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Old 2011-04-18, 19:05   Link #4061
Bikerider
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meanwhile in the possible future

Deneve, standing in front of the pieces of a former awakened being, glaring with her intense stare: And that's how you maximise your sword action to take down Awakened Beings. Any questions ?

Trainees, standing nervously frightened, shake their heads to say no.
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Old 2011-04-22, 02:59   Link #4062
Bikerider
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meanwhile inside HQ during chapter 114

Trainee: I wanna go home
Other Trainee: I'm hungry
Another Trainee: I got to go to the toilet
Still another trainee: Gimme a sword, I want a real sword. No training sword.
And still another trainee: This had better be good, I was having a nice dream for once.
And still another different trainee: It's ass kicking time !!!

Raki: Are you sure about this ?

Freak Twin Left: Yeah, we know. But we want to help sister Miria
Freak Twin Right: and this is the best way
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Old 2011-04-22, 06:05   Link #4063
Weird D
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Here's one in Bikerider's style :

Meanwhile, after the rebellion

Miria, looking at the bodies of the trainees everywhere : What the hell happened here?
Freak Twin 1, pointing to Raki : Found a hot guy.
Freak Twin 2, pointing to the other naked trainees : Got into an orgy.
Freak Twin 1 : I hope we can do this again soon.
Freak Twin 2 : And next time Miria and the others can join in.
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Old 2011-04-23, 12:09   Link #4064
Bikerider
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EWW !!!! I've been rule 34'ed !!
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Old 2011-05-01, 18:49   Link #4065
Blue Pentacle
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Hi there,


As some may recognise, it has been a long while since my previous post and the completion of my previous work, the LucielaXRaki serial "Strange Consorts". I am grateful and glad it was so well received, and well discussed too .


Getting back to Claymore fandom, I would like to pose a question regarding longer, multi-part works, to the community here.


I was wondering how others feel about longer works with multiple side adventures or problems for the protagonists, as opposed to a long work with a direct problem that has to be solved immediately? .


I ask as it impacts somewhat upon my newer ideas for a future return of Luciela and Raki, in possible further adventures, and I would like to consider the community's views .


Thanks again,


Blue Pentacle.
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Last edited by Blue Pentacle; 2011-05-02 at 05:34.
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Old 2011-05-02, 03:14   Link #4066
Weird D
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Good to see you back Blue!

'antagonists'? Don't you mean 'protagonists'?

I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean . Usually you seem to focus on the relationship between two characters only - would you try to move on to a larger picture, involving multiple POV, kind of like the original manga?

If so, I'd love to see this.

Truth be told, I've been toying with an idea for a serious, multi-chapter fic, as opposed to my usual humor one-shot format (Yes Shieky, that one ), and I'd like to ask for some advise as well on how to write this kind of fic. It's still a very long shot mind you, but having an idea of the kind of pre-work needed would help.
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Old 2011-05-04, 15:26   Link #4067
MisterJB
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Blue: Multiple POVs can be great if done properly. However, I found that some authors (myself included) simply can't handle this kind of multi-tasking and the story can go all over the place and you migth actually find yourself finishing 10 chapters with barely any development, of both the characters and the plot, at all.
This is even more likely to happen if different groups of characters are dealing with different problems that don't intersect at all.
Still, you have already proven yourself to be talented so, I say go for it. Just be prepared to perhaps receive more negative criticism than usual from readers with a short attention span and memory.
The kind of people who would need a "Previously on Claymore..." at the beginning of each chapter.
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Old 2011-05-04, 20:11   Link #4068
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In a story, it depends on how many times you switch between POVs and how many POVs you end up with at the end. Consider the 'Wheel of Time' saga...and how many POVs it has. Granted, I don't expect a Claymore fanfiction to reach the scope of WoT [], but it's something to consider how to approach this problem. Animation has it easy, it just cuts between scenes. In writing, many times, it's interrupting the flow of the previous passage so deciding where to switch is also important.

Just some two-cents from an old old timer...
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Old 2011-05-16, 09:52   Link #4069
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This is a post requesting some opinions from the writers here.

I'm currently writing a short fanfic on why Raki & Priscilla decided to leave Isley & wander the country on their own. The most obvious (and implied) reason in canon is Raki was still searching for Clare.

