sighed. "Well its a large possibility."

Helen pushed her fist into her own face. "Well that really rises my confidence."

"Now everyone Easley is hiding in this building." Galatea said pointing at a map. "There are several entrances to get in the building, we are spliting up into small groups. There isn't much else to say except we will be leaving by nightfall. That should give you all enough time to be together just incase its the last time."

As everyone walked out of the room and into the hall Clare and Jean quickly fell into eachothers arms, it wasn't unexpected as everyone knew about what the two of them were up to.

Helen smiled. "Yeah look who is going to be the first to get some nooky tonight!"

Cynthia had walked beside Helen with her head down. She was still feeling the effects of what happened to Raki. Behind her was Tabitha who also seemed kind of sad, the only name that kept on going through Tabitha's mind was. "Miria..."

* * *

Several hours later.

The group had fallowed Galatea jumping across the roof tops and up on buildings. Like ninjas, they were not seen as they're dark clothes helped keep them stealth and hidden in the shadows. Galatea stopped in a field after jumping off of a building and pushing herself through the air as she flew over the river that was running through the city. The others fallowed and stopped with her as they ended up in a field, the element of surprise was going to be on ther're side. At least thats what they thought.

Suddenly the ground started to rumble, it was Easley's powerful yoki. Galatea took out her sword and so did the others, they had expected Easley but what they did not expect was that they were now surrounded by men. Not any normal men, they had yoki, and they're eyes glowed back at them.

"These are the experiments that Easley had worked on!" Galatea yelled. "Kill them!"

Then Easley had made himself seen. "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Galatea and the others looked up at him. "What?!"

"They were humans to, killing them would make you lower than the organization wouldn't it?"

Just then one man stepped to close to Helen and it was all on after that as Helen sliced his head right off.

"Looks like the cat is out of the bag now." Deneve said protecting her closest friend from more of these experiments and chopping them in half.

Galatea ran at Easley cutting the arms, legs, and heads off of anything that would attack her. Galatea had then jumped raising her sword over her head, she brought it down but all Easley had to do was raise a finger and he had Galatea on the ground. Tabitha, Yuma, and Cynthia fallowed Galatea through and tried to attack Easley in a triangle like formation. They tried to protect their leader but it was useless as now they had deep cuts going into their torsos. Cynthia fell to the ground coughing up blood as did Tabitha and Yuma infront of her.

Galatea looked back as she watched Jean and Clare protecting eachother, and Helen and Deneve who had been trying to get to Galatea. "Damn...." Galatea muttered getting back up.

Easley stood infront of her. "Its useless."

He found himself ducking as Galatea tried to cut his head off.

"I was going to be nice and let you go." Easley said grabbing her right arm.

Next a loud snapping sound could be heard, then Galatea screamed at the top of her lungs. "My arm!"

Easley watched and started to laugh at her as she dropped her sword and even tried to pick it back up. Next he had his right hand around her neck and held her off the ground. He watched as she choked keeping her mouth wide open trying to get air. Blood started to drip out of her mouth as he started doing damage to her throat, next he put his other hand up against her stomach. Then it turned into a lance and had slowly gone though her body.

Blood poured everywhere as Galatea's face started turning blue. Cynthia tried to get up but the wound she now had was to deep and would take to long to heal, Tabitha and Yuma were also helpless as they could not move either.

It was then that the other four had realized that they're leader was going through a very slow death.

"Galatea!" Clare screamed. "Jean cover me!"

Now Jean was defending Clare as Clare ran to help her leader. Easley had stabbed Galatea again and listened to her try to breathe as blood poured from her mouth and from the holes in body. Clare attacked Easley but it was no good, now she had a hole in her body for trying to free Galatea. Clare fell on her back as Helen and Deneve tried to make they're way over.

Jean to was to busy trying to kill the experiments that she could not help either. Clare forced herself off the ground and held her bleeding body, just then she saw it. Galatea had gone limp, her left hand which had been trying to fight off Easley went limp, her legs which were kicking around had stopped. Easley smiled as he watched her eyes fade over and start to roll back. Clare didn't know what to do next, but then he had thrown Galatea into Clare and they flew back at least twenty feet. Clare's body rolled over Galatea's as they tumbled to a stop.

"Galatea..." Clare said coughing up blood as she crawled over to check her.

It was no good as Galatea had no pulse.

"Galatea... You can't be dead..."

Everyone stopped fighting as they watched Clare start to cry. "This one is over!" Easley yelled. "Kill them all now!"

Jean ran over to Clare cutting up anything that got in her way. Helen and Deneve went to protect Tabitha, Yuma, and Cynthia. Easley watched as the remaining three tried helplessly to save their friends.

Easley then turned his attention to Clare who had been away from the fighitng now. He took a step and then he was right there, he raised his hands and got ready for the kill but just then Jean had covered Clare with her body and next thing Clare heard was Jean screaming in pain as Easley had stabbed her. Blood dripped down on to Clare, Clare reached up and felt Jean holding her, Jean pushed her face into Clare and they waited for what was next.

