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Old 2007-09-15, 18:26   Link #81
Spectacular_Insanity
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Yes they are. Look at how big an issue China makes about the male carrying on the family name. Now there are fewer women for said men to marry, and so they screwed themselves on their own sexism. And this does, in fact apply to other asian countries. Sure, they're not throwing baby girls in trash cans like in China, but China is seriously overpopulated. It might be more muted in other asian countries, but it's definitely there. Though they would obviously deny it, some countries do tend to be a bit sexist (though the same could be said of ANY country to an extent).
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Old 2007-09-15, 18:53   Link #82
raikage
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Originally Posted by kitto-chan View Post
Asian guys are not more patriachal.....er at least no official studies had verified it.
And if we talking about asian from developed countries then this should definitely hold, that asian males are no more patriachal than say a hispanic male.
Yes they are.

..or at least Asian-Asians. American-Asians are....well, Americanized and hold a modified set of cultural values.
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Old 2007-10-30, 20:44   Link #83
Samari
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Hey. I'm still a new member here, but this thread caught my interest because it has a decent relation to what I'm going through in reality. So please forgive me if I'm opening up an old wound. I suppose I just wanted some advice from a genuine group of posters (this forum is one of the best I've ever visited in terms of members being understanding and intelligent).

Now a little about myself and my...situation I guess. First off, I'm not Asian. I'm a 20 year old black guy living in California and I attend an art university in San Francisco. Two years ago, I graduated high school in a small city called Mountain View. It's about 45 minutes south of San Francisco.

Since maybe about my freshmen or sophomore year in high school, I've always had this thing for well...Asian girls. Now...I'm not saying I prefer Asian females, it's just that they seem to have garnered my attention a lot more. I've never understood why. Three of my major crushes in high school were all Asian girls. I never dated any of them or anything. In fact, my heart was broken several times and I experienced a little bit of depression. You might be thinking "Ummmm...maybe this dude is just ugly". Ha, well I don't mean to toot my own horn, but honeslty, I believe I'm a decent looking guy. Perhaps I was too shallow? The girls I went after were really pretty. I also have that "nice guy" attitude. Maybe this was the problem? I don't know. Then it got to the point where I was really depressed my junior year after I was shot down. I came across this post a few pages back:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shinoto View Post
Its as the article said...its not all true, always exceptions...but it is normal for alot of them. Take Japan, An extreme homogeious Society. If you think about it...How often do you think they see an African American? Normally just on Sports and in Videos and such. You don't think that is not exotic for them? Someone who is normally taller, More masciline, only seen on TV for the most part... It is a huge turn out for alot. It has that total exotic feeling to it. And don't tell me that doesn't spark some human curiousity?
Well, the girls I've tried to make something happen with I guess would all be considered "Americanized". I've never really gone after a girl that wasn't. Due to coincidence of course. Until recently that is. There's this really gourgeous Japanese girl at my college who I've noticed. Doesn't seem "Americanized" in any fashion to me. It took me quite a lot of courage to just introduce myself. She's really nice and so charming. We've talked a little...so I suppose that's a start. She's fluent in Japanese and I know a little Japanese myself after having taking it for two years in high school. It feels like she's giving me an actual shot, but of course I'm still skeptical due to my past experiences. So...I'm not sure if there's a chance for me. That thought came to mind when I was reading earlier about how a lot of Asian women are raised on tradition and won't date outside their ethnicity due to the loyalties of their culture. That combined with my previous failed success...you can see why my confidence is shot. Ever since high school ended, everyone pretty much moved away, ties were cut, and the real world showed it's ugly face. I don't live at my university. I commute there from home actually. So, it's hard to get to know people living in a small city since I don't live at my college. Things have really been..."quiet". And I guess this is my attempt to try and get back into the game.

So my inquiry is...is there a thing with Asian girls and black men? Does it mainly depend on how the Asian girl is raised? I rarely see black guys with Asian girls. And I've never seen a black girl with an Asian guy. Of course I'm more concerned about the former. I go to San Francisco a lot for school. And there are a lot of Asian people there. A lot. I think San Francisco has the highest concentration of Asians in a huge city like San Francisco...making up around 30% of the population? I think it was around that. Now, back in Mountain View, the small city 40 minutes south of San Francisco where I live, a huge part of the community is Asian as well. Mostly Asian and whites. When I usually see an interracial couple involving an Asian girl, the guy is usually white or Asian. And yes I've seen that "Yellow Fever" video several times. It was quite funny. The ending made me seem a little optimistic, but in all reality, things just haven't developed in my favor. I just don't understand it really...

