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Old 2008-03-31, 20:53   Link #7061
Discreet
The Fascist
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
@Jintor

Good Grief makes me think of Charlie Brown...

Edit: damnit you people post too fast

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon View Post
Just the way I've written him, really... >_>

And, again, you're the only one that really seemed to have a problem with that.

But, you are kinda right, so I guess I'll change it.
Squee with Glee!

I pay a lot attention to detail. Grammar Nazi, Republican Conservative, Originality Fascist and AnaylzesShitTooMuch. That's me.
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Old 2008-03-31, 20:56   Link #7062
Kaisos Erranon
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There, I changed it.

HAPPY NOW, DISCREET?
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Old 2008-03-31, 20:56   Link #7063
kaura117
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon View Post
There, I changed it.

HAPPY NOW, DISCREET?
You can hear the squees of joy from here.
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Old 2008-03-31, 20:57   Link #7064
Jintor
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Where did you change it? I need to know what to edit.
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Old 2008-03-31, 21:00   Link #7065
Kaisos Erranon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jintor View Post
Where did you change it? I need to know what to edit.
Go to Chapter 4 on the B-T wiki. It's just the lines before Mitsuuru's infodump. Rather, the lines leading up to it, about Nagato's earlier infodump, I removed them.

Edit: And goddammit, can you go through and remove your comments? Strikethroughs here don't work on BT and I don't think I got them all.
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Old 2008-03-31, 21:02   Link #7066
CanadaAotS
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Kang Seung, like you said, at least we got some pics out of it. Also, please post your images in an archive or something! You seem to pull pics out of your ass that I've never seen anywhere else, on a regular basis...
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Old 2008-03-31, 21:03   Link #7067
Kang Seung Jae
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CanadaAotS View Post
Kang Seung, like you said, at least we got some pics out of it. Also, please post your images in an archive or something! You seem to pull pics out of your ass that I've never seen anywhere else, on a regular basis...
I post the pics as soon as I get them.....
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Old 2008-03-31, 21:05   Link #7068
Jintor
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon View Post
Go to Chapter 4 on the B-T wiki. It's just the lines before Mitsuuru's infodump. Rather, the lines leading up to it, about Nagato's earlier infodump, I removed them.

Edit: And goddammit, can you go through and remove your comments? Strikethroughs here don't work on BT and I don't think I got them all.
Right, right.

(Hate BT)

Man... I thought that line worked fine. It was such a natural lead-in, too...
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Old 2008-03-31, 21:07   Link #7069
Kaisos Erranon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jintor View Post
Right, right.

(Hate BT)

Man... I thought that line worked fine. It was such a natural lead-in, too...
No, he is right.

Also, I did it to stop him complaining. It works fine this way too.
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Old 2008-03-31, 21:09   Link #7070
Discreet
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon View Post
There, I changed it.

HAPPY NOW, DISCREET?
It's details like these that create subtly brilliant character interaction.

Even if I am the only one who picks it up. AHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *sheds a single tear*

heart u, kaisos
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Old 2008-03-31, 21:10   Link #7071
Jintor
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I agree more with the second reason than the first. Whatever.

Now Asahina suddenly gets more and more nervous. What sparked her infodumping originally?
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Old 2008-03-31, 21:12   Link #7072
Kristen
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"Dear Diary,

I have to say, when Haruki has cleaning duty, everything just becomes SO much more peaceful. I mean, without him around, Yuuki could go to the computer club and try to explain to those girls what a mouse is. That brings up a good question. Why are those girls in the computer club to begin with? I thought computers were a fairly male oriented thing... Maybe they are making a reverse harem dating sim or something? Well, a second one, considering that they wanted to challenge us to a dating sim last November. Then again, how in the world did we compete in a dating sim game?

Blah, why do I get off topic diary? Anyways, Haruki was out, and Yuuki was in the computer club room, so I finally got to play that mystery date game with Itsuko. Though Minoru wanted to join in too for whatever reason... Why did he get the hot jock?

Gah... Really, I just hate these uniforms... Why do we have this kanji symbol right on our chest? Do they want to encourage the perverts to look at our chests or something? Maybe I should tie my overcoat a little tighter... Ooh, but we're changing to summer uniforms soon... What should I do, diary?

Sincerely,
Kyon-ko"
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Old 2008-03-31, 21:12   Link #7073
dkellis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Discreet View Post
Although I'd probably take out that moment of unnecessary snark of cynicism in such an unrealistic and out-of-this-world moment...
Quote:
Originally Posted by CanadaAotS View Post
I agree with Discreet about not getting too snarky near the end of volume 1.
Kyon didn't do too much thinking as he kissed Haruhi. He just closed his eyes and did it, knowing that he was betting everything on it.

For some reason I'm feeling a bit of Discreet's fascism when it comes to this scene... I loved it too much in the original novels
To be perfectly honest, I put in the snarky bit because otherwise the narrative would start to sound like something Itsuki (or Itsuko) would say, rather than Kyonko. As some of my posts here might suggest (eg the Idealism vs Realism one), when I get into something, I start to wax really lyrical. I can't imagine such words coming from Kyonko, and so I have to force myself to keep grounded while writing. The snark is the most suitable way I've found.

Still, let's try looking at it from a non-meta viewpoint.

The primary motivation I see for Kyonko is that she, like Kyon, insists on being Arthur Dent, being normal. Taking the canon, when the blue giants started smashing up the school grounds, Haruhi was ecstatic: this was fantastic, this was exciting, this was fun. Kyon, however, was worried: what if they get hit by debris? What if they get stepped on by the giants? Do these things have enough mass for it to matter?

