AnimeSuki Forums

Register Forum Rules FAQ Members List Social Groups Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   AnimeSuki Forum > Anime Discussion > Older Series > Nanoha

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 2010-01-11, 16:54   Link #22121
ghazghkull
The Dang-meister
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Age: 25
Send a message via MSN to ghazghkull Send a message via Yahoo to ghazghkull
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
...

Er... thanks for the review?
Hey, when Satashi reviews, Satashi, REVIEWS! XD
ghazghkull is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 16:59   Link #22122
RadiantBeam
Test Drive
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Age: 23
Send a message via AIM to RadiantBeam Send a message via Skype™ to RadiantBeam
Quote:
Originally Posted by ghazghkull View Post
Hey, when Satashi reviews, Satashi, REVIEWS! XD
Well, I know, but still. It feels kind of weird.
__________________
RadiantBeam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 16:59   Link #22123
00-Raiser
Burst Mode
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Windsor, Ontario
Age: 27
Send a message via AIM to 00-Raiser
You know when Satashi is really into something when she leaves a review
__________________
00-Raiser is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 17:09   Link #22124
Satashi
Vividly Vivio
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Over there
Age: 30
Send a message via AIM to Satashi Send a message via Skype™ to Satashi
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
...

Er... thanks for the review?
Yes, you're welcome :P

Quote:
Originally Posted by ghazghkull View Post
Hey, when Satashi reviews, Satashi, REVIEWS! XD
QFT!

I've only left a few, but I feel that if something makes me want to review it, I should give it my best to show how much I appreciate the story ^_^

Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Well, I know, but still. It feels kind of weird.
Special Review for RB:
I like, more please <3

Quote:
Originally Posted by 00-Raiser View Post
You know when Satashi is really into something when she leaves a review
@////@ I got called out on it! *hides*
Satashi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 17:22   Link #22125
deathcurse
Queen of Tragedy
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Place of rocks and trees, and trees and rocks...and water.
Age: 23
Thanks for the insightful review ^^. I'll try to answer/comment on some things, but some things are still under wraps because the development hasn't quite reached that point yet...

First of all though, I want to express my thoughts on the "canon"-ness of the Logs: RB may disagree with me, but when we created the idea I wanted Fate and Nanoha to fit the standard, archetypal roles of the buddy-cop formula: Straight cop and Violent cop. Beyond that, I was making up details as we go to flesh out our plot-ideas, not for the sake of staying true to the canon characters . (I think it's known that I personally don't care much for staying entirely true to canon , but that's just my personal preference).

dc's opinion: So basically, we're writing a fun story with Nanoha shout-outs, but "canon" references are only for laughs or for plot purposes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
@Daily Activity Log of Officers F. Testarossa and N. Takamachi

Okay, time to do it right and leave a good review.

First impression was already stated way back when. I enjoy how the two play off each other all the time. Its clear they're good partners, but I wish I had a little more development for that. My main thing so far is "What exactly are the two girls?" I may have missed it a section that explained it, so if I'm wrong here, feel free to ignore this next part:
This is a good point , but it will be covered later on (very slowly though...I seem to have convinced RB to go with tantalizing details per Log that only add up later on !) So right now, blink and miss the hints of their standing with each other.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Nanoha made comments about wanting sex from Fate since she's doing dirty work in the sewers. I know some people joke about it, but seriously, calling your partner and saying "you owe me sex" makes me think of them as a couple. Even if I could look past that, there's the part where Nanoha thinks "No, Fate will give me the hot wild erotic sex". So Nanoha wants to screw her? She made that quite clear, and there's no reason to joke in her own mind. But they've never slept in the same bed before until just then? Also, Fate said that Nanoha buttoned her pajama shirt to show cleavage? Nanoha clearly wants it, but I've seen no development (other than a kiss that was left open). Now I'm not saying "make it clear" or "add more NanoFate!" because I think that would take away from things, but something to kind of clarify would be nice. At least one of them thinking something like "Its kind of cold without Nanoha/Fate next to me for some reason" next time they get in bed. As before, I might have missed a part so if I did and you did something about this, please let me know?
The ambiguity is done on purpose , and it will be touched upon later on.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Also, I kind of want to see something more that connects the girls to their cannon selves. Little things, like Nanoha customizing her gun (I sent a little doodle of a gun she may use." Same with Fate. Not much, but some kind of personalized thing that connects them. Nanoha nicknaming her favorite weapon "R. Heart" or Fate calling her pistol "Bardiche" or mention their sleep clothes being what they wore in Strikers. Something, anything that connects them more. Because their personalities are completely different than canon, I'd love to see something like this. Though I did like Nanoha saying she hated not being able to see the sky. More things like that would be very welcome.
I'm iffy on this point , since as stated above, I personally don't care a lot for sticking to canon. Maybe RB can comment on this .

