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Old 2008-10-12, 21:19   Link #9901
RadiantBeam
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty View Post
Nanoha with guns as opposed to beamspam sounds rather scary. Befriending suddenly became a lot more dangerous >_>
That's one of the reasons I REALLY want to write it. Seriously. Just the image of Nanoha with a gun is awesome.
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Old 2008-10-12, 21:29   Link #9902
Sassy_Bread
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Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
Okay, let's take the Nanoha timeline and wind the clock back to about a year after A's, before Nanoha has her accident.

There's an incident with one of the TSAB's member worlds which calls for immediate intervention by TSA forces, and Nanoha and the gang go along for the ride with the crew of the Arthra, which gets called in to provide support for the main force. The mission turns into all-out war, and at some point during the confrontation, Nanoha comes face-to-face with the head honcho of the enemy forces while she, the other Aces, and the Ground Forces are engaging the enemy, who is in possession of a particularly nasty Lost Logia about on par with the Book of Darkness in power. The Admiral in charge of the TSAB's main forces panics and pulls out as many troops as he can, while Nanoha goes head-to-head with the guy in question to stall his usage of the Logia for a while. The other Aces and the Wolks successfully retreat from the battlefield, but the guy in charge doesn't wait for Nanoha to disengage, and hits her and the guy she's fighting with an Arc en Ciel, claiming Nanoha to be an "acceptable loss". The others in Nanoha's group disagree very violently, but that's besides the point.

The Arc en Ciel operates by creating a massive translocation field with no single set destination, basically destroying whatever it hits by scattering it over several dimensions. There is, however, an extraordinarily faint chance--as in trillions to one--of a target caught in the attack's area of effect coming through the attack in one piece and simply being shifted several dimensions over. This is what happens to Nanoha; the AeC misplaces her many dimensions away from her starting point, to a part of rural Japan on Earth, as it happens.

Nanoha awakens some time later--at the beginning of the story, with everything before now being spoken of in intermittent flashbacks--with her head somewhat scrambled (amnesia, if you prefer, but the point is she's not entirely mentally unharmed by her translocation), a body that aches everywhere, and a girl who looks kind of like Suzuka standing over her with a puzzled look on her face. The girl helps Nanoha sit up and get her bearings. The two introduce themselves and Nanoha begins asking questions, chiefly "Where am I, exactly?"

The girl smiles and says "You're at the Furude Shrine!"

"Furude...?"

"In Hinamizawa!"

*Cue Comartemis laughing maniacally in the background as he comes up with the most evil crossover since EvaXGouki's 'Nanoha x Evangelion' crossover, while the camera pans up to reveal the hilltop shot of the village of Hinamizawa and the words 'Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni' write themselves into the screen*

For those who do not comprehend the idea as presented thus far, the base concept is placing Nanoha in a situation where her magic is of little use and the bonds of friendship she forges with those around her are strained to and beyond the breaking point. To this end, the situation presented in Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni is perfect if Nanoha replaces Keichii as the main character, going through variations on the Question and Answer arcs. The plot is the same as in Higurashi and HNNKNK, but Nanoha presents a completely different character to take through the scenarios which will result in a completely different sequence of events leading up to the end of the series.

This is mainly a character driven fic, with the focus being on how Nanoha reacts when she and people she cares about are under the influence of Hinamizawa Syndrome. Befriending people the old fashioned way won't work against this kind of rampant paranoia, so Nanoha can't just smack people back into being friends like she usually does, forcing her to develop her people skills a little more, because let's face it: Nanoha may be the sweetest, most caring girl you've ever met, but she has all the social skills of a brick, and she's going to need more than magic to solve the mystery and break the time loop.
Hmmm...
I'm not one to be the person that SHOULD be giving out what I think...but...

I think that this seems very interesting. I like that fact that now you have Nanoha having to forget her way of "befriending" people (IMO, it's actually pretty annoying and pathetic) and having to work on her people skills. So, I kinda want to see how it turns out. Also, I want to see how Nanoha will fare without her magic.
I say you should go ahead with this idea.

Btw, would it be safe to post ideas that I cannot really develop due to circumstances such as college work? >.<;;
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Old 2008-10-12, 21:34   Link #9903
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I'm not sure where this came from, but I like it. A short on Vivio's first night sleeping alone in Nanoha and Fate's house.