Your thoughts please.
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Last edited by Samari; 2007-10-30 at 20:59.
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Old 2007-10-30, 21:20   Link #84
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bluejazz87
Hey. I'm still a new member here, but this thread caught my interest because it has a decent relation to what I'm going through in reality. So please forgive me if I'm opening up an old wound. I suppose I just wanted some advice from a genuine group of posters (this forum is one of the best I've ever visited in terms of members being understanding and intelligent).
Welcome to AnimeSuki! And I'd gladly second your opinion about this forum.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bluejazz87
So my inquiry is...is there a thing with Asian girls and black men? Does it mainly depend on how the Asian girl is raised?
I can't speak for American-born Asians certainly. But speaking as a Chinese who lives in a part of Asia, I do observe that some of us are uncomfortable around black people. But that's mainly because black people are very rarely seen around here, so it's most probably due to unfamiliarity.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bluejazz87
I've seen that "Yellow Fever" video several times. It was quite funny. The ending made me seem a little optimistic, but in all reality, things just haven't developed in my favor. I just don't understand it really...
This is totally unrelated to what your questions, but your post reminded me of a hilarious blog that I came across last year. It's called Outpost 9, and it is written by a black man who went to teach in Japan under the JET programme. And he had an "interesting" experience with a Japanese girlfriend while he was there.
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Old 2007-10-30, 21:56   Link #85
Samari
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Hey thanks for your insight. I checked out a blog on that site you gave me, and in this particular one it seems like my situation is exactly chronicled. It's amazing. Now...I know this is just one person's opinion, but it seems like I keep falling flat on my face in the "friend zone" due to my "nice guy" persona. Thanks again for the hook ups.
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Old 2007-10-30, 22:16   Link #86
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It's one thing to say that as a culture, Chinese men seem more feminine due to their Confucian upbringing, or that traditionally, Chinese gentry tend to balance education of the classics and physicality. I can even pull some sort of "global poll on the most macho stereotypes in the world" and say that among the macho-ist of all men, Chinese men are not ranked up there.

However..
You're putting down Asian women everywhere by assuming they're dumb enough to stereotype Asian men simply because they're Asian.

So either.. Asian women don't date Asian men because they're narrow-minded and cannot see past skin colour...
or
We, as observers, fail to realize that not just Asian women and Asian men, but all humans have a mind and individuality, and their reasons for starting a relationship with someone goes further than skin colour. After all, it's only a matter of time between the cultures clash, and these things are simply not skin deep.

Asian people who date outside their ethnicity is gaining a lot of cultural shock since ethnic minorities in North America have been seen as second-tier citizens, and although the social and economic opinion of ethnic minorities in North America has been improving, we in our own individual narrow-mindedness, still see cross culture relations as taboo.

I see a lot of Caucasian guys dating Caucasian girls too, but I don't blame it on their lack of originality.
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Old 2007-10-31, 00:11   Link #87
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If we put stereotype away, I would say it all comes from personal likings.
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Old 2007-10-31, 01:38   Link #88
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Personally I prefer
Chinese/Japanese men -> White men -(big gap)-> other Asian men -(big gap)-> all other colors of men -(possibly insurmountable gap)-> black men.
White guys rank #2 just because of cultural difference; there are some things that I prefer a person to intuitively know. I cringe whenever someone cracks a "OMG you Asians do this?!?!" remark at something that fits into daily life for me. I was brought up to be distrustful of anyone with a skin shade darker than yellow (Asian) and I simply dislike the appearance of African-Americans, like how I feel about a funny-looking urn. =/ I don't know if I'll ever overcome my upbringings.
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Old 2007-10-31, 01:55   Link #89
Samari
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Originally Posted by Li Jianliang View Post
Personally I prefer
Chinese/Japanese men -> White men -(big gap)-> other Asian men -(big gap)-> all other colors of men -(possibly insurmountable gap)-> black men.
White guys rank #2 just because of cultural difference; there are some things that I prefer a person to intuitively know. I cringe whenever someone cracks a "OMG you Asians do this?!?!" remark at something that fits into daily life for me. I was brought up to be distrustful of anyone with a skin shade darker than yellow (Asian) and I simply dislike the appearance of African-Americans, like how I feel about a funny-looking urn. =/ I don't know if I'll ever overcome my upbringings.
Hmm...well honesty has to count for something I guess. No offense, but I think that's a horrible way to raise a child. Just my opinion.
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Old 2007-10-31, 02:02   Link #90
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Really? Asian women don't date Asian men?