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Nanoha: I won't lie, she's my favorite character here. Her personality is like a child, and it makes me giggle when she does the things she does ( you owe me sex for this!!!). Now we just need her to blow something up and say "But I was really angry and wanted to make a big boom-boom and I feel so much better noooow!" XP I'm hoping that Nanoha ends up with Vivio after all of this. Or even all three of them. That would be simply amazing to have the two adults trying to take care of three/four kids.
What happens to the kids may not be what everyone would like, but as the story is about the "Daily Activity Logs" of "Officers Fate and Nanoha", the kids technically aren't central to the story. But they will still appear and be involved later on.

Case Files: Runaways is a story arc, but the focus of the series is Nanoha and Fate's cop adventures .

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Fate: I don't know what to make of her really. She's awesome with Nanoha, shows her love for kids just right, and generally is an all around "Good cop". As I said before, I wish she was more like her canon self at times. So far she's the character that I can honestly say "insert any character in the series here and it'll work just fine." Little more Fate- moments please (But give Nanoha more screen time :P )
Duly noted, thanks ^^. I'm surprised at this statement though, as this story arc to me seems to explore and hint more at Fate's past, thoughts and character than Nanoha's....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Caro: She really throws me off. She acts like a rich girl run away, but at times she seems like a street kid through and through. I can't wait to see where she goes. I do like her personality, though, and she seems the most in character out of all of them (save Vivio).

Erio: He's alive, don't deny it.

Vivio: She's my second fave character, and only 'cause she doesn't have much time yet. I'm a little biased here maybe ( *looks at avatar and signature -Thanks Evil Rick!*). She's perfect for a little girl. She seems like any small child who grew up like she did. She gives a nice comic relief, and having Lutecia wrapped around her tiny little finger only makes her more lovable. I really hope Nanoha gets to hug her soon. Or at least have her eat a cook, Ra knows she needs ones.

@Lutecia:Good character, but I can't see her as anything remotely like Lutecia. A good AU will have some connections. I recalled seeing a small, very small, description of her and that was it. You're counting on us knowing what she looks like, which is fine, but you need to connect her to the story more. You said she used to torture people, and she won't hesitate to kill, right? Then why not do something like having tattoos on her forehead resembling the marks in the anime? If she got them willingly or not is up to you, but its something to connect her. Also her hairbands in the anime could have been made for her by Vivio when she got her hands on some cloth or something. It would add a little bit of "oomph" to her to make her more like her original self, but not taking away anything from the character you have her as.

@kids in general: I love them, and I can't wait to see more back story on them. They're all really close, so I hope you give some story on them soon. They're a mystery now and I'd really like to see them develop and know how they became like they are. I mean, any set of kids can be friends when living off the streets and in the sewers, but those three seem closer than that. I have no real complaints on them as a whole other than "they need back story" but that's a given because they JUST appeared.
Interesting points, I shall smile knowingly at most of them . Interesting comments on the tattoos though, I will have to think of some suitably angsty and tragic reasons for some of the holes you mentioned ! ^^

