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Old 2013-04-12, 19:25   Link #37901
Filraen
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I'm curious nobody suggested Agito being the unison device Yuuno finds. As far as I understand this fic is set way before StrikerS.
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Old 2013-04-12, 19:38   Link #37902
Twi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bhl88 View Post
I just know that one on one battles are impossible with Nasuverse. Especially Archer.
I respectfully disagree.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kireen View Post
It's not like it's more difficult to handle than the nasuverse, and if you want to give it a shoot I'll gladly help out. I'll do it too, but it takes me forever to write something on my own.

Also for the Device, I like more the sound of Elysion, Elys for short.
In my case, i usually can't write something under 6,000 words a chapter and deeper personalities, histories, and names escape me for this series beyond the main characters, but we can give it a go for at least the first chapter and then make it a challenge for anyone who wants to follow up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Filraen View Post
I'm curious nobody suggested Agito being the unison device Yuuno finds. As far as I understand this fic is set way before StrikerS.
Agito is Signum's and is a known quantity. If the story gets to the StrikerS arc then it'll be a good conflict.
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Old 2013-04-12, 21:02   Link #37903
Lhklan
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Originally Posted by Twi View Post
I respectfully disagree.
I'm with Twi on this one. Archer VS Lancer, Archer VS Shirou, etc...

Hmm, well the story so far is good, but I think it's still a bit too abrupt. There should be a flashback or at the least a small mention of how Yuuno even knew about the site in the first place.
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Old 2013-04-12, 21:08   Link #37904
Twi
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He got it from the local legends of the non-administered planet?
Yuuno seems to be the type to like legends...

I can't say he's there on the TSAB's dime since it's going to be destroyed either way.
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Old 2013-04-12, 21:12   Link #37905
Lhklan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twi View Post
He got it from the local legends of the non-administered planet?
Yuuno seems to be the type to like legends...

I can't say he's there on the TSAB's dime since it's going to be destroyed either way.
True. How about this: While doing his routinely clean up of the Infinity Library (pre-StrikerS, so I don't think he's the Head yet), he ran into some interesting references. Since it's not 100% true, he can't call the TSAB, so he went there to investigate alone.
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Old 2013-04-12, 21:16   Link #37906
Twi
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I wanted Yuuno to be independent of the TSAB if possible. Besides, aren't non-admin worlds excluded from the library?
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Old 2013-04-12, 21:20   Link #37907
Lhklan
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^ He is independent. TSAB can't come in, remember?

Also, it's only a small reference. Something that other wouldn't notice anyway. For example, a ship lost in this particular section of space carrying many artifacts. Cross-referencing it reveal that it last location was in non-admin space.
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Old 2013-04-12, 22:17   Link #37908
MegaGalvatron
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Why is it that all these fanfic writers seem to have a hard-on for Yuuno? There are plenty of other Nanoha characters to include in a fanficn.
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Old 2013-04-12, 22:25   Link #37909
Lhklan
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Originally Posted by MegaGalvatron View Post
Why is it that all these fanfic writers seem to have a hard-on for Yuuno? There are plenty of other Nanoha characters to include in a fanficn.
Well, you can start changing that by proposing a fic idea yourself.

I have this idea - based on the novel Remembrance for A Certain Pilot - involving Vice. But I'm kinda stuck in a writer's block at the moment, so ...
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Old 2013-04-12, 22:28   Link #37910
Twi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MegaGalvatron View Post
Why is it that all these fanfic writers seem to have a hard-on for Yuuno? There are plenty of other Nanoha characters to include in a fanficn.
The number of Yuuno stories is far lower than just about any other main character. He's the only male who went from a main character to non-existent and a brief appearance in strikers, he's underestimated, etc.
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Old 2013-04-12, 22:50   Link #37911
ZeroXSEED
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MegaGalvatron View Post
Why is it that all these fanfic writers seem to have a hard-on for Yuuno? There are plenty of other Nanoha characters to include in a fanficn.
Such as Nanoha and Fate?

Joke aside, I'm trying to make a Alph and Zafira more relevant in my crossover, it's Dog Days, they're practically a wargod or something like that, considering the sheer difference of firepower.

