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Old 2008-07-28, 16:22   Link #1881
Neesan
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I think it does have to do with fanfiction....what about if we make an anime review for claymore?
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Old 2008-07-28, 16:50   Link #1882
hell88
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@shelter and Yosei: I brought back Flora because she will be the charater to tell everyone how the org has brought back warriors from the dead and why they are doing it.

I'm only going to add a few non-canon characters to my story for now. There is already too much that is happening in my story to keep adding more people.

And don't worry Dracul's character will develop just fine, because I am planning on keeping him alive. I don't think I will kill him off.
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Old 2008-07-29, 08:36   Link #1883
Yosei
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shelter View Post

Regarding Cyanide Affection, all I can say is: brutal. Of course, you've warned me about it already. But you're extremely graphic & descriptive, and in that particular scene with Cynthia, there is an element of obvious helplessness which makes the imagery & mental picture of a brutalized Claymore a bit hard to stomach. Artistically, that scene is very strong; it's evocatively full of pathos. Personally, though, you were flirting with bdsm & snuff porn.

As for Miria's 'unleashing' of desire, I admit I didn't see it coming. There was a bit of unnatural tension in the earlier duel which I might have picked up. But it seems a bit incredulous she would have a sudden, guilt-trip-ish romp with a fallen royal - especially since in the way you describe it, it sounds like she did it on a whim & solely because he is royalty. Again, narratively, it's a great twist. But it does throw all my previous preconceptions of Miria's character out the window.

It will be more interesting to see how these 2 experiences: an absolutely horrid one for Cynthia & Miria's emotional/ physical episode, will impact the rest of the story.
Well, I'm glad you're willing to give my interpretation and perspective a chance. Some fanfic writers will criticize you heavily for every non-canon move you make, even if it's a risk you wanted to take for the sake of creating a story that evokes new ways of looking at characters and their inner struggles... *bitter* Unless you risk something within your story I don't believe one can reach any new possibilities.

Indeed, I wanted to create an even darker, more Gothic Claymore... something that really emphasizes the evil of the Claymore world, because there's a lot of potential for that. Cynthia's torture, Miria's struggle with Dumuzi - all are part of my attempt to realize that. The decadence, the depravity, the violence, the eloquent, exquisite evil - I think there's potential there and I want to push ahead with this.



Spoiler for space:




Enjoy.
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Last edited by Yosei; 2008-07-29 at 08:48.
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Old 2008-07-29, 12:08   Link #1884
weirdo487
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Originally Posted by Yosei View Post
Well as far as I'm concerned, everyone around here has more valuable priorities than writing and posting on this thread (and that's a good thing!). Whether it's relationships/school/sports/religion, no one's obliged to sideline their own priorities in the name of boosting this thread's story count.

I think that the thread will eventually get monotonous with only one or two people regularly posting their stories. Beware!
well im on vacation rite now and the internet i have is limmited to a lapop i'm barrowing from a freind ATM, so i cant post much, I'm also writeing a bit for a contest on another site as well so... well i'll be back with something in a few days if only to keep the monotony away
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Old 2008-07-29, 14:29   Link #1885
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@hell, the first part was funny in the end, I mean, first Riful thought that she was in big trouble and was going to puke. But luckily for her Prissy was not interested and to Riful's credit joined her in the end.

And Miria and Raki, that just had to happen didn't it. So now, a lot of things are going to happen between the girls. It should really cook up a good plot.

Maybe Clare is getting a little ahead of herself. I mean these things happen all the time and one should just forget it and move along. Although it's going to be pretty hard. And that kick was nice by Rafaela, hopefully that would knock some sense into Clare.

The rest of the story followed a decent path. I also like Dracul, and his name, which has a very vampired feel to it, which is nice of course. And also the fact that he doesn't like fighting and bloodshed and all, as he had stated. Have to admit that I'm a little worried about Clare now. It's not that I don't like the relationship between Miria and Raki. (I love it) The fact that Clare is so unpredictable makes me feel very uneasy especially now that the worse case sicnarior has arrived.

And last but not the least, the introduction of Flora was nice and ok.
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Old 2008-07-29, 18:55   Link #1886
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@Yosei: Very interesting how you made the first part of chapter six like a flash back. I was so happy when Galatea, came to save Cynthia. Although I have no idea how Galatea, Raphaela, and Clare were able to find her anyway it just feels good, or mabye you have it set up so that Puzuzu will show up to stop Galatea when she is leaving with Cynthia. The end of the chapter was good too, sounds like there will be another battle.

@Ryuken: Seems your the only one that had anything to say about Riful and Priscilla.

Oh and things will cook up a lot with Raki and Miria, and mabye the other girls too. Clare is basically going to go nuts.

I'm glad I made Dracul a good guy, he will be a very interesting character now indeed.