I don't know, but all my friends are Asian and they are dating Asian men...but we're all Asians living in North America though...don't know if that makes a difference.

I for one won't mind, but that might be just me. Yeah...I'm of Asian descent, so I found this thread quite interesting
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Old 2007-10-31, 02:39   Link #91
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Like they say, personal experience tends to overrun stereotypes. Like Bluejazz, I've simply been attracted specifically to asian women since I was old enough to worry about it. On the other hand, I can find certain women of *any* color attractive and have dated pretty all the available shades before I got married. (Heinz 57 flavor "white" guy here though)

Purely anecdotal evidence (and therefore suspect) - but for bluejazz's trivia collection, when I see inter-racial black/asian couples, it seems like the Vietnamese and Cambodians are more represented. Hope no one takes that wrong just my personal survey notes. Honestly, your best bet may be to engage the services of some eHarmony or matching agency.... anymore most of my single friends use them to cut out a lot of wasted searching and I can count at least 3 marriages resulting from them.
Good luck
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Old 2007-10-31, 02:45   Link #92
Samari
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Originally Posted by Vexx View Post
Like they say, personal experience tends to overrun stereotypes. Like Bluejazz, I've simply been attracted specifically to asian women since I was old enough to worry about it. On the other hand, I can find certain women of *any* color attractive and have dated pretty all the available shades before I got married. (Heinz 57 flavor "white" guy here though)

Purely anecdotal evidence (and therefore suspect) - but for bluejazz's trivia collection, when I see inter-racial black/asian couples, it seems like the Vietnamese and Cambodians are more represented. Hope no one takes that wrong just my personal survey notes. Honestly, your best bet may be to engage the services of some eHarmony or matching agency.... anymore most of my single friends use them to cut out a lot of wasted searching and I can count at least 3 marriages resulting from them.
Good luck
Thanks. I'll keep what you said in mind.
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Old 2007-10-31, 05:30   Link #93
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My two cents are.

Personality wins all, some people have specific taste on how they were raised and their surroundings. Where I live, theres nothing but Asians and Spanish. Some see past all the stereotypical nonsense and date out of their racial circle, mainly because of their personality. (I have several friends and family members who do.)
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Old 2007-10-31, 06:12   Link #94
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Originally Posted by TinyRedLeaf View Post
Welcome to AnimeSuki! And I'd gladly second your opinion about this forum.
I'll third it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TinyRedLeaf
This is totally unrelated to what your questions, but your post reminded me of a hilarious blog that I came across last year. It's called Outpost 9, and it is written by a black man who went to teach in Japan under the JET programme. And he had an "interesting" experience with a Japanese girlfriend while he was there.
Man I remember that guy, I actually felt really sorry for him during his break up, but reading his blogs was actually kinda therapeutic. Dunno why. I think it was the girl student who gave him a gift that really got to me.

Anyway. Sometimes it's a bit more "exotic" to lust over or be with someone who isn't of your race or nationality but it does wear a bit thin, to me at least. I find women of all races to be attractive but not all women in a race are the type that appeals to me. For instance, I find Lucy Liu pretty but she's not my type. Hirano Aya, on the other hand, is completely gorgeous to me.

