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Old 2013-04-20, 04:09   Link #38141
Lhklan
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Uh, yeah. Starting a fic with praise about your OC is usually NOT a good way to do it.
And then there's the new dimensional power. TSAB have over 50 years and their forces got massacred? That they're unskilled and lack in technology? I'm calling BS. Not to mention, since this Rald Party opposed the Hybrid Weaponry project in the first place, why the fuck did they even keep them?
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Old 2013-04-20, 04:41   Link #38142
Kireen
Uchuu Kaizoku
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: From Italy
^ Yeah,I agree, it's not exactly the best start, and it's also mentioned in canon that the TSAB is short handed, they never said anything about them lacking skill and techology, but it's also true that we always saw things form the POW of a group of Aces.

I also have to say that the beginning is the carbon copy of AC Zero, and we just lack the presence of the Zergs and the Toss to make te situation of the CIDS really similar to that of the Dominion in SC.

Then again, it's just a prologue, so there isn't much I can say for now.
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Old 2013-04-20, 05:12   Link #38143
WarpObscura
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You know, I think this is the first time I've actually seen an attempt to Fusion Nanoha and Ace Combat, despite the obvious references?
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Old 2013-04-20, 05:27   Link #38144
Tiresias
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Quote:
Hybrid Weaponry, weapons and devices that incorporated both magic capabilities and the destructive power of mass weaponry.
I...don't see what's so special about this, really. I mean, the Bureau already had this in the form of the Arc-en-Ciel.
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Old 2013-04-20, 05:42   Link #38145
Kireen
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Originally Posted by WarpObscura View Post
You know, I think this is the first time I've actually seen an attempt to Fusion Nanoha and Ace Combat, despite the obvious references?
Me too, but I don't see that working too well even if there are Belkans in both of them.

How the hell do you befriend someone with missiles and a vulcan cannon...
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Old 2013-04-20, 07:09   Link #38146
Andarkoshi
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Originally Posted by Kireen View Post
Me too, but I don't see that working too well even if there are Belkans in both of them.

How the hell do you befriend someone with missiles and a vulcan cannon...
Terminally?

Though to be fair in Knight route the pilots who survived their encounters with the Demon Lord were rather impressed with him.
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Old 2013-04-20, 09:11   Link #38147
Akiyoshi
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Originally Posted by Tiresias View Post
I...don't see what's so special about this, really. I mean, the Bureau already had this in the form of the Arc-en-Ciel.
I thini the AEC-units and the 5th Gen devices are a better example o this. Or maybe Runessa's Silver Dagger is a more fit example than those two.

But the Arc-en-Ciel is debatable since it was mentioned the Esquad Huckebein can block an Ar-en-Cial blast ...i don't know how they could be able to do that if that weapon suppossedly can generate a physical effect.
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Old 2013-04-20, 09:57   Link #38148
Tiresias
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Originally Posted by Akiyoshi View Post
I thini the AEC-units and the 5th Gen devices are a better example o this.
...oh, right, that. Well if you're bringing stuff from that, I'm afraid I have nothing to comment...

Quote:
Or maybe Runessa's Silver Dagger is a more fit example than those two.
I thought it was just a handgun?
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Old 2013-04-20, 10:41   Link #38149
Lhklan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Akiyoshi View Post
I thini the AEC-units and the 5th Gen devices are a better example o this. Or maybe Runessa's Silver Dagger is a more fit example than those two.

But the Arc-en-Ciel is debatable since it was mentioned the Esquad Huckebein can block an Ar-en-Cial blast ...i don't know how they could be able to do that if that weapon suppossedly can generate a physical effect.
... Aki, if Force is canon in this story, then the chance of TSAB being caught in a situation like that is even harder to justify.

... Also, no comments? Tough crowd. Guess I'll try to crank up another snip.
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Old 2013-04-20, 11:07   Link #38150
Kireen
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^It's cause nobody gives a damn about Rossa.
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Old 2013-04-20, 13:32   Link #38151
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lhklan View Post
... Also, no comments? Tough crowd. Guess I'll try to crank up another snip.
It's a well written one, but I think the lack of knowledge about Verossa hurts it. We don't know much of anything about him and his known roles are negligible. It's like trying to write a snippet about one of the bridge bunnies.

