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Old 2010-04-29, 18:16   Link #24701
sniperk
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Originally Posted by kaname08 View Post
*laughs*. Oh man...that was hilarious.

Speaking of humor...I doubt I mentioned this before but...when it comes to innuendos...I have more fun reading them than writing them. I know I tried an attempt at giving hints and such but...I'll admit...I suck at it. I mentioned in one of my posts about a h-doujin called Spoonful 2, and...in my re-attempt at my fanfic, I mentioned that my main OC was thrown a question about having a "fantasy" from his partner unexpectedly. In one of the chapters I finished, I mentioned that a cousin of his works at an adult store in which Hayate gets something that...would probably surprise Nanoha and cause Fate to be...annoyed. Unfortunately, my main OC was somewhat dragged into it as well.

The result...Fate wants to give some payback to her. So...this is what I tried to come up with.

Spoiler for Payback is Sweet:
What are innuendos?! Seriously, though, I'm with you. I prefer to read them over writing them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
New short! Set in Sistersverse, so the pairing is obviously Miyuki/Nanoha, at least subtly implied. Also, Syn came up with an awesome ship name for them while we were chatting on AIM, dubbing them NanoYuki. It is awesome and I love it and she gets full credit for it.

Onward!

Spoiler for Sky Pendant:


Spoiler for Author's Notes:
Nice. Just one question. Where do I sign up for more?

Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
Just something that I found in my files and decided to finish for fun . A little short pre-A's, about Dr. Ishida and Hayate .

Spoiler for Just What the Doctor Ordered:

Spoiler for Author's Note:
I kinda wanted to see a short with Ishida-sensei talking to Shamal about work. Where this idea came from? No idea.
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Old 2010-04-29, 19:51   Link #24702
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Originally Posted by sniperk View Post
Nice. Just one question. Where do I sign up for more?
Well, chapter 4 should be up sometime this year pretty soon depending on how much free time I have. But it's going to take awhile for me to get to the NanoYuki parts; I'm currently developing the plot at the moment.
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Old 2010-04-29, 21:00   Link #24703
deathcurse
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Posted Just What the Doctor Ordered to Fanfiction.net, with minor edits to try and fix awkward sentences ^^.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Well, I've got something for everyone...

No, it's not "Someone For Everyone". That's Shiny's work.

Yeah, it's not the story that everyone is looking forward to, but it is something I enjoyed writing.

Time Loop

Chapter Six

Developing Numbers

Sorry, bad title name.

Spoiler for Numbers in Nerima:


Spoiler for Ending Comments:
I laughed at the part about how none of them need alarm clocks anymore, with the ruckus that occurs in the mornings .

Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
New short! Set in Sistersverse, so the pairing is obviously Miyuki/Nanoha, at least subtly implied. Also, Syn came up with an awesome ship name for them while we were chatting on AIM, dubbing them NanoYuki. It is awesome and I love it and she gets full credit for it.

Onward!

Spoiler for Sky Pendant:


Spoiler for Author's Notes:
Cute, when Raising Heart appeared slightly jealous . But won't that mean that Raising Heart wouldn't be that fond of Miyuki anymore, after Miyuki got that necklace for Nanoha?

And even for just sisterly-love, it's totally reasonable to be jealous and uneasy at the thought of your sibling going on dates ^^. However, just the prolonged attention to how nervous Miyuki was in giving the pendant had me going "nope, not sisterly love there!" But it might just be how attentive I am to details ^^.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sniperk View Post
I kinda wanted to see a short with Ishida-sensei talking to Shamal about work. Where this idea came from? No idea.
Hm, it's an interesting idea....Shamal jumped to being this total doctor in StrikerS, and assuming she had good medical knowledge beforehand, I wouldn't be surprised at a scene of her and Dr. Ishida debating using lots of medical jargon about Hayate's condition...except that awkwardly, Shamal would know the true, magical reason behind Hayate's paralysis....
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Old 2010-04-29, 21:56   Link #24704
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Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
Posted Just What the Doctor Ordered to Fanfiction.net, with minor edits to try and fix awkward sentences ^^
And reviewed I went off on a bit of a tangent, though XD

@your note: You're welcome Reviewing is the best way for us writers to support each other, so if you write something and I read it, you can be sure to expect a review from me. It always makes me really happy to get a review, so of course I want others to experience that feeling as well
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Old 2010-04-29, 22:23   Link #24705
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Originally Posted by 00-Raiser View Post
Reviewing is the best way for us writers to support each other
I suppose that's debatable depending on your preferences. For me, the best way to be supported by other writers is to have my work honestly critiqued so I can go back and edit it, making it better. Reviews tend to be too short and to the point for my liking, especially the FF.net ones. Though it's still nice to know people like reading my work.
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Old 2010-04-29, 22:42   Link #24706
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
I suppose that's debatable depending on your preferences. For me, the best way to be supported by other writers is to have my work honestly critiqued so I can go back and edit it, making it better. Reviews tend to be too short and to the point for my liking, especially the FF.net ones. Though it's still nice to know people like reading my work.
Well, I agree with that, but FF.net reviews still act as final stamps of approval (or disproval). Not to mention they're much easier to look back on rather than comments here that get lost in the sea of pages. Personally I'll look back on reviews I get and they make me happy and energize me to work on more. They get me pumped. And honestly they also remind me that not everyone there hates me.

