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Old 2009-01-29, 20:24   Link #12261
Kaix
[. . .]
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Imaginary World no. 856
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShinySword View Post
Satashi: I accept!

Spoiler for Coffee Zarf:


Kalel and Riela are Chrono's twins for those who don't remember.
Zarf! Great! I read at first Vice instead of Vivio and really wondered why he kept following Zafira and why he was with Chrono's kids and not with Griffith. Made sense to see it was actually Vivio. It would have been too awkward for Zafira to act like that without external intervention however.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil Rick View Post

Spoiler for Opening theme: Eternal Darkness:


Spoiler for Chapter 5: Chase:


Spoiler for Ending theme: Once Upon a December:




Spoiler for Undead Ryder:
Wait, what? Vivio has only two fingers on her right hand? (completely forgot the small details from VK1, shame on me). Now, my only issue is, how did she manage to kill the Bag? I looked back at the events, in the drawings she was holding the axe in her right hand and even looked as if she had all five fingers. Even assuming she has her thumb and pointer finger, it looks insane for her to still be this effective. It just feels awkward that this gets mentioned just now, after we see how incredible Vivio still is after all these years. Not sure what you should do about it however.
Spoiler for chapter 5 typos:


Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
not time to really do anything meaningful, so I present you with chibi Vivio funny moments.
Spoiler for At the zoo:

Spoiler for aaaand a small prequel to my short:


That's all for now
The hilarities that the innocence of small children can cause. And Vivio probably doesn't even understand what she did wrong.

Edit: Page claim for all the pages that haven't been claimed in a while.
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Old 2009-01-29, 22:32   Link #12262
Satashi
Vividly Vivio
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BPHaru View Post

Yeah! I knew it!!
What did I won?
:3


The fic isn't about a beetle xD But I think the atmosphere that scene transmit was great to set up the story. At least the author got my attention with her beautiful description of the scene, and I'm not an author, but I think she writes very, very well ^^
Thanks for giving it a chance, Sa-nyan, I didn't expect you to take your time doing that since you have always said that you prefer to write rather than to read (and it's not that me, as your reader, will be complaining for that xD).

Cuídense y sigan sonriendo
"What did I win" not won :3

I don't like reading 'cause my mind picks it apart too much. Thinking "I'd rather this happen" or something like that. Makes it not really enjoyable for me.
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Old 2009-01-30, 00:27   Link #12263
Evil Rick
Black Dragon
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Netherrealm, thinking who to betray next...
Quote:
Originally Posted by spawnofthejudge View Post
Hi guys; happy to join you all in this; I've read DezoPenguin's fics and a few of Satashi's over at fanfiction.net. DezoPenguin pointed me over here when I was petulant about his silence on his Vivio set over there recently.

So here I am.
Welcome to the club!

Enjoy your stay, ask anything if you need to

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kai the Reaper View Post
Wait, what? Vivio has only two fingers on her right hand? (completely forgot the small details from VK1, shame on me). Now, my only issue is, how did she manage to kill the Bag? I looked back at the events, in the drawings she was holding the axe in her right hand and even looked as if she had all five fingers. Even assuming she has her thumb and pointer finger, it looks insane for her to still be this effective. It just feels awkward that this gets mentioned just now, after we see how incredible Vivio still is after all these years. Not sure what you should do about it however.
Spoiler for chapter 5 typos:
Ahhhh... but here comes the detail my friend, in the event you never see Vivio's right hand open, do you? The fact that Abomination cut Vivio's fingers doesn't means that the fingers were cut since the palm, in other words, something like half of the fingers were cut.

Now, Vivio had been cultivating vegetables all this time, she has been forced to use objects like spades and hackles with only 2 fingers in the right hand, which mean that she get used to it (that's why she could use the Axe against the Bag so easy) but in the other hand, she has not used a gun in 10 years.
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Old 2009-01-30, 00:32   Link #12264
Kaix
[. . .]
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Imaginary World no. 856
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil Rick View Post
Ahhhh... but here comes the detail my friend, in the event you never see Vivio's right hand open, do you? The fact that Abomination cut Vivio's fingers doesn't means that the fingers were cut since the palm, in other words, something like half of the fingers were cut.

Now, Vivio had been cultivating vegetables all this time, she has been forced to use objects like spades and hackles with only 2 fingers in the right hand, which mean that she get used to it (that's why she could use the Axe against the Bag so easy) but in the other hand, she has not used a gun in 10 years.
For a while I though her just fingers grew back on. Ah, that manages to make sense now. I should give more attention to details from now on. Thanks for the explanation.
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Old 2009-01-30, 00:39   Link #12265
Evil Rick
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kai the Reaper View Post
For a while I though her just fingers grew back on. Ah, that manages to make sense now. I should give more attention to details from now on. Thanks for the explanation.
I's actually my fault, I should explain all this since chapter 1 O.o
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Old 2009-01-30, 00:48   Link #12266
DezoPenguin
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Join Date: Oct 2008
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Brand spanking new one-shot!

