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Old 2008-10-19, 21:03   Link #10141
Wild Goose
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Not only do you get a familliar (and oh the jokes you can make at his expense), but it also opens up things and more drama, and Nanoha will also have someone who understands what it's like to use magic (as opposed to Kyoya and Miyuki who have Training From Hell). Plus, there's no mana drain on Nanoha.

In fact I'd suggest entirely against a familliar. In her weakened state that you're writing, the familliar could either kill her or use up enough of her magic as to make her magically useless - a squib, if you like.
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Old 2008-10-19, 23:15   Link #10142
Laith
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Spoiler for The Wolf and The Girl pt 2:


TSS wins= gets Zafoha
Laith wins= gets to write Alicia
Everybody wins (cept BPHaru and VT) = Cause this is no Nanofate and the thread is updated
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Old 2008-10-19, 23:30   Link #10143
markesellus
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Laith View Post
Spoiler for The Wolf and The Girl pt 2:


TSS wins= gets Zafoha
Laith wins= gets to write Alicia
Everybody wins (cept BPHaru and VT) = Cause this is no Nanofate and the thread is updated
You really like Alicia don't you? Anyways, this looks interesting some HayaFate included. I wonder what's going to happen when Nanoha finds out that Zafira is a wolf and the guy in the picture.
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Old 2008-10-19, 23:38   Link #10144
Laith
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Quote:
Originally Posted by markesellus View Post
You really like Alicia don't you?
Whatever made you think that?/sarcasm. Its ´cause she is the original ya know?... yeah i wont talk like that never again.

Quote:
Anyways, this looks interesting some HayaFate included. I wonder what's going to happen when Nanoha finds out that Zafira is a wolf and the guy in the picture.
HayaFate... yeah hayafate. Cause there is no other pairing <= Forgot to write name.
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Old 2008-10-19, 23:43   Link #10145
Evil Rick
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Short chapter, but it includes a big revelation on the story plot


Revelation


Spoiler for Chapter 20:


Coming soon: Renders of Leviathan & Karil
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Old 2008-10-19, 23:52   Link #10146
BPHaru
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Laith View Post
Everybody wins (cept BPHaru and VT) = Cause this is no Nanofate
I'm happy with your Crossroads, so you don't have to worry about that, I'll be gladly waiting as long as necessary for your next chapter ^^
Also right now is kind of good to don't have more NanoFate to read, I'm reading at least one fic daily before going to sleep but my fic queue seems to be growing each day... I'm wondering if the recent explosion of activity in the Spanish communities was something good or bad... but I can't complain about the beautiful fics the people is writing there
BTW, I hope you liked our last doujin, Laith ^^

Cuídense y sigan sonriendo
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Old 2008-10-20, 02:23   Link #10147
markesellus
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil Rick View Post
Short chapter, but it includes a big revelation on the story plot


Revelation


Spoiler for Chapter 20:


Coming soon: Renders of Leviathan & Karil
Nanoha is scary. ;.; Anyways, I wonder who this Leviathan guy is...and what!? Vita has a sister? Hmmm, this just gets more and more interesting. Can't wait for that render of Karil (she's so cool!).
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Old 2008-10-20, 02:52   Link #10148
Advent000
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Heh, thank you. ^^ Everything worked out great, so now it's working again like a dream. I managed to get most of my lost songs back onto it, too. What a relief, since my music usually carries me through a story.

Now then... this is the prologue for my story, tentatively titled "Bless the Broken Road". If any of you recognize the song, you get a free Internet cookie. This is prior to the timeskip, so Nanoha is only eleven (since she got hurt after being in the TSAB for two years). I wrote this after rewriting my college essay three times for my father, so I'm a little fried right now.

Anyway...

Spoiler for Bless the Broken Road: Prologue:


On my end, the hardest thing about this was writing Elise and Fiasse, as I'm only familiar with their OVA selves and... yeah, the OVA's only 4 episodes long. I aso had a pretty rough time with Nanoha, but hopefully she isn't too OOC...
I've never seen the OVA, so I don't have anything to judge them by, and I thought that Nanoha was in Character.

Looking forward to chap 1.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil Rick View Post
Short chapter, but it includes a big revelation on the story plot


Revelation


Spoiler for Chapter 20:


Coming soon: Renders of Leviathan & Karil
I get the feeling that Karil and Vivio will soon see why Nanoha got the nickname "White Devil".

And Vita has a Sister theres a revelation and a half.
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Old 2008-10-20, 03:12   Link #10149
TerranReaper
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Spoiler for Chapter 3:
What should Nanoha, Fate, and Hayate do now?
A) Warn the citizens of Cranagan
B) Tell the incident to the top brass
C) Gather reinforcements and return to fight


Spoiler for Second story in planning.:
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Old 2008-10-20, 05:37   Link #10150
RadiantBeam
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Quote:
Originally Posted by markesellus View Post
Well this was good. Aww, Elise and Nanoha are so cute. I didn't think Nanoha was OoC. I kind of thought Elise was because of the way she acted in Triangle Heart. But she could have changed after the whole incident. Either way I'm liking it, and I'm glad Raising Heart is fixed.
Yeah... I willingly admit Elise is probably slightly OOC, if only because she's an OVA-only character and I only have four episodes to work with... I really winged it with her characterization, especially as far as her interaction with Nanoha goes. But I imagined she might have loosened up after meeting Kyouya and Miyuki again (at least in Triangle Heart), so... yeah.

And to be honest, I want to avoid Nanoha meeting up with any of her friends until the time-skip, if only for the angst factor. Maybe I'm lazy, but I feel that trying to put Yuuno into the mix early on would lose the point of Nanoha trying to find her own way and figuring out what she can do with only a limited amount of magic. Meh, maybe I'm over thinking it.
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Old 2008-10-20, 05:41   Link #10151
Hiria
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
you guys are funny :P

Nanoha looked at Vivio questingly. "What are you doing sweetie?"