Also, sometimes with critiques, people will spend all day telling you what you did wrong, yet after revising you ask them if it's good now or not, they stay silent. Stuff like that tells me people just like pointing out faults and that doesn't seem very supportive at all.
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Old 2010-04-29, 22:44   Link #24707
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Originally Posted by 00-Raiser View Post
Also, sometimes with critiques, people will spend all day telling you what you did wrong, yet after revising you ask them if it's good now or not, they stay silent. Stuff like that tells me people just like pointing out faults and that doesn't seem very supportive at all.
I suppose it really all comes down to who you ask. I've gotten some very good, intelligent critiques from the likes of Spawn, DC, and Dezo, who have always done an excellent job of telling me what I've done right while also pointing out what I could improve on. But I suppose it all comes down to personal preference, again.
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Old 2010-04-29, 22:49   Link #24708
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Preferences aside, I don't think anyone would be happy working so hard to revise something only then to have to beg others to say something about it...
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Old 2010-04-29, 22:54   Link #24709
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There were various reasons for this, which will be explained in the author's notes at the end. Might not be up to my usual standards, but I needed to get this out.


Unexpected Expectations

Chapter 10: Pain

Previous parts can be found here.

Spoiler for Unexpected Expectations, Chapter 10: Pain:

Last edited by Kaijo; 2010-04-29 at 23:50.
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Old 2010-04-29, 23:30   Link #24710
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
Spoiler for Unexpected Expectations, Chapter 10: Pain:
Left a few erroneous lines in the quote.

Another good chapter, but the ending... ;_; Part of me hopes that it isn't as it appears, but your note makes me think otherwise. Well... at least she got a CMOA ;_;
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Old 2010-04-29, 23:41   Link #24711
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Well, chapter 4 should be up sometime this year pretty soon depending on how much free time I have. But it's going to take awhile for me to get to the NanoYuki parts; I'm currently developing the plot at the moment.
Also busy shipping Celica at Victor. *cough*

Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
I suppose it really all comes down to who you ask. I've gotten some very good, intelligent critiques from the likes of Spawn, DC, and Dezo, who have always done an excellent job of telling me what I've done right while also pointing out what I could improve on. But I suppose it all comes down to personal preference, again.
I have to agree here. While I did become fairly annoyed when the resident pedant got his panties in a wad about the Bureau coup d'etat/civil war idea, I do prefer brutally honest critiques.

In private. Not in a public forum. And not in language that clearly reveals the "critique" to actually be a "troll."

Also you gain 666 metal points for the Rin avatar.
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Old 2010-04-29, 23:45   Link #24712
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Also busy shipping Celica at Victor. *cough*
For the record, you're just encouraging me to ship her at him even more. With any luck, I might get that fluffy one-shot I told you about on AIM up later today, if my schedule cooperates. Gonna be hard since I'm heading home for the weekend.

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Also you gain 666 metal points for the Rin avatar.
Thank you, I quite like it.
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Old 2010-04-30, 00:11   Link #24713
kaname08
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Originally Posted by sniperk View Post
What are innuendos?! Seriously, though, I'm with you. I prefer to read them over writing them.



Nice. Just one question. Where do I sign up for more?



I kinda wanted to see a short with Ishida-sensei talking to Shamal about work. Where this idea came from? No idea.
Innuendos are like adult jokes that can easily be misinterpreted by many people. (At least...that how I define it.) (Anyone else have a better definition?)
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Old 2010-04-30, 00:39   Link #24714
deathcurse
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Man, I seem to be hit by a severe case of inspiration for shorts! Another Hayate one, an introspective short.

Spoiler for Who Hunts Monsters:

Spoiler for Author's Note:
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Old 2010-04-30, 00:52   Link #24715
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Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
Man, I seem to be hit by a severe case of inspiration for shorts! Another Hayate one, an introspective short.

