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Old 2009-11-20, 19:41   Link #19461
spawnofthejudge
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Hey, I promised a teaser. So here we are:

Spoiler for TEASE:
As it is still November, I'm not really looking for comments (Don't worry; I'll post this scene here again if I don't cut it, and you can yell at me for whatever then ). Just giving you a part of what I've been working on for the past month.

Page claim for Nanowrimo!
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Last edited by spawnofthejudge; 2009-11-21 at 10:32.
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Old 2009-11-20, 19:45   Link #19462
Kaijo
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I want to apologize if I came off badly. My brain is wired differently than most people, due to Asperger's syndrome, so I can come off as abrasive or tactless. If you're curious you can look it up on wiki.

Anyway, rough draft of MGLN Crisis Chapter 20. I tweaked 19 a little more to hopefully make it clearer as to what is going on, but it's pretty much going to stay as it is for now.

Also, as a reminder, when I began writing this, I was basing it solely off the three anime TV seasons(as opposed to the DVD version and whatever materials may have accompanied it). Nothing else. So, there may be slightly different explanations and such for things. Fans have generally seen the anime, but very few have seen particular minor details or been a part of huge threads.

As such, anything that may have been written or decided, and then hidden in a mass of posts, will be ignored. I don't hold much respect for fiats, whether they be regarding pairings or other such laws. Or you can also consider that certain things can change in the process of 10+ years, or even a year.

Previous parts can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2116261/Kaijo

Spoiler for MGLN Crisis chapter 20: Calm Before the Storm:


I still do welcome feedback, though it is always an author's prerogative to use certain feedback or not; I'm sure every author here feels the same. I do welcome debates, too, but I'd request such debates be kept to PMs, to avoid clogging the thread and annoying the other posters, thank you.

Oh, and I also want to thank those who PM'ed me with their support. I appreciate the words of encouragement and open-minded feedback. I plan to finish this fic as I have outlined.

Last edited by Kaijo; 2009-11-20 at 22:00.
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Old 2009-11-20, 20:10   Link #19463
RadiantBeam
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spawnofthejudge View Post
Hey, I promised a teaser. So here we are:

Spoiler for TEASE:
As it is still November, I'm not really looking for comments (Don't worry; I'll post this scene here again if I don't cut it, and you can yell at me for whatever then ). Just giving you a part of what I've been working on for the past month.
...

Dammit, now I want to read the full entry. D: This teaser caught my attention and I want more! I was sad to see it end, especially on that cliffhanger!
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Old 2009-11-20, 20:38   Link #19464
Dark Knight Gafgar
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I love how I can spend an hour or two writing something, post it, and no one notices because they're busy arguing about how magic can or can't work. Don't you?

Spoiler for Mirror Universe Nanoha (Possibly NSFW):
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Old 2009-11-20, 20:44   Link #19465
Kaijo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Knight Gafgar View Post
I love how I can spend an hour or two writing something, post it, and no one notices because they're busy arguing about how magic can or can't work. Don't you?

Spoiler for Mirror Universe Nanoha (Possibly NSFW):
Sorry, Gaf, wasn't aware of how I'd set things off. I found it amusing, but I don't think I'll comment much on fics, as my ideas are too dangerously different. :P
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Old 2009-11-20, 20:50   Link #19466
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Knight Gafgar View Post
I love how I can spend an hour or two writing something, post it, and no one notices because they're busy arguing about how magic can or can't work. Don't you?

Spoiler for Mirror Universe Nanoha (Possibly NSFW):
I read it the first time you posted it but didn't really have much to say outside of superficial stuff like "It was interesting." Hm, maybe for times like this is when I should use the reputation system.