Spoiler for Sleep:


EDIT:@ RadiantBeam: Best of luck writing, don't hold back due to uncertainty! We'll all be happy to give advice and suggestions so lay'm out ^^

Also, be sure to check out our chatroom, the link is under my signature ^^
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Old 2008-10-12, 22:19   Link #9904
Comartemis
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Quote:
I think that this seems very interesting. I like that fact that now you have Nanoha having to forget her way of "befriending" people (IMO, it's actually pretty annoying and pathetic) and having to work on her people skills. So, I kinda want to see how it turns out. Also, I want to see how Nanoha will fare without her magic.
It's not that Nanoha can't use magic, it's that it won't do her any good in this situation. What's a Starlight Breaker going to do to cure a psychotic Rena or Mion? At best, Nanoha will be able to protect herself when one of the others goes Level 5 and tries to off her, but when Nanoha is the one suffering from Hinamizawa Syndrome...

Does anyone have any talent with Photoshop? I want to see a screencap of Nanoha with Rena's "Oyashirou eyes" shopped on.
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Old 2008-10-12, 22:32   Link #9905
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
Okay, let's take the Nanoha timeline and wind the clock back to about a year after A's, before Nanoha has her accident.

There's an incident with one of the TSAB's member worlds which calls for immediate intervention by TSA forces, and Nanoha and the gang go along for the ride with the crew of the Arthra, which gets called in to provide support for the main force. The mission turns into all-out war, and at some point during the confrontation, Nanoha comes face-to-face with the head honcho of the enemy forces while she, the other Aces, and the Ground Forces are engaging the enemy, who is in possession of a particularly nasty Lost Logia about on par with the Book of Darkness in power. The Admiral in charge of the TSAB's main forces panics and pulls out as many troops as he can, while Nanoha goes head-to-head with the guy in question to stall his usage of the Logia for a while. The other Aces and the Wolks successfully retreat from the battlefield, but the guy in charge doesn't wait for Nanoha to disengage, and hits her and the guy she's fighting with an Arc en Ciel, claiming Nanoha to be an "acceptable loss". The others in Nanoha's group disagree very violently, but that's besides the point.

The Arc en Ciel operates by creating a massive translocation field with no single set destination, basically destroying whatever it hits by scattering it over several dimensions. There is, however, an extraordinarily faint chance--as in trillions to one--of a target caught in the attack's area of effect coming through the attack in one piece and simply being shifted several dimensions over. This is what happens to Nanoha; the AeC misplaces her many dimensions away from her starting point, to a part of rural Japan on Earth, as it happens.

Nanoha awakens some time later--at the beginning of the story, with everything before now being spoken of in intermittent flashbacks--with her head somewhat scrambled (amnesia, if you prefer, but the point is she's not entirely mentally unharmed by her translocation), a body that aches everywhere, and a girl who looks kind of like Suzuka standing over her with a puzzled look on her face. The girl helps Nanoha sit up and get her bearings. The two introduce themselves and Nanoha begins asking questions, chiefly "Where am I, exactly?"

The girl smiles and says "You're at the Furude Shrine!"

"Furude...?"

"In Hinamizawa!"

*Cue Comartemis laughing maniacally in the background as he comes up with the most evil crossover since EvaXGouki's 'Nanoha x Evangelion' crossover, while the camera pans up to reveal the hilltop shot of the village of Hinamizawa and the words 'Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni' write themselves into the screen*

For those who do not comprehend the idea as presented thus far, the base concept is placing Nanoha in a situation where her magic is of little use and the bonds of friendship she forges with those around her are strained to and beyond the breaking point. To this end, the situation presented in Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni is perfect if Nanoha replaces Keichii as the main character, going through variations on the Question and Answer arcs. The plot is the same as in Higurashi and HNNKNK, but Nanoha presents a completely different character to take through the scenarios which will result in a completely different sequence of events leading up to the end of the series.

This is mainly a character driven fic, with the focus being on how Nanoha reacts when she and people she cares about are under the influence of Hinamizawa Syndrome. Befriending people the old fashioned way won't work against this kind of rampant paranoia, so Nanoha can't just smack people back into being friends like she usually does, forcing her to develop her people skills a little more, because let's face it: Nanoha may be the sweetest, most caring girl you've ever met, but she has all the social skills of a brick, and she's going to need more than magic to solve the mystery and break the time loop.
I can only say that this definitely looks interesting. Nanoha would have some big shoes to fill in if she is replacing Keichii and it would be interesting to see how the plot develops with her as the main character. Go with it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
WHOO!