I'm more interested, rather, in Raki's view of Isley during the 7-year timeskip. So I've come up with 2 questions which I hope you guys could give your thoughts about:
  • Isley does show some fondness for Raki & Priscilla (esp. on his deathbed at least). So why would he let both of them leave his 'guardianship'?
  • Conversely, do you think there would be anything that could have provoked disagreement among either the 3 of them, big enough to force separation?

All your thoughts are appreciated. They would help me in writing. Thanks in advance
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Old 2011-05-16, 12:40   Link #4070
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The thing about those points, is that I've posted so much on these three, it's hard to find one concensus post where I sort of sum them all up. This is probably as close as it gets and illustrates my viewpoint, whilst including both your topics. (http://forums.animesuki.com/showthre...al#post3114661).

FYI, I would like to point out that another reason overtime to find Claire, then simply having a tearful reunion, is that Raki may have hoped Claire would help Priscilla turn back from her Awakening (I doubt he is aware of her malevolent AB persona - it didn't come out, at least on the surface, until she reached her limit and awakened in that town where he got infected) like he saw her do: naturally, he is completely unaware of the relationship they already share.

Their is simply ALOT to think about and many interpretations you can take with them, especially with Priscilla who, even know, I haven't solved all the mysteries - personally, that's what makes her so fun like so much of the series. I'm curious to which direction you go
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Old 2011-05-16, 16:10   Link #4071
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Hi Shelter:

I gathered from reading the chapter where Isley died (Impossible Dream - Chapter 89), he was quite fond of Priscilla and Raki. Although Yagi doesn't explicitly state the reason, we can assume that he feared for their safety, in light of the Abyssal Feeders attacks.

Isley's last words are powerful and emotionally charging. "I don't want to die. Even if that makeshift family was all nothing more than an illusion doomed to someday fall apart, I sow wish. I so wish it could have lasted the tiniest bit longer." At least from this excerpt, it appears that Isley reluctantly parted with both Raki and Priscilla.

Even though he started the mayhem in the North and admitted to acting out of selfishness, I couldn't help but feel sorry for him in the end. Also in the later chapter, we see Raki wearing a male version of a Warrior's armor. Could this have been the armor that Isley personally wore, while he fought on the Organization's behalf?

Ouvea
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Old 2011-05-17, 14:18   Link #4072
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shelter View Post
  • Isley does show some fondness for Raki & Priscilla (esp. on his deathbed at least). So why would he let both of them leave his 'guardianship'?
More than likely, this is yet another indication of just how fond he was of those two. Rather than take the chance that they would get wrapped up in the Organization's manhunt for him, he sent them off on their own - probably similar to how Clare parted company with Raki.

Quote:
  • Conversely, do you think there would be anything that could have provoked disagreement among either the 3 of them, big enough to force separation?
I highly doubt anything like that happened. After all, Isley actually trained Raki in swordsmanship. If he was only interested in using Raki as a mere pawn to help keep Priscilla under control, he wouldn't have bothered with this, or at the least, would have skimped on the training. He truly took Raki under his wing, when there was no need to do so, other than keeping Priscilla happy. I definitely got the impression that Isley parted company with them, not the other way around, to keep them safe.
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Old 2011-05-17, 23:47   Link #4073
shelter
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Thanks everyone for your opinions. In trying to respond to your thoughts I've realized I may have misplaced my own

Quote:
Originally Posted by Falcor View Post
He truly took Raki under his wing, when there was no need to do so, other than keeping Priscilla happy. I definitely got the impression that Isley parted company with them, not the other way around, to keep them safe.
Falcor, I actually think that this is possible. But I'm trying to get at a story which balances BOTH Isley AND Raki's motives. I accept that Isley can be benevolent, despite his mass-murdering intentions at Pieta. Still, I really wonder how Raki may have reacted to the parting. Given that he may have known that Isley gave the order to kill warriors (Clare included) at Pieta.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ouvea View Post
Isley's last words are powerful and emotionally charging. "I don't want to die. Even if that makeshift family was all nothing more than an illusion doomed to someday fall apart, I sow wish. I so wish it could have lasted the tiniest bit longer." At least from this excerpt, it appears that Isley reluctantly parted with both Raki and Priscilla.
Ouvea, the concept of family is something I thought about too. Although I admit it's very hard to conceive what role Priscilla had to play in the Isley-Raki dynamic. She always gets overlooked. I'm glad your opinions made me realize whether Isley was fond of BOTH Raki AND Priscilla, rather than just Raki alone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiek927 View Post
Their is simply ALOT to think about and many interpretations you can take with them, especially with Priscilla who, even know, I haven't solved all the mysteries - personally, that's what makes her so fun like so much of the series. I'm curious to which direction you go
As expected, Shiek, your theory is very well-thought out and analytically focused. You mentioned 2 things I didn't consider: the possibility of Isley knowing about the Abyssal Eaters (and how that could've led to the parting) and Raki's own conscience. I find that, as you've hinted, to really understand this weird 'family' I have to look at them through the context of Pieta and the fall of the Organization.