Yeah, I knew, per rule of Spacebattles.com biggatons =/= good story, just saying it's plot relevant anyway.

Considering a certain Nanoha character is the planned bigbad...
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Old 2013-04-13, 04:02   Link #37912
Kireen
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Ok, so let's see how this works.

-First we have Yuuno, age between 10 to 18, not chief librarian yet, so I guess that his status is civilian collaborator or something among the lines.
-He's helping to sort out things in the library as a part time job(?), finds something that picks his interest about the possibility of some archeological location(Belkan Temple/important structure) in a Non-Administrated/Unabitated world. Decides to investigate taking a small pause from his actual occupation.
-Get's on the world(I'd suggest a mostly submerged one), sets a base camp and starts searching for his objective, finds it underwater and surrounded by a barrier, starts to explore it.
-Relatively easy trip to lower levels, with the exception of few traps. Yuuno's having a field day taking pictures and notes on what he's seeing during the trip.
-Eventually finds the main control room where he meets with Elys(Until another name gets confirmed i'll use thys name) in her adult form busy mantaining the barrier.
-Yuuno explains to the Device that the ones she was waiting for are problay dead since few hundreds of years, Elys starts to think that all the years she has waited where useless. Yuuno tries to confort her while looking around the room, and picking up few interesting things.
-Elys finally takes a decision and asks Yuuno to take her out with him, he accepts. Once the Device steps down from her position she collapse and shifts into her helper form(As big as Zwei and Agito in Strikers).
-With the main power supply gone(The Device should be quite powerful) that barrier around the temple fades, and with the secondary energy source damaged the defense system is activated. AMF in the lowest levels and Macithech constructs roaming around the halls. Yuuno needs to get to a certain level before he's able to teleport away.
-Yuuno fights his way while carrying the unconcious Deviceand what he managed to salvage from the room in which she found her.
-Once he gets back to his camp site he's attacked while he's trying to rest and apply first aid to his new companion. Too tired to fight back he decides to do an emergency teleport somewhere else.
-End of the chapter.

I'd also suggest that, since people aren't too eager to see Yuuno wth a Device, Elys shows ups some damages after waking up, ovetaxing her artificial linker-core caused problems to her main programming, so she's unable to unison(For the moment) and is mostly locked in her fairy like form with a significant power decrease. Getting into her adult form let her regain her full power, but gets a personality change due to an error, the adult form as a limiter installed that only Yuuno can disable(Ex Rumia style).

Also, helper form= long range shooting support, Adult form= strike arts and high power point black bombardments.

I'll also try to put down something, whoever finishes first PMs the other, but at the moment i'm kinda bust trying to make the nasuverse magic and the nanohaverse one working together without the nasuverse fans feasting with my guts, and the best idea i had for now was of making Gaia an Al-hazadian defense program gome wrong.
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Old 2013-04-13, 04:42   Link #37913
MeisterBabylon
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Yuuno is easy because by extension you can bring the Aces into your story if there is a need rather easily. He is also an easy character to write, too. Furthermore, he has almost no backstory attached. You could literally have him family members and 6th Rangers and stuff like that without breaking anything.

So Yuuno becoming a Commander Riker of Nanohaverse works rather well. So far, only the ardent fujoshi wants to erase him from clouding up their Nanofate fantasies.

Other men will depend on how you used them. For example, I once planned a fic centered around original characters depicting the Bureau has good guys being manipulated with evil higher-ups. I featured Tiida Lanster and Vice Granscenic as best buddies together with 2 original characters in this "good cop turned vigilante" flick, leveraging on the mysterious deaths of Lanster's parents by having them find evidence that Jail, who killed them, was on the payroll of someone in the Bureau. You know, the usual schtick about space fleet admirals being shadowy jackasses. In the end, the good guys get wiped out by the good guys of the Bureau after taking down the real bad guys, Vice only escaping because he chickened out after his sister got shot, and it ends with Teana learning of her brother's death at the hands of the criminal he was chasing.

Except, Tiida was that criminal he was officially chasing.