"Jean..."

"Clare..."

Then Easley was stunned and so were the others that were concious. All of the male experiments had been cut up into pieces and the sound of a blade was heard.

"Who is that?!" Hellen yelled shocked as she saw a woman wearing dark red clothing.

It looked like her sword had not even left its sheath, on top of that the woman had not even reached for her sword to kill. Or was she? Her long blond strait hair blew in the wind, and she shook her head to move any strands from her face.

"Who... Is... That?" Tabitha groaned.

Cynthia winced in pain as she felt the womans powerful yoki starting to flow. "I've never felt this yoki before?"

Easley was enjoying his night. "Kill her!"

All that was remaining of his experiments had charged from the building that Galatea's group was supposed to get into in the first place.

The woman smiled. "Too easy."

She drew her sword and had attacked the experiments. They screamed in pain as she cut them up fast, they're tainted blood rained down on the ground as it gushed and suirted from their bodies. The blood never touched the woman as she used her sword to keep it off at the sametime as she killed them.

Easley stepped away from Clare and Jean and was ready to attack this woman. "Hey whats your name?!"

"Why should I tell you? Your not going to survive to see me again."

"What was that?!" Easley said getting frusterated.

Just then the sound of a car could be heard and then Easley had turned around as he heard the cars engine at full throttle. Next all he saw was a silver BMW driving over a ramp and coming strait at him.

"What the hell?!"

The car had crushed him and dug into the ground, next the girls watched as another woman came into view stepping out of the car.

"Who is this?" Deneve thought.

"Her yoki is even stronger than the other womans." Cynthia said getting Helen's attention. "Yeah its two or mabye three times stronger."

"Looks like we were on time Irene."

"Yes Teresa, but it looks like he has already killed one of them."

Teresa looked over as she saw Galatea the one that was dead, Clare's head was resting on Galatea's body as she held Jean who was still covering her and holding her.

"Clare..."

Teresa had gone to Clare, she was unconcious now. She put her hand on her face and rubbed some of the blood off.

Jean slowly opened one of her eyes. "Who are you?"

Teresa looked at the girl protecting her daughter and smiled. "It doesn't matter, your both safe now."

Just then Teresa's BMW had been thrown up into the air. Easley had turned into his awakened form. "This is not supposed to go the way I wanted it!"

He loaded up a bow with arrows which was his arm, he pointed it at Irene. "First I'll get rid of you!" He yelled firing his weapon at her.

Irene's quicksword was enough to destroy the arrows. Just then Teresa had attacked Easley, from the back of the head, she jumped out of the way as blood squirted back at her. Easley was pissed now and he aimed his arrows at the others who had gathered up together around Galatea, Clare and Jean.

"He's going to shoot us!" Hellen yelled.

Then three more cars could be heard, and next thing Easley knew was that a Gallardo, Enzo, and a Elise had smashed into three of his hooved feet making him trip. He fell to the ground and found himself turning back into his human form.

"What I've used up this much energy already?" Easley thought getting up.

Irene looked at the three cars and noticed that there was no one in them.

"Good thing we weren't in those." Flora said starting to giggle at Easley's misfortune. "You have tried so hard, but now you won't survive."

Then Miria was behind Easley and ready to kill him but he turned around chopping at her with his left arm sending her back, ironically she landed near Tabitha.

Flora seemed surprised. "He has that much energy left?"

She had now run into the attack, while using her windcutter. Teresa and Irene had nodded to eachother and helped her.

"Not good!" Easley thought as he got cuts coming from every direction.

Tabitha and some of the others had picked up Miria.

"Miria!"

Miria looked up and saw Tabitha looking down at her. "No..."

"What do you mean no?!" Tabitha said getting teary eyed. "I love you Miria!"

Miria was then in Tabitha's grasp.

"The hell is going on?" Hellen said elbowing Deneve.

Miria pushed Tabitha back. "I was not expecting that. Is there something we had done together back when we were both in the organization?"

Then Miria had phantomed back to the battle to assist Flora. Easley finally got some space and evaded the fight, the fight which he was losing. He held his bleeding body as his vision blurred. The attack Teresa did to the back of his head was really effecting him.

"I have to retreat if I am going to win this war." Easley said jumping back into the air and landing on the ground back at his building.

"Should we go after him Miria?"

Miria looked at her friend. "No, now its T.J.'s turn."

Teresa had looked at Miria and Flora as she remembered her last encounter with them. She walked by with Irene and went to her daughter who was just waking up.

Back in the building Easley had stumbled into his lab where he had more experiments to unleash. The only thing was, they were all ripped apart.

"What happened here?!"

Then he heard the sound of laughter, a girls laughter. He turned on the lights and saw Priscilla laughing at him, and behind her was T.J. who had his hands on her shoulders.