But still, plenty of points for effort.
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Old 2013-04-20, 14:01   Link #38152
Lhklan
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Well, since as the space pirate said "nobody gives a damn about Rossa.", I'll go with Zafira this time.

Spoiler for 10 truths, Zafira:
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Old 2013-04-20, 15:31   Link #38153
TwoZeroTwo
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Cybernin: Part of me is like "Hi fellow new guy who's introducing a serious OC story onto this board! I, who am also doing the same thing will have your back!"

The other part of me is completely terrible at providing any comments that aren't "ha wow cool cant wait 2 see more". I guess reading the backstory, I'm like "sure, go ahead" and I'll wait for the first chapter to see how it goes. I'll just echo the statements that you've introduced a VERY powerful figure as the apparent protagonist, and all I can say to that is "Handle with care".

So for my story, so far there haven't really been any battles except between OCs, and of course it's kind of hard to screw up the attacks and fighting styles of those so I haven't really come here for any checking. However, in the next chapter, Fate is going to be fighting her way to her target, and I don't really want to butcher anything. The chapter's done, but I'm showing a bit of it here so that if something's terribly off, I don't just dump another one of my AACs on you. Again, this is just part of the chapter; for context, Fate is part of a TSAB raid to retrieve an artifact that pretty much the whole city's underground is trying to take, and she's pretty sure that her target is going to be there.

Spoiler for Bathory's Countdown Chapter 12 Excerpt:


I know it's not a huge battle, but of course the whole story is leading up to one of those. If you like battle scenes, I hope that I've done a good job with them - there's been one in like every chapter.
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Old 2013-04-20, 15:51   Link #38154
Kireen
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lhklan View Post
Well, since as the space pirate said "nobody gives a damn about Rossa.", I'll go with Zafira this time.

Spoiler for 10 truths, Zafira:
Said space pirate gives thumb up for the choice.

1-9: I don't know why but i have this strange immage of him and Jun Inoue from majikoi discussing about little girls being a treasure of humankind that should be watched from afar.

2-5: Nice VA joke XD, I also fear to know what these two can come up with.

3: I didn't get that...

6: I'm going to bet that Hayate forced him to dress up as a Kamin Rider and forced him to learn how to do it.

7: AWWWWWWWWW

8: Strange, I pictured him being not too fond of them, you know...cats...

10: Well, they are wolves, and I'm not even sure if familiar and guardina beasts can get married.

Another thing that I have to say is that i prefer a whole bunch of well made OCs than a single poor written canon character, it all depends on the writer.
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Old 2013-04-21, 05:35   Link #38155
Andarkoshi
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Just a silly little thing that crossed my mind


Spoiler for Imouto:
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Old 2013-04-21, 06:25   Link #38156
mega1987
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andarkoshi View Post
Just a silly little thing that crossed my mind

-snip-



MOAR STERN!!!!!!
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And I can't still make fanfic without restarting from the start when new ideas comes in...
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Old 2013-04-21, 11:28   Link #38157
vic-vic
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andarkoshi View Post
Just a silly little thing that crossed my mind


Spoiler for Imouto:
Indees Stern-chan, you claimed yourself a imouto... and such cute one.
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Old 2013-04-21, 12:19   Link #38158
Akiyoshi
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Poor Nanoha, i feel sorry for her, things never go her way ToT

At least that could explain her behavior towards the fowards and Vivio in StrikerS she wasn't able to fulfill her wish until she reached nineteen xDU
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Old 2013-04-21, 12:49   Link #38159
Andarkoshi
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You like it?

But yeah Nanoha has it rough. People constantly think that Stern is the older of the twins (the cover story is that Stern is Nanoha's twin sister who lived away till now)
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Old 2013-04-21, 12:53   Link #38160
Old_Iron
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andarkoshi View Post
You like it?

But yeah Nanoha has it rough. People constantly think that Stern is the older of the twins (the cover story is that Stern is Nanoha's twin sister who lived away till now)
We like it very much. It's quite adorable and poor Nanoha indeed.

"Imouto get" was the perfect one-liner for this. XD
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