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Old 2010-01-13, 09:47   Link #21801
Kogetsu Shirogane
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Oh look, the attempts at making Haruki an unappealing jerk backfired.
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... well at least it's consistent...
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Old 2010-01-13, 13:06   Link #21802
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon View Post
Spoiler for September the Sixth, Day 5, Itsuko: Flashes in Space- Memories in Pieces (KOIZUMI):
Ok, this dream was somewhat weirder then usual. Anyway, it seens Kyon is not dead, after all. Well, it was the most probable outcome, but I find a pitty. We still need to know what the hell happened, however.

Oh, yeah, your Haruki is awesome, but I think it is a good thing he don't exist. He is complete dangerous jerk. You can't defenestrate people just for doing what you told them to do.

Also, I find interesting the first scene don't happen like in the rewrite, even tough they should. I also find hilarious Haruki's conclusion about Itsuko. Not only by he being right in two of his assumptions (ESPer and secret agent) but also because I could see how he came to that conclusion. This also make me wonder if he would invitate Ryouko to his club.

Lastly, I suggest excluding "I said to Kyon." from the very first line. It is a VN, after all. I am always assuming every 'block' of text is suppose to be fit in a single box, right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kogetsu Shirogane View Post
Oh look, the attempts at making Haruki an unappealing jerk backfired.
Nah, I believe he was always suppose to be a appealing jerk. He may be a unlikable jerkass, but he is ridiculously funny in that flashbacks.
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Old 2010-01-13, 13:14   Link #21803
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heatth View Post
You can't defenestrate people just for doing what you told them to do.
Of course you can. Comes with the territory of being a complete jerk.
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... well at least it's consistent...
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Old 2010-01-13, 18:25   Link #21804
Magnificate
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Moping to the point of suicide? That doesn't ring true for Haruki in my opinion. Still, the previous scenes, especially the defenestration read great.
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Old 2010-01-13, 18:50   Link #21805
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon View Post
Spoiler for September the Sixth, Day 5, Itsuko: Flashes in Space- Memories in Pieces (KOIZUMI):
Haruki is surprisingly smart here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon View Post
Spoiler:
Haruki is surprisingly stupid here.
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Old 2010-01-13, 18:52   Link #21806
edkedkedk
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heatth View Post

Oh, yeah, your Haruki is awesome, but I think it is a good thing he don't exist. He is complete dangerous jerk. You can't defenestrate people just for doing what you told them to do.
Well, this is what happens if you give a Genki girl like Haruhi loads and loads of testosterone

I just got into this series, reading the past two chapters, and I must say, it's very refreshing to see characters blending in and out flawlessly from both universes. Although sometimes I get confused, and the cliffhanger in the previous chapter hasn't been resolved , but overall it's still a great read!

But I really doubt Haruki will kill himself straight after he found out his gender change. I mean, this is a mysterious event, one that he has been looking for all his life, and he immediately throws it all away by offing himself? A little weird...
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Old 2010-01-13, 18:57   Link #21807
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon View Post
Spoiler for September the Sixth, Day 5, Itsuko: Flashes in Space- Memories in Pieces (KOIZUMI):
Quick question, is this a typo are is Haruki dealing with Kyon(m) in some of these sequences.
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Old 2010-01-13, 19:21   Link #21808
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Quote:
Originally Posted by edkedkedk View Post
But I really doubt Haruki will kill himself straight after he found out his gender change. I mean, this is a mysterious event, one that he has been looking for all his life, and he immediately throws it all away by offing himself? A little weird...
Hint: this hadn't really happened. As you just came in it might be confusing, but all this is a wierd dream Kyon is having. It is More or less Haruki memories, but weirdly modifyed.

Give a look into my archive to read from the begining.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roger Rambo View Post
Haruki is surprisingly stupid here.
Ah, well, I believe in the original (by his POV) version of this scene the one there was Itsuko. It is considerably less alkward making the only other girl of the club stiping and cloathing Kyon.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roger Rambo View Post
Quick question, is this a typo are is Haruki dealing with Kyon(m) in some of these sequences.
The latter, I believe. It also happens in the other "Memories in Pieces"
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Old 2010-01-13, 19:42   Link #21809
edkedkedk
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heatth View Post
Hint: this hadn't really happened. As you just came in it might be confusing, but all this is a wierd dream Kyon is having. It is More or less Haruki memories, but weirdly modifyed.