"Its you! How did the two of you get here without noticing?!"

T.J. smiled. "Get him Priscilla."

Priscilla laughed and then her teath became very sharp and her hands became clawed.

"Goodbye father!" She said in a ruffled voice while coming at him.

Next everyone outside heard Easley screaming, but then suddenly it stopped.

[MisterJB]

thanks yosei. I hope I will be able leave up to expectation this time.


hell88: Amazing chapter. Loved the bedside talk between Re and Galatea and the figth was really good. Maybe Isley lost energy a little too fast but beside that I don't see any problem.
It was a very touching chapter I think, so many good charatchers getting killed and wounded, Galatea, Jean, Isley.


Well, I will post a resume of what hapenned in my fic. Just to clarify any doubt before the next one.

Spoiler for resume:

This is a crucial time to the Continent.
Miria prepares her war against the Organization who, on other hand, is almost completing its objective. The creation of the Ultimate Warrior.
It’s in the middle of all this that a new enemy appears; he has established himself in the abandoned North and is slowly raising his power. A mysterious man that has met Teresa in the past, is responsible for the Awakening of Isley and Rosemary, the creation of Priscilla and only God knows the full extension of his influence in the story of the Continent. A man called Darkhenus.
Helen and Deneve stayed in a village that ended up being composed of Yoma and they were ambushed by a servant of that man, the former number 3 of Riful’s time, the Awakened Being Jullianna, they also got to meet Darkhenus’s most powerful servant, Thelmus.
Jullianna fell to the claymores of Helen and Deneve but Darkhenus already had a more powerful servant to replace her.
QuickSword Irene.
After Thelmus killed Audrey and Rachel and gave their arms to Irene; knowing that she had no choice, the silver-eyed woman pledged her allegiance to Darkhenus.
At the same time, Miria, Tabitha and Galatea got visited by the Northern King, Isley.
After Miria defeated him in a duel, he revealed what he knew about Darkhenus and that Darkheuns was the responsible for his Awakening. Or at least they think so because the Silver Haired King is not telling them everything he knows…
Meanwhile, the Organization sent two Claymores to the North to investigate the situation; the number 7 Amanda and the number 8 Dietrich.
The pair ended up fighting against three Awakened Beings. They were no match for the girl’s strength but, unfortunately, Dietrich was mortally wounded and in an attempt to save herself, she raised her Yoki too much and went over the 80% limit.
With the help of Amanda and 5 Yoki-suppressing pills, Dietrich was able to come back to normal but the left side of her once-beautiful face was scarred forever and with it, she lost half of her soul. The pair decided to go the West to search for a cure to Dietrich’s condition before they go back to the Organization.
And now the Darkness thickens; Darkhenus’s five generals are moving towards their objectives.
Helen and Deneve will have to face the most powerful Dragon-Kin ever, while Clare is going to go against an old friend and Rabona, being protected by Miria, Miata, Clarice and humans will have to resist an army of hundreds of Yoma lead by Vampira and Inez.
And to get things worse, an army of 80 powerful Awakened Beings is being prepared in the North to launch a war on the Organization.
Darkhenus’s claws are slowly getting its grip on the Continent…

And now, as promised, I will post two little previews of "Love, War and Death"

Spoiler for Cynthia x Galatea:

Galatea didn’t even knock before entering in Cynthia’s room. Since the poor girl was raped by Darkhenus, she didn’t even say a word.
That day was no different, she lay down on her bed, all dressed in her leather outfit, just staring at the infinite.
It was terrible to see the once full of life and proud woman and warrior being reduced to that lifeless body.
Galatea shook her head in disapproval before sitting in the bed next to Cynthia’s feet.

“Cynthia, Miria told me that you still haven’t talked since that”- said Galatea

However there was no answer from Cynthia. Apparently, she didn’t even notice that Galatea entered in the room.

“Look, it has been two days. You should talk about it, it will lighten your heart. We did what we had to do to survive. Nothing more”

Still no answer.

“How about we go see the children I take care of, they are so adorable. It can really help to get your mind up. Miata has made some new friends you know?”

Seeing that Cynthia probably wasn’t going to answer or even look at her, Galatea got a little mad.

“Ok, Cynthia, look at me, please, look. Do you know how many times I was raped? It was a lot, I was raped by Rimuto, I was raped by Ermita, and, Hell, I was even raped by the first Awakened Being I hunted! And I’m still here! I know it hurts a lot and you probably feel filthy right now but you can’t let that break you down! You are stronger than that! Your friends need you! I need you!”- Galatea yelled.

But apparently, even after that, Cynthia wouldn’t be able to talk, the blind nun sighed and started walking on the direction of the door.
However, she stopped when she heard a big noise coming from behind her and when she felt two hands grabbing her leg. She turned around as if she could see what happened.

Cynthia had jumped from her bed and hugged Galatea’s leg.

