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Old 2013-04-08, 05:33   Link #37741
Andarkoshi
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Mr. Coin
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Originally Posted by Mr Coin View Post
Lindy died... T_T
How it that plausible?

Time traveling? And who in the world did Alicia inherited her red eyes, and golden hair?

Just make the story, and make it believable to the readers as much as you possibly can. *raising the "Fund it" sign as high as possible.
Well Alicia inherited a lot of her personality from Precia while Fate... just look at the girl, kind-hearted, helpful can sacrifice herself for others and uses swords to fight bad guys.

Well if you really want to know about Shirou...

Spoiler for Information about the backstory of Fate/Stay Nanoha Emiya Shirou:


Kuroi Hadou
Quote:
I wouldn't worry too much about it. RB is off busy in Beast's Lair and doesn't seem interested in AS anymore, and I haven't seen dc around for at least several months. But you should go look up their stories on ff.net anyway. They're good examples of writing, and the character trauma is unrivaled.
I... think I will politely refuse, reading things like that would only make me RAGE, I have this bad habit or being pissed off when characters get hurt...
As for the red eyes, golden hair... I'll just blame it on genetics and weird inheriting...
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Old 2013-04-08, 05:41   Link #37742
Kuroi Hadou
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Originally Posted by Andarkoshi View Post
I... think I will politely refuse, reading things like that would only make me RAGE, I have this bad habit or being pissed off when characters get hurt...
You get pissed off when you read about characters getting hurt... but you want to write it?

Quote:
As for the red eyes, golden hair... I'll just blame it on genetics and weird inheriting...
*Warning: Partial biology lesson ahead*

You could do that quite easily. It'd just require both of them to have a parent that carries both the blonde hair gene and an eye color that had a sufficient enough lack of melanin. Precia herself is already borderline there. Red eyes aren't actually red: They're a complete lack of coloring (melanin) that doesn't hide the blood in the irises. Purple eyes like Precia's are caused by there being just enough blue to mix with that without overpowering it. For Alicia and in turn Fate to have red eyes, the genes Precia and Shirou passed onto her would need to completely strip that melanin back out.

What you should be a bit more concerned about, in my opinion, is the Shirou/Precia backstory.
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Old 2013-04-08, 05:57   Link #37743
Andarkoshi
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Originally Posted by Kuroi Hadou View Post
You get pissed off when you read about characters getting hurt... but you want to write it?
Yeah I know it sounds rather ridiculous... but it may be a difference in approach. I DON'T know what will happen to the characters whom someone else writes and I don't know if they will recover. With me writing stuff I know what will happen and that I'll somehow reward the characters for suffering... and I think I might have a bit of a sadistic streak in me...

Quote:
*Warning: Partial biology lesson ahead*

You could do that quite easily. It'd just require both of them to have a parent that carries both the blonde hair gene and an eye color that had a sufficient enough lack of melanin. Precia herself is already borderline there. Red eyes aren't actually red: They're a complete lack of coloring (melanin) that doesn't hide the blood in the irises. Purple eyes like Precia's are caused by there being just enough blue to mix with that without overpowering it. For Alicia and in turn Fate to have red eyes, the genes Precia and Shirou passed onto her would need to completely strip that melanin back out.

What you should be a bit more concerned about, in my opinion, is the Shirou/Precia backstory.
Mhm this Shirou probably already has white hair so it might affect his DNA which he passes to Alicia and Fate. Magecraft can do some screwy things to a human body.
As for the backstory, care to elaborate? [grabs a pen and notebook]
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Old 2013-04-08, 06:04   Link #37744
Kuroi Hadou
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Originally Posted by Andarkoshi View Post
Yeah I know it sounds rather ridiculous... but it may be a difference in approach. I DON'T know what will happen to the characters whom someone else writes and I don't know if they will recover. With me writing stuff I know what will happen and that I'll somehow reward the characters for suffering... and I think I might have a bit of a sadistic streak in me...
RB and dc are about emotional trauma, not physical.

Quote:
Mhm this Shirou probably already has white hair so it might affect his DNA which he passes to Alicia and Fate. Magecraft can do some screwy things to a human body.
Just so long as you've got something plausible.

