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Old 2011-11-30, 18:19   Link #35101
Mr Coin
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Foursomes are good. ^_^

Anyway, I had this planned for BTF for awhile now.

Just had trouble fitting it into the story.

Peek's Mini-Arcs:

Yagami Mid Four Dwell Takamachi Scrya Fatherhood Harlaown Dreams Dance Healing Twins Advice History Onwards Cycle Playdate Forging Meetings Search Valkyrie News

BTF Omakes:

Old Iron Omakes 1, 2, 3 Mr Snuggles Omake Oh Bandit Tree Old Iron Omakes 4, 5

Coda Start

Coda 2

Spoiler for Blood That Flows - Peek - Coda 3:
I was expecting for Vita to scream at first and bring out Graf Eisen from shock before interrogating Verossa , but to see her being fine and calm with the awkward situation made me snicker.

Spoiler for Confusing part of the chapter:


Did Fate momentary turned into a guy? Or was it a small mistake?
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Old 2011-11-30, 20:05   Link #35102
Sunder the Gold
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Foursomes are good. ^_^
Your PG-13 threesome was cute, too.


But this part was unnecessary.
Quote:
"That went well."

"I think boss will enjoy it."

"Sir will be upset."

"Not if she doesn't know."

"Boss might thank us."


Raising Heart, Bardiche and Thoth Driver all quieted down moments later. No need to let people think that they could influence their masters too much, after all.
This seems like a big, unnecessary can of worms to create, let alone open.
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Old 2011-11-30, 20:57   Link #35103
Craxuan
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Got curious by the comments and went to read the foursome... which was not really one. Damn.

Vita's reaction is a bit strange I guess? Her reaction to losing her first time after god knows how many times is to try another? Is that even Vita?

Not to mention how weird the flow went with the N/F/Y scene, even with the Device explanation.
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Old 2011-11-30, 20:58   Link #35104
Rising Dragon
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Foursome comments were about Material Days, not Blood That Flows.
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Old 2011-11-30, 21:12   Link #35105
Nanya01
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Coin View Post
I was expecting for Vita to scream at first and bring out Graf Eisen from shock before interrogating Verossa , but to see her being fine and calm with the awkward situation made me snicker.

Spoiler for Confusing part of the chapter:


Did Fate momentary turned into a guy? Or was it a small mistake?
Small mistake. I'll fix on my master copy, thanks for the catch.
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Old 2011-11-30, 21:13   Link #35106
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunder the Gold View Post
Your PG-13 threesome was cute, too.


But this part was unnecessary.

This seems like a big, unnecessary can of worms to create, let alone open.
Hmm... You got a point there.

*edits it away*
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Old 2011-11-30, 21:33   Link #35107
mega1987
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Foursomes are good. ^_^

Anyway, I had this planned for BTF for awhile now.

Just had trouble fitting it into the story.

Peek's Mini-Arcs:

Yagami Mid Four Dwell Takamachi Scrya Fatherhood Harlaown Dreams Dance Healing Twins Advice History Onwards Cycle Playdate Forging Meetings Search Valkyrie News

BTF Omakes:

Old Iron Omakes 1, 2, 3 Mr Snuggles Omake Oh Bandit Tree Old Iron Omakes 4, 5

Coda Start

Coda 2

Spoiler for Blood That Flows - Peek - Coda 3:
Me: WHAT!

Val: THE!

Odin: F*cking.

Mariemeia: HELL!?

Reia: Oh my!

Val: Damn! This reminds me of Zero's little prank one time during a party long time ago.

Odin: Hm... And is someone nudging Vita to Verossa... Oh well, It's not my problem anyway...
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And I can't still make fanfic without restarting from the start when new ideas comes in...
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Old 2011-12-01, 06:45   Link #35108
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Index

This did not turn out as well as I had hoped. Motivation and inspiration took a dive, so it's actually quite blergh. I should have stopped at the first part, but here it is anyway.

I think I need a break from horror now. I've oversaturated myself with it. Perhaps it's time for some Teana action.

Spoiler for Fate's Dilemma: The End:
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Old 2011-12-01, 08:01   Link #35109
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Well if there ever was a world that needed an Exterminatus it would be this one.
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Old 2011-12-01, 11:16   Link #35110
Old_Iron
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Okay, I'll be totally honest here. This chapter was really heavy for me and I don't believe I'll be able to think about it without feeling sick to my stomach or feeling like I'm going to have a heart attack for a good long time, if ever. But that's me and my highly colored views on sex. Moving on.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Craxuan View Post
Vita's reaction is a bit strange I guess? Her reaction to losing her first time after god knows how many times is to try another? Is that even Vita.
I will agree with that. Though one could consider that she's also somewhat hysterical and in shock, therefore not fully comprehending the gravity of the evens that have occurred. She just lost her virginity in a night of drunken debauchery to a man who she doesn't know very well (if at all), and it apparently they went at it more than once. That would certainly affect whatever judgement or sanity Vita still has left.

