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Old 2009-11-18, 02:24   Link #19301
Tempy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Knight Gafgar View Post
And what if someone spiked the spiked punch?
Reitaisai.

But enough Touhou talk. This place is about Nanoha fanfiction.
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Old 2009-11-18, 04:33   Link #19302
Dark Knight Gafgar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty View Post
But enough Touhou talk. This place is about Nanoha fanfiction.
Righto then.

Spoiler for An Unbeatable Weapon:
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Old 2009-11-18, 08:00   Link #19303
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Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
Hmm, there's gotta be room for a Nanohayate fic in that.
DO NOT TELL ME THIS DURING NANO!

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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
I talked to Dezo a few days ago and currently he's steering clear of AS for a few days. I don't know when he'll come back.


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Originally Posted by Dark Knight Gafgar View Post
An Unbeatable Weapon
I'd rather the scene be between Jail and
Spoiler:
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Old 2009-11-18, 11:00   Link #19304
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spawnofthejudge View Post
DO NOT TELL ME THIS DURING NANO!
I'm seriously looking forward to that, by the way. :3
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Old 2009-11-18, 11:17   Link #19305
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
I'm seriously looking forward to that, by the way. :3
I guess I should post a teaser, though you gotta love the uneditedness that is Nanowrimo.

So... teaser of the OC cast, or teaser with the CCs involved?
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Old 2009-11-18, 11:20   Link #19306
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Originally Posted by spawnofthejudge View Post
So... teaser of the OC cast, or teaser with the CCs involved?
I vote for both, myself. Though if I really have to choose I'd go with CCs. Helps me better understand the setting if I know the characters.
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Old 2009-11-18, 11:23   Link #19307
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Presenting rough draft of MGLN Crisis Chapter 17. I was going to wait another day or so to post this, to give me time to work on chapter 18. But I realize there doesn't seem to be much of a plot line currently (unless you've been following the hints). So this should get things going again.

As always, previous parts can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2116261/Kaijo

Spoiler for MGLN Crisis Chapter 17: Nightmares from the Past:
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Old 2009-11-18, 12:36   Link #19308
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
Presenting rough draft of MGLN Crisis Chapter 17. I was going to wait another day or so to post this, to give me time to work on chapter 18. But I realize there doesn't seem to be much of a plot line currently (unless you've been following the hints). So this should get things going again.

As always, previous parts can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2116261/Kaijo

Spoiler for MGLN Crisis Chapter 17: Nightmares from the Past:
Do I spy hints of Zarf? *shot*

Somehow I get the feeling it's going to get worse, what with the magic being gone and all. Thanks for the warning, though.
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Old 2009-11-18, 13:08   Link #19309
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Do I spy hints of Zarf? *shot*

Somehow I get the feeling it's going to get worse, what with the magic being gone and all. Thanks for the warning, though.
Hints, yes. But an interesting wrench has been tossed in those works. Time will tell, however. =)
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Old 2009-11-18, 13:10   Link #19310
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
Hints, yes. But an interesting wrench has been tossed in those works. Time will tell, however. =)
You shameless tease.
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Old 2009-11-18, 13:23   Link #19311
Alavon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
Presenting rough draft of MGLN Crisis Chapter 17. I was going to wait another day or so to post this, to give me time to work on chapter 18. But I realize there doesn't seem to be much of a plot line currently (unless you've been following the hints). So this should get things going again.

As always, previous parts can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2116261/Kaijo

Spoiler for MGLN Crisis Chapter 17: Nightmares from the Past:
That chapter was intense...

*huddles in a corner and cries*
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Old 2009-11-18, 13:56   Link #19312
Dark Knight Gafgar
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Originally Posted by Alavon View Post
That chapter was intense...

*huddles in a corner and cries*
How exactly was it any more intense than earlier chapters? Sure, it had a plot twist at the end, but most of it was ferris wheels, a stalker, and a bunch of uppity civvies that need to be shot for assaulting officers of the law.
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Old 2009-11-18, 14:00   Link #19313
Alavon
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Originally Posted by Dark Knight Gafgar View Post
How exactly was it any more intense than earlier chapters? Sure, it had a plot twist at the end, but most of it was ferris wheels, a stalker, and a bunch of uppity civvies that need to be shot for assaulting officers of the law.
I found it intense and that's all I got to say on that matter since I don't want to spoil anything for anyone who hasn't read it. Sometimes, it only takes one small thing to make a big difference, Gafgar.
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Old 2009-11-18, 14:02   Link #19314
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alavon View Post
I found it intense and that's all I got to say on that matter since I don't want to spoil anything for anyone who hasn't read it. Sometimes, it only takes one small thing to make a big difference, Gafgar.
...