Anyways, not sure how long I'm going to have Flora around. She will play her part in my story and then I can just say anything could happen to her.

@shelter: I have a question. In the first two chapters of Snakehead, the child that Emerta took away. Does that child eventually turn out to be someone we know or was that a non-cannon character?
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Old 2008-07-29, 21:16   Link #1887
shelter
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@Yosei:

I have the feeling you toned down this last chapter a bit. It made it slightly easier to read. Claymore, even with all its potential for brutality & anguish, is still at its core about finding purpose. I tried to see it in this context. Well, it did help.

I personally thought this last chapter was a bit convoluted. The flashback doesn't belong to anybody per se, because no one seems to own that memory. As for Cynthia, Galatea's rescue is quite a sweet one, but it is still overall quite a painful, sad sight. Credit to you for drawing out the reader's emotions though

Seems like Dimuzi is torn between Miria's presence & avenging Inanna. At least that's what would be expected.


Quote:
Originally Posted by hell88 View Post
@shelter: I have a question. In the first two chapters of Snakehead, the child that Emerta took away. Does that child eventually turn out to be someone we know or was that a non-cannon character?
That child is non-canon all the way. I just saw Ermita's job as collecting infants for the Organization, & thought that with an infant between them, it would be a good opportunity for Galatea to warm up to Ermita a bit more.
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Old 2008-07-29, 23:29   Link #1888
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Yeah my apologies for what might almost be called a self-indulgent chapter - with nothing more than appearances from my more memorable non-canon characters and a Cynthia POV. This chapter did have a point though, to emphasize the ties between everyone and how they will impact the coming Battle of Andromeda. I probably didn't do it well enough.

I don't regret having put her through this ordeal, although yes, I probably won't try that sort of thing again. A pity. KIDDING!
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Old 2008-08-01, 04:53   Link #1889
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My goodness. No one's posted here since I last visited? I think very, very quiet days are ahead.


Spoiler for space:




Enjoy (if anyone still hangs around here anymore)
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Last edited by Yosei; 2008-08-01 at 05:22.
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Old 2008-08-01, 15:57   Link #1890
Ashbringer
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Hrmm. Time to get off my lazy rear and start cracking with the fics!

This place does seem a bit...empty.
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Old 2008-08-01, 18:26   Link #1891
hell88
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosei View Post
My goodness. No one's posted here since I last visited? I think very, very quiet days are ahead.


Spoiler for space:




Enjoy (if anyone still hangs around here anymore)
After reading that I now have a couple of questions.

So with this battle just starting I'm thinking this story of yours is almost over isn't it?

And, can't Cynthia regenerate her throat seeing how she is a defencive type?

Anyways now that you posted that chapter I forgot to post my next chapter. I had it finished and ready to go yesterday. Anyways here it is.

Spoiler for renegade warrior chapter nineteen:
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Old 2008-08-01, 19:09   Link #1892
Yosei
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@ Hell

1. You could have another look at the chapter list I posted a while ago: This is chapter 7 and I have 13 chapters planned, so the story isn't almost over, although we've gone past the halfway mark.

2. Cynthia's larynx was surgically removed along with the surrounding nerves, not damaged per se. Uuuum.... it's like that chapter where Clare had her bones broken by Dauf in the manga. Harder to regenerate if it's destroyed on the inside. So I believe the order is:

damaged body parts > broken bones > surgically removed

Having said that though, Ophelia had her neck broken and turned out fine, so I think the circumstances vary.

Nice chapter btw. I think it was a better chapter than last time, but probably because I like seeing the interactions between the characters. I think sentimental writing is all the rages these days...
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Old 2008-08-01, 19:22   Link #1893
hell88
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So after your done with this fic are you planning anything else? Or is that it?

Anyways so your saying that Cynthia won't be able to heal her throat, or she will be in time?

Now that I finished that chapter, I can say that I actually had a hard time ending it for some reason. Oh well it doesn't matter now because now that, that chapter is finished all my characters can go through some hard times. So I can get the story to move on some more.
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Old 2008-08-01, 20:11   Link #1894
Yosei
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Well, after the Ghosts face the Emperor of the Dragons... I mean, I don't think I can pull a more powerful enemy out of my head. And besides, the whole purpose for the war is between humans and Dragons... once that war ends, peace will (hopefully) return to the world.

so... I think that will be the end of the "Your Holiness/Darkness Falls/Nocturne" universe. I was thinking of not writing long stories anymore after Nocturne, just one shots about pretty much anything to do with Claymore, and maybe the post-Nocturne lives of the survivors.

And I'm saying that Cynthia is mute for the rest of her life. She will never be able to talk again.
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Old 2008-08-01, 21:57   Link #1895
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@Yosei:
I find the scenes where the warriors interact with each other a lot more telling than the battle scenes. Maybe because you've been writing about fighting since Darkness Falls.

