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Old 2009-09-23, 14:17   Link #16121
itanshi1
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Hmm, I guess I tend to take the musical aspect in. Tempo etc. So, to me, the tight-fisted aspect translate to me as heavy metal. This can work for some, but I'm a fan of dissonance before heavy metal. Fanfiction to me has a lot of things to offer musically. It bends and wanes as the scenes build and collapse.

Another thing, if the jargon goes over a person's head, the reading becomes even more arrested and slower than I think you intend.
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Old 2009-09-23, 14:34   Link #16122
AdmiralTigerclaw
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Nah, no insane jargon. But I have some electrical engineering training (Satcom) So when I actually say some of this stuff, I actually know what I'm talking about.

Barring that, I'll either explain it in the context of the story, or word it so you get an idea what it does.

If you're at the point where you can't even tell what an Aperture is, you're vocabulary is severely lacking.
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Old 2009-09-23, 14:37   Link #16123
itanshi1
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That may be, but then there is the issue of intended audience. I'm not sure how many engineers will be reading and reviewing this :/
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Old 2009-09-23, 14:45   Link #16124
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ATC keeps most of his stuff relatively light on the jargon. Sure, there is plenty of it, but most of it falls in the 'anyone can figure it out' category.

After that it mostly comes down to taste. Do you like Nanoha going deeper down the military route and tacking on a more realistic edge? Do you like seeing the forwards meeting face to face with how a real military acts? Do you like seeing a decent amount of jargon?

Of course, sometimes ATC goes milcrack and comes up with the craziest ideas to make whatever happens on the screen scientifically viable or introduce crazy new kinds of magitech. Nine out of ten times the stuff goes *whoosh* over my head, but sometimes there's some stuff I find worth stealing using.
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Old 2009-09-23, 14:48   Link #16125
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You're letting the word Engineering Scare you.

Don't do that.

One has to remember that people aren't stupid. They're actually smarter then you'd give them credit for. A lot of a person's audience can actually be insulted when the author starts treating the audience like a bunch of uninteligent hobos.

"Sonar Pulse Mapper, and the Magic Ranging Pulse Aperture"
is not technical manual stuff.


Some people may not know what something means, but intelligent people can figure it out in context quite easily.

Can you honestly say that all but the most illiterate won't be able to understand what a Sonar Pulse MAPPER does?

For things like earlier in the Chapter involving Spread Spectrum sensors, that would be borderline engineer-only knowledge. But it would be no more confusing than Star Trek technobabble talking about inverting the tachyon flux of the delfector dish. (They did some techno thing to the deflector dish...)

And while complicated, showing them through context, or flat out saying 'It's an expensive sensor' or things of that nature tend to help assist the point and help with immersion.

People aren't stupid. You can afford to confuse them slightly, and if you stick the right clues in, they'll catch on and understand it... sometimes faster than catching on to the legitimate methods of people being trained in that field.

At the worst, the reader will just go 'oh, some bit of technology'. By the time they think about that, you're off down the page on some other topic.
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Old 2009-09-23, 14:49   Link #16126
itanshi1
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Guess that's sums it up. Spose I was getting at things already gotten at, just goes to show how noob I am to his works. :P

Ah ATC posted between Keroko and I, so I edit. I said that the jargon could aid the arrest and slow down. I'm still wondering about the need for arrest and slow down, not as much the jargon by itself.

Although you compared a tv show to fanfiction. I wonder about that, too, hmm.
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Old 2009-09-23, 17:26   Link #16127
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Ehh. Cross posting here for anyone that cares.

So I wrote this in as a way of jumpstarting my brain to write more. I should have Gospel done by the end of the month.

In any case...

Spoiler for a bedtime story:
Spoiler for Notes:
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Old 2009-09-23, 17:34   Link #16128
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty View Post
Ehh. Cross posting here for anyone that cares.

So I wrote this in as a way of jumpstarting my brain to write more. I should have Gospel done by the end of the month.

In any case...

Spoiler for a bedtime story:
Spoiler for Notes:
Good, but... sad, in a way. Very sad. Still a damn good story, though.
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Old 2009-09-23, 19:28   Link #16129
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Just a little add on to "Hayate". Just a final scene. Arf/Zafira.

Spoiler for Hayate - Final Scene:


Previously

Spoiler for Notes:
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Old 2009-09-23, 19:31   Link #16130
Rising Dragon
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Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Just a little add on to "Hayate". Just a final scene. Arf/Zafira.

