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Old 2010-11-25, 23:22   Link #27981
DezoPenguin
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Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
Crime Never Sleeps
Part 13



Spoiler for Crime Never Sleeps, Part 13:
Okay, I just e-mailed you the Big Review, but I just had to mention this part in public because I thought it was so fragging brilliant. This was, quite literally, the first time ever that I have seen a fiction author, fan or otherwise, treat revenge as not being an all-or-nothing affair, but as having a positive emotional effect that's not "it makes it all feel all right." That one can still feel the pain of loss and suffering, and yet still feel a little bit better from making those who hurt a person suffer in return.

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I didn't know that it was Thanksgiving down south for you guys! ^^
That's okay; I had to marry a Canadian to find out that you have it on Columbus Day.

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Yes, success! Now, I'll really have done a good job when you start hating Hayate, hehehe.....
I thought Part 11 did that nicely for most people. I mean, hey, kick both Fate and Nanoha in the privates will do that!

Edit: Pageclaim for writing more chapters of ongoing fics!
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Old 2010-11-25, 23:57   Link #27982
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This is a 2 chapter post.

Day in the Life

Chapters 44 and 45

Spoiler for All Good Things:


Spoiler for Notes for All Good Things:


Spoiler for Epilogue:


Spoiler for Notes for Epilogue:
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Old 2010-11-26, 01:00   Link #27983
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Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
This is a 2 chapter post.

Day in the Life

Chapters 44 and 45

Spoiler for All Good Things:


Spoiler for Notes for All Good Things:


Spoiler for Epilogue:


Spoiler for Notes for Epilogue:
How sweet, great job Nanya.

Also, very sweet Nanoha-Hayate conversation and Chinque-Erio moment.
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Old 2010-11-26, 11:49   Link #27984
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Three years running winning Nanowrimo.

I'm back, everyone. I'm gonna try to get an update onto Beyond the Edge on or about December first. We'll see what happens.
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Old 2010-11-26, 14:17   Link #27985
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Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving, and ended up more stuffed than the Turkey(I know I did x_x). Or got drunk and thus dealing with a hangover today. At any rate, hope no one is out there getting stampeded by the Black Friday crowd!

Instead, how about something to read?

Future Tense

Chapter 24: Bloodsport


In which Nanoha gets exposed to the dirty underground world of illegal mage fighting, while another important discovery is made elsewhere, and Fate makes a choice...

Previous chapters can be found here.

Spoiler for Future Tense, Chapter 24: Bloodsport:


Sometimes I wonder if I'm drawing things out a bit on purpose, just because I have no fucking clue how to end this (I'm only half joking, heh).

Anyway, this chapter came out a bit longer, but I had to add something special for Dezo based on his comments before. That particular bit is near the beginning... you should see it. ^_~
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Old 2010-11-26, 16:11   Link #27986
vic-vic
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Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving, and ended up more stuffed than the Turkey(I know I did x_x). Or got drunk and thus dealing with a hangover today. At any rate, hope no one is out there getting stampeded by the Black Friday crowd!

Instead, how about something to read?

Future Tense

Chapter 24: Bloodsport


In which Nanoha gets exposed to the dirty underground world of illegal mage fighting, while another important discovery is made elsewhere, and Fate makes a choice...

Previous chapters can be found here.

Spoiler for Future Tense, Chapter 24: Bloodsport:


Sometimes I wonder if I'm drawing things out a bit on purpose, just because I have no fucking clue how to end this (I'm only half joking, heh).

Anyway, this chapter came out a bit longer, but I had to add something special for Dezo based on his comments before. That particular bit is near the beginning... you should see it. ^_~
Ororo, Nanoha got injected by some type of poison? Still very nice combat sequences.

Can`t help but feel sorry for younger Dahlgren - she just can`t have a rest not from nanoha, nor from her own mother.
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Old 2010-11-26, 21:46   Link #27987
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Originally Posted by spawnofthejudge View Post
Three years running winning Nanowrimo.
Hey, congrats for winning again! Sounds like you had a lot of fun with it. ^^
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Old 2010-11-26, 22:17   Link #27988
deathcurse
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Originally Posted by DezoPenguin View Post
Okay, I just e-mailed you the Big Review, but I just had to mention this part in public because I thought it was so fragging brilliant. This was, quite literally, the first time ever that I have seen a fiction author, fan or otherwise, treat revenge as not being an all-or-nothing affair, but as having a positive emotional effect that's not "it makes it all feel all right." That one can still feel the pain of loss and suffering, and yet still feel a little bit better from making those who hurt a person suffer in return.
Yes, I got the Big Review, thank you!

Wow, thanks for pointing that out...I really hadn't thought about it before, I just wanted to add more depth to Raven's motives and character .

Quote:
I thought Part 11 did that nicely for most people. I mean, hey, kick both Fate and Nanoha in the privates will do that!
Well, for those who are still willing to give Hayate a second chance! I'll see how far I can push sympathetic readers, MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
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Old 2010-11-26, 23:07   Link #27989
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
This is a 2 chapter post.