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Over all, I only saw a few mistakes. I think Nanoha called Fate "Fate" once without the "-chan". I could be mistaken, though. I didn't notice any spelling mistakes, but I didn't look for them. The detail for their surroundings seem a little lacking for me, and you use some terminology that I don't know. That's understandable, though, and the context revealed what it was. An example would be the flash-bangs (I think that's how you called them out). I knew it was a flash grenade because I play metal gear, but for a moment, I had a "WTF?" reaction. I don't think its a problem, as long as you don't go overboard on it.
Nanoha's slip of tongue may be just my bad editing , or it may have been done on purpose to show something, I'll have to check @_@. I apologize for the jargon , I do quick research on the technical stuff and should maybe make a few notes as author's notes or something . I wanted the police-parts to feel authentic . Thanks for pointing it out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
My only advice/request on the general writing would be to add some more detail to what's going on. At times it was perfect ( Nanoha walking in the sewers was done perfectly), but other times it seemed lacking (Nanoha's apartment for one. I have no idea what her bed looks like, what's on her walls, how she keeps the place, how it smells, ect. It can really develop a character there!).
True, it didn't seem important at the time, but this may come up at a later point .

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Also, I'd like it if you linked all your previous posts when you update, like I do when I write multiple part fics. It'd really make it easier to keep up with it, and for the new people reading, it would allow them to pick up the series.
Ah, okay , I'm just worried that soon we'll have a huge list of links that would clutter up the posts . Will discuss with RB ^^.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Well, as always, this was just my two cents worth. Feel free to ignore all of it if you want to. This is my official review on Daily Activity Log of Officers F. Testarossa and N. Takamachi, and I give its current progress 3.5 of five stars.

~Satashi
Thanks for taking the time to do an in-depth review, I hope I answered some of your comments .
deathcurse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 17:27   Link #22126
RadiantBeam
Test Drive
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Age: 23
Send a message via AIM to RadiantBeam Send a message via Skype™ to RadiantBeam
Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
dc's opinion: So basically, we're writing a fun story with Nanoha shout-outs, but "canon" references are only for laughs or for plot purposes.
RB's opinion: I'm going to have to back DC up on this. We never planned for this story to be linked to canon in any way. What's the point of calling it an AU if you try to link the characters to who they are in canon? It takes all the fun out of developing them and seeing what they can become with a new world and a new storyline. Otherwise, canon references are either for laughs or serve as plot points.

Quote:
I'm iffy on this point , since as stated above, I personally don't care a lot for sticking to canon. Maybe RB can comment on this .
I don't care for sticking to canon, either. I'm having a lot of fun with this project just the way it is.

Quote:
Interesting points, I shall smile knowingly at most of them . Interesting comments on the tattoos though, I will have to think of some suitably angsty and tragic reasons for some of the holes you mentioned ! ^^
I'm going to be blunt and say no. Hell no, no way, no tattoos. End of discussion on my end.
__________________
RadiantBeam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 17:30   Link #22127
deathcurse
Queen of Tragedy
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Place of rocks and trees, and trees and rocks...and water.
Age: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
I'm going to be blunt and say no. Hell no, no way, no tattoos. End of discussion on my end.
Aw, not even if they were marks per kill? Kill 100 people, get a tattoo?

I'm just kidding , since I had no opinion, I'll be in RB's camp .
deathcurse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 17:32   Link #22128
Satashi
Vividly Vivio
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Over there
Age: 30
Send a message via AIM to Satashi Send a message via Skype™ to Satashi
All of reviews are just opinions, so its fine by me for you to keep going teh way you are :3 I enjoy the story lots just as it is <3

as for the canon thing, I didn't mean more than little winks and nods at it, so again you'll be fine ^^
Satashi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 17:38   Link #22129
RadiantBeam
Test Drive
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Age: 23
Send a message via AIM to RadiantBeam Send a message via Skype™ to RadiantBeam
Don't mind me, I just have a strong opinion of tattoos. I can understand if it's part of a plot device or something, but labelling the kids because of the number of people they've killed? They're already going to probably need years of therapy just to get back to a normal childlike mindset, they don't need a constant reminder like a tattoo.
__________________
RadiantBeam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 17:44   Link #22130
deathcurse
Queen of Tragedy
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Place of rocks and trees, and trees and rocks...and water.
Age: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
All of reviews are just opinions, so its fine by me for you to keep going teh way you are :3 I enjoy the story lots just as it is <3

as for the canon thing, I didn't mean more than little winks and nods at it, so again you'll be fine ^^
Thanks for reviewing though, it's nice to see that people are thinking about what's happening . I love throwing little hints here and there, and I'm impressed that you picked up on many of them ^^.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Don't mind me, I just have a strong opinion of tattoos. I can understand if it's part of a plot device or something, but labelling the kids because of the number of people they've killed? They're already going to probably need years of therapy just to get back to a normal childlike mindset, they don't need a constant reminder like a tattoo.
That's why Jail's evil, dear .