Give a look into my archive to read from the begining.
Ah, now I get it! I'll read it all from the beginning to have a clearer view of what's happening. It's all very intriguing so far. Thanks!
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Old 2010-01-13, 19:44   Link #21810
Magnificate
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heatth View Post
Hint: this hadn't really happened.
Well, that doesn't change the fact that I wouldn't associate that kind of action with Haruki.
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Old 2010-01-13, 23:05   Link #21811
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heatth View Post
Ah, well, I believe in the original (by his POV) version of this scene the one there was Itsuko. It is considerably less alkward making the only other girl of the club stiping and cloathing Kyon.
Obviously. Except here it IS IsukI.

Thus Haruki is being pretty stupid.
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Old 2010-01-14, 01:53   Link #21812
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon View Post
Spoiler for September the Sixth, Day 5, Itsuko: Riverside- Lipstuck:
Here, I have to applaud your restraint from making Itsuko yandere. It's more sensible; Itsuko being a normal (relatively) person forced by circumstances into paranoia. Honestly, I would have made Kyon get zapped by a stungun, then having him wake up to nails being pounded into his fingers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon View Post
Spoiler for September the Sixth, Day 5, Itsuko: Flashes in Space- Memories in Pieces (KOIZUMI):
Some of Haruki's lines seem truly emo, even for him; but it works, overall.

Maybe the Sunday supernatural hunt scenes could be extended to Haruki discussing music with Itsuko, if you know what I mean. But then again, things might be too obvious.

Look forward to knowing what really happened. Could be Itsuki with his derringer, trying to rescue Kyon. Maybe the shot had come from the grassy knoll instead.

Last edited by otai; 2010-01-14 at 04:40.
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Old 2010-01-14, 09:42   Link #21813
s07195
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otai View Post
Some of Haruki's lines seem truly emo, even for him; but it works, overall.

Maybe the Sunday supernatural hunt scenes could be extended to Haruki discussing music with Itsuko, if you know what I mean. But then again, things might be too obvious.
Haruki IS emo. Who else freakin' destroys WORLDS just 'cuz they're unhappy? Haruki (and Haruhi I guess)

On a side note, no, I don't know what you mean
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Old 2010-01-14, 09:59   Link #21814
Kogetsu Shirogane
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Quote:
Originally Posted by s07195 View Post
Who else freakin' destroys WORLDS just 'cuz they're unhappy?
Well, it's better than destroying them out of boredom.
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... well at least it's consistent...
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Old 2010-01-14, 10:07   Link #21815
bhl88
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@s07195: then there'd be no story

Is this VN 30-40% complete?
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Old 2010-01-14, 11:28   Link #21816
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bhl88 View Post
@s07195: then there'd be no story

Is this VN 30-40% complete?
No. By any means. Do you know the concept of routes? If we assume each route will be as long as the first week, then the script alone isn't even 15% complete.
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Old 2010-01-14, 12:50   Link #21817
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I should hope that most are quite a bit longer than the first week, seeing as this is supposed to span most of the month. Saying the script is anywhere near 15% completed is probably too generous.
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... well at least it's consistent...
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Old 2010-01-14, 19:31   Link #21818
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I didn't know there would be more content than one week. I mean, the flowchart suggests the climax would be at Day 6 and at best Day 7 for wrap up.

Last edited by Magnificate; 2010-01-14 at 19:41.
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Old 2010-01-14, 19:52   Link #21819
Kogetsu Shirogane
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The demo that Kaisos wants to put out will only be the first week. Full thing spans most of the month.
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... well at least it's consistent...
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Old 2010-01-14, 21:19   Link #21820
s07195
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kogetsu Shirogane View Post
The demo that Kaisos wants to put out will only be the first week. Full thing spans most of the month.
so all this work is for a DEMO?

Sure hope the real thing will be for free....

Now I understand how this VN took over the whole thread...
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