"Taking pictures of my room to show my friends online."

The mother considered this. "Did you clean your room first?"

"Nope, too lazy." The teen took a picture and went about uploading them.

Nanoha smiled, ignoring the fact that the imag showed one of Vivio's bras hanging off the bed. Her daughter would learn the hard way to double check everything before showing her friends...

Spoiler for pics:
Oooohh. I like your room and office. ^^ and the Vivio fic too.
You have pleeeenty of posters. ^^

Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight of L-sama View Post
Me thinks this last pic has potential for answers... >.> <.< I vote for Satashi being a perfectly typical (albeit long-time merchandise hoarder) female with shoujo and shounen and spartan tastes in decorating. >.> You just don't strike me as being very male-y... >.>

Spoiler for Bedroom of Manhood:


^^ And you know, I think Satashi only keeps it a secret because we keep trying to guess like its such a big deal. It's a self-perpetuating cycle. XP

Edit: Although, the idea of plushies and what looks like alcohol being stored in the same place makes me giggle.

poor yunno! ahahahaha! xD xD
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Old 2008-10-20, 11:44   Link #10152
markesellus
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TerranReaper View Post
Spoiler for Chapter 3:
What should Nanoha, Fate, and Hayate do now?
A) Warn the citizens of Cranagan
B) Tell the incident to the top brass
C) Gather reinforcements and return to fight

Spoiler for Second story in planning.:
Much better, though, why are you writing like this?

Jake: blah blah *action*
Nanoha: beh blah *action

Why don't you just put it into a story-ish format like:

Jake tapped his foot impatiently and eyebrow twitched in irritation, "Very well, ask away but do not waste my time."

Well the story seems to be progressing quite fast and it looks like a bundle of trouble ahead. Anyways, do we vote with the color? B! Looking forward to your other story.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Yeah... I willingly admit Elise is probably slightly OOC, if only because she's an OVA-only character and I only have four episodes to work with... I really winged it with her characterization, especially as far as her interaction with Nanoha goes. But I imagined she might have loosened up after meeting Kyouya and Miyuki again (at least in Triangle Heart), so... yeah.

And to be honest, I want to avoid Nanoha meeting up with any of her friends until the time-skip, if only for the angst factor. Maybe I'm lazy, but I feel that trying to put Yuuno into the mix early on would lose the point of Nanoha trying to find her own way and figuring out what she can do with only a limited amount of magic. Meh, maybe I'm over thinking it.
Well that makes sense, I'm just used to Elise being all stiff. It's pretty funny actually. Angst factor? YES! We like angst..., plus it's more character development to see how Nanoha will be in the future (with guns!).
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Old 2008-10-20, 12:20   Link #10153
Satashi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by markesellus View Post
Much better, though, why are you writing like this?

Jake: blah blah *action*
Nanoha: beh blah *action

Why don't you just put it into a story-ish format like:

Jake tapped his foot impatiently and eyebrow twitched in irritation, "Very well, ask away but do not waste my time."
Script style instead of prose, I wrote my first few stories like that as well actually.
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio part 4:

Last edited by Satashi; 2008-10-20 at 12:59.
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Old 2008-10-20, 13:12   Link #10154
Tempy
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In my opinion, prose is far superior to script. While script format is easier to plan and direct dialogue, it's not very good in describing a story. I personally am not a fan of script format, as it seems like the lazy way to write dialogue.

Go the extra step and write prose. Not only is it smoother, but it shows the story.

Show, don't tell.
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Old 2008-10-20, 13:14   Link #10155
Sheba
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Too used to prose to even bother with script style. Oh, and I read too much De Maupassant in school.
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Old 2008-10-20, 13:22   Link #10156
Comartemis
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No, don't just show, really show. This is something most authors need to take to heart in their writing; one of the big differences between a good fic and a great one is how well the author draws the reader into the story. Satashi's a good writer, better than the vast majority of FF.net, but he doesn't set the scene and draw the reader in the way professional writers like, say, S'tar'kan, do with their works.

Satashi, I recommend that you--and everyone else here, for that matter--take a look at some of S'tar'kan's work, or find another author who writes like a professional and take a good, close look at the way they tell a story. I recommend Ginger Ninja, Lathis, Andrew Joshua Talon, and especially Charles Bhepin. Trust me on this, your writing can only improve by following these examples.
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Old 2008-10-20, 13:35   Link #10157
Wild Goose
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It also helps to actually read professional writers. WEB Griffin is a good starting point.
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Old 2008-10-20, 13:50   Link #10158
Comartemis
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S'tar'kan is professional, Goose. He does original work in addition to fanfiction and his profile page says he's trying to get some of it published. And even if the rest of the guys I mentioned don't actually write for a living, they could at least probably do a good job of faking it.

But if you're going to be technical about it then yes, you may as well read stuff by authors who actually write for a living. But all the guys I listed write novel-quality work that I, at least, would pay good money to read if we didn't have these pesky little copyright laws. Bhepin and Lathis are especially good with the fine details of describing a scene, something many writers--myself included--could use more work on.
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Old 2008-10-20, 13:56   Link #10159
Wild Goose
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I know, but I'm talking about in addition to the fanfic writers. Griffin is a good starting point as a professional writer to emulate; my style and how i write was influenced by him, though obviously not everyone is going to like the Brotherhood of War, Badge of Honor, The Corps or Presidential Agent books.
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Old 2008-10-20, 14:42   Link #10160
Evangelion Xgouki
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Current standings for Divided Destiny:

A) IIIIII
B)
C)

Approximately 3.25 hours remaining for votes.
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