“No…please…don’t Galatea…don’t leave me alone…I’m afraid…I’m afraid he will come back if I am alone…please…don’t leave me here…Galatea…please…”

Cynthia could barely talk because of because of the river of tears that were flowing from her eyes. Galatea was amazed, that act of hugging her was so childish, and yet, so beautiful. Her reaction was to help Cynthia get up and hug her too.

“Don’t worry… I’m here… I will always be here… we are not going to leave you… I will not going to leave you…don’t be afraid…”

Cynthia couldn’t see, but Galatea was also crying over her shoulder, and while her body hugged her and her heart lamented for what had happened, Galatea’s mind made a promise.

“I promise you, Darkhenus. For what you have done to me and more importantly, for what you have done to Cynthia… I will get stronger and I will give you a painful death!”

She could almost hear the voice of Darkhenus in her head.

“Come and try it. I will be waiting!”

But, that moment was not the moment to hate him, it was the moment to hug Cynthia and let her cry the sorrow that she was keeping inside of her.
For how long the two women lost themselves on each other’s arms, Galatea couldn’t tell. And Cynthia simply didn’t want to.

Spoiler for Deneve vs Thelmus:

Deneve attacked with her twin claymores but Thelmus swung his own and pushed them aside; he tried to stab her and Deneve twisted her waist to avoid the attack; she saw that she was with her right shoulder turned to Thelmus so she attacked with her right claymore.
Thelmus kneeled and tried to chop off Deneve’s legs; she jumped and stabbed at him from above; the man rolled aside and got up at the same time that Deneve started attacking again.
Thelmus raised his weapon to block a strike that came in the direction of his head and had to twist his wrists to bring it down to block the other claymore. Deneve slashed upwards, Thelmus let them slide on the flap side of his claymore and pointed with the edge of his weapon to Deneve; she thought that he was going to stab her but, in the middle of the movement, he twisted his wrist and turned the attack into a diagonal strike that was coming from above; the woman crossed her claymores and blocked the strike.

The two warriors were now tied in a match of strengths; Deneve sent a burst of Yoki through her muscles, the veins on her arms becoming very salient and her face started to mutate a little. She was pushing with all the strength she had.
However, Thelmus was even smiling; if he was making any effort at all, he wasn’t showing it.
Deneve sent another burst of Yoki and Thelmus was pushed back some centimetres but even after, the Dragon-Kin just kept on smiling.

“C’mon. Just Awaken, already.” he thought

However, Deneve acted differently; she twisted her claymores, pushing Thelmus’s blade aside and kicked him right between his legs. Even him was vulnerable to that kind of attack.

“Holy…shit…” he said with a very weak voice.

Deneve slashed downwards with both claymores but Thelmus stepped aside and kicked her in the stomach, sending her flying away before Thelmus was brought down on one knee by the pain.

I hope you liked it

[MisterJB]

After the previews, here comes the prologue.
Sorry the first chapter will take awhile

Spoiler for prologue:

Prologue





The sun was starting its course down and soon it would be night but the little girl didn’t mind. Frankly speaking, she didn’t mind anything; she just played happily in the terrains that surrounded the little house where she lived. She would run trough those plains everyday like she had nothing better to do and, truth be told, she didn’t; her house was isolated from any population, in order to reach the nearest town, they would need to pass through a forest nearby but they were too scared to do that.
After all, the menace of the Yoma was always present.
However, the child didn’t care about that and she was happy there, with her family.

She heard the voice of her mother calling for her, announcing that the dinner was ready.
The little girl sighed in frustration; it was still too early; she wanted to play more.
It was then that she saw something that would change her destiny forever.
She saw a minuscule rabbit.

Laughing happily like the little girl that she was, she ran on his direction trying to grab him; you can imagine what the rabbit did when he saw a human running on his direction.
The most obvious thing, he tried to escape, running the fattest his little legs allowed him. Unfortunately, the little girl wasn’t ready to give just yet, she pursued him.
Why didn’t the rabbit stop? She wasn’t going to hurt him, she just wanted to cuddle him, maybe even make him her pet.
But it was not in the nature of the rabbit to stop so he just kept on running until he reached a hole on the ground in which he could hide.

“Oh, you meannie.” complained the little girl, seeing that the rabbit wasn’t interest in becoming her pet.
Only then she noticed that she had entered in the forest.
Although the forest wasn’t that scary, to the poor girl it seemed like a place of nightmares. Each tree looked like a monster and each bird was Yoma, ready to eat her guts.

“Daddy…mommy…” the girl cried, terrified.
She wandered for awhile, trying to find the way out but, apparently, she had gone deeper that she first thought because the trees were so high that she could barely the sunlight. Soon it would be dark.
Desperate, she ran, feeling the tree’s branches touching her hair; a crow passed by her and she screamed again.

