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Old 2011-02-19, 00:31   Link #121
Afternoon Tea
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy View Post
There isn't really one definitive 'how' to poetry, and frankly, the best way someone can foster your development as a poet is to work with you piece by piece and gradually encourage you to push your boundaries and try different things. Basically, shaking up your comfort zone--which will initially always be something very generic and mechanical because, hey, we all start off clueless!--is all that can be done.

So why not post a sample of your work, or whip up something right now and keep yourself receptive to critique.
I'll write one up tonight, and I'll post it in the morning, thanks for the tip
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Old 2011-02-19, 00:41   Link #122
idiffer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptnAwesomee View Post
Can someone help me with poetry? I'm not very good at it, and I don't know to structure/start one. Can someone help me? The reason why, is because i want to write music lyrics, but I can't do it if I don't have a good understanding of poetry, How should I start, where do I start, and how do you structure these things. Like I remember doing this in 8th grade like rhyming the last word for ever other sentence or something ( i dont even know the terms) like that, but that was 4 years ago when i did not give a crap about poetry

sorry if this is off topic i'll delete this post if it is
well, there is this thing called "metre". its the length of a line in syllables, both stressed and not, following a certain pattern. i classical poetry every line has to have the same metre.
example. the "-" are the stressed syllables. the "_" are not stressed.
_ - _ - _-
the day i went to rock
the posers i will mock
and other patterns can be used
_ _ - _ _ -

Ricky
i really hope you're not mad at me for critiscising your poem...
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Old 2011-02-19, 01:01   Link #123
Ricky Controversy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by idiffer View Post
Ricky
i really hope you're not mad at me for critiscising your poem...
Not at all. I spared a response to you because I was actually wrestling with it a bit myself: I had a particular layering I wanted to achieve that was a bit tricky, so I went back and tightened it up. If you click the link I left in my previous post, you'll notice that I reined in some of the layout that had gotten away from me in the process of hashing out the imagery.

At times, I can forget that some things in my poems may only be legible to me because I wrote the bloody thing, and it'd be near impossible for another reader to guess at whatever obtuse trick I'm pulling--and I do pull a lot of them, because my poetic process is toying with language. So it helps to be reminded that, yes, I still need to make my stuff communicate too. If I didn't think about that, I'd just be some verbose pedant, rather than a poet. =)
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Old 2011-02-19, 01:15   Link #124
idiffer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy View Post
Not at all. I spared a response to you because I was actually wrestling with it a bit myself: I had a particular layering I wanted to achieve that was a bit tricky, so I went back and tightened it up. If you click the link I left in my previous post, you'll notice that I reined in some of the layout that had gotten away from me in the process of hashing out the imagery.

At times, I can forget that some things in my poems may only be legible to me because I wrote the bloody thing, and it'd be near impossible for another reader to guess at whatever obtuse trick I'm pulling--and I do pull a lot of them, because my poetic process is toying with language. So it helps to be reminded that, yes, I still need to make my stuff communicate too. If I didn't think about that, I'd just be some verbose pedant, rather than a poet. =)
well, the new version reads much better. although lol, i keep skipping a line in one part due to the formatting. i forget to shift my gaze to the left to read whats ON THE LEFT and continue down...
and this doesn't sound right in term of grammar, i think...
do you

think that it would ever

falling

apart

means a thing?

oh, and after reading your poem like 10 times...i couldn't find the trick. do u mind sharing? ...
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My posts seem retarted? I invoke the freedomof choice upon thee to choose one of the below.
a) I知 batshit insane or mentally challenged. Nyan!
b) Wasu~p?! *brofist*
c) Your mind is too narrow to embrace my genius, de geso.
d) I was accidentally dropped into a barrel of whiskey, so now I am constantly drunk.
e) Go home and die! Dattebayo!
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Old 2011-02-19, 01:30   Link #125
Ricky Controversy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by idiffer View Post
oh, and after reading your poem like 10 times...i couldn't find the trick. do u mind sharing? ...
Basically, I use fluid sentence structure to create layers of possible reading within the poem. For example, probably the most immediately obvious reading of the first two segments would go like this:

"Rain is in my eyes, and in me finding a disused umbrella there is nothing profound enough to change my mind, engraved as it is. Do you think that it falling apart means a thing?"