Quote:
As for the backstory, care to elaborate? [grabs a pen and notebook]
Well, the starting point is fine, but one of the absolute biggest things you need to figure out is where the hell Shirou was when Alicia died and afterwards. Every indication for the backstory (at least as far as I know) is Alicia's father wasn't around either before or after she died. In this case, deciding where Shirou was, how Alicia's death affected him, and why he wasn't around to stop the Fate Project and Precia's descent into madness are pretty major plot points you need to have the answers to ASAP. There's also the question of whether or not he recognizes Fate, her being a clone of his own daughter. If he doesn't, you need to decide why he doesn't, and if he does recognize her, you need to answer why he agonizes about whether or not to help her, which will likely tie into what I mentioned above. I'm sure there are more details you'll want to flesh out, but that's just off the top of my head, and the most important ones to boot.
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Old 2013-04-08, 06:08   Link #37745
Lhklan
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^ You're oddly active Kuroi. Not that it's a bad thing, just wondering what happened.
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Old 2013-04-08, 06:09   Link #37746
Kuroi Hadou
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^ You're oddly active Kuroi. Not that it's a bad thing, just wondering what happened.
I was bored with nothing to do, so I decided to swing by the fanfic thread to see what was happening lately.
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Old 2013-04-08, 06:28   Link #37747
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Originally Posted by Andarkoshi View Post
Yeah I know it sounds rather ridiculous... but it may be a difference in approach. I DON'T know what will happen to the characters whom someone else writes and I don't know if they will recover. With me writing stuff I know what will happen and that I'll somehow reward the characters for suffering... and I think I might have a bit of a sadistic streak in me...
I find this an interesting approach, if a bit antithesis to myself.

I rejoice in the suffering of characters and Everyone Can Die promises. Killing off my favorite character(s) in a horrible (and well-written) way often causes me to praise the work in question because it had the "courage" to do it (due to too many sugary and "good" ends in media I think). If they aren't even rewarded for their suffering, it's twice the pain and glory.

What I would like to suggest for you, though it's up to you if you want to go through with it, is to try and read and watch works that has that which you don't like, in this case that fear of yours. By doing that, yes you'll torture yourself kinda, but your own writing will be better off if you pick good examples. Avoiding those works might work against you.

In my case, this would be romance and well-done drama works, a weak point in my writing.

But that's my approach. Every writer has his own and if you're comfortable with what you're doing, do that.

And welcome. Excuse my ramblings.
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Old 2013-04-08, 06:37   Link #37748
Lhklan
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^ You and Gen Urobuchi would get along swimmingly.
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Old 2013-04-08, 06:46   Link #37749
Andarkoshi
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Originally Posted by Kuroi Hadou View Post
Well, the starting point is fine, but one of the absolute biggest things you need to figure out is where the hell Shirou was when Alicia died and afterwards. Every indication for the backstory (at least as far as I know) is Alicia's father wasn't around either before or after she died. In this case, deciding where Shirou was, how Alicia's death affected him, and why he wasn't around to stop the Fate Project and Precia's descent into madness are pretty major plot points you need to have the answers to ASAP. There's also the question of whether or not he recognizes Fate, her being a clone of his own daughter. If he doesn't, you need to decide why he doesn't, and if he does recognize her, you need to answer why he agonizes about whether or not to help her, which will likely tie into what I mentioned above. I'm sure there are more details you'll want to flesh out, but that's just off the top of my head, and the most important ones to boot.
That's what I get for being lazy... Not writing down the whole thing.

Anyway I've got that part figured out
Spoiler for More Backstory for Fate/Stay Nanoha Shirou:


Northern Fallout

Quote:
I find this an interesting approach, if a bit antithesis to myself.
What can I say, we humans are naturally born hypocrites after all ^^

While I do appreciate the advice... my imagination tends to spring up some nasty scenarios on me from time to time. Ones that make my blood run cold, I prefer not to give it Extra food. It's bad as it is.
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Old 2013-04-08, 06:51   Link #37750
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@Lhklan: If only I was good at writing that is *sadface*
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Old 2013-04-08, 06:58   Link #37751
Kuroi Hadou
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Originally Posted by NorthernFallout View Post
What I would like to suggest for you, though it's up to you if you want to go through with it, is to try and read and watch works that has that which you don't like, in this case that fear of yours. By doing that, yes you'll torture yourself kinda, but your own writing will be better off if you pick good examples. Avoiding those works might work against you.