... *cough*

Anyway, here's one of them, however I only have the bare bones of it and some outlines of character relationships. This one is set post A's after Nanoha is injured, but with a different ending. Basically, in my version she still recovers but her body is so fragile from the trauma and the bloodloss that she can never fly again and she can never use magic; or she can, but it won't take much to push her over the edge and cause her body to collapse again, and if she fails a second time there's no sure bet they can save her.

Nanoha then expresses an interest (or an urge) to try and learn swordfighting like Kyouya and Miyuki, but again, her body is too fragile for it as swordfighting is mainly hand-to-hand combat and... well, yeah, she can't handle a lot of hits. In an attempt to help their daughter the Takamachi family send her to England where she is taken in by two childhood friends of Miyuki and Kyouya, Fiasse Crystera and Elise McGaren. Nanoha herself is taken in by Elise and trained in gun fighting, and the two live on as Fiasse's bodyguards.

Fast foward six years later (like A's). Nanoha is fifteen and quite happy, especially that Fiasse, despite dangerous conditions forcing her to do so, has hired Kyouya and Miyuki to help guard her as she is being attacked by an unseen enemy. However, this enemy has also attracted the attention of the Administration, and Nanoha never told anyone where she was going... thus setting her on a crash course with friends she hasn't seen in six years.

I'm aware of some plotholes and trying to figure them out right now. Also, yes, Fiasse is from the Triangle Heart game; Elise is a character from the OVA. I tweaked their backgrounds and whatnot a bit for the story, but here's what I have for them:

Elise: A serious, quiet woman the same age as Kyouya and Fiasse's bodyguard. She took Nanoha in and has been watching over her ever since. Despite her serious personality and strict rules she is in fact very loving to Nanoha and views her as a younger sister; when Nanoha was younger they used to go on motorcyle rides together to mimic the feeling of flying, though now Nanoha is old enough to do it herself. Elise is extremely protective of her friends and holds a special contempt for the Administration and magic in general; it is later revealed that as a child she was used in an experiment to create an "artifical mage" before the events of Project Fate. However, the idea backfired when Elise couldn't handle the overload of magic in her body and went beserk, attacking anything that moved and killing several people in the process. To this day she still harbors the magic in her body, though she keeps it severely under check. (This is a 'magical' spin on her original past in Triangle Heart, where she was responsible for the death of Nanoha's father)

Fiasse: A kind young woman who is only a few years older than Kyouya and principal of Crystera Music School in her mother's stead; however, she in in truth a mage and one of the last in an ancient line to use songs and chants to activate her attacks. Her device, Sweet Song, bears the form of a cross that she wears around her neck (I haven't figured out its final form yet, nor whether it's male or female; I know it calls her 'ma'am' and that's about it). Her attacks are mainly wind-based and vary in strength depending on how long the activation song/chant is; the longer the song, the more powerful and complex the attack. She has many of the shorter songs memorized, while the longer songs flow through her head naturally when she needs them most. It is speculated that this mystery person is targeting her because of the "forgotten song" of her kind; a song said to be capable of bringing back the dead and reversing time itself.

...

And that's it for the first one. Thoughts? Comments? Critiques?
Nanoha and guns? Yup, sounds interesting. Although she DOES realise that guns actually kill compared to her SLBs right? I think it would be good to know her complete reason for wanting to learn how to use guns though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
I'm not sure where this came from, but I like it. A short on Vivio's first night sleeping alone in Nanoha and Fate's house.

Spoiler for Sleep:


EDIT:@ RadiantBeam: Best of luck writing, don't hold back due to uncertainty! We'll all be happy to give advice and suggestions so lay'm out ^^

Also, be sure to check out our chatroom, the link is under my signature ^^
That was sweet, cute, nice and all of those other words for nice stuff put together.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
Does anyone have any talent with Photoshop? I want to see a screencap of Nanoha with Rena's "Oyashirou eyes" shopped on.
*raises hand slightly* That would actually be awesome to see though. *goes to look for some screencaps to put together*
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Old 2008-10-12, 22:45   Link #9906
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Unfortunately I am busy with other work at the moment, so this concept is a Plot Bunny that's up for adoption. Anyone who wants to use it can do so, so long as they give me a little credit for the base idea. I might get around to writing this one in the distant future if nobody else takes it, but that would be a long ways off.
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Old 2008-10-12, 22:45   Link #9907
Evil Rick
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
I'm not sure where this came from, but I like it. A short on Vivio's first night sleeping alone in Nanoha and Fate's house.