Everyone has a "type" they find the most appealing. You can usually tell when it kicks in because everything goes all slow motion and you can't help but stare, drool, and otherwise look like a deer caught in headlights.
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Old 2007-10-31, 17:37   Link #95
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According to psychology statistics (I can try to find the official source from my instructor, if it matters to anyone), Korean-American girls are most likely to date Caucasian males, and Japanese-American girls are the most likely to date outside of their culture. So bluejazz87, if you're into this Japanese girl, statistics are on your side. Of course, every individual is different If you need a bit of a confidence booster, I had an African American roommate, and a friend of his was apparently dating a Japanese girl (he proudly declared this to me when he found that I was studying Japanese). So it can be done. On top of personal compatibility, you're probably aware that you may need to be combatting racial stereotypes, and the extent that those exist within the individual depends on their own experiences.

Either way, don't lose hope over it. I'll give you the same advice as I'd give to anyone who's nervous about attempting to start a relationship: just be confident, do your best, and don't worry too much about the outcome. Do what you can, and if it's meant to work out, it will. Best of luck!

I also find the "Asian fetish" that people have to be interesting. It seems like there's been a rise in it, but it could just be the people that I'm exposed to. No surprise that a lot of people on this forum would have it, I guess. Does anyone know of any statistics on this sort of thing? It'd be interesting to see if there really is a rise in it, if it's just a trend of sorts, of it it's even with everything else. Go figure, girls in Korea get a lot of plastic surgery done to make their eyes wider (or so I hear), in parts of Japan Blacks and Caucasians are popular (or so I hear), and it seems like in China there's a sort of "Caucasian fetish" (so I hear) so it may just be a case of people being attracted to what's new to them.
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Old 2007-10-31, 19:17   Link #96
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"Why Asian women don't date Asian men"
From the mouth of a female Japanese foreign-exchange student in my class last year: it was because "Japanese men are boring and obvious."
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Old 2007-10-31, 20:34   Link #97
Samari
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
According to psychology statistics (I can try to find the official source from my instructor, if it matters to anyone), Korean-American girls are most likely to date Caucasian males, and Japanese-American girls are the most likely to date outside of their culture. So bluejazz87, if you're into this Japanese girl, statistics are on your side. Of course, every individual is different If you need a bit of a confidence booster, I had an African American roommate, and a friend of his was apparently dating a Japanese girl (he proudly declared this to me when he found that I was studying Japanese). So it can be done. On top of personal compatibility, you're probably aware that you may need to be combatting racial stereotypes, and the extent that those exist within the individual depends on their own experiences.

Either way, don't lose hope over it. I'll give you the same advice as I'd give to anyone who's nervous about attempting to start a relationship: just be confident, do your best, and don't worry too much about the outcome. Do what you can, and if it's meant to work out, it will. Best of luck!

I also find the "Asian fetish" that people have to be interesting. It seems like there's been a rise in it, but it could just be the people that I'm exposed to. No surprise that a lot of people on this forum would have it, I guess. Does anyone know of any statistics on this sort of thing? It'd be interesting to see if there really is a rise in it, if it's just a trend of sorts, of it it's even with everything else. Go figure, girls in Korea get a lot of plastic surgery done to make their eyes wider (or so I hear), in parts of Japan Blacks and Caucasians are popular (or so I hear), and it seems like in China there's a sort of "Caucasian fetish" (so I hear) so it may just be a case of people being attracted to what's new to them.
Well...I saw that girl today. I think she looked right at me for a second, and then went to go get her lunch or whatever down the street. And at that point, my entire day fell flat. We had talked a little before. I didn't want to always go up to her when our classes had a break and I saw her outside. Didn't want to seem like a stalker or whatever. I was just testing to see if she might come and talk to me. But nothing. Now I'm even more confused and frustrated. Not to mention dejected. I don't know what to do now. Should I keep pursuing? Or let it go? I really don't want to let it go, because that's basically what I've done the last three times. I feel like I need a significant other to make me happy or something. Just like that blog said. Which isn't a surprise why I've made so many "friends" out of the girls I was trying to establish a relationship with. Now it seems like I have to change my character to have a chance. This just seems so difficult. I just really don't understand it.
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Old 2007-10-31, 23:16   Link #98
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Well.. growing up in a Chinese household, my parents were- and still are -very old fashion. By that I mean they're racist. They're not as bad as they used to be (they would let me play basketball with some of the black kids up the street who had a conveniently set up hoop in their backyard), but even now, if I were to bring home a girl that wasn't Chinese or even looked Asian, I'd get the raised eyebrow and the "why don't you like Chinese girls? My friend has a daughter and she can set you two up ...." speech.