Day in the Life

Chapters 44 and 45

Spoiler for All Good Things:


Spoiler for Notes for All Good Things:


Spoiler for Epilogue:


Spoiler for Notes for Epilogue:
Okay, why is it in these chapters, the main emotion I end up feeling despite The Big Wedding is 'poor Hayate'? Poor thing.

That said, a very nice ending to a nice story. The ceremony was well done, and all the couples got at least a little character moment to remind us of the crazy interlinking relationships you've built up here.

Cinque isn't a shotacon! Everyone knows that the lolis go after older guys, for maximum awkwardness factor.

I'll express a little disappointment that no idiot terrorist made a play at the reception and got stomped by the Galaxy's Most Powerful Wedding Party.

Very nice chapters, again. Looking forward to the sequel!
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Old 2010-11-26, 23:14   Link #27990
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Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
Well, for those who are still willing to give Hayate a second chance! I'll see how far I can push sympathetic readers, MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
...

I do believe you have surpassed me. Well done, my apprentice.
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Old 2010-11-26, 23:22   Link #27991
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Hey, congrats for winning again! Sounds like you had a lot of fun with it. ^^
If you don't have fun, what's the damn point?

Hopefully all those ideas for Beyond and my other ongoing fics that came while I was writing that come back soon.
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Old 2010-11-27, 00:41   Link #27992
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Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post

Future Tense

Chapter 24: Bloodsport


In which Nanoha gets exposed to the dirty underground world of illegal mage fighting, while another important discovery is made elsewhere, and Fate makes a choice...

Previous chapters can be found here.



Sometimes I wonder if I'm drawing things out a bit on purpose, just because I have no fucking clue how to end this (I'm only half joking, heh).

Anyway, this chapter came out a bit longer, but I had to add something special for Dezo based on his comments before. That particular bit is near the beginning... you should see it. ^_~
Ha ha ha! Thank you; I do so enjoy seeing the ojousama laugh get smacked down (not that it ever takes...anyone who can laugh the ojousama laugh is too delusional to notice they've been smacked down by very definition!). I'm annoyed that I missed the Stargate: Atlantis reference. Hm...Due named Fate's new device after a shellfish bacteria? That can't possibly be a good omen. Will Givo's escape with key information prove to be a major boost to the good guys? Or just a Hope Spot soon to be quashed. I guess that settles the point about what Original!Jail was up to. I'd quibble about the whole clone/memories thing, but right-from-S1 canon tells us that it's possible to transplant memories into a clone and all New!Jail is threatening to do to Yuuno is make the clone in a form where he can freely get those memories out of him (since one can assume any clone with Yuuno's memories would be equally unlikely to want to share those memories with Jail as the original), so it clearly works fine.

Intriguing backstory hints on Zira; I guess Nanoha's got an ethical crisis coming up in the finals. Well, unless the poison just kills her. (I can see you cackling now: "What, you poor readers thought this fic was about Clone!Nanoha? Don't you know by now what Anyone Can Will Die means?" )

Anyway, continuing good work here, with important character moments nicely balanced by action scenes.
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Old 2010-11-27, 01:01   Link #27993
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IIRC the name of Fate's new Device is the same as Material L's... and Mariel named it that, not Due.
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Old 2010-11-27, 09:52   Link #27994
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She actually named it Vulnificus? I think I must have missed that.
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Old 2010-11-27, 15:11   Link #27995
DezoPenguin
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IIRC the name of Fate's new Device is the same as Material L's... and Mariel named it that, not Due.
Quote:
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She actually named it Vulnificus? I think I must have missed that.
Hm, since Yasanagi asked that question, I'm guessing that RD is referring to the actual Battle of Aces game (though now I wonder why the game designers or Seven Arcs would name Material-L's device after a shellfish bacteria; at least if Kaijo did it here for this story it would have some creepy context behind it).

As for the other part of that comment, let's just say that I've been convinced that Due's been using Mariel as her cover identity inside the TSAB ever since that first "sister" comment by Quattro a while back. Unlike Hayate, Fate, Wendi, Tea, etc., etc., who are all "tormented, angsty evil"; Mariel has been acting evil and enjoying it in classic Due/Quattro fashion. Pretty much exclusively the "gone evil" cast has done so under the influence of tragedy and torment that have broken them the wrong way, so I'm giving Kaijo credit for giving us clues that Mariel dropping nasty hints and evil smiles is a sign that something is wrong there.
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Old 2010-11-27, 16:21   Link #27996
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vic-vic View Post
Ororo, Nanoha got injected by some type of poison? Still very nice combat sequences.
Huh, you think it's poison, eh? Guess we'll have to find out in the next chapter. =)

Quote:
Originally Posted by DezoPenguin View Post
Ha ha ha! Thank you; I do so enjoy seeing the ojousama laugh get smacked down (not that it ever takes...anyone who can laugh the ojousama laugh is too delusional to notice they've been smacked down by very definition!). I'm annoyed that I missed the Stargate: Atlantis reference.
Did you see it after? It was when Givo was figuring out the trick behind where Quattro went, at the dead end. Daniel Jackson and McKay did the same thing in the last season of SGA, heh.

