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Old 2010-09-23, 16:06   Link #3901
Shiek927
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As always, Blue strikes where no one has struck before

Yuma.....Yuma......yep, can't say I've seen a centric fic involving her at all yet, so that's already a first there . It's difficult to say just how Yuma would go and react if she were to ever to awoke; AB's are generally the same exact people as they were before, except with huge power, and subsequently, huge requirements. Someone as meek and shy as Yuma...no doubt her awakening would give her a boost in confidence, but even if it doesn't, it's still a unique idea.

Difficult to say just how much detail you plan to go into with Yuma; perhaps you could go into why you think she is so meek, even as a Warrior, or go into her surprising potential and strength; since Yuma hasn't had much attention at all, it's all open to your interpretation.

Sounds good, can't wait to see what comes of it
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Old 2010-09-24, 11:22   Link #3902
Weird D
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I'm not sure about Yuma specifically but the idea has potential but also a lot of possible interpretations. I'll disagree a bit with Shiek here, but let's face it, Yagi has NEVER properly adressed how a Claymore's psyche is affected by an Awakening. I think there was a lot of possible character and story development to be exploited here - probably better than the 'more shit and a bigger fan' that's been going on recently.

Throughout the series, we have only seen TWO Awakenings : Priscilla and Ophelia. And neither of the two can be used to guess a template : Ophelia was crazy to begin with, and Priscilla (who started off as a naive, kind-hearted Claymore) went through a complete breakdown shortly before .

We have no idea what kind of personnality the ABs shown had before Awakening. It can be surmised that they keep some of their previous traits, as shown by Hilda and Rosemary - how much however we don't know- along with a loss of morals that varies for each individual. For instance I can't imagine Riful being the same cute-"I'll torture you so we can be friends"-sadist as a Claymore . And none of them has ever shown a sudden desire to destroy everything or conquer and enslave the world despite the power they gain - not even the Abyssals.

The most insight we got was from the male AB from the Slashers arc : they hunt to feed and they fight to survive - nothing more, nothing less. As such, they are not truly monsters, it's just that their existence is incompatible with humans.

I doubt it helps much with your idea though.
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Old 2010-09-24, 14:19   Link #3903
Shiek927
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Weird D View Post
I'm not sure about Yuma specifically but the idea has potential but also a lot of possible interpretations. I'll disagree a bit with Shiek here, but let's face it, Yagi has NEVER properly adressed how a Claymore's psyche is affected by an Awakening. I think there was a lot of possible character and story development to be exploited here - probably better than the 'more shit and a bigger fan' that's been going on recently.

Throughout the series, we have only seen TWO Awakenings : Priscilla and Ophelia. And neither of the two can be used to guess a template : Ophelia was crazy to begin with, and Priscilla (who started off as a naive, kind-hearted Claymore) went through a complete breakdown shortly before .

We have no idea what kind of personnality the ABs shown had before Awakening. It can be surmised that they keep some of their previous traits, as shown by Hilda and Rosemary - how much however we don't know- along with a loss of morals that varies for each individual. For instance I can't imagine Riful being the same cute-"I'll torture you so we can be friends"-sadist as a Claymore . And none of them has ever shown a sudden desire to destroy everything or conquer and enslave the world despite the power they gain - not even the Abyssals.

The most insight we got was from the male AB from the Slashers arc : they hunt to feed and they fight to survive - nothing more, nothing less. As such, they are not truly monsters, it's just that their existence is incompatible with humans.

I doubt it helps much with your idea though.
Putting aside all obvious disagreement, no D, it doesn't help at all

Regardless Blue, I think we would all like a serious Yuma-centric story ^_^
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Last edited by Shiek927; 2010-09-24 at 14:39.
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Old 2010-09-26, 23:04   Link #3904
revan5
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Just a quick repost for those who haven't seen it yet (now with a fully up-to-date chapter 5).


"Claymore: New Era"


Prologue:http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3811

Chapter 1: http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3788
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3789

Chapter 2: http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3791
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3792

Chapter 3: http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3793
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3794

Chapter 4: http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3795
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3796

Chapter 5: http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3806
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3807

Chapter 6: http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3808
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3809

Chapter 7: http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3816
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3817

Chapter 8: http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3842
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3843

Chapter 9: http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3845
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3846

Please note that even though "Claymore: New Era" is completed, I am still accepting constructive critiques and reviews at this time. That means I am still editing the story and will correct mistakes and plot holes when pointed out or modify awkward sections. In the meantime I'll be steadily constructing "The Silver-eyed Empress" Section with new posts.



"The Silver-eyed Empress"

Prologue: http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3871

Chapter 1: http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3873
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3874

Chapter 2: http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3878
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3879

Chapter 3: http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3892
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3893

Chapter 4: http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3894
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=3895
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http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...ostcount=12530
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Old 2010-09-27, 11:43   Link #3905
Shiek927
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Since Revan keeps asking so much....