I'm hoping to post the story (or a part of it)here by this weekend. So far, I find that I'm writing a Raki-story, partly because I've already done one each for both Isley & Rigardo. Atmosphere-wise, expect something dark. I want to give people the sense that both Raki & Isley might be using each other to achieve their own goals, with Priscilla being the unlikely victim.

Again, thanks!
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Old 2011-05-18, 08:03   Link #4074
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shelter
Ouvea, the concept of family is something I thought about too. Although I admit it's very hard to conceive what role Priscilla had to play in the Isley-Raki dynamic. She always gets overlooked. I'm glad your opinions made me realize whether Isley was fond of BOTH Raki AND Priscilla, rather than just Raki alone.
Well, we know Isley was fond of Priscilla - sheesh, some people even pair them together to my complete disgust (he's already taking advantage of her in so many ways, physical is crossing the line) Was he just using her for his own purposes? Yes, he point-blank admits that he was just using her to conquer everything, but the change didn't come immediately, it came overtime...how Isley looked at her, whether it be like his own daughter for instance (the same way he could have begun to see Raki as a son or brother), we don't know....but he came to care for the tight-knit group that became his family overtime and she is included - perhaps he even felt guilt about his manipulation of her and actually began to try to find her family.

Their are, ahem, confusions(http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...&postcount=401) to keep in mind, but I like what you said - Raki and Isley were both selfish in someways as they were using eachother to get what they want: Raki wanted to be a better fighter, and Isley wanted greater control over Priscilla, who is caught in the middle. All of them have a conscious Shelter, especially Raki - in the end though, they are 3 very different people with their own wants and wishes, and when one or more are too different in their goals (like Raki wanting to reunite with Claire, or Isley wanting to rule the world), eventually they will break apart.

I don't believe though that Isley knew about the AE's beforehand and that's why he sent them away - I find their is too much implication of guilt and the likelihood of their breaking apart in a bad way for me to believe that. More likely that, after, they broke away, did he first encounter them.

Like I said though, their are so many ways you could do it, it's unbelievalbe; I'm glad these three are finally getting the focus again: Sideris alledgely remaking "Lick", Tempest, one of these days, updating "Homecoming" (when I don't know - you seem to know him more then we do ). Looking forward to it Shelter!
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Last edited by Shiek927; 2011-05-18 at 11:31.
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Old 2011-05-20, 22:45   Link #4075
shelter
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Keeping to my timeline for fic production, this is Part 1 of the Raki-Isley-Priscilla fic I'm talking about.

Title: Nothing but White (Part 1)
Rating: T
Word Count: 2,945

Summary: Short Story. Raki's fixation with a warrior he can't fully remember drives him to make a fatal choice: Isley or Priscilla?



Spoiler for Nothing but White (Part 1):



Notes: This got a bit long. It's longer than the Claymore fics I usually write because there's so much to cover, and because I want to move away from my old style of intense detail, and use more dialogue. But it will continue on until Part 2. The whole thing will be kept under 7,500 words for brevity. I'm also not happy with the title, but it will be changed soon.

Comments & critique definitely welcome!
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Last edited by shelter; 2011-05-20 at 23:02.
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Old 2011-05-21, 08:04   Link #4076
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I liked it - honestly Shelter, it was the easiest-to-understand story that you've ever done. In a way, I miss that required need to think deeply that you always do, so full of implication, but since this is the first story I remember you're doing that is in multiple parts, I can understand the want to make things simpler.