That is true, we should at least attempt to keep the angst level from being astronomically high, huh?
deathcurse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 18:31   Link #22131
deathcurse
Queen of Tragedy
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Place of rocks and trees, and trees and rocks...and water.
Age: 23
Double post, sorry .

I added links to the last update of Daily Activity Logs, for those who want to read the previous ones.

Here they are for those who don't want to go back

Spoiler for Logs Archive:
deathcurse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 18:57   Link #22132
TheShinySword
Master of the Shiny Crack
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a cave
Send a message via AIM to TheShinySword Send a message via MSN to TheShinySword
Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post



That's why Jail's evil, dear .
He's not evil! He's just misunderstood DX really really really really really misunderstood.

@Satashi: *clears throat* HOLY SHIZNAZ. Pity I've never written anything you've enjoyed enough to warrant that.
TheShinySword is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 19:06   Link #22133
RadiantBeam
Test Drive
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Age: 23
Send a message via AIM to RadiantBeam Send a message via Skype™ to RadiantBeam
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShinySword View Post
@Satashi: *clears throat* HOLY SHIZNAZ. Pity I've never written anything you've enjoyed enough to warrant that.
If you write something new or update it, I'll try to write a review like that for you if you want, Shiny. :3
__________________
RadiantBeam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 19:18   Link #22134
TheShinySword
Master of the Shiny Crack
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a cave
Send a message via AIM to TheShinySword Send a message via MSN to TheShinySword
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
If you write something new or update it, I'll try to write a review like that for you if you want, Shiny. :3
Oh dear now I have a reason to write again. Though I'll have to ask you to be gentle when the time comes, I bruise easily.
TheShinySword is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 19:43   Link #22135
Thunderbird
IS: Liar's Mask
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Sendai
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShinySword View Post
Oh dear now I have a reason to write again. Though I'll have to ask you to be gentle when the time comes, I bruise easily.
We all have reasons to write hehe. Sometimes its just waiting to invade our minds. You know, like having Chrono and Yuuno-- *shot*
__________________
Life is a waste of time, Time is a waste of life, Get wasted all the time, And have the time of your life ^.^



Thunderbird is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 21:23   Link #22136
Alavon
Worshipper of Nanoha...
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: In my imagination...
Version Draft

My Guardian Angel

Section 3 (part 3) of Chapter 3:
Spoiler:
Alavon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 21:28   Link #22137
deathcurse
Queen of Tragedy
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Place of rocks and trees, and trees and rocks...and water.
Age: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alavon View Post
Version Draft

My Guardian Angel

Section 3 (part 3) of Chapter 3:
Spoiler:
I didn't read your previous parts, but just reading this made me go

Fate seems so....subtly threatening and evil , and Nanoha seems high-strung . The flying incident was amusing ^^!
deathcurse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 22:50   Link #22138
Alavon
Worshipper of Nanoha...
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: In my imagination...
Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
I didn't read your previous parts, but just reading this made me go

Fate seems so....subtly threatening and evil , and Nanoha seems high-strung . The flying incident was amusing ^^!
Thank you! ^^ Here is the first two parts (it pretty much gives a summary for the last two chapters). And I hope that you and RB update soon!
Alavon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 22:51   Link #22139
Rising Dragon
Goat Herder
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: The middle of the Middle of Nowhere
Age: 27
I'm picturing Nanoha strangling Fate a la Homer Simpson strangling Bart. I cannot unsee it.
__________________
Rising Dragon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-01-11, 22:59   Link #22140
TheShinySword
Master of the Shiny Crack
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a cave
Send a message via AIM to TheShinySword Send a message via MSN to TheShinySword
And now i'm picturing it. Great.
TheShinySword is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
authorshipping, befriending, fanfiction, interactive fanfiction, nanoha

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 16:51.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
We use Silk.