For Chapter 5; I can't even begin to count the amount of vocab and terminology that was thrown in. It's almost staggering the amount of detail this one chapter has, that blows away entire stories; I feel it's both a good and a bad thing, but to some degree, it almost feels like you're just "showing off"; It's a curious thing because it's not something that usually grabs my attention in stories.

Their is so much terminology in this one chapter, it's just unbelievable; a mixture of things you've made up, alongside real-world terms. Regardless, I feel that "cramming" feeling when I read, like you're putting in alot of these terms just for the sake of it; nothing in particular comes to mind, just a sense perhaps that you're complicating things more then they have to be....or rather, that's just because you've made this world so much bigger. The chapter made me feel like I was reading from a school textbook,

It's a strange thing to answer....whether you create a glossery or other such list, I think, in the future, you should try to keep in the back of your mind, the intent, not to overwhelming the reader. Blue Pentacle's stories suffer, to some degree, from an excess of detail....your's, not so much, but definitely an excess of vocabulary and terminology.

Now, it's not like any of the terms you wrote are impossible to learn and understand...it's just that, again, their is so much in this one chapter, it's staggering. Regardless of how you think of this, at least, consider what I said in the future.

Miria and Cid was weird, though I think that was your intent - the marriage proposal was bizarre to say the least; not in a funny way, but just a "0_o" kind of way. The whole thing felt backwards being in that Miria was the one to propose with a ring, and Cid felt unsure because of past cheating....coupled with the dangerous ongoing situation, and you have a very weird situation. Though I think, again, that was your purpose .

From what I understand, it seems like a precarious situation; Miria trying to fight off the incoming army, whilst dealing with the ongoing rivalry with Galatea...I wonder how there relationship with develop in the future, but it doesn't look pretty so far.
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Last edited by Shiek927; 2010-09-27 at 14:32.
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Old 2010-09-29, 17:42   Link #3906
vilma13
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to revan5 i read the first bit of new era ,, so far so good ill keep readin!!


any one hear ever go to fanfiction.net?
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Old 2010-10-01, 15:40   Link #3907
Weird D
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What, you thought I'd stop torturing Miria even though she's (supposedly) dead? Come on!

Spoiler for Outtake : what do you mean I'm dead?:
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Old 2010-10-01, 15:49   Link #3908
Shiek927
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Weird D View Post
What, you thought I'd stop torturing Miria even though she's (supposedly) dead? Come on!

Spoiler for Outtake : what do you mean I'm dead?:
Hehehe, well, this IS the first day of October so you did follow that promise right on schedule
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Old 2010-10-01, 15:57   Link #3909
Bikerider
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Meanwhile while the Ghosts are still in the west

Yuma flexes and throws her claymore at the awakened being.

Awakened being. "HA ! You missed, stupid girl. Now I'm going to cut you to...."

sssschhhhhwwwinnnnngggggg !!!!!

Yuma sword retuns and sliced of the Awakened being's head.

"Yuma is getting good with that boomerang move." Cynthia says to Clare.

Clare: "Yes.. at least now she doesn't have to retrieve it."
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Old 2010-10-03, 17:59   Link #3910
Bikerider
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Meahwhile after the battle for Labona

Deitrich, no knowing where she should sit in the pub decides to sit across from Clarice and Miata. She wonders why Miata is holding on to Clarice so tightly.

Deitrich: "So you are the missing number 4. The Org has been looking for you."

Miata holds Clarice tighter making Clarice wince.

Helen (very drunk)::"Heyyyyy schhnorty... That one doeshent tawlk ta schtrangers."

Deitrich looks at Helen... more bewilderment in her face. "I didn't know warriors could get drunk."

Deneve: "They do if they drink 6 barrels of rum in one sitting."

Helen corrects her: schhhuuureven bahhhrrrrrrls"

Deneve: "Seven barrels."
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Old 2010-10-03, 23:14   Link #3911
Bikerider
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Meanwhile after the battle for Labona (continued)

Deitrich (still dazed and bewildered): You six took out 8 awakened ones like it was nothing

Deneve: nine.

Deitrich: nine.... nine. Like it was nothing.

Helen: Wash ent nusshing. I got a tear on my pansh. Thash nawt nusshing.

Deneve: That was Yuma. Stay out of the way when she's throwing her sword.
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Old 2010-10-03, 23:23   Link #3912
Bikerider
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Meahwhile after the battle for Labona part3)

Galatea: I can see you have grown a lot from your time in the west, but you can stop now.

Yuma: Come on.... (pouting) Let me try. I'm getting really good at this.

Cynthia: Yuma-dear, I think that's enough m'kay.