Spoiler for Sleep:


EDIT:@ RadiantBeam: Best of luck writing, don't hold back due to uncertainty! We'll all be happy to give advice and suggestions so lay'm out ^^

Also, be sure to check out our chatroom, the link is under my signature ^^
Oh, that was really cute, I lo9ve it, one of my favourites from you Satashi
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Old 2008-10-13, 02:36   Link #9908
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Hmmm...

Just wondering, may I also leave a plotbunny/ get some feedback for two very insistent ones I currently have that won't leave me alone even though I haven't actually written anything concrete for them yet?

Also... I was wondering if I could get some feedback for my current MGLN works. How do I do that? Just post the links here and see what kind of responses they get?
Hello! *waves* Welcome to the FFT!!! weeeee!! ^^ feel free to post any of your nanoha fics here. any pairing is welcome. join us in the chatroom if you can ^^ i read Stars and Thunder and i liked it. different from the usual style of writing i see around. i hope you enjoy your stay here.
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Old 2008-10-13, 03:14   Link #9909
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@RadiantBeam: As other has said, looks interesting and you got something there. Develop it more and go for it.

And this is a shout-out to the thread in general. FotR Chapter 9 is currently under Beta and will be released this week. I've also been working on...a trailer for an upcoming fic which I have to keep secret until further development.
Anyway, Ch 9 will be a pretty revealing chapter (I hope) and things will get more rough from now on...this is where it really starts.
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Old 2008-10-13, 05:29   Link #9910
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Thank you all. ^__^

Yeah, I knew pretty early on that the biggest problem with Nanoha handling a gun was that she'd also have to be prepared to use it to kill someone, unlike her magic. But my main idea was that using guns generally focuses on long-range attacks (since again, in this AU Nanoha's body is very fragile and can't handle much close combat). I know there are cases where a person loses their gun and is forced to fight, but in general they try to avoid it, and I figured it was a weapon that best fit Nanoha's state of body.

Still haven't figured out how everyone's gonna react when they see her, though.
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Old 2008-10-13, 06:06   Link #9911
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@_@ Even RadiantBeam is here?
*is awed by multitude of awesome writers* XD

I say go for it. But mixing magic and guns sounds a little weird, since there's already magical sniping and well, it can kill in a more gruesome manner.
There's also the question of Fate and Yuuno actually letting her go away for such an extended period of time. I don't think that they'll leave her alone even if they somehow blame themselves for her current situation of not being able to use magic.

I loved all the fics you've posted up, haven't got the time to actually review them though.(Continuation of Innocence, please! :P)

And I'm still a little confused over the sudden disappearance of the sequel to Wolf's Moonlight...


@Comartemis : It's... interesting, but again, sort of gruesome. I'm not a fan of killer loli shows, just magical loli shows. And why does Nanoha have to get to an crossover just in order to get 'people' skills? Isn't she just fine in StrikerS?
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Old 2008-10-13, 09:06   Link #9912
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@DigiGatou: I'm not really a fan of killer loli shows either, or the horror genre in general, but Higurashi caught my attention because of its' story and its' characters. And no, Nanoha's not "just fine" in StrikerS because when she has a problem she immediately goes for the beamrape instead of trying less violent solutions first.

"Nanoha gets people skills" is merely a byproduct of Nanoha going through the resets and watching her friends' problems spiral out of control over and over again while her usual methods of getting people to get along with each other often just make things worse.

There's a scene idea I have right at the tail end of the series when Nanoha comes face to face with the one behind all the murders. Having watched her friends die over and over again and now meeting the one responsible for all of that, Nanoha completely breaks down crying and sobbing in front of the villain even as she does her usual 'why are you doing this' shtick. When the villain retorts with a monologue on the ultimate goal of her evil schemes, Nanoha gets the White Devil Moment to end all White Devil Moments:

Nanoha: "This...."

*Images of Rena, Rika, Satoko, and the twins in happy times flash through her mind*

Nanoha: "This is....."

*Images of the shattered and broken bodies of those same friends replace the first set. Nanoha takes hold of RH and looks up at the villain*

Nanoha: "...unforgivable."