“Mommy…daddy…please help me…” she cried.
The little girl kept on running without a direction until she stumbled on a rock and fell hard on the ground.
The little girl got up slowly, grabbing her injured head. The first thing she saw was a pair of dark boots.
And those boots belonged to a man, a man that was laying his back lazily against a tree. The man had long dark hair.

“Hello little girl.” he said.

The child started stumbling back, scared. Her mom had warned her to not talk to strangers if she ever saw one and that man was certainly one of them. Not only he was wearing long dark robes but also, his eyes were completely red.
And there was something else, something deeper than that.
The little girl had never been so scared in her life.

“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you.” the man assured with a peaceful and friendly smile on his face “What’s your name?”

“M-Miria…” the little girl said.

“Hello Miria.” the man smiled again but this time the smile wasn’t nor peaceful nor friendly “Are you lost? I’m called Darkhenus.”

“She has potential.”

[Yosei]

I read your two previews so far MisterJB and I don't see anything majorly wrong with them, however, I think some choices in the words could be changed, and more description, less "accounts" of what just "happened"...

like

"And then Helen thrust upwards"... you can describe it more.

[hell88]

Next chapter is done.

Spoiler for chapter 18:

Burning Rubber
Chapter 18: Some Time To Slow Down.

Sunrise.

The group of woman surrounded Galatea's body, it was a sad scene. Their once powerful leader had died in battle, from trying to protect them and save the world from its hidden evils. Miria turned her back and started to walk away once she saw T.J. and Priscilla leaving the building that was now burning to the ground. Flora tried to smile at the group but she felt a ping of saddness in her heart and just couldn't look any of them in the face.

Teresa picked up Clare's body as she started to wake up. Clare looked at Teresa's silver eyes as everyone else was confused at what was going on. "Mother...." Clare whispered. "Are you her?"

Teresa was almost in as much shock as everyone else was at that moment. "You remember me." She said clutching at her daughters body not ready to let her go.

As Teresa started to walk away with Irene while holding Clare, Clare shifted back in forth trying to stop. "Wait! Jean! Where is Jean?!"

Teresa stopped. "Is that the girls name? Do you want her to be with you?"

Clare slowly nodded, and closed her eyes as her energy was still low.

Irene walked back to the others. "Alright which one is she?"

Helen pointed to the Jean who was still out and on the ground. Irene picked her up and then started walking back to Teresa, then they jumped and had left without a trace of yoki behind to fallow.

The four remaining members of Galatea's group sat down by her body, Cynthia was the first to start weeping. It was a sad moment, even Helen wasn't showing her happy go around expression like she always did.

"Wait." Yuma mumbled. "Where did Tabitha go?"

Deneve looked around. "I think she followed Miria."

Deneve picked up Galatea's body, and started to walk away with it.

"Deneve where are you going with that?!" Helen yelled.

"She deserves a funeral don't you think?"

* * *

Miria, T.J., Flora, and Priscilla walked down the still dark nieghborhood as the sun slowly started to rise. It was going to be a long walk home but at least the rest after would be much deserved. Priscilla was walking behind the three as she felt something.

"Someone is fallowing us."

They turned around at her quiet voice. "Are you sure?" Miria asked.

Priscilla nodded.

They looked back down the road which they had been walking on and saw someone trying to hide behind a fence.

Flora raised her voice. "Hey come out we know your fallowing us!"

Then they saw who it was, it was Tabitha she nervously walked out while holding her hands. "Can I... Can I come with you?"

"Why?!" Miria shouted. "How do we know that you aren't spying on us or something?!"

Tabitha blinked as a tear dripped from one of her eyes. "Galatea is dead, I have nowhere to go now..."

Flora looked back at T.J. "Its your call."

"Mabye we should agree on this?"

Flora thought it would be okay because Tabitha really was telling the truth. Miria knew that she was telling the truth but she didn't really like being around Tabitha for obvious reasons. T.J. said it would be okay but only on one condition. "Hey my garage needs a secretary, do you think you can do that?"

Tabitha's eyes widened. "Can I ever! Does this mean I'm coming with all of you?!"

Miria turned around and walked off first. T.J. and Flora smiled at her and she got the idea and started to fallow them all back home.

* * *

Galatea's house.

Deneve had put Galatea's body in her house as Helen, Yuma, and Cynthia dumped gasoline everywhere inside. Deneve for one of the only times in her life couldn't hold back tears as she looked at Galatea's torn up body.

"I'm sorry Miss Galatea. Your death will not go unoticed." Deneve said as she looked at Galatea's cold body on her bed as she dumped gasoline on top of her.

Cynthia, Yuma, and Helen walked out the front door wiping tears off of they're faces after cover every piece of furnature with gas, Deneve walked out behind them and lit a lighter. Without turning around she through it behind her back and stepped forward as the gasoline inside ignited causing the house to flame up very quickly. It was still very dark outside and by the time the sun would have fully risen the house would be in ashes.

Then as they watched the place burn, Re had shown up in his Saab 95. He ran out and tried to get into the house but he was quickly stopped by Helen.