And it's not like you give us less to think about it - you were right on the ball with what you wanted to get across. All the while, I got a feeling of manipulation going all around - despite being together for so long, their is still only so much they all know about eachother. Isley was most up front about this, but even Raki, I felt a bit of manipulation from him as well: they are all travelling together, but the tension is very high - they are all grown up, very indepedent people who, although live together, go about their business and want their privacy. Eventually though, their will be conflict.

In general, I was just happy to see a fic like this made: my god how long has it been since someone made a fic of these three together. Raki struggles with his feelings about Claire and, more importantly, whether he can or even wants to remember her anymore - in the grand scheme of things, it's not like Raki spent much time with Claire at all, so it figures that he would struggle to remember her more and more.

The one single thing though that sticks out like a sore thumb is the yoki-suppresent pills - why does Priscilla of all people need one? Her suppression skills are the best in the world, and it takes a powerful Eye physical contact to sense anything from her at all. Even if she's been fighting, she only leaks what is necessary to get the job done and nobody can guess just how far she really is. Isley perhaps, but even an Abyssal can hide their yoki with alarming skill, and as far as I could tell, he didn't take any pills and the Claymores didn't catch him.

If nothing else, you expressed how stifling it probably was between them before the idea of "family" settled in; they are all still, a bit, uncomfortable around each other. One thing I am curious about is whether or not this happens before, or after, Luciella's death, which is a turning point -- I honestly can't tell if it's before or after. I THINK it's before, as they are not in the South (unless they were in the South already, and then went back up North, which doesn't feel likely), and still have been in Alphonse all this time. I'm also curious if, by asking Priscilla if Isley has fed her, is a general question, or a hidden clue that she has already begun to starve herself, perhaps, at least now, to Isley's unknowing - like this is something only Raki and her know.

See, you still gave us alot to think about One random thing I'm also curious about is your songs - you always include a bit from a song in, as many writers do. Is this merely because the song lyric expresses the feeling of the story, or the song as a whole? would I get a better connection if I listened to the song?

I am curious what those Organization letters were about - something no doubt to make Isley wanna return North, no doubt. I'm looking forward to more
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Last edited by Shiek927; 2011-05-21 at 10:26.
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Old 2011-05-21, 20:15   Link #4077
shelter
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Wow, so many good comments & things to address.

I think I start writing because I return home sometimes and think: it would be good to write some good Claymore fanfiction. I get a bit tired of overly deep fiction too, so I try to simplify things. Reading Weird D & Revan's work has allowed me take myself & writing less seriously.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiek927 View Post
The one single thing though that sticks out like a sore thumb is the yoki-suppresent pills - why does Priscilla of all people need one? Her suppression skills are the best in the world, and it takes a powerful Eye physical contact to sense anything from her at all.
Hm... thanks for mentioning this. I felt that even if Priscilla was good enough to hide her own yoki, both Isley & Raki would have reservations if she were lucid enough to control it. Nonetheless, the pills have a role later in the story. In general, the pills are a kind of cheat code in the canon, and perhaps this story is bringing their potential uses to the fore.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiek927 View Post
One thing I am curious about is whether or not this happens before, or after, Luciella's death, which is a turning point -- I honestly can't tell if it's before or after.
It's fashioned to be after Luciela's death. There are some hints: Raki's skill to survive on his own away from Isley & Priscilla, his age & Priscilla's consciousness. If I need to make it clearer, let me know.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiek927 View Post
I'm also curious if, by asking Priscilla if Isley has fed her, is a general question, or a hidden clue that she has already begun to starve herself, perhaps, at least now, to Isley's unknowing - like this is something only Raki and her know.
I don't want to comment too much on this & give away too much. But it basically comes down to how much consciousness you think Priscilla has. I think a lot of people on this forum take her to be a blank sheet. But I feel that she can function like any normal person, with feelings, a conscience, a sense of right & wrong. Except that she can't remember anything before Isley & Raki, and is to some extent, prone to manipulation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiek927 View Post
Is this merely because the song lyric expresses the feeling of the story, or the song as a whole? would I get a better connection if I listened to the song?
If I'm going to stick to the colour theme of this story, then the song fits it well. I try to make the quotes either a direct reference to the theme or the title. But don't think too deep about it. It's just a habit of mine