But it could also read

"Rain is in my eyes, and in me, finding a disused umbrella in a tree, where now we watch trains passing. There is nothing profound enough to change my mind, engraved as it is there, where you sit. Or do you think that it would ever fall apart?"

Get the basic gist of it? I like doing this because it's just as much fun seeing people come up with readings (some of which I hadn't even thought of) as it is building them myself.
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Old 2011-02-19, 01:53   Link #126
idiffer
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wow, thats pretty cool. but being a simpleton i just read line after line, lol. but note the example in my previous post. you probably need to avoid those awkward sentences. i'll play with your poem a bit more now))
EDIT
okay, i give up. its pretty hard. it doesn't come naturally to me. i read the sentences that don't make sense. damn. but the idea is really awesome. if only u could perfect it to be more fluid or something, so that the eye will wander naturally between the different versions.
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My posts seem retarted? I invoke the freedomof choice upon thee to choose one of the below.
a) I知 batshit insane or mentally challenged. Nyan!
b) Wasu~p?! *brofist*
c) Your mind is too narrow to embrace my genius, de geso.
d) I was accidentally dropped into a barrel of whiskey, so now I am constantly drunk.
e) Go home and die! Dattebayo!

Last edited by idiffer; 2011-02-19 at 02:04.
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Old 2011-02-19, 02:59   Link #127
idiffer
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okay, here's what i came up with based on Ricky's concept. which is awesome actually, beyond great and bold. SUGOI is what i'd like to say.
anyway, i was so hooked that i wanted to scribble smth similar. turned out shit if u ask me. but still its probably fun.
because the main idea is to get as much sentences as possible...and then assemble them into your own poem any way u like it.
Ricky - you are a frickin genius! i wholeheartedly hope that u will write more poems of this kind, the kind that will boggle our minds and keep us thinking. i now feel stupid for commenting on your poem before)))
the line can go horizontal, vertical, diagonal and in both directions...actually they can go anyway u like, as long as it makes sense.
this should be a new game, like crossword puzzles or sudoku.


_______what_______will_____ __decide
behold_______now________still______
_______that________had_______hope
and________never______gone_____
_________it_________was______again
mattered_____found_______lost_______
__________________love_____________

lol, this way u can keep the formatting. stupid forum asshatery won't let us post our shit the way we want to, so...
Spoiler for same poem without large spaces:
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My posts seem retarted? I invoke the freedomof choice upon thee to choose one of the below.
a) I知 batshit insane or mentally challenged. Nyan!
b) Wasu~p?! *brofist*
c) Your mind is too narrow to embrace my genius, de geso.
d) I was accidentally dropped into a barrel of whiskey, so now I am constantly drunk.
e) Go home and die! Dattebayo!

Last edited by idiffer; 2011-02-19 at 03:26.
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Old 2011-02-19, 13:48   Link #128
careph
 
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asuras View Post
Very good. You are spot on, but not quite there.

I feel it may be a little too complicated and vague for anyone to truly figure out. So I'll tell the tale.

In a nutshell, it's about human evolution, and how it has stagnated. In a natural world, it is "survival of the fittest" where those with good genes ("jeans") survive. Because the "hospital of denial," those that were not fit to live are kept alive, and their "bad" genes are passed on. This man ("I") is in his wilderness sanctity; an old hermit who seems crazy. He revels over societies frivolous activities, and their ignorance to nature.
Do realize I am no eugenicist. Merely a boy who has realized what modern medical advancements mean to our evolution as a species.
Ah, so Social Darwinism and insanity were missing in my equation, I think I can see it now.
As an aside, I did at no point associate you (as the author) with the I of the poem, and I have no interest in judging other people's mindsets.
Thanks for enlightening me, interesting poem you've written
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Old 2011-02-20, 10:20   Link #129
Rakhool
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Quote:
Originally Posted by idiffer View Post
this first one was written on a whim when i was answering a post here on animesuki, and you may have seen it in the "dating " thread some time ago. i didn't ever think that i could reply with a poem, but i did, spending less then 5 min. to write it. its definitely shit, won't deny that...