In my case, this would be romance and well-done drama works, a weak point in my writing.
That will definitely help, but you'll get even better by actually writing and getting it critiqued by someone else. They have the advantage of a different POV and have an easier time pointing out weak points or flaws in writing compared to trying to find them yourself.

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Originally Posted by Andarkoshi View Post
That's what I get for being lazy... Not writing down the whole thing.

Anyway I've got that part figured out
Spoiler for More Backstory for Fate/Stay Nanoha Shirou:
Ooookay, let's backup for a second, because I can see a much more serious problem at hand. You need to be very careful not to make Shirou a god mode sue here. A device, UBW, Agito, wrecking criminal syndicates more efficiently than the TSAB, even the TSAB is afraid of him, and dropping him into season one of Nanoha to boot? That's asking for a story without any drama or conflict, because Shirou could just solve everything by himself in one chapter.
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Old 2013-04-08, 07:01   Link #37752
Lhklan
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@Tentacle monster
Yeah, scale back a bit. Back then I backed out of your discussion with shikyo because it was going way overboard.

@Kuroi
Hey, do you have any advice on how to write a SoL love story?
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Old 2013-04-08, 07:03   Link #37753
Kuroi Hadou
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@Kuroi
Hey, do you have any advice on how to write a SoL love story?
... a what?
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Old 2013-04-08, 07:03   Link #37754
Andarkoshi
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Ooookay, let's backup for a second, because I can see a much more serious problem at hand. You need to be [B ]very[/B] careful not to make Shirou a god mode sue here. A device, UBW, Agito, wrecking criminal syndicates more efficiently than the TSAB, even the TSAB is afraid of him, and dropping him into season one of Nanoha to boot? That's asking for a story without any drama or conflict, because Shirou could just solve everything by himself in one chapter.
[grins] That is the exact point here. Shirou is CHAINED by his power, he has crime syndicates running scared, willing to cause lots of collateral damage to get him. The point is that Shirou CAN'T use his power. He might get a bit involved in the first and second season but not much.

He has to stay under the radar PARTICULARLY now that he has a family. Imagine what would the criminals and bad guys do if they learnt that he has a family. A soft target they can strike at.

I made Shirou a God Mode Sue... and then made him Incapable of using his power. One wrong move, one slip up, one rumour about him being on Earth and all hell will break loose around him hurting all the people he cares about. What is the point of having power to take on Crime Syndicates if a single surprise attack can kill your entire family.
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Old 2013-04-08, 07:07   Link #37755
Lhklan
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Originally Posted by Kuroi Hadou View Post
... a what?
Slice of Life. Basically no magic, no conflict, just every day life story.
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Old 2013-04-08, 07:08   Link #37756
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Originally Posted by Kuroi Hadou View Post
That will definitely help, but you'll get even better by actually writing and getting it critiqued by someone else. They have the advantage of a different POV and have an easier time pointing out weak points or flaws in writing compared to trying to find them yourself.
Ofc. I take that as granted.

I myself currently have 2 chapters (6000+7000) being beta'd now, and they have been for close to two weeks or more. The importance of this cannot be overstated.

Which reminds me: If someone want beta/editor help, I'm still available.
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Old 2013-04-08, 07:12   Link #37757
Lhklan
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Originally Posted by NorthernFallout View Post
Ofc. I take that as granted.

I myself currently have 2 chapters (6000+7000) being beta'd now, and they have been for close to two weeks or more. The importance of this cannot be overstated.

Which reminds me: If someone want beta/editor help, I'm still available.
*Looks at own fic* Dude, you're still better than me. My Nanoha fics on FFnet have 5 chapters and it's only around 10k words.