One of the rare phyrric victories I tried writing for Nanoha, which is made worse that I had to let some of the bad guys survive otherwise there'd be no StrikerS. Which was a good exercise in drama. And involves almost all men. Too bad I never finished it. XD
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Old 2013-04-13, 05:29   Link #37914
Filraen
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kireen View Post
Ok, so let's see how this works.

-First we have Yuuno, age between 10 to 18, not chief librarian yet, so I guess that his status is civilian collaborator or something among the lines.
-He's helping to sort out things in the library as a part time job(?), finds something that picks his interest about the possibility of some archeological location(Belkan Temple/important structure) in a Non-Administrated/Unabitated world. Decides to investigate taking a small pause from his actual occupation.
-Get's on the world(I'd suggest a mostly submerged one), sets a base camp and starts searching for his objective, finds it underwater and surrounded by a barrier, starts to explore it.
-Relatively easy trip to lower levels, with the exception of few traps. Yuuno's having a field day taking pictures and notes on what he's seeing during the trip.
-Eventually finds the main control room where he meets with Elys(Until another name gets confirmed i'll use thys name) in her adult form busy mantaining the barrier.
-Yuuno explains to the Device that the ones she was waiting for are problay dead since few hundreds of years, Elys starts to think that all the years she has waited where useless. Yuuno tries to confort her while looking around the room, and picking up few interesting things.
-Elys finally takes a decision and asks Yuuno to take her out with him, he accepts. Once the Device steps down from her position she collapse and shifts into her helper form(As big as Zwei and Agito in Strikers).
-With the main power supply gone(The Device should be quite powerful) that barrier around the temple fades, and with the secondary energy source damaged the defense system is activated. AMF in the lowest levels and Macithech constructs roaming around the halls. Yuuno needs to get to a certain level before he's able to teleport away.
-Yuuno fights his way while carrying the unconcious Deviceand what he managed to salvage from the room in which she found her.
-Once he gets back to his camp site he's attacked while he's trying to rest and apply first aid to his new companion. Too tired to fight back he decides to do an emergency teleport somewhere else.
-End of the chapter.

There are a few things I don't feel fit quite right:

- How Yuuno convinces Elys a few hundred years have passed? I can imagine whoever can stay in a place conciously mantaining the barrier must be (at least) a bit hard-headed.

- How Elys, being as powerful by keeping the barrier for 100s of years and probably pretending to keep it for 100s of years more, suddenly is depowered or damaged? (I'm not against the unison device being powerful or weak in particular, I'm just going for consistency)


Quote:
I'd also suggest that, since people aren't too eager to see Yuuno wth a Device, Elys shows ups some damages after waking up, ovetaxing her artificial linker-core caused problems to her main programming, so she's unable to unison(For the moment) and is mostly locked in her fairy like form with a significant power decrease. Getting into her adult form let her regain her full power, but gets a personality change due to an error, the adult form as a limiter installed that only Yuuno can disable(Ex Rumia style).

Also, helper form= long range shooting support, Adult form= strike arts and high power point black bombardments.

I'll also try to put down something, whoever finishes first PMs the other, but at the moment i'm kinda bust trying to make the nasuverse magic and the nanohaverse one working together without the nasuverse fans feasting with my guts, and the best idea i had for now was of making Gaia an Al-hazadian defense program gome wrong.
On Yuuno using a device or not, I think it's a more practical issue: he should have a support device like Steed to keep records and photos from his digs but not for combat (as he doesn't fight much); it's just that, for all the much or little power Elys would give him I think Elys would be more useful to Yuuno as an assistant than as unison device (so they don't unison much)
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Old 2013-04-13, 05:56   Link #37915
ZeroXSEED
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Yuuno become Chief Librarian at the age of 15, that is, A's epilogue.