Spoiler for poem 1:

this one...uhh..i don't remember if i wrote it yesterday or the day before yesterday, or 3 days ago...i guess i have a subconcious thing for love themes, with me being single and all. it doesn't have a meaning, just momentary thoughts and feelings.
Spoiler for poem 2:


damn, i liked this one. the theme is one i associate with. and i even found a certain rythm after i read it 3 times out loud to myself. although i would have chosen better wording. as in, your grammar seems to be a bit wrong a few times...
and it is a poem. anything can be a poem these days, really. the classic style is being ignored because it can no longer convey the thoughts and troubles of our generation, of course partially because it IS a style of an OLD generation. free verse has been and always will be, for that matter.
thanks~
lol sorry I got bad english~
and i've never been good with poems
people laught at me when i did these in my primary school days...
and~ and~
i like ur 1st poem~
but sadly can't understand the 2nd one....
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Old 2011-02-20, 11:19   Link #130
idiffer
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Rakhool
really, i thought the 1st one was harder to understand, lol.but i'm glad you liked it. the 2nd one is just about a conversation with a chinese girl and that we were able to understand each other despite not knowing each others' language.
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a) I知 batshit insane or mentally challenged. Nyan!
b) Wasu~p?! *brofist*
c) Your mind is too narrow to embrace my genius, de geso.
d) I was accidentally dropped into a barrel of whiskey, so now I am constantly drunk.
e) Go home and die! Dattebayo!
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Old 2011-02-21, 00:33   Link #131
Asuras
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Location: On the front lines, fighting for inderpendence.
We're like herbivores
Feeding on empires of green
A form that opens doors
A titan that man stores

Being the stuff of birth
Granting those the chance to live
A key which leads to a girth
A monster that penetrates the Earth

Leading for or against
None can let go of this intoxicating poison
Drink its contents or lest
A human lose its score on the test

From the start
And to the end
It's or blood, our air, our soul
A manifestation of our goal
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Old 2011-02-23, 15:28   Link #132
idiffer
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god, this is stupid shit that i wrote...but the heart wants what it wants...

snapping in mode
with zooming vision
i break the code
with bold percision
reprogramm and hack
the final descision
i can't go back
outrunning the time
which i don't lack
and just like a mime
the progress bar
completion not far
escape in the night
and finished the task
hacking, bringing the light
noone'll ever ask
why the smile?
why the laugh?
where algorythm went
of sadness spent?

and another one i wrote a few hours later

Now!
When tears don’t fall
Now!
Eyes open wide
Now!
Stiff with fear
Now!
What will I do?
For whom to cry?
How? Shit, how?
But just as true
Why? Fuck, why?
I won't stop bleeding
Tell me WHAT
I need to DO
Suffering, kneeling
Paralysis, PAIN!
Only PAIN! feeling...

emo. so emo. but, yeah, thats how i fealt deep inside at the moment. i haven't tried free verse in a long time...


this is a revised version of a poem i posted not long ago. truth is, when i first wrote it i changed the idea half way through the poem somewhat, so i added some lines to try and connect the two and make them ones of the whole. i kinda feel bad about changing my own poems, lol. but it had to be done.
Spoiler for poem revised:
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My posts seem retarted? I invoke the freedomof choice upon thee to choose one of the below.
a) I知 batshit insane or mentally challenged. Nyan!
b) Wasu~p?! *brofist*
c) Your mind is too narrow to embrace my genius, de geso.
d) I was accidentally dropped into a barrel of whiskey, so now I am constantly drunk.
e) Go home and die! Dattebayo!

