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Old 2010-03-30, 22:49   Link #24061
00-Raiser
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Um, grandparents? Do you mean Shiro and Momoko? And Kyouya and Miyuki? Because I can understand the people on Mid being blown away with a blast, but it doesn't make any sense for her to lose her relatives from Earth unless they all moved to Mid.
Well, the line "Apparently they thought that the enemy would never expect a meeting of such powerful and influential individuals to happen in a little café on an unadministrated planet." was meant to imply that they had a meeting at the Midori-ya cuz they thought no one would think an important meeting with so many prominent figures would take place there. But they were wrong so a chunk of Uminari went boom.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
That's really my only serious critique, honestly. I still don't quite buy Yuuno sliding into madness and mistaking Vivio for Nanoha revived from the dead, but that's just me.
... Gah! I knew I forgot something! I just remembered a line I forgot to add x_x I was going to have something like

"Fate-mama once told me that sometimes kind people will break if they lose some one important."

That of course drawing parallels to Precia. I don't know if that helps any, but...

Anyways, thanks for the comments, sniperk and Kaijo as well! Don't think I missed you guys

Hm, the question is what to do with it now? Posting it to FF.net is ill advised, so is the only real option to let it be engulfed by the thread?
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Old 2010-03-30, 22:51   Link #24062
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 00-Raiser View Post
Well, the line "Apparently they thought that the enemy would never expect a meeting of such powerful and influential individuals to happen in a little café on an unadministrated planet." was meant to imply that they had a meeting at the Midori-ya cuz they thought no one would think an important meeting with so many prominent figures would take place there. But they were wrong so a chunk of Uminari went boom.
Ah, okay. Yeah, I can understand why that doesn't get much attention; it isn't the focus of the fic, so it only gets a line. It's still a little confusing without the clarification, though.

Quote:
Hm, the question is what to do with it now? Posting it to FF.net is ill advised, so is the only real option to let it be engulfed by the thread?
Well, if you want to post it to FF.net you can. You just need to be careful with the rating you give it and the warnings you post in the summary and author's notes, though it's hard to say what kind of reviews you'd get for it.
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Old 2010-03-31, 09:51   Link #24063
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Quote:
Originally Posted by synaesthetic View Post
Here, have some fic.

false light
A false light casts a darker Shadow...

Spoiler for false light ~ chapter 01:
I like this one. Plenty of potential for future development, to say nothing of massive drama.



Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
Ah, Auris' clandestine manipulations are much more fun to write ...and the line between her goals and Hayate's gets blurred even more . I took some liberties with the Shadows' ranking structure, but it shouldn't be anything drastically noticeable (I hope ).

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 and Part 5 of Crime Never Sleeps...

Crime Never Sleeps
Part 6

Spoiler for Crime Never Sleeps, part 6:
It amazes me that with as many tech specialists as Hayate can call on, and her knowing that sensitive information passes through her office and having security commiserate with that fact, that Auris never considers that Hayate might know about the eavesdropping and is leaving the bug in place to feed it the information that she wants Auris to have. The surest way to manipulate an enemy is to manipulate his perceptions of a situation after all.

Otherwise, not much to add, save that I second (or third) Auris' general bitchiness.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Western!Nanoha...

Well, I was never really into westerns, but I think it could work. Throw in a little Trigun and Outlaw Star, and I think we have a good mix of lost technology, caster guns, magic, and western feel that could work......maybe.

Anyway, here we go!

Spoiler for For Allquall:
I like westerns the way I like steaks, moderately rarely. This I could get behind though.

Leave it to Nanoha to have a pretty blue and pink gun though...
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Old 2010-03-31, 12:39   Link #24064
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Last time, on Lyrical Days:

Yuuno asked Nanoha on a date and are currently walking around town together.

Spoiler for Lyrical Days:


Hint: This is an important choice!!!
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Old 2010-03-31, 12:55   Link #24065
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...

"Suzaku-chan"?
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Old 2010-03-31, 13:15   Link #24066
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...

The last time someone got ignored on this, they ended up dead.