I'd like to think that it's just a "fear of the unknown" mentality, but after all this time in Canada, and after all the negative exposure there are of non-Chinese ethnicities (and positive stereotypes of Chinese culture), and the fact that they're old in their habits (and just plain OLD), it's easy to understand their prejudice, but still hard to accept.

So if you think about it, a 2nd or 3rd generation Asian girl might feel confined by this kind of treatment, and might want to break out of her parents' control. For the Asian guy, this is understandable, but still a shallow perception of women. On the other hand, how many Asian girls do you see who clearly do not have a strong grasp of their cultural environment dating outside of their ethnicity?
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Old 2007-10-31, 23:34   Link #99
Samari
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Originally Posted by diabolistic View Post
Well.. growing up in a Chinese household, my parents were- and still are -very old fashion. By that I mean they're racist. They're not as bad as they used to be (they would let me play basketball with some of the black kids up the street who had a conveniently set up hoop in their backyard), but even now, if I were to bring home a girl that wasn't Chinese or even looked Asian, I'd get the raised eyebrow and the "why don't you like Chinese girls? My friend has a daughter and she can set you two up ...." speech.

I'd like to think that it's just a "fear of the unknown" mentality, but after all this time in Canada, and after all the negative exposure there are of non-Chinese ethnicities (and positive stereotypes of Chinese culture), and the fact that they're old in their habits (and just plain OLD), it's easy to understand their prejudice, but still hard to accept.

So if you think about it, a 2nd or 3rd generation Asian girl might feel confined by this kind of treatment, and might want to break out of her parents' control. For the Asian guy, this is understandable, but still a shallow perception of women. On the other hand, how many Asian girls do you see who clearly do not have a strong grasp of their cultural environment dating outside of their ethnicity?
I don't see that many Asian girls dating outside of their ethnicity. Well...girls my age, I guess that's a little different. At least in this area. But it's usually a white guy and that's it. I guess the good news is that you're not racist. At least I hope so. That reminds me, I have to put that other person on my ignore list.
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Old 2007-11-01, 02:05   Link #100
Ledgem
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Originally Posted by bluejazz87 View Post
Well...I saw that girl today. I think she looked right at me for a second, and then went to go get her lunch or whatever down the street. And at that point, my entire day fell flat. We had talked a little before. I didn't want to always go up to her when our classes had a break and I saw her outside. Didn't want to seem like a stalker or whatever. I was just testing to see if she might come and talk to me. But nothing. Now I'm even more confused and frustrated. Not to mention dejected. I don't know what to do now. Should I keep pursuing? Or let it go? I really don't want to let it go, because that's basically what I've done the last three times. I feel like I need a significant other to make me happy or something. Just like that blog said. Which isn't a surprise why I've made so many "friends" out of the girls I was trying to establish a relationship with. Now it seems like I have to change my character to have a chance. This just seems so difficult. I just really don't understand it.
Based off of my personal experience, I'd say that it isn't always a bad thing to express interest. My girlfriend (Chinese-American, not that it really matters much in the relationship) was the one coming up to me and such, but the reason was over a misunderstood incident. When we'd first met, neither felt interest in the other; as it played out, she thought I did something to express interest in her (which was just a coincidental thing) and thus she felt interest in me. By her expressing interest in me, I grew to have interest in her. So there's nothing wrong with being even slightly aggressive with this girl; depending on the type of girl she is, she may, at the very least, give you a chance. But the point is, if you express interest, it may spur her interest in you. The key is to know when to lay off; if she's not becoming interested, then you don't want to be one of those annoying guys who don't get the hint. Just pick up on the body language and such, and don't give up too easily, but do keep the option of giving up present in your mind. As much as I'd love to say "never give up - just keep at it" that's a good way to annoy people and make for awkward situations. If you're sort of just forming your relation to her, then don't be offended that she didn't stop. She doesn't have to be enamored with you at this point for the possibility of an affectionate relationship to still exist.
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