Anyways, are you going to continue it?
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Old 2009-11-20, 21:07   Link #19467
Dark Knight Gafgar
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Probably not. We've been discussing Mirror Universes over on TFF recently, and the idea popped into my head so I decided to see how many souls I could crush with Yuno the Evil Bastard. Since most people seem to have just been "meh" towards it, I think I'll look into something else.
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Old 2009-11-20, 21:13   Link #19468
Kashiro
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 00-Raiser View Post
They only did that in the final episode, though, and obviously this fic happens before that. Besides, I like Faiz and I wanted to do the whole Blaster VS Blaster thing.



What, you can't see him with ALL his hair spiked up? Would give a super saiyan a run for their money
Darn someone beat me to the idea of Yuuno and Den-o fusion...^^; Oh well, not liked I knew enough about Den-o to specifically make a fic out of that. Though, I imagined Yuuno's hair back into a pony tail *with no bangs with the exception of one lose red strand...^^;*

Though, I still how much the Imagin would cause Yuuno...
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Old 2009-11-20, 21:46   Link #19469
DKN117
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After a month plus of hanging elsewhere, I've decided to try and see if it's safe to come back in here. This time, I'll throw out a minimum-detail thing to see what you all think - more than a bare-bones skeleton of an outline, this is just a small bunch of bones. I seek suggestions on how to complete the skeleton and add some flesh to it... or if I should just reject & bury the fragments and try again in a few months.

What I've got so far: in this fic, Teana's parents were killed partly because they were betrayed, when a "friend" gave vital information in exchange for a large sum of money, and his betrayal led to Sayuri & Tarlis Lanstar being ambushed and killed. The betrayer then fled to parts unknown. His name is Ahlus Kahn (Captain Kirk: "KAAAAAAAHNNNN!!!" [Nostalgia Critic: "Knock it off!"]).

Teana manages to track him down to a little-known desert world, not telling the rest of the group for fear that they may try to stop her from pursuing her. When she arrives, she soon realizes that Kahn knows she's on the planet. In response, she sends him this message:

Spoiler for epic speech:


From here, I don't know how to proceed. Whether to have Teana succeed or fail. Whether she lives to return home, achieves her objective but dies from injuries, or (most depressing option) is killed without managing to do whjat she set out to. Whether or not to have any of the rest of Riot Force 6 show up for a Big Damn Heroes moment, or whether Tia's mission remains a total secret. I seek suggestions. Please be nice. And a bonus point to whoever can recognize what video game holds the speech that Teana's speech is partly based off of.
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Old 2009-11-20, 22:20   Link #19470
Satashi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DKN117 View Post
After a month plus of hanging elsewhere, I've decided to try and see if it's safe to come back in here. This time, I'll throw out a minimum-detail thing to see what you all think - more than a bare-bones skeleton of an outline, this is just a small bunch of bones. I seek suggestions on how to complete the skeleton and add some flesh to it... or if I should just reject & bury the fragments and try again in a few months.

What I've got so far: in this fic, Teana's parents were killed partly because they were betrayed, when a "friend" gave vital information in exchange for a large sum of money, and his betrayal led to Sayuri & Tarlis Lanstar being ambushed and killed. The betrayer then fled to parts unknown. His name is Ahlus Kahn (Captain Kirk: "KAAAAAAAHNNNN!!!" [Nostalgia Critic: "Knock it off!"]).

Teana manages to track him down to a little-known desert world, not telling the rest of the group for fear that they may try to stop her from pursuing her. When she arrives, she soon realizes that Kahn knows she's on the planet. In response, she sends him this message:

Spoiler for epic speech:


