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Old 2008-11-19, 18:19   Link #11101
Keroko
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Age: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miitan View Post
Well after lurking moar since about page 300 I thought I'd attempt to contribute something to the thread.

I got lured here originally by Satashi waxing lyrical about the wonders of this forum and this thread on Fanfiction.net (there's another story regarding how I found out about Satashi's fanfics ) and decided to investigate and since then I've spent many a day at work trawling the thread in search of new shiny things.

I'm not going to attempt a review of the last 250 pages so you can breathe a sigh of relief.

I also bring my first fanfic attempt ever.

It's a bit dark and probably cliched so be aware.

Spoiler for Loss:


If anyone wants to R&R it would be greatly appreciated, I don't think it's that good but it'd be nice to know what I can improve.
T_T Cute, adorable, and so very very sad.

Yummy drama is yummy. Yummy NanoVita drama is even more yummy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.43:
... And now I feel like punching someone bunnies, especially, especially since I can think of nine thousand four hundred and eighty eight for this to go wrong.

And maybe a handfull of ways for this to go right.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.44:
Huh. Well, what do you know. Option 'Syn gets pissed at girl and punches her in the face' won after all. And Vivio didn't look too pleased either... I have five bucks that say the office geek got touchy.
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Old 2008-11-19, 19:28   Link #11102
Evil Rick
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Netherrealm, thinking who to betray next...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for Previously:
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.44:
Bunny is kinda... strange... why she doesn't like Vivio?

Her trick doesn't work out very well but still... things can turn out bad at this point
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Old 2008-11-19, 19:34   Link #11103
DezoPenguin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil Rick View Post
Bunny is kinda... strange... why she doesn't like Vivio?

Her trick doesn't work out very well but still... things can turn out bad at this point
I'd say Bunny's problems with Vivio come from two sources:

(1) Pure jealousy. Vivio's a star, while Bunny is a stripper. Vivio's guest appearance, while great for the club, just shoved Bunny out of the spotlight and made her an afterthought at her own job. If you get right down to it, Vivio is everything Bunny aspires to be: someone who's made this sordid business into a genuine way to a decent life (that she's done it without having to fatally corrupt her basic decency and mental health is an added point that would just annoy Bunny more if she stopped to think about it).

(2) If that wasn't enough, the cutie that Bunny tried to pick up (i.e., Syn) turned out to be someone special to Vivio. Vivio not only gets the attention and the money, but the girl, too!
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Old 2008-11-19, 20:06   Link #11104
Evil Rick
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DezoPenguin View Post
I'd say Bunny's problems with Vivio come from two sources:

(1) Pure jealousy. Vivio's a star, while Bunny is a stripper. Vivio's guest appearance, while great for the club, just shoved Bunny out of the spotlight and made her an afterthought at her own job. If you get right down to it, Vivio is everything Bunny aspires to be: someone who's made this sordid business into a genuine way to a decent life (that she's done it without having to fatally corrupt her basic decency and mental health is an added point that would just annoy Bunny more if she stopped to think about it).

(2) If that wasn't enough, the cutie that Bunny tried to pick up (i.e., Syn) turned out to be someone special to Vivio. Vivio not only gets the attention and the money, but the girl, too!
Probably more of source 1
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Old 2008-11-19, 20:49   Link #11105
Evangelion Xgouki
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The crack...it just won't go away

Spoiler for Investigation, pt. 1:
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Last edited by Evangelion Xgouki; 2008-11-20 at 12:42.
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Old 2008-11-19, 20:53   Link #11106
DezoPenguin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
The crack...it just won't go away

Spoiler for Investigation:
Heh...you labeled it as "crack," so I expected a punchline...and instead I get questions! Plot! Cute little gag lines (I liked the part about Nanoha wondering about meeting an alternate version of herself "like in the movies.")!

Of course, more is requested...indeed, mandated!
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Old 2008-11-19, 21:48   Link #11107
Seraph42
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Join Date: Jul 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
The crack...it just won't go away

Spoiler for Investigation:
Quote:
Originally Posted by DezoPenguin View Post
Heh...you labeled it as "crack," so I expected a punchline...and instead I get questions! Plot! Cute little gag lines (I liked the part about Nanoha wondering about meeting an alternate version of herself "like in the movies.")!

Of course, more is requested...indeed, mandated!

Completely agreeing to this sattment
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Old 2008-11-19, 23:07   Link #11108
markesellus
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for Previously:
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.44:
Ouch. Let's hope Syn doesn't believe everything Bunny said. I wonder what happened with office guy. Though it's probably not good.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
The crack...it just won't go away

Spoiler for Investigation:
MBC! (must be continued!)
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Old 2008-11-19, 23:10   Link #11109
Ryand-Smith
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Sup FFT, I wanted to write something to keep me in the loop, so here is my fanish meta short series, and reviews..


To Evangelion Xgouki
Quote:
Originally Posted by Edited for promptness
CUT
Well done, so we have an Alternate Japan, with an alternate team, hell even as a short it s a very good job, I have a feeling of want, its the world we know, and yet are still drawn to.

To Militan
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cut For Editing
CUT
Nice job, I love to see how many looks at one incident that authors do, Each person has their own voice after all, and since we are all different persons, I find it wonderful that we all have our own tastes in writing.

PS Vivio! Mark 48. Holy shit this rabbit hole just goes deeper and deeper, now I can't say anything that hasn't been said, but my god it starts to read like Howard stern, and I like it, keep on with this subway, I want to see how deep we go into the world of adult entertainment.