As for the beta... what's your stand on shipping? Have to get that out of the way first, less I offend you or something.
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Old 2013-04-08, 07:18   Link #37758
Kuroi Hadou
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Originally Posted by Andarkoshi View Post
[grins] That is the exact point here. Shirou is CHAINED by his power, he has crime syndicates running scared, willing to cause lots of collateral damage to get him. The point is that Shirou CAN'T use his power. He might get a bit involved in the first and second season but not much.

He has to stay under the radar PARTICULARLY now that he has a family. Imagine what would the criminals and bad guys do if they learnt that he has a family. A soft target they can strike at.

I made Shirou a God Mode Sue... and then made him Incapable of using his power. One wrong move, one slip up, one rumour about him being on Earth and all hell will break loose around him hurting all the people he cares about. What is the point of having power to take on Crime Syndicates if a single surprise attack can kill your entire family.
To be perfectly honest, that's a bad way of going about it. You've got an all-powerful bystander who's ability to influence the story is limited specifically because of that power. You've essentially wrote Shirou into such a corner his only role in the story is to be in it and give Fate a father. If you've got a character who's role is, in your own words, highly limited to begin with despite being one of the main characters, why bloat the cast and spend time writing that character to begin with when it could be spent on the characters that actually have an impact?

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Originally Posted by Lhklan View Post
Slice of Life. Basically no magic, no conflict, just every day life story.
Ahh, okay. Well, I do have some advice for you. The first thing and most important thing you need to figure out is who your pairing is. That'll give you your main characters, and in turn your supporting characters in the form of their friends and family. Once you have your characters, you can start building their interactions. Are they already together? If so, for how long and how serious are they? If not, will the story be about the process of them becoming a couple, or do they hook up near the beginning and go from there? From there, decide how you want their story to end. The journey from the start of the story to the destination will be your main plot thread. Your supporting cast are sort of like ripples in a pond that'll bounce off of the main relationship, influencing how it develops and even helping decide the bumps in the road that occur, and spin off their own side plots as the main relationship influences them as well.

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Originally Posted by NorthernFallout View Post
Ofc. I take that as granted.

I myself currently have 2 chapters (6000+7000) being beta'd now, and they have been for close to two weeks or more. The importance of this cannot be overstated.
Good man.
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Old 2013-04-08, 07:18   Link #37759
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*Looks at own fic* Dude, you're still better than me. My Nanoha fics on FFnet have 5 chapters and it's only around 10k words.
Eh, word count isn't that important. My current secret project will be my most qualitative one, but compared to, say, Xena or PhoenixFlare it's not too long... Well, I'm counting on 60.000 at least. At the pace I'm going it won't be done until 2014, though


Quote:
As for the beta... what's your stand on shipping? Have to get that out of the way first, less I offend you or something.
I have my reservations for shipping, but when it comes to beta/editing it doesn't matter. If you manage to offend me, you can congratulate yourself; that's a hard thing to do.
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Old 2013-04-08, 07:22   Link #37760
Lhklan
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Originally Posted by Kuroi Hadou View Post

Ahh, okay. Well, I do have some advice for you. The first thing and most important thing you need to figure out is who your pairing is. That'll give you your main characters, and in turn your supporting characters in the form of their friends and family. Once you have your characters, you can start building their interactions. Are they already together? If so, for how long and how series are they? If not, will the story be about the process of them becoming a couple, or do they hook up near the beginning and go from there? From there, decide how you want their story to end. The journey from the start of the story to the destination will be your main plot thread. Your supporting cast are sort of like ripples in a pond that'll bounce off of the main relationship, influencing how it develops and even helping decide the bumps in the road that occur, and spin off their own side plots as the main relationship influences them as well.
Thanks. I already have a pairing in mind (Given my track records, you should be able to figure out who and who), but it's the kinks in between that had me somewhat stumped (seeing as I've never been in a relationship in the first place. True facts )

I'm planning to have them hook up at the end, I think, since I have no idea where to go after that.

Thank you for your advice. I'll take it to heart.

@Northern.
Ah, okay. Thanks for answering. (Hopefully I won't offend you somehow. I can be really insensitive sometime, or so they say).
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