Yuma. You two are NO FUN !

Galatea: I understand. But I'm quite content without my eyes. If I want them back I can regenerate them myself.
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Old 2010-10-05, 02:24   Link #3913
Bikerider
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Meanwhile after the battle for Labona (continued)

Helen: shhay nuuw fortay schven, yer hair's gone back ta cullered a'gin.

Clarice: Huh ? Coloured ? I guess so.. Stop calling me new forty seven too

Deneve: To Helen you will always be new 47 because Clare will always be our forty seven

Helen: Zuh besh damn fordee scheven evorrrr.... (falls flat on her face)

Deitrich: The scariest forty seven ever.

Deneve: Yes. She is a lovably scary forty seven.
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Old 2010-10-05, 23:08   Link #3914
Blue Pentacle
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Hi there,


Firstly, I would like to thank the warm reception to my previous Yuma ideas and the discussion it elicited for a while; it was very informative and appreciated .


Secondly, in regards to the second part of "Strange Consorts", chapter five, it is in development but has been held up by numerous recent ups and downs in my life which have impeded quicker development from me, for the story. Still, I am very grateful to all those who enjoy it and have offered feedback over the long months .


In the interval, I would like to post for the forum the third part of another series I have been developing more slowly since last year, "Black Cherubim"; a series of stories centred upon the travels of Raki and if he had first encountered the black twins, Alicia and Beth. The third part of this series can be found below. I hope it is enjoyable and stirs a little further debate upon the niche topic at hand.


Quote:
Spoiler for Black Cherubim Part. 3:



Thanks,


Blue Pentacle.
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Old 2010-10-06, 02:09   Link #3915
Bikerider
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Meanwhile after the battle for Labona (continued)

Awakened being #1 (panting): We got here. But it looks like we're late.

Awakened being #2 (huffing): I think we're early. Labona is still here.

AB #1: Look at the damage. We're late.

AB #2: What damage ? That looks like disrepair or a bad storm. Nothing big.

AB #1: What about the heads of our sister nailed to the main gate ?

AB #2: Ewwww.... I didn't see that. What the hell ? They're all dead. They're all chopped to pieces. Who could have done that ?

Galk (shouting from the City Walls): Are you the second wave Awakened Beings ? If you are I suggest you go back to the Organisation and tell them it's futile.

AB#2: How does he know we're Awakened ?

ssssshhhinggggg

A sword goes through the chest of AB #1.

Yuma: GOT HER !!

Cynthia. Oh dear... Now you'll have to retrieve it.

Yuma: YEAH !! Let's !!
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Old 2010-10-06, 07:47   Link #3916
Shiek927
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Bikerider....It's Rabona, Rabona; we don't want you making the same dumb mistake as the latest chapter .

Otherwise though, I do love your stories
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Old 2010-10-06, 16:10   Link #3917
Bikerider
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TY Shiek927
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Old 2010-10-06, 16:16   Link #3918
Bikerider
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Meanwhile after the battle for Rabona (continued)

Tabitha: Is it just me or is Yuma behaving a lot like Clare.

Deneve: She's behaving a lot like Clare.

Tabitha: I see

Deneve: Yes. Well... I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Helen: Shum un hash to bay duh bahd gurl in deh grooop. Meh ash well bey hersh...

Deneve: Then what will your part in the group be ?

Last edited by Bikerider; 2010-10-06 at 21:44.
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Old 2010-10-07, 14:38   Link #3919
revan5
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Location: The Kingdom of Orange...you can't beat the Cuse, in basketball or snowfall!
http://www.fanfiction.net/anime/Clay.../0/5043/0/0/1/

I'd love to get some more reviews from you guys as I post updated (Joe_fh edited) versions of the chapters over on fanfiction.net! Help an Animesuki member out and take a look here or read through the not as up-to-date Animesuki version. It's well worth your time, as Joe_fh, Ryuken, Fenrir_valindri, Shiek927, Formerabyssalone, Shelter, QS_Bilal, FragrantFlora, and others can attest. Go ahead and ask them for a testimonial if you're unconvinced or just read the latest versions on fanfiction.net to see for yourself.
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How the warriors of Claymore OUGHT to look: http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...ostcount=12541
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...ostcount=12530
"So Shiek, now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb!"
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Old 2010-10-08, 22:26   Link #3920
Bikerider
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Meanwhile after the battle for Rabona (continued)

Helen patting Deitrich on the head. "Ya know schnorty. Yer kinda cute like tha' lil monschtor ovah dar."

Deitrich looking at Miata who seems frightened of the older Warriors. "She looks scared of you."

Deneve: "Of course she's scared of us. We're the real monsters."

Yuma: "Except me. I'm not a real monster. I'm a real almost monster."
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