"What are you doing?! Galatea could be in there?!"

Deneve turned around and looked at him. "She is in there."

"What?!"

Helen pushed him on the ground as he tried to run in again. "She died last night, this is just hour way of a funeral."

Re stopped and watched as the house collapsed into burning embers. "Galatea died?"

"She died protecting us."

Re looked down and then back up at the flames. The only thing he could do was yell one long word. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The four girls walked away with they're heads down as they got into they're cars and drove away leaving Re behind.

* * *

T.J.'s house.

Now that it was the day, everyone had seemed to have gone to sleep. Except Tabitha who was staring at Miria in her sleep. "Oh Miria I finally found you!"

Miria heard her. Tabitha quickly hid herself by trying to hide under Miria's bed. Miria sat up and looked around, as she did she didn't realize Tabitha coming up from the other side of the bed while even taking her clothes off. Miria turned around only to see Tabitha in her red undergarments.

"Whaaaa!" Miria yelled as she fell out of her bed and landed on her back while taking the blankets with her.

Tabitha put a finger over her mouth. "Hi Miria! Are you ready?!"

Miria shook her head while holding the back of her head which had made a loud thump as it hit the floor.

"Tabitha what are you doing? Ready? Wait, ready for what?"

It was then that Tabitha noticed that Miria was not wearing anything underneath her blankets. "Oh I see you are ready!"

Tabitha jumped on Miria as Miria tried to run away. "Tabitha what are you doing?!"

"Come on lovers like us always do this stuff!"

"What?! No I'm not like that!"

"Oh come on!" Tabitha screamed as she started to wrestle with Miria. "See this is fun already!"

Then they heard something coming from the top floor. They both stopped and looked up.

"Whats that thumping sound?" Tabitha asked.

Then they heard moaning, a lot of moaning.

Miria started to blush. "That would be T.J. and Flora."

Tabitha looked down at Miria. "Why are you blushing Miria?!"

Miria stopped and looked embarrassed as they heard Priscilla running outside.

"Hey whats got her going all the sudden?" Miria thought.

"Hey Miria you don't think she walked in on them do you?!"

Miria looked back at Tabitha. "Please all I want to do now is get some sleep!"

"Oh alright...."

As Miria finally got her chance to sleep, even though it was hard with all those other sounds coming from the top floor. She finally did it, only thing was once she finally did Tabitha had slowly cuddled up to her and fell asleep with her.

* * *

Teresa's house.

Clare woke up in a bed, she looked around as she felt all the wounds on her body, which were not there anymore. She had healed over the time she had slept.

"Jean where are you?" She moaned.

She didn't notice at first but she felt a hand on her face. Clare looked over to her right and saw Jean smiling at her. "Jean..."

Jean didn't say anything, she put her arms around Clare and pushed her into her chest. Just then the door to the room opened up and Teresa walked in.

"Okay am I missing something here?"

Both of they're tired eyes looked at Teresa. It was an awkward moment, Jean found herself burrying her face in the pillow just so she would not see Teresa's gaze.

"Mother how?"

Teresa sat beside Clare. "I knew I would find you again."

"Wait! What happened to Galatea?! She's alive right?!"

Teresa shook her head. "Was she the woman that was taking care of you?"

Clare nodded.

"I'm sorry Clare."

"Teresa was about to leave them but Clare grabbed onto her arm. "Wait, how can I be your daughter? The organzation takes it away from us so that we can't have children."

"Is that what they told you? Its true thats what happens, but Clare I was already pregnant with you before I was experimented on I gave birth to you long after I was experimented on. I ended up losing you to the organization after you were born. Thats when I left them, I tried to get you but I failed. Its a miracle that we can even reconize eachother."

Jean had finally looked back at Teresa.

"Who is this Clare?" Teresa asked.

Clare and Jean looked at eachother, this was going to be awkward. "Uuum Jean is my girlfriend..."

Teresa almost looked shocked and Clare knew why. Of course she would be Jean was a girl too.

Then Teresa smiled. "Well it wouldn't be my decision to stop you from making your own choises Clare. Afterall I haven't seen you since birth."

She smiled at them before leaving the room.

Clare looked back at Jean. "Wow did that ever take a lot of guts to say."

Jean laughed. "Hey remember when Helen said that we were going to get some nooky?"

Clare stuck her tongue out. "Yeah, lets try to be queit."

"Yeah right." Jean said getting on top of Clare.

* * *

Raphaela walked over to T.J.'s house with Clarice and Dietrich with her. "Now where is he?" She thought as she looked in his shop and saw Galk and Sid working.

The three of them walked into his house, by Priscilla who was sitting on the porch. His house was farely big, so they split up to find him.

Clarice ended up opening up Miria's door, she looked in and saw Tabitha holding Miria. Clarice covered her mouth as Tabitha looked at her and smiled. Clarice shut the door quick. The sound of the door clicking woke up Miria.

