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Old 2011-02-20, 15:48   Link #29361
mega1987
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Ugh, I HATE Saturdays!

SOOO much!

11 hours straight at work does NOT do wonders for writing energy.
I agree with that one nanya.... OT can kill your energy and motivation....
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Old 2011-02-20, 16:07   Link #29362
mega1987
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Shine 1-40

Shine 41

Shine 42

Shine 43 and 44

Spoiler for Blood That Flows - Shine 45:
Looks like Precia need to do what Rein Eins have began to do, let go of the past...
Nanya, don't tell me you're gonna kill her thru malnutrition... that's not a good way to go. But getting hit by some one's BFG or a Zankantou, on the other hand, is one way to say good bye cruel world...
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Darwin's nominee are best for laughs.
MGLN "Befriending" shows love thru superior firepower (Zenryokou Zenkai!)
Gundams are your worst nightmare in the battlefield.
SRW beats all foes.
JAM Project pwns all!!!

And I can't still make fanfic without restarting from the start when new ideas comes in...
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Old 2011-02-20, 16:50   Link #29363
DKN117
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Spoiler for Book 1 Ch. 7 - Long Night of Solace:
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Old 2011-02-20, 17:01   Link #29364
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Spoiler for I...uh...:

Spoiler for Vivid?:
Spoiler for reply to Tiresias:


Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy C View Post
Spoiler:
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Old 2011-02-20, 18:30   Link #29365
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Spoiler for Book 1 Chapter 8 - Exodus:
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Old 2011-02-20, 18:31   Link #29366
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Tried entering both chaps in one post, but it exceeded the 50,000-character mark.

Spoiler for Chapter 9 - New Alexandria:
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Old 2011-02-20, 20:19   Link #29367
00-Raiser
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
Forgive the double-posting, but here's the second half of the chapter:

Spoiler for Future Tense, Chapter 33: A Matter of Time, part 2:
Might have been more errors, but honestly I glossed over most of it. Just didn't find the battles all too interesting in text format. I'd have prefered you put more dialogue during those scenes instead.

I have problems with Vivio's Doomsday solution on Deville. Worked on Doomsday because he can't fly, but Deville can fly and should have been able to use that to prevent or at least slow the free fall. Or he could have, ya know, teleported out of the hold, or teleported with Vivio somewhere for a softer landing.

Really think Isis being around with that cure is too convenient. And the Nanoha and Hayate matched felt like it was lacking. Her power up wasn't out of nowhere since you alluded to it before, but it still felt like it was over too quick and easily. Though I guess with the way you set it up, there wasn't much of a choice. Why did Nanoha allow Hayate to get up a double layered sheild in the first place? The key to taking on Hayate is to not let her get through a chant.

Well, it's nothing all too major, I guess. Rather than have you go back and fix that, I'd like to see how you proceed from here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin_Brett View Post
Also, this part:

"Fate knew how obsessed Yuuno had become with bringing Nanoha back; that was also a reminder of her own mother, trying to bring back Alicia, which Fate knew was wrong. Even though that had resulted in her own birth, there were laws against it for a very good reason."

It's too bad this story isn't really gray, because she totally has a point there.
Hm, that kinda brings up something else. If Yuuno was so obsessed with bringing Nanoha back, would he have gone on to marry Fate? Or did he try to move on, but after awhile he then became determined to bring her back?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yasanagi View Post
Spoiler for A bit late but here's more MD:
Heh, nice bit.

Fun fact: sugar does not cause hyperactivity. However parents' misconception about this makes them report hyperactivity.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yasanagi View Post
Spoiler for Another MD interlude scene:
Vivio doesn't refer to her friends with '-san' (except Einhart). Other than that, I'd think that Vivio should have met Thoma from before since she's so friendly with the Nakajimas.

Guess she got her eye fetish from her mom, eh?

And to finish off this post, I've uploaded Worst Case Senario to FF.net.
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Old 2011-02-20, 20:45   Link #29368
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Here's the last bit of the Reach section of Book 1. If I double-post again, it means that two chapters combined exceeded 50K 'characters'. Again.

Spoiler for Book 1 Chapter 10 - The Package:
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Old 2011-02-20, 20:47   Link #29369
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Spoiler for Ch. 11 - The Pillar of Autumn:
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Old 2011-02-21, 11:57   Link #29370
Kaijo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 00-Raiser View Post
Might have been more errors, but honestly I glossed over most of it. Just didn't find the battles all too interesting in text format. I'd have prefered you put more dialogue during those scenes instead.
Upon looking over it again, I do realize it was mostly battle. While I was trying to finish up the fights, I do like a more balanced chapter that mixes dialogue and action. So I'm currently debating exactly how to change things, with the most prominent thought being moving a couple of the battle scenes to the next chapter, and [possibly adding a dialogue scene. I'm not entirely happy with it being so long, too.

So holding off posting it to ff.net for now. I'm halfway done with 34, so when I'm mostly done with it and have a better handle on what I can include, I'll edit chapter 33. In the meantime, your more mundane, yet no less important, corrections are helpful as always.^^

Quote:
I have problems with Vivio's Doomsday solution on Deville. Worked on Doomsday because he can't fly, but Deville can fly and should have been able to use that to prevent or at least slow the free fall. Or he could have, ya know, teleported out of the hold, or teleported with Vivio somewhere for a softer landing.
I can make some edits to clarify. I felt the combination of factors would have made calculating for a teleport extremely difficult, since Vivio was bringing the full brunt of her power to bear, and there would still have been inertia to contend with. But I'll add this to the list of things to revise, heh.