So...


A
.
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My fics Due to certain things, I am not here, find me over on TFF.
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Old 2010-03-31, 13:33   Link #24067
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Lyrical Days is back! Huzzah!

Saying hi can't hurt so I'll go with...


A
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Old 2010-03-31, 13:48   Link #24068
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Guess I'll go with A as well.
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Old 2010-03-31, 14:14   Link #24069
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post

Hint: This is an important choice!!!
It is? Well then *saves*

For the choice... Bah, shouldn't interupt if there's something going on between those two. Ignorance is bliss as well

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rising Dragon View Post
...

"Suzaku-chan"?
KURURUGI SUZA-
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Old 2010-03-31, 14:17   Link #24070
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If the girls were on a date, that means Yuuno's gonna meet a Bad End by getting a direct Spinzaku kick.

And I didn't save!!!
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Old 2010-03-31, 14:52   Link #24071
Evil Rick
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Hope this image talks by itself:

Spoiler for Size:


For more information, check out here.
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Old 2010-03-31, 15:37   Link #24072
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I really don't know what to do, But it's better to leave them alone and go play some place more... quiet.
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Old 2010-03-31, 15:54   Link #24073
Alavon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Western!Nanoha...

Well, I was never really into westerns, but I think it could work. Throw in a little Trigun and Outlaw Star, and I think we have a good mix of lost technology, caster guns, magic, and western feel that could work......maybe.

Anyway, here we go!

Spoiler for For Allquall:
...

Oh...my...God...

EPIC!!! XD

I wasn't going to sign in since I was only lurking to see if any new materials came out but after reading your fic, I just HAD to comment! Satashi, this new western fic was fantastic and just, just...oh, what's the word? Oh! That's write, f*****g EPIC! It was as though I was watching a movie. You explained everything in great details without losing the plot in it. You have seriously out done yourself! :3 And you made my day. Now the surgery I have to get won't be as scary...'as' being the keyword... ;_; Anyway, please continue this. I would have something to look forward to while I'm bored in my bed... ;_;

See ya!
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Old 2010-03-31, 16:02   Link #24074
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I think Arisa has a pretty Bad kick, so I say leave them alone. Though Suzuka might not be so happy to see Arisa with another girl.
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Old 2010-03-31, 16:38   Link #24075
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In this case, I think safer is involvement. I can hAz vote?
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Old 2010-03-31, 16:46   Link #24076
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Every time I read Nanoha's part on this I remember Kaede from Shuffle! @_@ (Yandere Alert)
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Old 2010-03-31, 16:53   Link #24077
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Something I did up a few days ago...not my best work, but I was trying to write another creepy!Precia story and ended up with something from Fate's POV instead .

Thanks to Fuyu no Sora for helping me out with some of the lines ^^.

Spoiler for Forever My Mother:

Last edited by deathcurse; 2010-03-31 at 16:58. Reason: grammar @_@
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Old 2010-03-31, 17:10   Link #24078
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
Something I did up a few days ago...not my best work, but I was trying to write another creepy!Precia story and ended up with something from Fate's POV instead .

Thanks to Fuyu no Sora for helping me out with some of the lines ^^.

Spoiler for Forever My Mother:
...

Gah.

You break the heart. You definitely do. You know how to word things so it all hurts, even the little things. I've always admired that style of writing.
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Old 2010-03-31, 17:14   Link #24079
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
Something I did up a few days ago...not my best work, but I was trying to write another creepy!Precia story and ended up with something from Fate's POV instead .

Thanks to Fuyu no Sora for helping me out with some of the lines ^^.

Spoiler for Forever My Mother:
Spoiler for Comment:


Aside from that nitpick, it was a great read.

*throws cookie and runs off*
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Old 2010-03-31, 17:18   Link #24080
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
Something I did up a few days ago...not my best work, but I was trying to write another creepy!Precia story and ended up with something from Fate's POV instead .

Thanks to Fuyu no Sora for helping me out with some of the lines ^^.

Spoiler for Forever My Mother:


Nice read, though a tad depressing.
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