"Tabitha what are you doing?!"

Clarice quickly kept on walking not wanting to know what Tabitha was doing to Miria in her sleep.

Raphaela went up to T.J.'s room and kicked the door open. Next she saw T.J. and Flora sleeping together. "Hey isn't it a little late in the day to still be sleeping?!"

T.J. rolled over and saw Raphaela standing their. "Hey you want to wait a few minutes outside?"

T.J. quickly got up and threw some clothes on while trying not to wake Flora. Next he went to find his new secretary, it wasn't hard to find her when he heard Miria shouting. "No Tabitha!" Over and over again.

"Oh come on Miria we both know that no means yes!"

He knocked on the door. "Tabitha its time for you to get to work!"

"Saved by the bell..." Miria thought as Tabitha left.

"Don't worry Miria I'll be back later." Tabitha said throwing some of her clothes on.

"Hey wait when did she bring those over?" Miria thought again.

As soon as Tabitha walked outside she ran into Sid. "Oh hi Sid are you ready for me to do your hair?!"

"What?! Why is she here T.J."

"She's the new shop secretary. Although she might need to find more covering clothes." T.J. said looking at her red shirt which only covered her chest and upper back, and her low waistline pants which showed off her hips.

As Tabitha sat in the office T.J. went over to Raphaela who had Clarice and Dietrich with her.

"So Raphaela what brings you here today?"

"I want to leave these two with you."

"Wait hold on, my house is already starting to fill up. Whats in it for me?"

They both looked at Dietrich and Clarice who had both seemed to be in some kind of argument at the time.

"Well they are kind of entertaining." Raphaela said. "Hey how about we race for it? If I win that means they have to stay with you."

"Let me guess if I win they are staying with you?"

"Thats right."

T.J. thought about it. He had raced Raphaela before, and he had lost everytime. She was one of the few people in the city that could beat him. "Okay I'll race, but where are we racing to?"

"How about to the auto parts store and back?"

"Sounds good I guess. I'll race my just won Mustang GT." T.J. said knowing that the race would be short because the parts store was not very far.

A few minutes later Raphaela pulled her 1980 Camaro Z28 up to the front of the house as T.J. pulled his 1994 Mustang GT up. Sid ran out infront of them and dropped his arms as they both got on the gas. Both of the cars seemed pretty eqaul off the line but the bigger stronger engine in the Camaro was able to make Raphaela pull ahead faster. T.J. knew that his automatic transmission would put him at a dissadvantage, but he kept it fare by driving that car as he knew Raphaela's old Camaro was an automatic to.

Together they went through the first turn dodging traffic. They even passed a cop who had tried to catch them both but the superchargers in they're cars were helping them get away. Raphaela ended up being passed by T.J. in the another turn as her older car couldn't handle as good as his.

"Come on!" T.J. yelled feeling the excitment.

Just then he made it to the auto parts store and went around it as Raphaela kept close to him. They both split up, T.J. decided to go down a shortcut he thought he would be able to get away but then someone wearing a dark cloak walked infront of him and he ran this person over. T.J. stopped as he heard Raphaela's engine start to silence itself as she got farther away.

"Hey are you okay?!"

He looked over taking the hood off the person's head, which revealed to him that it was a girl.

"You!"

"Watch where you going...." She said before passing out.

T.J. put her in his car and drove back to his house. As he got there he saw Raphaela waiting for him with her arms crossed. "Looks like I win."

Everyones expression changed as they saw T.J. take her out of the car.

"Hey thats Cynthia!" Tabitha yelled running over to them.

They slowly picked up her body and brought her into the house.

[Yosei]

A good chapter, although the writing felt slightly disjointed after the funeral at Galatea's mansion. Also, as a personal rule, I never use "No" with more than two oo's. To me, no's like "Noooooo!!" or anything similar read a bit corny to me. XD Especially when they're caps locked. Just my two cents.


New Chapter of "Rekindled"! Continues the saga of the Claymores currently fighting in China, and the new arrival of the Black Twins.

[MisterJB]

first: Thanks for reading Yosei and thanks for the advice.

second: I liked you chapter hell88
But Yosei migth be rigth, altough it was supossed to be a sad moment, Re's reaction was very funny to me.
Maybe using italics would have been better

Also, I would say that someone should bring Tabitha back to reality

[Hari Michiru]

I've been attempting some Claymore fanfic (ever since...3 hours ago xD), and I've gotten some thoughts out. Been trying to spread the Teresa love (heh) since there aren't many fanfics out there about her.

Here's what I got so far; any constructive criticism is very very very welcome =D. I still have no idea where I want to head off with this, so no title yet.

Spoiler for fanfic:

Teresa, you idiot.