Thanks for your feedback. I'll have to adjust some things..
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Old 2011-05-21, 20:53   Link #4078
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Quote:
I think I start writing because I return home sometimes and think: it would be good to write some good Claymore fanfiction. I get a bit tired of overly deep fiction too, so I try to simplify things. Reading Weird D & Revan's work has allowed me take myself & writing less seriously.
Heh; well, as I mentioned, I like the thinking I feel required to do in your stories. Like in PTSD, where all the implication serves to express Tabitha's introvertness -- depends on the mood I guess whether I want to read something deep or not. Dany thus far has written plenty of comedies, but we both plan eventually to try to create a deep epic as well.

Quote:
Hm... thanks for mentioning this. I felt that even if Priscilla was good enough to hide her own yoki, both Isley & Raki would have reservations if she were lucid enough to control it. Nonetheless, the pills have a role later in the story. In general, the pills are a kind of cheat code in the canon, and perhaps this story is bringing their potential uses to the fore.
Well, if the pills have an actually role, then ignore me - I felt the need though to point out that she doesn't need them, even as an extra precaution -- Isley is another story though. Yes, the pills can have very creative purposes if they are used smartly, as with the Ghosts survival at Pieta.

Quote:
It's fashioned to be after Luciela's death. There are some hints: Raki's skill to survive on his own away from Isley & Priscilla, his age & Priscilla's consciousness. If I need to make it clearer, let me know.
Honestly, no - with Raki's age, their wasn't enough for me to gauge whether he was young or old: him getting it on with that harlot didn't affect that (the world they live in, I doubt his age matters at all with that sort of thing) I think what made it confusing was that I couldn't understand where they were at the time...they are heading North, but North from where? Are they already the Southern region? or are they still in Alphonse merely heading back north toward Pieta? What made it confusing is that, if they are indeed in the Southern lands, why they would return North especially if, after Luciella's death and Isley's conquering of the South, they were presumed to have been in the South the remainder of the time in the years that followed...

Now you can take what liberties you want, but clarifying a bit more on the where/when sounds like a good idea.

Quote:
I don't want to comment too much on this & give away too much. But it basically comes down to how much consciousness you think Priscilla has. I think a lot of people on this forum take her to be a blank sheet. But I feel that she can function like any normal person, with feelings, a conscience, a sense of right & wrong. Except that she can't remember anything before Isley & Raki, and is to some extent, prone to manipulation.
I should probably point out that I'm sort of thinking out loud XD - it's not like I actually expect you to respond to all my words; I don't want to spoil anything for myself .

As for your words on her consciousness however...you and I need seem to be looking in the same direction. A bit more detailed is here if you're curious (http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...&postcount=840), but basically you're right - she's not reduced to a baby or anything, she just can't remember huge aspects of her life. Going as far as to removing her morals, knowledge, sense of self etc etc....goes way too far.

Quote:
If I'm going to stick to the colour theme of this story, then the song fits it well. I try to make the quotes either a direct reference to the theme or the title. But don't think too deep about it. It's just a habit of mine
Heh, just curious thanks
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Old 2011-05-29, 12:53   Link #4079
revan5
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"One fanfic series to rule them all"
-I jest, but hey, check out both the stories and the artwork. I guarantee there's not another fanfic series quite like it. If you're wondering about the artwork, well, I've got an artist friend who loves the series and I commissioned a couple of cover pages.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6372390/1/Claymore_New_Era

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6610358/...r_eyed_Empress
(incomplete but now up to 11 chapters! )


Artwork:

Spoiler for Claymore: New Era:


Spoiler for The Silver-eyed Empress:



Spoiler for Vexing Valencia:



Spoiler for Miria's daughter with hairstyle:


Spoiler for Natalie, Miria's daughter:


Spoiler for The Lovely Ladies:


Spoiler for Part ninja, part claymore:


Spoiler for Sexy Miata:
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Old 2011-05-29, 14:11   Link #4080
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Damn the artwork looks good!

Only one problem though, the individual info on the 'lovely ladies' (more like 'hotter than hell ladies IMO ) is too small so we can't read it (except Miria's, and just barely). Could you scale it up a little?
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