(To be snarky: while it doesn't have a damn thing to do with the plot, there's NanoFate lurking all over the place in the background, so if the concept gives you hives or something, just pass on by, thank you?)


"It was just a simple errand. Pick up Fate's car from the mechanic. So why does Nanoha find herself at the center of four hostile mages?"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
I don't like reading 'cause my mind picks it apart too much. Thinking "I'd rather this happen" or something like that. Makes it not really enjoyable for me.
It's funny you should mention that, because it's exactly how I came up with the idea for this story:

Spoiler for How I thought of this one.:

Last edited by DezoPenguin; 2009-01-30 at 01:21. Reason: Toned down the snarkiness slightly.
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Old 2009-01-30, 01:05   Link #12267
Raging Heart
Lightning Devil
 
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: where sky blue
Age: 31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BPHaru View Post
Wow, you're updating very fast, I hope that I can keep up with your pace.

Time for some constructive criticism: my English is far to be perfect, but I think you're making many typos per chapter, so maybe you can try checking them before uploading the chapters here if you can update this often. A concurrent mistake that you're doing is using "there" instead of "their" ("there" denotes a place, while "their" denotes belongings). Also, I think you're repeating the character's name too much, maybe it would be better if you replace them more often with pronouns or adjectives + nouns.

And as a random note: thanks to your fic I just learned what "wove" means o_O


Cuídense y sigan sonriendo
thanks for replaying BP Haru.
i do know i have gammer mistakes, i need to work on it, as i said before english is my second language. about repeating the name, i will make sure i never do that again, i will work with your advice.

lolz i know it's sound strange about Wove, but i read it before in a fiction, so it kinda stuck in my mind somewhere else.

speaking of which there a side of Haruko that Chikane will learn about it soon.
if you notice something my character Haruko that sounds... what to see scary or something else, or even anything else, feel free to tell me.
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Old 2009-01-30, 01:16   Link #12268
Kaix
[. . .]
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Imaginary World no. 856
Quote:
Originally Posted by DezoPenguin View Post
Brand spanking new one-shot!

(To be snarky: while it doesn't have a damn thing to do with the plot, there's NanoFate lurking all over the place in the background, so if the concept gives you hives or something, just pass on by, thank you?)


"It was just a simple errand. Pick up Fate's car from the mechanic. So why does Nanoha find herself at the center of four hostile mages?"



It's funny you should mention that, because it's exactly how I came up with the idea for this story:

Spoiler for How I thought of this one.:
I'll say, that was great! I'm still laughing from the whole incident. Raising Heart's reaction was pure gold at the end of the conflict. Nanoha's reputation really makes a mess out of things.

Oh, your link's broken by the way, it insists on taking us to an non-existing page.
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Old 2009-01-30, 01:24   Link #12269
DezoPenguin
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Join Date: Oct 2008
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Age: 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kai the Reaper View Post
I'll say, that was great! I'm still laughing from the whole incident. Raising Heart's reaction was pure gold at the end of the conflict. Nanoha's reputation really makes a mess out of things.

Oh, your link's broken by the way, it insists on taking us to an non-existing page.


Fixed!



Glad you liked Raising Heart, btw. When I gave the draft to my wife for proofreading, that line was the first one on a page. So she'd just gotten finished laughing at the mage's reaction, then turned the page and nearly fell off the couch.
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Old 2009-01-30, 01:46   Link #12270
Seraph42
Too much Caffine
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Under your Bed
Age: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by DezoPenguin View Post
Brand spanking new one-shot!

(To be snarky: while it doesn't have a damn thing to do with the plot, there's NanoFate lurking all over the place in the background, so if the concept gives you hives or something, just pass on by, thank you?)


"It was just a simple errand. Pick up Fate's car from the mechanic. So why does Nanoha find herself at the center of four hostile mages?"



It's funny you should mention that, because it's exactly how I came up with the idea for this story:

Spoiler for How I thought of this one.:
Lol! TEH WHITE DEVIL strikes again
RH's replay was priceless
Also for some reason I've got Nanoha using her "I guess I'll cool your head down a bit" line on the mechanics
... and Fate for laughing at her too much of course that will probably lead to mature content
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Old 2009-01-30, 02:27   Link #12271
itanshi1
Writer, Jester, MtG nerd
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Nanoha Used Car Dealership. RERISE!
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Yeah, like white stuff spraying everywhere... milk milk from her nose

Anyways, great short there.