You're being a tease, too! No fair!
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Old 2009-11-18, 14:21   Link #19315
Satashi
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One of the more awkward moments of having a daughter who loves you very much.

Spoiler for XDD:
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Old 2009-11-18, 14:39   Link #19316
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
One of the more awkward moments of having a daughter who loves you very much.

Spoiler for XDD:
Haha, kids are so precious.

So I've been working on a sequel to my Vivio/Yuuno fic for awhile now. I'm not done it yet, but I wanted to post what I have to see how you guys think it's going so far.

Spoiler for One Step at a Time -Unfinished-:
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Old 2009-11-18, 14:42   Link #19317
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Knight Gafgar View Post
How exactly was it any more intense than earlier chapters? Sure, it had a plot twist at the end, but most of it was ferris wheels, a stalker, and a bunch of uppity civvies that need to be shot for assaulting officers of the law.
To be honest, I can kinda see where you're comin' from. There are different parts of my fic that I feel were intense for various reasons, such as the end of "Encounter with Fate." This chapter was more setup for the final leg of the fic.

But while I agree with you in feeling that civvies should be shot(that's the kind of guy I am!), that's kinda a bad thing for a government to do to it's people. Usually makes things worse. Mobs are irrational and driven by emotion by nature. I wanted to show how the people are starting to react to what is essentially a planet-wide disaster.

But I think what Alavon and the others are referring to, is what's going on with Nanoha and Vivio, the plot twist near the end, and the small section that takes place in space (which I think everyone can guess what's going on there).

I admit, I was aiming for the feeling of: "lalala, we're all having fun..." and then "*bleep* just got turned up to 11." Which is gonna be fun, because next chapter is going to ratchet things up to 12... hopefully. =)

One thing that always struck me, is that Jail was collecting all these relics throughout Strikers, and yet we don't really see him do much with them. At one point he's shown in front of a box that contains at least 42 of them (I paused it and counted). A lot of this fic came from the point of "What could he do with them?"

So I'm having fun finding all sorts of uses for them.^^

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
One of the more awkward moments of having a daughter who loves you very much.
Heh, I can see that happening. I liked it.

Oh, Raiser, I'll get to yours in a bit.
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Old 2009-11-18, 15:08   Link #19318
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 00-Raiser View Post
So I've been working on a sequel to my Vivio/Yuuno fic for awhile now. I'm not done it yet, but I wanted to post what I have to see how you guys think it's going so far.

Spoiler for One Step at a Time -Unfinished-:
I don't really see Yuuno/Vivio as a serious thing, only in a comedic fashion. So that kinda colors my viewpoint. Overall, I found the comedic portions amusing. Good setups playing on the age difference, and the female teasing was plausible.

One thing you might add, which could be amusing, is where Wendi is explaining ED. After whispering in Nove's ear, or during, having her make a fist, then trying and failing to raise her finger a few times.

Something about the male teasing seemed a bit off, but I can't put my finger on it. Probably because I haven't read the prequel

It seems to get serious after that, and I admit I haven't read the prequel to this, so I'll stop there, and just contain my comments to the humor.

Oh, I did want to mention that you might go over your fic again, because you have a few punctuation instances such as this:

“How very saintly of you.” Chrono quipped dryly.

Which should be:

“How very saintly of you,” Chrono quipped dryly.

Maybe it's my high school English teacher shouting at me, but conversation is never usually ended in a period if you're coloring the conversation with how the speaker is using it. Use a comma instead.

At least, that's how I was taught, heh.
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Old 2009-11-18, 15:38   Link #19319
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi View Post
One of the more awkward moments of having a daughter who loves you very much.

Spoiler for XDD:
ROFLMAO!!!! Oh that was Hilarious. The "Jiiiiiii~" reminded me of Mizore from Rosario+Vampire.
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Old 2009-11-18, 16:56   Link #19320
Alavon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
But I think what Alavon and the others are referring to, is what's going on with Nanoha and Vivio, the plot twist near the end, and the small section that takes place in space (which I think everyone can guess what's going on there).

I admit, I was aiming for the feeling of: "lalala, we're all having fun..." and then "*bleep* just got turned up to 11." Which is gonna be fun, because next chapter is going to ratchet things up to 12... hopefully. =)
Yes, that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
One thing that always struck me, is that Jail was collecting all these relics throughout Strikers, and yet we don't really see him do much with them. At one point he's shown in front of a box that contains at least 42 of them (I paused it and counted). A lot of this fic came from the point of "What could he do with them?"

So I'm having fun finding all sorts of uses for them.^^
That made me wonder and did you really count them?

@Satashi:
Cute! ^^
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