From here, I don't know how to proceed. Whether to have Teana succeed or fail. Whether she lives to return home, achieves her objective but dies from injuries, or (most depressing option) is killed without managing to do whjat she set out to. Whether or not to have any of the rest of Riot Force 6 show up for a Big Damn Heroes moment, or whether Tia's mission remains a total secret. I seek suggestions. Please be nice. And a bonus point to whoever can recognize what video game holds the speech that Teana's speech is partly based off of.
Are you actually going to listen to the comments this time around? Last time you just ignored everyone and ran off, wasting out time. Before I think about commenting, I'd like to know if you're more mature this time around.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Knight Gafgar View Post
I love how I can spend an hour or two writing something, post it, and no one notices because they're busy arguing about how magic can or can't work. Don't you?
I agree on the whole arguing, but people probably read it. As it was stated, you can't always get people to comment if they don't have anything to say.
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Old 2009-11-20, 22:28   Link #19471
OZ7UP
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DKN117 View Post
After a month plus of hanging elsewhere, I've decided to try and see if it's safe to come back in here. This time, I'll throw out a minimum-detail thing to see what you all think - more than a bare-bones skeleton of an outline, this is just a small bunch of bones. I seek suggestions on how to complete the skeleton and add some flesh to it... or if I should just reject & bury the fragments and try again in a few months.

What I've got so far: in this fic, Teana's parents were killed partly because they were betrayed, when a "friend" gave vital information in exchange for a large sum of money, and his betrayal led to Sayuri & Tarlis Lanstar being ambushed and killed. The betrayer then fled to parts unknown. His name is Ahlus Kahn (Captain Kirk: "KAAAAAAAHNNNN!!!" [Nostalgia Critic: "Knock it off!"]).

Teana manages to track him down to a little-known desert world, not telling the rest of the group for fear that they may try to stop her from pursuing her. When she arrives, she soon realizes that Kahn knows she's on the planet. In response, she sends him this message:

Spoiler for epic speech:


From here, I don't know how to proceed. Whether to have Teana succeed or fail. Whether she lives to return home, achieves her objective but dies from injuries, or (most depressing option) is killed without managing to do whjat she set out to. Whether or not to have any of the rest of Riot Force 6 show up for a Big Damn Heroes moment, or whether Tia's mission remains a total secret. I seek suggestions. Please be nice. And a bonus point to whoever can recognize what video game holds the speech that Teana's speech is partly based off of.
I'm going to have to agree with what Satashi just said, mate. I probably don't have the right to tell you off, considering that 1.) I'm still new around here, 2.) I'm not a great writer myself, and 3.) this might actually start off a flaming session, but regardless of how long you "stay away" from the Nanoha FFT, people will still remember you for the way you're behaving.

So, please, grow up. As Satashi said, take everyone's feedback to heart to make your story happen. I've mentioned that I'm not a good writer myself, but I still write down something whenever I'm hit by a plot bunny, and I still post whatever that I have in the FFT, regardless of whether people actually read it or not. Not that I care about the lack of responses - I'm more into writing original music and making photocomics, and I'm satisfied as long as people do read my stuff.
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Old 2009-11-20, 22:38   Link #19472
DKN117
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Okay, okay, I'm sorry! Can... can we please just drop my past behavior for now and help me with my new fic idea? PLEASE?
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Old 2009-11-20, 22:53   Link #19473
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...You're the one writing, and should be able to decide what happens next. The key is to be able to figure out what happens AFTER the choice is made.

Good sir, this is not a CYOA.
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Old 2009-11-20, 22:59   Link #19474
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DKN117 View Post
Okay, okay, I'm sorry! Can... can we please just drop my past behavior for now and help me with my new fic idea? PLEASE?
Well, I don't know who you are or what you've done in the past. I'm the last person who should hold that against you anyways, seeing as what I'm guilty of.

Anyways, on to your fic idea. As some one who really likes Teana (a lot) I have several points to make:

1.) We know nothing about her parents or their deaths, so them being betrayed and whatnot is plausable. However, on to point two.

2.) Teana was very young when she lost her parents, so she wasn't very attached to them. That's not to say she wouldn't want justice on the people who killed them, but I don't think it would go to the extent of an unauthorized commando suicide revenge mission.

3.) Tiida (her brother) was a much more significant person in her life. We know he was killed during a mission and the culprit was captured afterwards. If this culprit was working for this Kahn fellow, that could justify her desire for revenge.