On the issue of Elys as Unison Device, 100 years without proper maintenance probably left her with a lot of bug anyway. Set a scenario where she's forced to use more rigorous task, caused it to reach critical level and made the bug more apparent. Because of this, she can't even unison, and only gave limited support on anything until fixed.
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Old 2013-04-13, 06:18   Link #37916
Filraen
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But that won't be as much of a time. Yuuno would halt his dig (as he has an injured) and call a few favors to have Elys repaired ASAP. The next time Yuuno and Elys go to the field she'd be all well again.
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Old 2013-04-13, 06:23   Link #37917
Kireen
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Quote:
There are a few things I don't feel fit quite right:

- How Yuuno convinces Elys a few hundred years have passed? I can imagine whoever can stay in a place conciously mantaining the barrier must be (at least) a bit hard-headed.

- How Elys, being as powerful by keeping the barrier for 100s of years and probably pretending to keep it for 100s of years more, suddenly is depowered or damaged? (I'm not against the unison device being powerful or weak in particular, I'm just going for consistency)
Let's see...

-He can convice her by showing her some proof of his statements. I immagine that he carries with him something to take notes on his discoveries, and maybe some digital copies of text books to confront things, and by showing her that he can convnce her. He's also the first living being she sees in hundred of years, she might aready have had some suspicions, but she didn't have any means of confirming them without leaving.
-Lack of maintenance is a bitch, try to see what even few months of negligence can do to a PC. Also she's been keeping up things for a while, continuous use tends to worn things out.

Also replying to booth yout complaints we could Yuuno find her in a sort of half awake state connected to the site defense system as a source of power, so no proper concept of time, not completely aware of what happened and she had also been exploited for years without proper care.
Quote:
On Yuuno using a device or not, I think it's a more practical issue: he should have a support device like Steed to keep records and photos from his digs but not for combat (as he doesn't fight much); it's just that, for all the much or little power Elys would give him I think Elys would be more useful to Yuuno as an assistant than as unison device (so they don't unison much)
I'm just proposing, we're still ironing out things, and also he keep records and take photos without needing one, the point is that he'll eventually have to fight at some point, and another point is to not have the TSAB involved, in the beginning at least, so he'll need all the help he can get.

As i said we're just getting out some ideas to start off, so every suggestion and pointer is more than welcome.

EDIT:
Quote:
But that won't be as much of a time. Yuuno would halt his dig (as he has an injured) and call a few favors to have Elys repaired ASAP. The next time Yuuno and Elys go to the field she'd be all well again.
He'll also be on the run at the end of the chapter, so it will require some time to get things fixed, and he's supposedly distant from the TSAB support.
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Old 2013-04-13, 06:28   Link #37918
ZeroXSEED
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Indeed it is

They got... ah, displaced first, out of TSAB reach.
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Old 2013-04-13, 06:37   Link #37919
Kireen
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon View Post

Other men will depend on how you used them. For example, I once planned a fic centered around original characters depicting the Bureau has good guys being manipulated with evil higher-ups. I featured Tiida Lanster and Vice Granscenic as best buddies together with 2 original characters in this "good cop turned vigilante" flick, leveraging on the mysterious deaths of Lanster's parents by having them find evidence that Jail, who killed them, was on the payroll of someone in the Bureau. You know, the usual schtick about space fleet admirals being shadowy jackasses. In the end, the good guys get wiped out by the good guys of the Bureau after taking down the real bad guys, Vice only escaping because he chickened out after his sister got shot, and it ends with Teana learning of her brother's death at the hands of the criminal he was chasing.

Except, Tiida was that criminal he was officially chasing.

One of the rare phyrric victories I tried writing for Nanoha, which is made worse that I had to let some of the bad guys survive otherwise there'd be no StrikerS. Which was a good exercise in drama. And involves almost all men. Too bad I never finished it. XD
I'd really like to give it aread, if you have something written, can you give me a link?
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Old 2013-04-13, 09:54   Link #37920
Twi
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I'd suggest that Yuuno have a storage/utility device since Elys and the Lost Logia need to be sealed away to prevent further damage during the escape. It doesn't need to be an intelligence device. Yuuno is moderately informed about intelligence devices since he was one of the key factors in Reinforce Zwei's birth, so he should be able to figure something out, but he can't repair her.

The direction we're going is starting to diverge a bit and probably will once more we start writing. If I get the time, I'll start on something next week and post the rough draft up, but no promises.
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