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Old 2012-09-01, 00:02   Link #37061
GaelicDragon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lhklan View Post
Uh, guys? Can you comment on my LoA omake above?
Keep up the good work. I thought it was rather amusing...and looking forward to the others you hinted at.

It was a very cute scene...Reinforce getting sick due to roller coasters was rather amusing. Wasn't to sure about the "overly concerned about the diet"...seemed a little harsh from a parent.

It does make one wonder though...can someone who's element is ice get an ice cream headache? The world wants to know.

I would have commented earlier, but I wasn't near a keyboard.
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Old 2012-09-01, 01:17   Link #37062
Lhklan
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Thanks GD. That makes me feel better.
And here's the second one:
Spoiler for I Stand Alone - Aftermath omake:
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Old 2012-09-01, 01:42   Link #37063
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^ Shaggy Dog Story at it's finest. Though can be subverted if there's another path.
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Old 2012-09-01, 08:59   Link #37064
agetreme
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lhklan View Post
Thanks GD. That makes me feel better.
And here's the second one:
Spoiler for I Stand Alone - Aftermath omake:
Now it read like start of darkness for Yuuno....
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Old 2012-09-01, 09:21   Link #37065
Lhklan
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Yuuno "Heartstealer" Scrya?
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Old 2012-09-01, 09:24   Link #37066
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For those of you who didn't already know, "Magical Girl Nanoha 12?" updated on FF.net.
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Old 2012-09-01, 11:15   Link #37067
agetreme
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My current plan:

Spoiler for Mind of Madness:
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Last edited by agetreme; 2012-09-01 at 11:38.
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Old 2012-09-01, 11:20   Link #37068
Lhklan
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^3 words: What. The. Fuck?
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Old 2012-09-01, 11:42   Link #37069
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...I concur with lhklan here.
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Old 2012-09-01, 12:17   Link #37070
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Stepford Mage?
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Old 2012-09-01, 12:22   Link #37071
agetreme
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My specialty anyway....

First one:
Basically, a rehash of Fate being trapped in Dream work except....
It's real because some idiots decide to make it possible by extensive memory modification.

A serious dystopia:

>A world where no magic...(because the Memory mage has serious inferior complex.... having ZERO combat ability compared to those kids at sport game...)

>There is no death.... (because your dead relative get replaced by new one)

>Everybody goes to school and the masterminds behind it is part of the popular/"Elite" (again inferiority complex in play).

In a way, ultimate Escapist's fantasy....that is so wrong in many level that it is better not to think about it.

(Also to demonstrate that you don't need Nanoha's firepower to be a serious threat....)

Quote:
Stepford Mage?
Yep.
In a way.
That smile is not fake but the problem is the reason behind that smile....

====

The OC villain..... I always wanted to do a villain who is an epic mind-screw troll-er (AKA Terumi from Blazblue).....

==
Last Section Case File: Dark Matter..... is technically Magical drug abuse....

Family Unfriendly Aesop?:
>No matter how much you try, you can't be as good as somebody who have both hardwork and talent....(not to mention being trained by the very best while you have to struggle to learn everything on yourself own.....)

>In someway, Level Upper arc?
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Old 2012-09-01, 13:13   Link #37072
ZeroXSEED
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WHAT. THE. FUCKING. HELL.

Stop mindraping the readers and fellow writers, Age! (and fueling potential NTR material)

EDIT: Also, the ultimate take that, thumbs up.
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Last edited by ZeroXSEED; 2012-09-01 at 13:39.
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Old 2012-09-01, 20:09   Link #37073
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lhklan View Post
Thanks GD. That makes me feel better.
And here's the second one:
Spoiler for I Stand Alone - Aftermath omake:
I could be mistaken, but the dialogue is similar to Fate unlimited Codes Saber Alter route introduction.
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Old 2012-09-01, 22:34   Link #37074
agetreme
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
WHAT. THE. FUCKING. HELL.

Stop mindraping the readers and fellow writers, Age! (and fueling potential NTR material)

EDIT: Also, the ultimate take that, thumbs up.
Okay, the first one scrap, so that I can work on the second one instead
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Old 2012-09-02, 06:29   Link #37075
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The Name of War
Chapter 17: Wrath is Cruel
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Old 2012-09-02, 14:02   Link #37076
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...I take it that I did horribly on that snippet, then...sorry...
Moved it back with the first...
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Old 2012-09-02, 14:33   Link #37077
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lycodrake View Post
...I take it that I did horribly on that snippet, then...sorry...
Moved it back with the first...
For the record, you waited all of one hour midday on a Sunday for commentary before deleting it. Remember that AS is a much slower board than Beast's Lair and not everything is going to receive the same level of response at times. You have to let these things sit for a while.

And if you think you did horribly on it, then retool it and think about where you went wrong after reading it yourself a few times. A good beta can help greatly, particularly with larger stories. And have some confidence in your work. If you don't, then how are readers supposed to have confidence in your writing. Besides, when you fail, learn from those failures instead of wallowing in some sort of self-inflicted muck of despair. Sometimes you can fix a story. Sometimes you can't.

Hell, I had all sort of hopes for I Stand Alone: Aftermath and those went right out the window when it became clear that I'd screwed myself over with all sorts of angles for the story. So... I failed. And I couldn't fix it. Now I've got a better idea on how to approach a story's creation and writing by learning from that failure.
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Old 2012-09-02, 14:35   Link #37078
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Wait 24h+.

If you haven't received any by that time, then start poking people, PM peeps you know might be itnerested or shrug and work on something else.
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Old 2012-09-02, 14:35   Link #37079
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I liked it. I couldn't reply though because I had chores to get through.
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Old 2012-09-02, 14:44   Link #37080
Lycodrake
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Old_Iron View Post
For the record, you waited all of one hour midday on a Sunday for commentary before deleting it. Remember that AS is a much slower board than Beast's Lair and not everything is going to receive the same level of response at times. You have to let these things sit for a while.

...learn from those failures instead of wallowing in some sort of self-inflicted muck of despair. ...
...okay.

http://forums.animesuki.com/showthre...54#post4320454
Put it back with the first.

I enjoyed writing both the first and the new snippet for the idea.
Just hoping that others like it...
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