Unless this gets edited for whatever reasons Nanya may have, and her reactions are altered or the sex is removed, I foresee the fallout being extremely severe. Well, they'd be severe anyway. Verossa appears to have been lucid enough to potentially put a stop to things, at the very least enough to use protection each time. That would no doubt garner a lot of backlash from certain individuals. If he was lucid enough, but was actually unable to stop Vita, then it comes off as her losing her virginity by raping him. That is a whole other problem in and of itself.

At the very least, I could see a trauma or two developing from this scenario. The most minor of which would be a total aversion to alcohol with the more severe being any number of things that could drive wedges between Vita and certain people.

Still, if it had to happen, I'm glad that it was someone like Verossa rather than the number of horribly dark scenarios that I had been conjuring in my head since the first chapter of Coda was posted. He handled himself decently in the morning, which I'm glad he did.

I could continue, but I'd be rambling and losing coherence.

Other aspects of the story? The first third felt good and the Verossa/Schach/Luna triangle is a funny idea. I also thought that the 'married couple' comment about Hayate and Reinforce was rather cute and felt that it fit.

The Yuuno/Fate/Nanoha scene did flow a little awkwardly, but I didn't find it too bad and it was amusing overall. I'm glad that they're getting Fate to open up a bit.

*deep breath* Okay, now back to writing.
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Old 2011-12-01, 11:54   Link #35111
Rising Dragon
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About Vita losing her virginity... for BTF, it's "Vita losing her virginity this time", most likely. In other words, this isn't the first time she's done it in her entire existence, just the first time since she was turned into a human and aged to an adult. So in that regard, she's not going to make that big a deal out of it.
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Old 2011-12-02, 05:47   Link #35112
Nanya01
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Peek's Mini-Arcs:

Yagami Mid Four Dwell Takamachi Scrya Fatherhood Harlaown Dreams Dance Healing Twins Advice History Onwards Cycle Playdate Forging Meetings Search Valkyrie News

BTF Omakes:

Old Iron Omakes 1, 2, 3 Mr Snuggles Omake Oh Bandit Tree Old Iron Omakes 4, 5

Coda Start

Coda 2

Coda 3

Spoiler for Blood That Flows - Peek - Coda 4:


Spoiler for Comments:
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Old 2011-12-02, 07:25   Link #35113
Tiresias
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Say, has anyone here read Game Theory? A bit early to be sure, but IMO it's a nice alternate take on the first season.
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Old 2011-12-02, 07:43   Link #35114
Filraen
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Vita pounding the floor? Sounds weird, because it means falling to her knees ( (a) meaning an extra action in her hangover; (b) the meaning of falling to her knees is something far serious). I think hitting the wall is better.

Zwei deciding to dress as a cupcake? Sounds very cute (... now that I think of it it wasn't probably your intention, but still works)

Vita not making any comment on Yuuno being in the women's bathroom? Or even to share the bathroom with Nanoha and Fate?

Psychologist Shamal? Well, she could write a paper on the their adaptation to being human... wait, one question: what is currently Zafira? We know Signum, Shamal and Vita are currently human.

On a few chapters back, I liked drunk Fate (as in, saying nobody will care if she just vanish; meaning the consequences of her time before Nanoha and Lina still linger a little)
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Old 2011-12-02, 08:50   Link #35115
mega1987
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Peek's Mini-Arcs:

Yagami Mid Four Dwell Takamachi Scrya Fatherhood Harlaown Dreams Dance Healing Twins Advice History Onwards Cycle Playdate Forging Meetings Search Valkyrie News

BTF Omakes:

Old Iron Omakes 1, 2, 3 Mr Snuggles Omake Oh Bandit Tree Old Iron Omakes 4, 5

Coda Start

Coda 2

Coda 3

Spoiler for Blood That Flows - Peek - Coda 4:


Spoiler for Comments:
Me: This is one of the reason I avoid heavy drink... Hangover.

Odin: Wuss.

Val: You got a stomach made of steel. make it Made of Gundanium since you can eat and drink anything without getting sick, drunk or what's so ever side effects that usually come with failed food/hard drinks/booze/Brr! Health drinks...

Me: At least I'll be myself after drinking, Odin. It's just to socialize anyway.
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MGLN "Befriending" shows love thru superior firepower (Zenryokou Zenkai!)
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And I can't still make fanfic without restarting from the start when new ideas comes in...
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Old 2011-12-02, 19:07   Link #35116
deathcurse
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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It's been a while, but here's a short story I scribbled while in the middle of dying of final exams/projects, and trying to write Chapter 6 of "Prerogative of the Brave" .

