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Old 2012-04-16, 12:14   Link #36141
Old_Iron
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@Lhklan: The rescue scene could use a fair amount more polish. I had a hard time following the flow of events the first time I read it through and some of Yuuno's actions felt off. For instance, going from coming across a life or death situation and binding a dangerous foe to immediately making deliveries so casually feels kind of like mood whiplash in a bad way. Perhaps him being dismissed by the healers and/or Signum would help?

Though I think the reasoning behind Yuuno saving Due is fairly good. Channeling a bit of Emiya Shirou there as well.

And it is not wrong at all to want to write more Yuuno/Due. =3

As for AUs... Choosing a viable setting isn't easy. My own is still going through massive development to make it workable in the long term.
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Old 2012-04-16, 13:33   Link #36142
Koveras Alvane
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Three new AtonerS mini-chapters are up at the usual place. Has anyone missed my updates at all? >__>
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Old 2012-04-16, 15:04   Link #36143
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There are some grammatical fixes that need to be done though.
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Old 2012-04-16, 19:59   Link #36144
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StrikerS

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SSX 1

SSX 2

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Spoiler for Blood That Flows - SSX 4:
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Old 2012-04-16, 20:09   Link #36145
Lhklan
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@Iron
THanks. I kinda ran out of fuel at that last part.

Also, I hinted at Chrono's friend *coughgirlfriendcough*. Can you recognize her?
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Old 2012-04-16, 20:10   Link #36146
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
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Spoiler for Blood That Flows - SSX 4:
Does Verossa have what I think he has?
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Old 2012-04-16, 20:55   Link #36147
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@Nanya: Superb chapter, as I believe I've told you. =3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lhklan View Post
@Iron
THanks. I kinda ran out of fuel at that last part.

Also, I hinted at Chrono's friend *coughgirlfriendcough*. Can you recognize her?
I'm actually drawing a blank to be honest. The only white haired sword using merc that comes to mind is Griffith. And he's not exactly... yeah. As for nuns... Index comes to mind.
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Old 2012-04-16, 21:10   Link #36148
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StrikerS

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Precia: You're a monster, you know that?
Quattro: You're the last person I want to hear that from.
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Old 2012-04-16, 21:32   Link #36149
Lhklan
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@Iron
I kinda messed up a bit there, but it's actually two shout outs in one.
Divides into "White haired swordwielding" and "merc" and you SHOULD get the idea.
(The former is seiyuu joke, the latter is a game's plot)
And yes, Chrono's friend is a nun.

Last edited by Lhklan; 2012-04-16 at 22:42.
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Old 2012-04-17, 06:27   Link #36150
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Me: That Pavlov conditioning reminds me of Vendatrix's Ultimate.. Um... how should i say this?

Odin: Ultimate Lovedoll series?

Me: Ugh! *facepalms.* I hope those who find it don't mark this post for deletion...

Mariemeia: Oh.... Verossa's going to propose to someone? I wonder who is the lucky girl?

Val: I do hope he's ready for the pressure of at least 4-5 person who can rip him a new one.

Mariemeia: I was hoping that he piss and shits his pants off while having the receiving end of a "Overprotective" speech for a certain Red-head bombshell.

Onna-Ranma: No WAY! I'm not into boys nor grown men. My mom's gonna kill me for that.

Mariemeia: Wrong Red-head bombshell to pop out.

Odin: Zest, make use of the chance that was given to you. You might not have a second chance out of it.
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Old 2012-04-17, 09:41   Link #36151
Lhklan
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Help! Do anyone know how to write birthday scene?
BTW, 1st part of chapter 6
Spoiler for UYD chapter 6 P1:


I also have another idea that I may or may not write after this.
Spoiler for Highschool AU:
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Old 2012-04-18, 12:07   Link #36152
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I eagerly await part 2 of this chapter. It has good flow so far and I can see you are improving in your writing as you continue. Hayate is too much fun.

As for birthdays... I'm really not sure. I've never written one myself, but I imagine you'd conjure up a birthday as you'd see it and insert the cast.

I'm a bit iffy on the Highschool AU, if only because I'm not a fan of that brand of AU. However if you feel you can pull it off, I say go for it. Yuuno/Due seems to be your guilty pleasure. And interesting choice for Chrono's romance.
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Old 2012-04-18, 19:50   Link #36153
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@Iron.
Thank for the comment. Actually, most of the Hayate part was inspired by you.
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Old 2012-04-19, 00:18   Link #36154
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Three more AtonerS chapters up at the usual place. Just eight more left until the end of Part I.
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Old 2012-04-19, 07:11   Link #36155
Lhklan
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Spoiler for Choice:


Spoiler for YuunoUno Moment:


Yeah... a bit cheesy at the end. As for what Yuuno did...

Spoiler for Explanation:
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Old 2012-04-20, 10:39   Link #36156
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Hmm... The idea of Yuuno telefragging someone is a good ability, but I'd be cautious with the use of intsa-kill maneuvers. Also, something like that requires a lot of detail and explanation to properly execute in terms of story. I'm not as familiar with the finer workings of the Eclipse Virus, so I couldn't comment on those legitimately.

As for the Yuuno/Uno moment, it was sweet. Though with the amount of killing Yuuno seems to be doing, I'd suggest either dialing back his reactions a bit or have him seek help to cope with it.
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Old 2012-04-20, 10:43   Link #36157
Lhklan
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@Iron.
Thanks. This is still just the barebone, so there's still a few details that need to be worked out.
Well, Yuuno technically didn't kill the f*cker, seeing as he's still alive.
And what do you mean by dialing his reactions back a bit? I'm kinda confused about that one.
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Old 2012-04-20, 10:47   Link #36158
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There's only a few known ways to kill a full-fledged EC-Driver so far:

- Deprive them of killing/destruction
- Wait till the virus finally enter it's final stage and start consuming the host's body
- Blow their heads up

Altought, i don't know if the last one apply with "every Eclipse Driver" or Dego only fall for that because he was a weaker knock-off of the Huckebein(for starters his regenerative abilites were nowhere to be seen in contrast with the likes of Veyron, Cypha or Tohma xDU).

Assuming the last one works with everyone, the Tele-frag would only be a sure insta-kill if their brains end up i the middle of it xD
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Old 2012-04-20, 10:51   Link #36159
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Ahh, I see. I was under the assumption this is the same Yuuno who killed people as a child in self defense.

The thing is with performing an action, is the more often you do it, the easier it is to deal with in most cases. I was thinking that with having to have killed fairly often for someone in his position, he wouldn't be as broken up about it. Broken up, yes, but not as much. That's just my opinion, however.

But if this is Yuuno's first real attempt at trying to off someone, even an enemy, then I think his reactions are fine.

Either way, you have a very good groundwork for further Yuuno/Uno developments.

And thank you for the info, Aki.
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Old 2012-04-20, 10:52   Link #36160
Lhklan
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@Aki
This wasn't mean to kill. Yuuno just needed to distract them to get Due to safety.
It's still a lethal application, so Yuuno swore to never use it.
Although now I'm tempting to rewrite so that Yuuno telefragged the brain...
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