In those last moments before one ascends to a higher plane, Teresa of the Faint Smile decided to reprimand herself. In her opinion, it was a much needed scolding and, if she must say so herself, a rather late one too. If Teresa was to tell herself from three years ago that she was going to die from going soft on someone, her younger self would immediately slay her on the spot while laughing in her face. Not to mention that she, Teresa of the Faint Smile, would break the Organization’s ironclad rule (never to kill a human, no matter what) for a mere human.

Clare...

That poor girl, who had to witness such her gruesome death, had to face the world alone once again. Teresa immediately regretted ever taking her in; Clare would have been better off living life as a normal human, instead of experiencing the unbearable life that Teresa’s kind (the humans called them Claymores) had. Teresa hoped that Clare would eventually live a human’s life after her untimely death.

Forget that I ever existed, Clare. If there was ever one last thing she would want to say to the girl, that phrase would be it.

Nonetheless, she was dead now, and now was not the right time to be worried over such earthly matters. And so, she patiently waited to go to the light, or whatever comes after death.

And she waited.

And waited.

Yet, she was still in this eerie place, stuck between life and afterlife (at least, that was what Teresa came to after analyzing her surroundings). It had seemed like days had passed, but the not-afterlife-not-life area still greeted her every time she would close and open her eyes. Normally, Teresa was very patient, but dying in such an undignified way, and then having to sit (or in her case, float) between the place between life and death, would irritate even the most enduring. Still, the exasperation she felt was only shown in the deepest corner of her silver eyes.

[hell88]

Originally Posted by Hari Michiru

I've been attempting some Claymore fanfic (ever since...3 hours ago xD), and I've gotten some thoughts out. Been trying to spread the Teresa love (heh) since there aren't many fanfics out there about her.

Here's what I got so far; any constructive criticism is very very very welcome =D. I still have no idea where I want to head off with this, so no title yet.

Spoiler for fanfic:

Teresa, you idiot.

In those last moments before one ascends to a higher plane, Teresa of the Faint Smile decided to reprimand herself. In her opinion, it was a much needed scolding and, if she must say so herself, a rather late one too. If Teresa was to tell herself from three years ago that she was going to die from going soft on someone, her younger self would immediately slay her on the spot while laughing in her face. Not to mention that she, Teresa of the Faint Smile, would break the Organization’s ironclad rule (never to kill a human, no matter what) for a mere human.

Clare...

That poor girl, who had to witness such her gruesome death, had to face the world alone once again. Teresa immediately regretted ever taking her in; Clare would have been better off living life as a normal human, instead of experiencing the unbearable life that Teresa’s kind (the humans called them Claymores) had. Teresa hoped that Clare would eventually live a human’s life after her untimely death.

Forget that I ever existed, Clare. If there was ever one last thing she would want to say to the girl, that phrase would be it.

Nonetheless, she was dead now, and now was not the right time to be worried over such earthly matters. And so, she patiently waited to go to the light, or whatever comes after death.

And she waited.

And waited.

Yet, she was still in this eerie place, stuck between life and afterlife (at least, that was what Teresa came to after analyzing her surroundings). It had seemed like days had passed, but the not-afterlife-not-life area still greeted her every time she would close and open her eyes. Normally, Teresa was very patient, but dying in such an undignified way, and then having to sit (or in her case, float) between the place between life and death, would irritate even the most enduring. Still, the exasperation she felt was only shown in the deepest corner of her silver eyes.

I like it, and I like how you put the brackets in. Makes it kind of interesting that way.

[Yosei]

Hi Hari Michiru,

your fic shows a lot of promise. The grammar and syntax is excellent, you have italicized thoughts (that's awesome) and lavish description - one of my personal favourites! I think I wouldn't prefer to write anything in brackets unless it was to emphasize a humorous point in my own fics. For me. brackets, break the flow of the drama. But I'm clutching at straws here. I hope you continue with writing here.

[Hari Michiru]

Originally Posted by hell88

I like it, and I like how you put the brackets in. Makes it kind of interesting that way.

I find that using brackets makes the sentences and paragraphs seem less wordy, and plus, it looks cool.

[hell88]

Originally Posted by Hari Michiru

I find that using brackets makes the sentences and paragraphs seem less wordy, and plus, it looks cool.

Thats a good idea.

[Yosei]

Originally Posted by Hari Michiru

I find that using brackets makes the sentences and paragraphs seem less wordy, and plus, it looks cool.

It's totally fine that we differ on this issue. For me, it's an aesthetic addition at best and it breaks the flow of the story a. worst. And it's only an aesthetic addition during humorous situations.

[MisterJB]

Hari Michiru: I liked it. I hope you write more

[Hari Michiru]

Originally Posted by Yosei

It's totally fine that we differ on this issue. For me, it's an aesthetic addition at best and it breaks the flow of the story a. worst. And it's only an aesthetic addition during humorous situations.

Hmmm...that's an interesting view of things. I don't recall seeing it in a humorous setting before though. Actually, brackets are just hardly used in English Lit xD.

Originally Posted by MisterJB

Hari Michiru: I liked it. I hope you write more

Thanks