4.) While she may desire revenge, Teana wouldn't do anything stupid like going to face a 'S-rank mage with over 500 soldiers protecting him' by herself. A major development point for her in StrikerS was that she learned to stop trying to overcompensate for her abilities alone, and to allow herself to rely on her teammates.

5.) Her dream is to be an Enforcer, so again, going off on her own isn't reasonable. It would work if, as an Enforcer, she requested to be assigned to the investigation of Kahn, and go through official channels and inevitably confront him. She wouldn't be so brazen as to say "I will kill you" but more "I'm taking you in."

Your premise is workable, but I suggest considering the changes above to have Teana more in character.
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Old 2009-11-20, 23:09   Link #19475
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DKN117 View Post
After a month plus of hanging elsewhere, I've decided to try and see if it's safe to come back in here. This time, I'll throw out a minimum-detail thing to see what you all think - more than a bare-bones skeleton of an outline, this is just a small bunch of bones. I seek suggestions on how to complete the skeleton and add some flesh to it... or if I should just reject & bury the fragments and try again in a few months.

What I've got so far: in this fic, Teana's parents were killed partly because they were betrayed, when a "friend" gave vital information in exchange for a large sum of money, and his betrayal led to Sayuri & Tarlis Lanstar being ambushed and killed. The betrayer then fled to parts unknown. His name is Ahlus Kahn (Captain Kirk: "KAAAAAAAHNNNN!!!" [Nostalgia Critic: "Knock it off!"]).

Teana manages to track him down to a little-known desert world, not telling the rest of the group for fear that they may try to stop her from pursuing her. When she arrives, she soon realizes that Kahn knows she's on the planet. In response, she sends him this message:

Spoiler for epic speech:


From here, I don't know how to proceed. Whether to have Teana succeed or fail. Whether she lives to return home, achieves her objective but dies from injuries, or (most depressing option) is killed without managing to do whjat she set out to. Whether or not to have any of the rest of Riot Force 6 show up for a Big Damn Heroes moment, or whether Tia's mission remains a total secret. I seek suggestions. Please be nice. And a bonus point to whoever can recognize what video game holds the speech that Teana's speech is partly based off of.
...

...

...

No comment. Just.... no comment. I'm not doing this again.
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Old 2009-11-20, 23:48   Link #19476
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On the other hand, it made me do this:

Spoiler for Coming Home:
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Old 2009-11-20, 23:51   Link #19477
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
On the other hand, it made me do this:

Spoiler for Coming Home:
That was... weird. It did make me think of the space whales from Macross 7, though.

LISTEN TO MY SONG!
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Old 2009-11-21, 00:10   Link #19478
Dark Knight Gafgar
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Originally Posted by 00-Raiser View Post
LISTEN TO MY SONG!
There are no fingerprints deep underwater
Nothing to tie one to a crime
And if you seek vengeance
All you need are instruments of pain...
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Old 2009-11-21, 00:21   Link #19479
DKN117
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
...

...

...

No comment. Just.... no comment. I'm not doing this again.
Then I will leave this forum for good this time. It's obvious to me now that no matter how much I want to forget my past outbursts, control myself, and start anew - and I would have from now on NOT SAID ANYTHING WHATSOEVER to anything anyone said about my fic ideas, good or bad -, you all will never ever let my live down my past mistakes. I will take my leave, and scour the web for some (probably comparatively-tiny) story forum, where I've yet to make the horrible mistakes that have colored the perception you guys have of me, and seek their help. You will not see me post in this forum again

Well, actually... are there any Nanoha story forums out there besides this one, or am I stuck here, doomed to be forever chewed up and spit out over my past posts?
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Old 2009-11-21, 00:25   Link #19480
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I do believe 00-Raiser has just tried to help you. If you say you've changed then show us through time. Only time can heal wounds and you put a lot of bad tastes in peoples' mouths. I'm not unwilling to give you a second chance but you have to actually prove you deserve it.
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