Intriguing backstory hints on Zira; I guess Nanoha's got an ethical crisis coming up in the finals. Well, unless the poison just kills her. (I can see you cackling now: "What, you poor readers thought this fic was about Clone!Nanoha? Don't you know by now what Anyone Can Will Die means?" )

Anyway, continuing good work here, with important character moments nicely balanced by action scenes.[/QUOTE]

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Originally Posted by DezoPenguin View Post
Hm, since Yasanagi asked that question, I'm guessing that RD is referring to the actual Battle of Aces game (though now I wonder why the game designers or Seven Arcs would name Material-L's device after a shellfish bacteria; at least if Kaijo did it here for this story it would have some creepy context behind it).
I fully admit I pulled the name from Aces, but I don't know where they got it. The "Yersina" from Yersina Kruez (Yami's device in Aces) is also named after a bacteria. Taken in that light, you could look at the material's devices as being infected, thus the names make a kind of sense. Luciferion (S's device) just seems to be based off Lucifer, which makes sense for a Dark Nanoha. Also, Vulnificus also sounds fairly evilish, in my opinion.

But that's all I'll say about them for now.^^

Thanks for the comments, RD and Yasanagi, too! It's interesting to see people guess what is going on. Sometimes I wonder if I was too blunt in my hints, like in this chapter. x_x
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Old 2010-11-27, 16:23   Link #27997
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Huh, you think it's poison, eh? Guess we'll have to find out in the next chapter. =)
Methinks you're enjoying this quite a bit, good sir.
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Old 2010-11-27, 16:47   Link #27998
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Methinks you're enjoying this quite a bit, good sir.
What? Watching people try to figure out my clues? Being vague? Using teasing questions? Killing people? Torturing Nanoha?

Yes.
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Old 2010-11-27, 19:34   Link #27999
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So, Kaijo, I've been reading Future Tense lately, and while I do like it, some things about it have rankled me. (I'm at Chapter 11, so I apologize if these have been resolved later on).

- So far you've killed off about ten characters in flashbacks or off-screen for apparently no other reason than making Hayate, Fate, and Teana rigid in their beliefs. Some of them might have been pretty interesting to see in this kind of setting.

- This political talk and Nanoha's 'am I really right' monologues are fairly superfluous given that, even if she isn't, it's a given that Hayate is wrong. The only named characters who have supported her views are Teana and her subordinates, who have made certain they aren't terrible sympathetic characters.

- I can buy Hayate and Fate, but Teana doesn't even seem like the same character anymore. It's like you just have her hate Nanoha now to force conflict between the two.
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Old 2010-11-27, 20:59   Link #28000
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You bring up some good questions, so let me see if I can answer your concerns.^^ But yes, I would recommend continuing to read.

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Originally Posted by Justin_Brett View Post
So, Kaijo, I've been reading Future Tense lately, and while I do like it, some things about it have rankled me. (I'm at Chapter 11, so I apologize if these have been resolved later on).

- So far you've killed off about ten characters in flashbacks or off-screen for apparently no other reason than making Hayate, Fate, and Teana rigid in their beliefs. Some of them might have been pretty interesting to see in this kind of setting.
Yeah, it really seems like our characters have been specifically driven to this point, doesn't it?

Quote:
- This political talk and Nanoha's 'am I really right' monologues are fairly superfluous given that, even if she isn't, it's a given that Hayate is wrong. The only named characters who have supported her views are Teana and her subordinates, who have made certain they aren't terrible sympathetic characters.
That is certainly one viewpoint, and as the reader, you have a certain advantageous aspect with which to view the story from as you can see things Nanoha can't. But to Nanoha, Hayate and Fate were her closest friends; it's often hard to accept that your best friends may be wrong, and there is that nagging doubt in the back of her mind that, "I didn't live through what they did; maybe they have very good reasons for doing what they did? Who am I to judge? They wouldn't deliberately hurt people, right?"

Quote:
- I can buy Hayate and Fate, but Teana doesn't even seem like the same character anymore. It's like you just have her hate Nanoha now to force conflict between the two.
Well, 50 years have gone by. She doesn't hate Nanoha; to her, it's just business to her. She's always been a very focused, professional individual, and I just expanded on that. After losing Subaru and parts of her family, she agrees with Hayate that sometimes you have to do things you may not like to protect the people you care about. She may be Nanoha, but she's also a clone created by Jail, and it's too much of a risk to let it run around free.

At any rate, I'd encourage you to keep reading, and the rest of your questions and concerns should be answered. Just keep in mind that while I've given hints, I haven't fully revealed everything yet, either.^^
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