Spoiler for Who Hunts Monsters:
Very interesting, to be honest, I'd completely forgotten about the whole Fake!Nanoha and Fake!Fate kill Vita scene; I think the explosions right afterward distracted me too much. ~.~

I kind of feel bad for Hayate, having to be burdened with the acknowledgment that she's not only capable of slipping, but actually has done so. Personally, I don't think it's angst. Her soliloquy strikes me as more of an... introspective, possibly regretful, speech. It's not like she's bemoaning her "fall" after all, she's acknowledging its existence.

It gives Hayate more dimension as a character; she too has a dark side that she worries about, maybe even fears.

Lastly, this is more the sort of thing I'd write in a Fanfiction.net review. ~.~
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Old 2010-04-30, 01:24   Link #24716
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Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
Man, I seem to be hit by a severe case of inspiration for shorts! Another Hayate one, an introspective short.

Spoiler for Who Hunts Monsters:

Spoiler for Author's Note:
Yeah, didn't feel much like angst, more like Hayate just accepting that something that happened in the past. Certainly we can't blame her for that moment after the nightmare fueled cutie breaking experience she went through. I often see characters have their "I could be [bad] like them, but I'm not" moments in the novels I read, and you did a really good job with it DC. Nice work

In other news, I want to write a NanoFate (gasp), but I have no ideas. My main problem is that I can accept Fate being in love with Nanoha easily enough, but not the other way around. Anyways, if anyone has any plotlines or ideas they'd like to suggest, please do so. It might kick start something in my head.
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Old 2010-04-30, 02:07   Link #24717
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Originally Posted by 00-Raiser View Post
In other news, I want to write a NanoFate (gasp), but I have no ideas. My main problem is that I can accept Fate being in love with Nanoha easily enough, but not the other way around. Anyways, if anyone has any plotlines or ideas they'd like to suggest, please do so. It might kick start something in my head.
You could always go reading through drabbles and ficlets to see if inspiration strikes. I'm a bit too tired to suggest myself though, sorry. ~.~
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Old 2010-04-30, 02:09   Link #24718
deathcurse
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Originally Posted by Jokulhaup View Post
Very interesting, to be honest, I'd completely forgotten about the whole Fake!Nanoha and Fake!Fate kill Vita scene; I think the explosions right afterward distracted me too much. ~.~

I kind of feel bad for Hayate, having to be burdened with the acknowledgment that she's not only capable of slipping, but actually has done so. Personally, I don't think it's angst. Her soliloquy strikes me as more of an... introspective, possibly regretful, speech. It's not like she's bemoaning her "fall" after all, she's acknowledging its existence.

It gives Hayate more dimension as a character; she too has a dark side that she worries about, maybe even fears.
Honestly, so had I! I was reading TVTropes about "Thou Shalt Not Kill" and suddenly it hit me that while Hayate hadn't killed, she may very well have had the thought of it once...

I'm glad to see it came across the way I intended!

I like exploring Hayate's dark side ...she seems the most likely of the Aces to be the one who may eventually give in slightly to that side , in my opinion!

Quote:
Lastly, this is more the sort of thing I'd write in a Fanfiction.net review. ~.~
LOL, is that a hint?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 00-Raiser View Post
Yeah, didn't feel much like angst, more like Hayate just accepting that something that happened in the past. Certainly we can't blame her for that moment after the nightmare fueled cutie breaking experience she went through. I often see characters have their "I could be [bad] like them, but I'm not" moments in the novels I read, and you did a really good job with it DC. Nice work
Thanks! I've come to really like Hayate suddenly....a surprise for me, since I'm used to seeing her in humourous roles in fanfiction!

Quote:
In other news, I want to write a NanoFate (gasp), but I have no ideas. My main problem is that I can accept Fate being in love with Nanoha easily enough, but not the other way around. Anyways, if anyone has any plotlines or ideas they'd like to suggest, please do so. It might kick start something in my head.
Yeah, I think there are a few people who agree with you in seeing Fate loving Nanoha, but a harder time seeing Nanoha loving Fate... Something you could maybe try is having Nanoha's friends point out Fate's attraction to her, and having them ask Nanoha what her feelings are... in a way, it could force Nanoha to think deeply about her feelings for Fate, but it could also make her feel like she's being pushed into a relationship she might not want, if you want some conflict?
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Old 2010-04-30, 05:50   Link #24719
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Originally Posted by 00-Raiser View Post
In other news, I want to write a NanoFate (gasp), but I have no ideas. My main problem is that I can accept Fate being in love with Nanoha easily enough, but not the other way around. Anyways, if anyone has any plotlines or ideas they'd like to suggest, please do so. It might kick start something in my head.
One word: Clowns.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... I'm sorry. I'll go be quiet now.
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Old 2010-04-30, 07:36   Link #24720
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One word: Clowns.
It's been done.

*flees!*

ETA: Page claim for Fridays! I like Fridays!
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