Meh, here's chapter 2. Past Chapters/OC profiles.

fixed continuity error
Spoiler for Animist and the Anarchist Chapter 2:
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Last edited by itanshi1; 2009-01-30 at 13:34.
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Old 2009-01-30, 03:08   Link #12272
Raging Heart
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Quote:
Originally Posted by itanshi1 View Post
Yeah, like white stuff spraying everywhere... milk milk from her nose

Anyways, great short there.

Meh, here's chapter 2. Past Chapters/OC profiles.

Spoiler for Animist and the Anarchist Chapter 2:


"whack a mole."

Vita doing well kicking students' butts, about the characters; Hana seemed to be nice girl but Fury not.

oh my was Fury hitting on Fate, now that

lets see how Nanoha will act now, i can't wait for update.
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Old 2009-01-30, 03:29   Link #12273
itanshi1
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Not eh? wonder what you mean by that, crafting is delicate sometimes. ty for the review.

All i saw was fury making them late to practice, but that's just a character flaw. She is careless and passionate :P so very Red aligned MtG wise.
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Fear Anxiety Doubt is but a fad. The life of a fad depends entirely on the willingness to support it. Difficulty is a choice. Determination is a path. Your next great idea after your destination is the true goal.
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Old 2009-01-30, 04:00   Link #12274
MeisterBabylon
~ Ping For Effect ~
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: The Golden Throne
Age: 28
You using Planeswalkers to represent your OCs have me h4xx senses tingling... But I guess it's just representation. Just shooting $0.02.
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Old 2009-01-30, 04:01   Link #12275
itanshi1
Writer, Jester, MtG nerd
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Nanoha Used Car Dealership. RERISE!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AtomicoX View Post
They have been added to the wiki.
I'm planning on letting people PM me when the Wiki is released so I can add or change whatever they please.
looks like a great enterprise. i thought about doing this myself. I am so realizing late that was posted so long ago. wow

Quote:
Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon View Post
You using Planeswalkers to represent your OCs have me h4xx senses tingling... But I guess it's just representation. Just shooting $0.02.
go for it, i can help you if you need it ^_^. I actually have the full card art done with abilities etc.

Oh, for funnies, an abandoned story featuring MtG planeswalkers. (i did have 5 total)
Spoiler for Melancholy:


Spoiler for Puncture Bolt:


Spoiler for Orn's Mind Reading:
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For those that belittle their favorite characters, complain about pairings, complain about oversexed images. Stop, thank you.

Fear Anxiety Doubt is but a fad. The life of a fad depends entirely on the willingness to support it. Difficulty is a choice. Determination is a path. Your next great idea after your destination is the true goal.

Last edited by itanshi1; 2009-01-30 at 05:12. Reason: adding more content to the post here
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Old 2009-01-30, 04:09   Link #12276
Raging Heart
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Join Date: May 2008
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Hey everyone, i have to say something here.

Crossing Hearts Part five may be up tonight or tomorrow.

i have to go out for few hours with friendsl BBQ outside at park-beach, that mean no laptop, well i will have to take pen and notebook with me and start writing there.

speaking of writing, i have a little suprise, And BP Haru you may like this one, i think.
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Old 2009-01-30, 04:39   Link #12277
TerranReaper
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Spoiler for KOTR 24:

Bah, I finally get to use the com after so long in exile.
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Old 2009-01-30, 05:13   Link #12278
itanshi1
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Spoiler for Teana's plan.:


ran out of room woo
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For those that belittle their favorite characters, complain about pairings, complain about oversexed images. Stop, thank you.

Fear Anxiety Doubt is but a fad. The life of a fad depends entirely on the willingness to support it. Difficulty is a choice. Determination is a path. Your next great idea after your destination is the true goal.

Last edited by itanshi1; 2009-01-30 at 05:58.
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Old 2009-01-30, 05:58   Link #12279
itanshi1
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Spoiler for Black Days and Red Nights. (abandoned story, mtg crossover, nsfw for violence mostly):


Guess i ran out of room, heh so yeah that part is much more violent and takes place some unknown time after the others.
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For those that belittle their favorite characters, complain about pairings, complain about oversexed images. Stop, thank you.

Fear Anxiety Doubt is but a fad. The life of a fad depends entirely on the willingness to support it. Difficulty is a choice. Determination is a path. Your next great idea after your destination is the true goal.
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Old 2009-01-30, 06:48   Link #12280
Advent000
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by itanshi1 View Post
Spoiler for Black Days and Red Nights. (abandoned story, mtg crossover, nsfw for violence mostly):


Guess i ran out of room, heh so yeah that part is much more violent and takes place some unknown time after the others.
Very interesting, pity its abandoned.
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