Quote:
Really think Isis being around with that cure is too convenient. And the Nanoha and Hayate matched felt like it was lacking. Her power up wasn't out of nowhere since you alluded to it before, but it still felt like it was over too quick and easily. Though I guess with the way you set it up, there wasn't much of a choice. Why did Nanoha allow Hayate to get up a double layered sheild in the first place? The key to taking on Hayate is to not let her get through a chant.
I suppose I didn't mention that her initial barrier didn't require a chant, much the same way most shields and barriers didn't. From there, she was able to get up the second. Also, Hayate HAX. Given the way the chapter was growing, I suppose I felt I might have gone through it a bit too quickly. Depending on how I edit the chapter, I'll see about revising this, too.

Quote:
Hm, that kinda brings up something else. If Yuuno was so obsessed with bringing Nanoha back, would he have gone on to marry Fate? Or did he try to move on, but after awhile he then became determined to bring her back?
Interesting questions; hopefully, you'll get some answers next chapter.^^ I have a timeline I plan to publish once the fic is done, but suffice it to say, Yuuno's obsession to bring Nanoha back happened after he had married Fate. There was a scene back in chapter 15, where Yuuno recounts seeing an almost ghostly version of a short-haired Nanoha, that plays into this.

Anyway, hopefully I'll have a better idea of where I stand with edits and such by the end of the day, and can post a revised chapter 33. Depending on the degree of edits, I'll either make another post here, or just post to ff.net.

Thanks again for the commentary.^^
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Old 2011-02-21, 13:26   Link #29371
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Events of Halo 1; Teana gets a weapon upgrade during her visit to the Library... but that's later.

Spoiler for Book 1 Chapter 12 - PoA2:


Spoiler for Ch. 13 - Halo:
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Old 2011-02-21, 17:36   Link #29372
Nanya01
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Heading out the door for work, but, here you go.

Shine 1 -45

Spoiler for Blood That Flows - Shine 46:
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Old 2011-02-21, 18:04   Link #29373
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Spoiler for Teana's Travels Book 1 Chapter 14 - Truth & Reconciliation:
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Old 2011-02-21, 19:30   Link #29374
itanshi1
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Spoiler for snip:


Eh? Teleporting during inertia? Ever play Portal? You make your self face a different direction and inertia takes you not down preferably, well gravity will correct, but it will slow the descent
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Old 2011-02-21, 20:53   Link #29375
Kaijo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by itanshi1 View Post
Eh? Teleporting during inertia? Ever play Portal? You make your self face a different direction and inertia takes you not down preferably, well gravity will correct, but it will slow the descent
You make an interesting point, damn you. I'll have to get a bit creative, then...
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Old 2011-02-21, 21:00   Link #29376
DKN117
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Spoiler for B. 1 Ch. 15 - The Silent Cartographer:


Spoiler for Ch. 16 - Assault on the Control Room:
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Old 2011-02-22, 07:32   Link #29377
mega1987
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Heading out the door for work, but, here you go.

Shine 1 -45

Spoiler for Blood That Flows - Shine 46:
Watch out Riksfalto, you'll have some competition in the title of bloodiest knight here. If nanya decided to may Arisa a blood knight like character, but i prefer she leans towards Dante's fighting style(stylish to the point that you show off... XD).
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Darwin's nominee are best for laughs.
MGLN "Befriending" shows love thru superior firepower (Zenryokou Zenkai!)
Gundams are your worst nightmare in the battlefield.
SRW beats all foes.
JAM Project pwns all!!!

And I can't still make fanfic without restarting from the start when new ideas comes in...
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Old 2011-02-22, 08:50   Link #29378
WarpObscura
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Quote:
Originally Posted by itanshi1 View Post
Spoiler for snip:


Eh? Teleporting during inertia? Ever play Portal? You make your self face a different direction and inertia takes you not down preferably, well gravity will correct, but it will slow the descent
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
You make an interesting point, damn you. I'll have to get a bit creative, then...
Thanks, you just made me wonder: Did you ever explicitly say that the teleport (spell) in question preserves inertia?
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Old 2011-02-22, 11:44   Link #29379
Kaijo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WarpObscura View Post
Thanks, you just made me wonder: Did you ever explicitly say that the teleport (spell) in question preserves inertia?
I didn't, no. I haven't added anything to it that that the manga hasn't. I did have Nanoha preserve inertia during a Flash Step, but that was my own interpretation of a possibility. Although when Erio uses a Sonic Move to bounce up the escalator and catch Caro, there seems to be some inertia left over that sends them both to the ground. However, not sure that would be classified as a teleport, although they seem to classify all such spells in the more nebulous "movement magic" category.

Currently evaluating a few different ideas for the scene. I'm still working under the assumption the Hucks do use magic, so Deville's spell would be magical, and that Vivio could use her own magic to interfere and prevent it from happening, due to holding onto him. I'd be working under the assumption that Deville isn't as quite as advanced as Yuuno to forcibly teleport someone against their will if they are strong enough to resist.
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Old 2011-02-22, 17:35   Link #29380
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Spoiler for Book 1 Ch. 17 - The New Threat:
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