Last edited by idiffer; 2011-02-23 at 20:19.
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Old 2011-02-23, 20:30   Link #133
Ricky Controversy
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http://rickycontroversy.squarespace....-strength.html

an informal study on tensile strength
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Old 2011-02-23, 21:10   Link #134
Konata42
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Cheese and crackers YUM YUM YUM
Cheese and crackers OM NOM NOM



this poem really captures the essence of a man searching for individuality and cheese

Last edited by Konata42; 2011-02-24 at 00:29.
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Old 2011-02-23, 21:18   Link #135
idiffer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy View Post
http://rickycontroversy.squarespace....-strength.html

an informal study on tensile strength
funny. a guy commented on your site. he said it was about a guitar, blah blah god. the guitar is important. because i imagined god as a puppet master. the strings being tied to people-puppets. when they break - god loses control over ppl.
is the trick you mentioned before present here? about different readings...
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My posts seem retarted? I invoke the freedomof choice upon thee to choose one of the below.
a) I知 batshit insane or mentally challenged. Nyan!
b) Wasu~p?! *brofist*
c) Your mind is too narrow to embrace my genius, de geso.
d) I was accidentally dropped into a barrel of whiskey, so now I am constantly drunk.
e) Go home and die! Dattebayo!
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Old 2011-02-25, 23:30   Link #136
idiffer
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and again i'm back to strict metre and rhyme. i'm gonna pander to my friends for awhile, who like this kind of poetry style. and, it is kind of challenging. this poem is not necessarily finished...
Ricky, where are you?

Night silent, falls upon the ground
When nothing dares to make a sound
Being yourself, by no one found
All masks are dropped, no one’s to hound

The turmoils, troubles fall away
All problems vanish with winds’ sway
What’s left, is calm and freedom’s say

The stars are mute, those specks of light
The moon and lamp posts shining bright
It’s all I need to not lose sight

Of road, of what I’m set to find
That I could not, by day so blind
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My posts seem retarted? I invoke the freedomof choice upon thee to choose one of the below.
a) I知 batshit insane or mentally challenged. Nyan!
b) Wasu~p?! *brofist*
c) Your mind is too narrow to embrace my genius, de geso.
d) I was accidentally dropped into a barrel of whiskey, so now I am constantly drunk.
e) Go home and die! Dattebayo!
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Old 2011-03-02, 23:15   Link #137
MAQI
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Location: Where the morale of the people is as black as the sea.
A Rock I stand, a rock I've become.
Hardened by summer sun salted by ocean air.
Alone to stand and feel the waves crash upon my face.
To feel the salt embed itself in to my skin.
There came a day when I felt no more, a day when the sun burned the sea infront of me.
I did not blink, I did not ponder why.
I stood there watching the present being swallowed by the cold of the future sky.
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Old 2011-03-04, 15:40   Link #138
careph
 
 
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Knowing 'bout anatomy
comes natural to me.
Cutting people's my vocation,
I go daily on a spree.

Tie them down, don't let them go,
my accomplices are just as pro.
The narcotics stuff they're using
really isn't just for show.

And once they sleep,
And once they're still,
I descend upon the helpless sheep,
I imprint on them my will.
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Old 2011-03-05, 20:32   Link #139
idiffer
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just random thoughts...

Last tear by then will have been dropped
With clouded mind full of regret
When life on verge of being cropped
Too late to make amends and fret
Can only let your life replay
Before eyes holding frozen fear
Slow motioned time won’t let you stray
From mental pain that seems to sear
Now matter not last words you hear
Or if someone is present near
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My posts seem retarted? I invoke the freedomof choice upon thee to choose one of the below.
a) I知 batshit insane or mentally challenged. Nyan!
b) Wasu~p?! *brofist*
c) Your mind is too narrow to embrace my genius, de geso.
d) I was accidentally dropped into a barrel of whiskey, so now I am constantly drunk.
e) Go home and die! Dattebayo!
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Old 2011-03-15, 22:05   Link #140
Ricky Controversy
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http://rickycontroversy.squarespace....air-trade.html

Very straightforward poem this time...but still intended for multiple readings.
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