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Old 2009-01-02, 20:31   Link #3081
MisterJB
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Join Date: Oct 2008
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well, every author's work should surpasse the previous one
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Old 2009-01-02, 20:40   Link #3082
shelter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lost_soul View Post
You asked to make it an open question, so here it goes:

Spoiler for to answer your questions and state my reasons again:
Even if I don't like what other people write, the best way to approach such issues is equally, on a level-standard, as fellow writers. Questioning the professionalism of a (fellow) writer & the values behind his writing is going to earn you more ire than empathy - especially when you indirectly question other writers' ability to review as well.

I will agree that Claymore fanfiction sometimes gets a bit overly explicit - & the amount & fashion in which yuri gets presented seems to be increasing - but I think that the Animesuki thread is probably the most tame, moderated & constructive of all the places where Claymore fiction is submitted. If you throught MisterJB's stuff was overdone, you should see what they write on FF.net & Livejournal.

If you think Claymore fanfiction is heading in a direction you're unhappy with, then do the most practical thing: write something, with your impressions & post it here. It'll be a better way for us to understand what you're talking about, instead of getting into personal feud with a fellow writer.
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Old 2009-01-02, 20:41   Link #3083
Yosei
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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My picture album has been updated with a two-in-one profile mainly because it's almost physically impossible to find good artwork of these two characters.

Tonight's serving. I actually did not update on FF.net because I want to "lock and reload" on my current chapter count. But I will update tomorrow.

For now, for those who keep up with Animesuki timezone rather than Ff.net timezone: Here is The Southern Battles.
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Old 2009-01-02, 20:44   Link #3084
MisterJB
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thanks shelter
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Old 2009-01-02, 20:47   Link #3085
MisterJB
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well, this is probrably the smallest chapter I ever wrote but like I said, i'm trying to put only one plot on one chapter. Well, I hope you enjoy it.
Spoiler for chapter 2:

Last edited by MisterJB; 2009-01-03 at 08:10.
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Old 2009-01-03, 03:04   Link #3086
Hari Michiru
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterJB View Post
well, this is porbrably the smallest chapter I ever wrote but like I said, i'm trying to put only one plot on one chapter. Well, I hope you enjoy it.
Here's my edits (decided to do it within the chapter because I'm lazy )

Spoiler for chapter 2:


I'm liking father and son . I'll leave shelter with the more conceptual review, since I'm tired and lazy.

But before I hit submit, I'd like to do some self-advertising:

Name: Stories of a Faint Smile
Character: Teresa
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4765560/1/

As usual, constructive criticism is very, very welcome.
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Old 2009-01-03, 07:08   Link #3087
MisterJB
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hari Michiru View Post
Here's my edits (decided to do it within the chapter because I'm lazy )

Spoiler for chapter 2:


I'm liking father and son . I'll leave shelter with the more conceptual review, since I'm tired and lazy.

But before I hit submit, I'd like to do some self-advertising:

Name: Stories of a Faint Smile
Character: Teresa
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4765560/1/

As usual, constructive criticism is very, very welcome.
Thanks for the editing.
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Old 2009-01-03, 14:24   Link #3088
hell88
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterJB View Post
well, this is probrably the smallest chapter I ever wrote but like I said, i'm trying to put only one plot on one chapter. Well, I hope you enjoy it.
Spoiler for chapter 2:
I like this one, the talk between Darkhenus and is father was very dark I should say.

Although I felt this chapter ruined the flow of the story, I think that it should have been the first chapter because of how the story before ended. The last chapter you put up should have been this one instead. I find that you do that a lot with your fic and it makes it difficult to read. Instead of going back and forth with your chapters, like writing about one thing then writing about something else in the next chapter, then going back to writing what you were writing before in the chapter before that makes it hard to fallow and it gets hard to remember whats going on. What I am saying is try to write about one thing at a time in your story to make the flow of the story easier to fallow.
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Old 2009-01-03, 14:32   Link #3089
Hari Michiru
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hell88 View Post
Although I felt this chapter ruined the flow of the story, I think that it should have been the first chapter because of how the story before ended. The last chapter you put up should have been this one instead. I find that you do that a lot with your fic and it makes it difficult to read. Instead of going back and forth with your chapters, like writing about one thing then writing about something else in the next chapter, then going back to writing what you were writing before in the chapter before that makes it hard to fallow and it gets hard to remember whats going on. What I am saying is try to write about one thing at a time in your story to make the flow of the story easier to fallow.
I agree with hell88 (is now not so tired). If you began with this chapter instead of the previous one, it would have more of a hook on your story. Also, the dialogue between father and son revealed a bit too much, in my opinion. If you had left some details out (like how 'Father' was from the 'Mainland'), you would have more stuff to foreshadow. Thus, the chapter would have been more vague, and the reader would be hooked into reading more.
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Old 2009-01-03, 14:40   Link #3090
hell88
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@Hari Michiru: You know these two chapters are the start of the second part of his story. The only reason why I felt it went against the flow of the story is because at the end of the first part of the story the father shows up.
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Old 2009-01-03, 14:44   Link #3091
Hari Michiru
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hell88 View Post
@Hari Michiru: You know these two chapters are the start of the second part of his story. The only reason why I felt it went against the flow of the story is because at the end of the first part of the story the father shows up.
*smacks self on head* Ah, I get it now.
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Old 2009-01-03, 14:48   Link #3092
hell88
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hari Michiru View Post
*smacks self on head* Ah, I get it now.
Well this kind of thing happens a lot in MisterJB's fic, and I am hoping that he starts working on that more.
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Old 2009-01-03, 15:04   Link #3093
Hari Michiru
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hell88 View Post
Well this kind of thing happens a lot in MisterJB's fic, and I am hoping that he starts working on that more.
Well, since I haven't read the previous part, I'm partly to blame.
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Old 2009-01-03, 16:26   Link #3094
MisterJB
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Thanks fot the review hell and thanks for the advice. I will be sure to follow it so, the next three chapters will be solely focused on the Helen & Deneve arc, I think its conclusion will be really nice.

Hari Michuru: The blame is on me, myself and I.
http://forums.animesuki.com/showthre...91#post2003091

That is where all began if you are interested.

ps: it's vague. Maybe even too vague
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Old 2009-01-04, 11:56   Link #3095
Ancient Soul
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CLAYMORE OMAKES\\

Ermita and his nine daughters...
Irene, Sophie, Noel, Galatea, Ophelia, Miria, Audrey, Rachel, Renee...
and sometimes Dietrich!

Spoiler for CLAYMORES OMAKES RATED\CENSORED:
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Old 2009-01-04, 12:17   Link #3096
hell88
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ancient Soul View Post
CLAYMORE OMAKES\\

Ermita and his nine daughters...
Irene, Sophie, Noel, Galatea, Ophelia, Miria, Audrey, Rachel, Renee...
and sometimes Dietrich!

Spoiler for CLAYMORES OMAKES RATED\CENSORED:
That was amazing!
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Old 2009-01-04, 13:52   Link #3097
MisterJB
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Ancient Soul: Oh God. That was hilarious. Please do more
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Old 2009-01-04, 14:03   Link #3098
Ancient Soul
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I try...next month!

Ermita is quite mad at me right now!Lets wait for him to cool off!
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Old 2009-01-04, 15:00   Link #3099
MisterJB
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I don't know why he is mad.
He has 8 beautiful daugthers (Rachel doesn't count)
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Old 2009-01-04, 15:05   Link #3100
hell88
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterJB View Post
I don't know why he is mad.
He has 8 beautiful daugthers (Rachel doesn't count)
Yeah they are his daughters, thats why.
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