Spoiler for Dedicated to the Chat room:


Test because I was bored, Tales from Fanfic Lounge, 12 mini stories in a different style, different characters/profiles to get a short story out of the way.
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Old 2008-11-20, 00:45   Link #11110
Hiria
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for Previously:
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.43:
Nice Vivio!!! XDXD

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for Previously:
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.44:
yay for Syn!!! That bunny girl deserved Syn's punch! I wonder what happened with Vivio and the office person. Maybe Vivio refused him or something... ^^
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Old 2008-11-20, 01:04   Link #11111
Evil Rick
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Netherrealm, thinking who to betray next...


Thunder Fist Marksellus

Spoiler for Chapter 24:


Renders

Spoiler for Marksellus:


Spoiler for Positron:
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Old 2008-11-20, 08:51   Link #11112
Kaix
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Some NanoFate fluff, post her injury so they're only 11... but hey, I thought it was cute. My first attempt at actual "romance", debating whether or not to put it on FF.net...

Inspired by Nickelback's song "I'd Come For You" from their new album Dark Horse.

Spoiler for Get High:


So, my friends and comrades... what's your ruling?
Aww... that was really nice. It's nice to just choose how to interpret the relationship between Nanoha and Fate, being either friendship or romantic, going overboard with neither.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DezoPenguin View Post
Time for plugging and blatant self-promotion! Just this minute I posted Chapter 1 of my new two-part Vivio story, so...go check it out. Pretty please? With cherries on top?

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4664010/1/

"Steel Wings"
Vivio finds that her greatest magical weakness is causing burdens both in battle and in her relationship with her mother.

I'm kind of fond of Vivio's "White Devil" moment from the opening scene, myself...it's weird, really; I'm really not that fond of Nanoha the character (my favorites are Fate, Vivio, and Vita, followed by a giant ball of "everybody else"), but I felt surprisingly kind towards her while writing this story.

I like it, it really caught the essence of the characters. The opening scene was funny at times, but I wasn't sure if I should laugh or keep a straight face. Vita's reaction gave it a big tint of actual seriousness to the whole White Devil joke. Vivio's fighting tactics stroked me as reckless at some points. I'd be surprised if she doesn't get in trouble in the nearby future.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DezoPenguin View Post
This little short just came to me in the shower.

Spoiler for What's in a Name, Anyway?:


Heh, we won't even get into Chrono's outfit (though I know it's a nod to his Triangle Heart characterization...).
Evil overlord in an RPG? That's a new image for Fate - included with lots of small minions running around.

Quote:
Originally Posted by markesellus View Post
Here have some (short) Christmas crack. (You might not get it unless you know some Harry Potter).
Spoiler for Fate's POV:
Hahaha. I laughed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for Previously:
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.44:
Awkward chapter ending. At least Vivio didn't catch Syn with Bunny to end in some sort of miunderstanding. But there's still too many places where this can turn out bad.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
The crack...it just won't go away

Spoiler for Investigation:
What is this? It can't just stop here... we suddenly have a mystery on our hands. Do continue please.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil Rick View Post


Thunder Fist Marksellus

Spoiler for Chapter 24:


Renders

Spoiler for Marksellus:


Spoiler for Positron:
The first part was really amusing. Thunder Fist Markesellus just comes out of nowhere and beats up Signum then goes away? Medallion? Zaphira gets transported to some weird place??? Awesome chapter.
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Old 2008-11-20, 08:52   Link #11113
Knight of L-sama
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:O Return from the beyond!!! NSFW but should be AS safe (actually, I think its everywhere safe depending on what part you're reading)

Epilogue to Feito No Hana, not hot off the press anymore, but still fresh and unedited. :3

Spoiler for FnH Epilogue- Hayate's Reaction and then some~:


.... Bugger. I'm too lazy to go back and put spaces between "paragraphs". Maybe later today. *yawn*
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Old 2008-11-20, 09:03   Link #11114
Satashi
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Spoiler for Previously:
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.45:
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Old 2008-11-20, 09:19   Link #11115
Keroko
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Syn hardly screw up that bad though, after all, Bunny tricked her into coming there. Syn did go back there for Vivio, not Bunny, and she did reject Bunny when she started getting touchy.

This isn't really that serious a problem. Bunny can't even talk herself out of this with a black eye blatantly proving Syn's point.
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Old 2008-11-20, 10:45   Link #11116
Evil Rick
Black Dragon
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Netherrealm, thinking who to betray next...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for Previously:
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.45:
Syn truly screwed up the things now O.o

Can't wait to the next chapter
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Old 2008-11-20, 11:22   Link #11117
Satashi
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Spoiler for Previously:
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.45:


I added to part 45 and changed the last line.
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Old 2008-11-20, 11:28   Link #11118
Evil Rick
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Netherrealm, thinking who to betray next...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for Previously:
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.45:


I added to part 45 and changed the last line.
I pic B... oh what the hell...

Give me A
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Old 2008-11-20, 12:22   Link #11119
Miitan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for Previously:
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.45:


I added to part 45 and changed the last line.
While B does seem tempting, my conscience is having a day off so I pick A
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Old 2008-11-20, 12:25   Link #11120
Master Kosa
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: There and there.
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
Spoiler for Previously:
Spoiler for PornStar!Vivio pt.45:


I added to part 45 and changed the last line.
Well I was afraid it will turn pretty awfull, but I'm glad it didn't. And yes, I want A.
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