*The villain recoils as she meets Nanoha's eyes; her face has lost all trace of emotion, save for her eyes, which have contracted into Rena's trademark cat slit pupils. The scariest part here being that the villain knows she's not suffering from Higurashi Syndrome, so the eyes are not an illusion*

*Cue a long-awaited fight scene as Nanoha systematically beats the villain black and bloody, toying with her instead of taking the fight seriously and vaporizing her with one shot*
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Old 2008-10-13, 09:24   Link #9913
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Wow... so much new activity OO.

Well anyhoo welcome RadiantBeam hope you like it here and hope you don't mind crack .

Update on RebelS ch4 is about 90% written and 60% Typed up.

Edit: Fixed a little oppsies. I've been playing too much Fire Emblem and it got to my head =-=

Last edited by TheShinySword; 2008-10-13 at 10:15.
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Old 2008-10-13, 10:21   Link #9914
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A lot of people have done something or another about Nanoha when she was injured and hospitalized... But I wanted to do something slightly different. Not through Nanoha's eyes, but through Fate's. How she felt during this time, how she reacted....

I like this one, I hope you enjoy it too ^_^

Spoiler for Don't stop:
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Old 2008-10-13, 11:12   Link #9915
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
A lot of people have done something or another about Nanoha when she was injured and hospitalized... But I wanted to do something slightly different. Not through Nanoha's eyes, but through Fate's. How she felt during this time, how she reacted....

I like this one, I hope you enjoy it too ^_^

Spoiler for Don't stop:
i like it to have Fate involved in that, bit different to the quietly supporting Fate_s in many Nanoha's injured stories. Though can anyone recommend on fics that write along the reactions or recovery after the incident?

P/s: yay to my 2nd post here after weeks of 'trying' to click through threads and posts
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Old 2008-10-13, 11:28   Link #9916
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
A lot of people have done something or another about Nanoha when she was injured and hospitalized... But I wanted to do something slightly different. Not through Nanoha's eyes, but through Fate's. How she felt during this time, how she reacted....

I like this one, I hope you enjoy it too ^_^

Spoiler for Don't stop:
I like it ^^
Thanks for the short, it's good to read something from you now and then.

Cuídense y sigan sonriendo
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Old 2008-10-13, 12:24   Link #9917
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I return from BlizzCon!!

Getting up on stage in front of around 18,000 people plus the live DirecTV pay-per-view feed is a lot more unnerving than I thought it would be

-------------------------------------------------

Current standings for Divided Destiny:

A) IIII
B)
C) III
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Old 2008-10-13, 17:05   Link #9918
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...Life is suddenly injected into the thread, never a bad thing.

And RadiantBeam, welcome to the FFT *bows* please enjoy, post lots and forget your sanity at the door.
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Old 2008-10-13, 17:35   Link #9919
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
I'm not sure where this came from, but I like it. A short on Vivio's first night sleeping alone in Nanoha and Fate's house.

Spoiler for Sleep:
awww... Vivio is sooooo cuute.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
A lot of people have done something or another about Nanoha when she was injured and hospitalized... But I wanted to do something slightly different. Not through Nanoha's eyes, but through Fate's. How she felt during this time, how she reacted....

I like this one, I hope you enjoy it too ^_^

Spoiler for Don't stop:
I like it. ^^
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Old 2008-10-13, 17:51   Link #9920
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DigiGatou View Post
@_@ Even RadiantBeam is here?
*is awed by multitude of awesome writers* XD

I say go for it. But mixing magic and guns sounds a little weird, since there's already magical sniping and well, it can kill in a more gruesome manner.
There's also the question of Fate and Yuuno actually letting her go away for such an extended period of time. I don't think that they'll leave her alone even if they somehow blame themselves for her current situation of not being able to use magic.

I loved all the fics you've posted up, haven't got the time to actually review them though.(Continuation of Innocence, please! :P)
And I'm still a little confused over the sudden disappearance of the sequel to Wolf's Moonlight...
Hey there. XD

Yeah, the problem is Yuuno and Fate, especially since I can't figure out if they just decide to leave her alone themselves (somehow, I doubt that...) or if they're just never told where she went or what happened to her after she was released from the hospital. Both have plotholes, but I definitely know they don't know she can't do magic anymore. And magic-sniping... I hadn't thought of that.

And no worries, the Innocence plotbunny is harassing me. Very much so. So it'll be written sooner or later.

Yeah and, um, that kind of... crashed and burned.
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