In the scene where Galatea 'abandons' Clare & Raphaela to bring Cynthia back, I keep thinking of Cynthia's devastated state & the complicated bonds that seem to hold your 2 main characters (Galatea & Cynthia) to the rest of the warriors. Partly also since the 7 ghosts have been traditionally seen to move on either Clare or Miria's whims, the fact that an ally of theirs is turning away, with one of ghosts, is something different.

Ever since she & Dimuzi started to get along together, I've noted that I've seen less of the calculated, intense leader & more of purposeful fighter (in short, your Miria appears to have taken over Clare's character). But, forgive me for speculating very wildly, I feel that Miria has some ulterior motive for both Dimuzi & his plans in general.

Must take my hat off to your consistency. I've been a bit slack lately. So many ideas but can never get down to writing them.

@Hell:
Well, Ermita is gone now. So one less MiB. I suppose that's a good thing

This chapter's got a nice humourous bent: Galatea over-concerned about her hair & Flora's "revival". But I think Dracul's conversation with Irene is classic. I've never seen an Irene outside of the traditional stoic (sometimes self-absorbed) daze or Teresa-awe. So Dracul's so-called flirting & Irene's turning him down was - great

After reading both your chapters, then reading some new stuff on FF.net, I feel that a lot of fanfics leave me with more assumptions than fresh material. There are traditional ideas of characters which never get challenged.

@ Ashbringer:
Welcome...welcome. New material is always appreciated here
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Old 2008-08-01, 22:47   Link #1896
Yosei
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Ah, that's right! Welcome Ashbringer, come join us

Oh, and @ neesan: what would you mean, by 'anime review'? How should we go about it?

@ shelter: would you prefer more or less fighting in my novel. I've only got 5 chapters left to go, not including the epilogue. It's my last 5 chapters at an "epic fantasy" and I'm going to take a break after this, so I'd like to make these five chapters as fulfilling as possible (disregarding length or anything like that). More drama or what? It seems my 'gothic' experiment went down in flames, so all I've got left is drama + action. I suspect you were implying my drama is better written than my action?
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Last edited by Yosei; 2008-08-02 at 03:30.
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Old 2008-08-02, 08:50   Link #1897
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@Ashbringer: Yes welcome, looking forward to your fics.

Glad you guys liked my chapter I'm working on chapter twenty right now. I think its safe to say Renegade Warrior will be ending soon. I'm going to do what Yosei did and have another fic after that, and it will be like a spin off.
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Old 2008-08-02, 09:34   Link #1898
shelter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosei View Post
More drama or what? It seems my 'gothic' experiment went down in flames, so all I've got left is drama + action. I suspect you were implying my drama is better written than my action?
What I actually meant was that you've been very focused on action throughout your fics. So I guess it was are to see a 'quiet' moment: tense, solemn conversation between 3 key characters where one of them makes a decision that will completely alter the plot.

I don't think you should change anything. I wouldn't want to derail your story just because I thought something seemed different. Continue on with both the action & the drama just as you've planned it, & we'll see how it goes from there. No story is perfect - but really you've tried to make Nocturne every bit as fulfilling as Darkness Falls.

And neither is your 'gothic' experiment a failure. If you were wondering about the darker tone & images you've used in Nocturne, I think some of them were successful (Cynthia's torture), others are still shaky & unresolved (Miria & Dimuzi). The general monstrous creatures you've added are not what I'd interpret as 'gothic', but do remind yourself that this is unexplored ground, and you are still exploring these themes.
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Old 2008-08-02, 10:36   Link #1899
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Originally Posted by hell88 View Post
@Ashbringer: Yes welcome, looking forward to your fics.

Glad you guys liked my chapter I'm working on chapter twenty right now. I think its safe to say Renegade Warrior will be ending soon. I'm going to do what Yosei did and have another fic after that, and it will be like a spin off.
Lol, quite honestly, I don't think I'll write a full fic like you, whether or not it's a spinoff. I'm honestly taking a break, and by that I mean I'll write maybe 500 - 1000 word oneshots every two weeks or something. And even then I might not. I'll see if my creative spring hasn't dried up yet.

@ shelter: I wouldn't mind doing more drama hey. Can develop Miria and Dumuzi's relationship further. And since this is the last story I'm going to write, perhaps resolving the issues between all the characters might be preferable to gratuitous bloodshed. Hmm... I remember one of my favourite manga, Hellsing, has had shorter and shorter chapters ever since the climax approached. Oh, what a wonderful excuse to get to the final chapter...
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Old 2008-08-02, 19:28   Link #1900
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Okay finished chapter twenty, just to warn you guys I made the battle in it quick.

Spoiler for renegade warrior chapter twenty:
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