Spoiler for Hayate - Final Scene:


Previously

Spoiler for Notes:
Look! Puppy love!

*SHOT*
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Old 2009-09-23, 19:39   Link #16131
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty View Post
Ehh. Cross posting here for anyone that cares.

So I wrote this in as a way of jumpstarting my brain to write more. I should have Gospel done by the end of the month.

In any case...

Spoiler for a bedtime story:
Spoiler for Notes:
Crack for you (and everyone else)

Spoiler for Bedtime.... story?:


Spoiler for Notes:
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Old 2009-09-23, 19:53   Link #16132
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Originally Posted by TheShinySword View Post
Crack for you (and everyone else)

Spoiler for Bedtime.... story?:


Spoiler for Notes:
More crack!

Spoiler for Remember what Vivio's like!:
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Old 2009-09-23, 20:20   Link #16133
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Originally Posted by DezoPenguin View Post
More crack!

Spoiler for Remember what Vivio's like!:
I feel Syn's pain. I really, truly do.
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Old 2009-09-23, 21:22   Link #16134
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"Vivio?"

"Hm?" Vivio's soft hum let Syn know that she was still awake. shifting lightly in their bed, she looked up from Syn's shoulder and to her eyes. "What is it?"

"...If I'm ever replaced by canon characters and overshadowed by your loli pantyshots that make everyone forget about me... will you still love me?"

Vivio smiled to herself and draped an arm around Syn's stomach. "Don't ask silly questions, Syn. I'll always love you, and you'll always be above everyone else." Placing a small kiss on the girl's neck, she cuddled up and closed her eyes.
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Old 2009-09-23, 21:29   Link #16135
SulliMike23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
"Vivio?"

"Hm?" Vivio's soft hum let Syn know that she was still awake. shifting lightly in their bed, she looked up from Syn's shoulder and to her eyes. "What is it?"

"...If I'm ever replaced by canon characters and overshadowed by your loli pantyshots that make everyone forget about me... will you still love me?"

Vivio smiled to herself and draped an arm around Syn's stomach. "Don't ask silly questions, Syn. I'll always love you, and you'll always be above everyone else." Placing a small kiss on the girl's neck, she cuddled up and closed her eyes.
Aww...buck up Syn, you know Vivio's the only gal for you. Just out of curiosity, Satashi, why did you have Syn ask that?
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Old 2009-09-23, 21:46   Link #16136
TheShinySword
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Because Syn's being replaced by canon characters and overshadowed by Vivio's loli pantyshots. (She is an OC after all)
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Old 2009-09-23, 21:55   Link #16137
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShinySword View Post
Because Syn's being replaced by canon characters and overshadowed by Vivio's loli pantyshots. (She is an OC after all)
That a fact?
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Old 2009-09-23, 21:56   Link #16138
RadiantBeam
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That a fact?
Yes, sadly, it is.
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Old 2009-09-23, 22:44   Link #16139
Evil Rick
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
"Vivio?"

"Hm?" Vivio's soft hum let Syn know that she was still awake. shifting lightly in their bed, she looked up from Syn's shoulder and to her eyes. "What is it?"

"...If I'm ever replaced by canon characters and overshadowed by your loli pantyshots that make everyone forget about me... will you still love me?"

Vivio smiled to herself and draped an arm around Syn's stomach. "Don't ask silly questions, Syn. I'll always love you, and you'll always be above everyone else." Placing a small kiss on the girl's neck, she cuddled up and closed her eyes.
loli pantyshots?

Quick! Someone bring Pornstar!Vivio with a season 2! O.o
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Old 2009-09-24, 02:55   Link #16140
Keroko
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Originally Posted by SulliMike23 View Post
That a fact?
Well, I should note that Syn was always created with the intent to have them be a NanoFate-like 'suggestive couple' (though a tad lighter on the fanservice). So unless we get a clear 'I love you' from Einhart, nothing should change on my part where Vivio/Syn is concerned.

Heck, even if we do get a yes nothing is going to change for me. They'd still be best friends.

I'm working on the Vivid Syn, but my current school has crappy rosters and doesn't really give a lot of time to work on stuff. And considering I'm also working on that 'Hayate-mama' piece I promised a while back...

Anyway, expect a full rebuilt on Syn's magical combat. A custom build close-combat device on her feet, and a fighting style more designed around the Strike Arts, but more focus on feetwork. Syn is going to be a heavy kicker.

Oh, and one more thing:

Spoiler for It's the little things...:
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