Takes place in the Hayate x Vivio Files, and is set for a few months after "Prerogative of the Brave." Hayate is 28 and Vivio is 15.

Spoiler for Hayate x Vivio Files Chronology:

Spoiler for It Must Be Love:
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Old 2011-12-02, 21:24   Link #35117
Shigan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
It's been a while, but here's a short story I scribbled while in the middle of dying of final exams/projects, and trying to write Chapter 6 of "Prerogative of the Brave" .

Takes place in the Hayate x Vivio Files, and is set for a few months after "Prerogative of the Brave." Hayate is 28 and Vivio is 15.

Spoiler for Hayate x Vivio Files Chronology:

Spoiler for It Must Be Love:
*Gallops into room from faraway meeting of flowcharts* Actually no, caught up in dating and realizing that I might be worse than pre-Vivio Hayate...

*is hit by diabetes* Thanks, I needed that . It's really good to see Hayate just coming down from her workload and be for Vivio what she probably has never been for any of her previous partners. I like the contrast in Hayate here compared to her approach to Morgan in Gut Feelings. it's touching and just yay! to see that the general is actually with this relationship on a whole other level, and better yet knowing that it's nice to have things working this way. Good job writing this!

I would love to see a story about Vivio reflecting about this initial awkward dating period as well. Considering that the bare thought of having to take off Hayate's shirt in PotB blew her brain, it would be rather funny to see how her reaction would be to actually be allowed to touch the object of her lifelong infatuation in a romantic sense.

It's so good to see you still writing despite school murdering you! I shall try to get my own pre-The Things We Tame stuff out one of these days.

Is this a bad time to mention that I'm considering to write a continuation on your Bad End scenario? xD

re-read Edit:
Quote:
Only really stupid criminals would attempt anything on the Takamachi house anyway, since it was common knowledge that poking the White Devil at her place of residence was a guarantee to be Starlight Breaker’ed into the stratosphere…if an Ace Enforcer didn’t blast you into the pavement first. Or, more recently, if a blonde, red-and-green-eyed combat specialist didn’t break your jaw with a powered haymaker before her mothers bothered to suit up.
LAWL at insight. xD
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Shigan's Fanfiction Masterlist -- The Hayate x Vivio Files

Last edited by Shigan; 2011-12-02 at 22:28.
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Old 2011-12-02, 23:54   Link #35118
deathcurse
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shigan View Post
*Gallops into room from faraway meeting of flowcharts* Actually no, caught up in dating and realizing that I might be worse than pre-Vivio Hayate...
Oooh, interesting!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shigan View Post
*is hit by diabetes* Thanks, I needed that . It's really good to see Hayate just coming down from her workload and be for Vivio what she probably has never been for any of her previous partners. I like the contrast in Hayate here compared to her approach to Morgan in Gut Feelings. it's touching and just yay! to see that the general is actually with this relationship on a whole other level, and better yet knowing that it's nice to have things working this way. Good job writing this!
Yay, glad you liked! Of course, now with Hayate being so accomadating for Vivio about her work, now I want to write a future fic where Hayate goes back to her work-a-holic habits?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shigan View Post
I would love to see a story about Vivio reflecting about this initial awkward dating period as well. Considering that the bare thought of having to take off Hayate's shirt in PotB blew her brain, it would be rather funny to see how her reaction would be to actually be allowed to touch the object of her lifelong infatuation in a romantic sense.

It's so good to see you still writing despite school murdering you! I shall try to get my own pre-The Things We Tame stuff out one of these days.

Is this a bad time to mention that I'm considering to write a continuation on your Bad End scenario? xD
I actually have a bit of a fic idea post-PotB that explores some of that, but it would be cool to have many fics that show the progression of Vivio easing into the relationship . Oh, that sounds like a humourous fic idea ...

Heh, high stress either kills my writing or inspires me like a demonic writing machine .

*snicker* Writing continuations to that Bad End would be hilarious in general .
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Old 2011-12-02, 23:56   Link #35119
Rising Dragon
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Not to be nitpicky or anything, but when are we going to see the moment where they actually do become a couple?
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Old 2011-12-03, 00:13   Link #35120
deathcurse
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rising Dragon View Post
Not to be nitpicky or anything, but when are we going to see the moment where they actually do become a couple?
Um........working on it . Chapter 6 has had so many rewrites, the amount of text involved in the previous rejected chapter outlines was longer than one of my actual chapters ^^;;. But I'm about a quarter of the way through Chapter 6, and once I get a bit more time I'll hopefully have it up before Christmas?

If I'm optimistic, I'll try to finish "Prerogative of the Brave" by the New Year?
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