Kyonko, like her canon counterpart, thinks too much, in a specifically ordinary way. She holds fast in the belief that Life Is Not A Story, and that life will never be as neat as a story; after a great battle between mages, someone still has to clean up the property damage. To be told that she has to act as though she's actually in a story is probably completely alien and unfamiliar, at least to the Kyonko now (rather than the Kyonko of long ago, who believed in aliens/ESPers/time-travellers). And so, she brings out her usual defense of snark.

In the original, Kyon is just as exasperated by this turn of events, but in the end, he throws logic to the wind, since the world's ending anyway, and at least this way he gets to have a chance to save it. That's what I was trying to portray for Kyonko: she needs to have that extra push in order to initiate the kiss, and she's instinctively fighting it every step of the way. But in the end, she does go through with it.

Like I said, though, I expect it to be edited to satisfaction.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Discreet View Post
Mitsuru was going to tell Kyonko his identity either way, though...
Mitsuru was going to tell Kyonko his identity, but perhaps not at that time. He's been considering it for some time, but Kyonko has to say something for Mitsuru to decide that it's time to reveal all. Since we're moving the relationship question from being the catalyst to being the Classified Information line, there has to be something else, and the whole Yuuki Is An Alien thing is the first which occured to me. (Not sure if Kaisos took that suggestion, or already had it on his own.)

Going out on a very risky limb, it's also consistent with something I've noticed about gender differences, albeit completely based on anecdotal evidence: when guys have something bothering them that they can't figure out, they try to work through it on their own. When girls are in the same situation, they try to work it out together with a trusted friend(s). In my view, Kyonko mentioning Yuuki's talk is not so much "hey, guess what happened a few days ago" as "this trip reminds me of something, maybe you can explain it".

Also, I'm guessing that Yuuki doesn't mind if Kyonko tells anyone else. Kyonko even offered(/threatened) to tell Haruki about it, and Yuuki's response boiled down to "go ahead".
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Old 2008-03-31, 21:12   Link #7074
Kaisos Erranon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jintor View Post
I agree more with the second reason than the first. Whatever.

Now Asahina suddenly gets more and more nervous. What sparked her infodumping originally?
The "I can't date anyone" line.

I think it's not really fitting for Mitsuuru to get worked up over that.

In fact, I don't think it made sense for Mikuru to get worked up over that. Maybe it was that she hates lying?
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Old 2008-03-31, 21:12   Link #7075
Discreet
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I'm pretty sure they were all infodumping just cuz.

But probably cause they saw Kyon as a threat if he influenced Haruhi the wrong way. It was probably part of their mission to tell him and help him understand the implications of his every action seeing as how he was "Haruhi's chosen one."
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Old 2008-03-31, 21:16   Link #7076
Kaisos Erranon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dkellis View Post
Mitsuru was going to tell Kyonko his identity, but perhaps not at that time. He's been considering it for some time, but Kyonko has to say something for Mitsuru to decide that it's time to reveal all. Since we're moving the relationship question from being the catalyst to being the Classified Information line, there has to be something else, and the whole Yuuki Is An Alien thing is the first which occured to me. (Not sure if Kaisos took that suggestion, or already had it on his own.)

Going out on a very risky limb, it's also consistent with something I've noticed about gender differences, albeit completely based on anecdotal evidence: when guys have something bothering them that they can't figure out, they try to work through it on their own. When girls are in the same situation, they try to work it out together with a trusted friend(s). In my view, Kyonko mentioning Yuuki's talk is not so much "hey, guess what happened a few days ago" as "this trip reminds me of something, maybe you can explain it".

Also, I'm guessing that Yuuki doesn't mind if Kyonko tells anyone else. Kyonko even offered(/threatened) to tell Haruki about it, and Yuuki's response boiled down to "go ahead".
And I change my mind again.

Sorry, Discreet, this makes more sense than you.

And thanks, dkellis. Once again, you explain what that scene was missing.
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Old 2008-03-31, 21:17   Link #7077
Jintor
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon View Post
The "I can't date anyone" line.

I think it's not really fitting for Mitsuuru to get worked up over that.

In fact, I don't think it made sense for Mikuru to get worked up over that. Maybe it was that she hates lying?
Hmmm.

Ok, since we've removed the Yuuki line now Asahina just suddenly gets more and more nervous and begins to infodump on Kyonko. This is despite the fact that he was happily licking ice-cream about 2.5 seconds ago. So either we add in more lines about him glancing at Kyonko, then looking away, or seeming like he's steeling himself for an answer, or we add some other sort of trigger.

That's how I see it. At the moment I believe it's still a little awkward.

(Also, the Hivemind demands Chapter 5 Progress Reports)

/EDIT'D Lawl Dkelis said what I was thinking, but in fancier words, and he also justified it. Go Dkellis! Fight for what freaking makes sense!
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Old 2008-03-31, 21:19   Link #7078
kaura117
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I just realized we probably put a hell of a lot more thought into every little detail than even Tanigawa...

...can't quite decide if this is win or fail...
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Old 2008-03-31, 21:19   Link #7079
Kristen
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Hm... Theat diary made me think of something... For Day of Saggitareus, isn't it a little weird for a club of girls to make a space fighting game? I've always thought that was more of a masculine thing. Should the game be changed?
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Old 2008-03-31, 21:20   Link #7080
ClockWorkAngel
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So much madness for a single line :O. Let's hope all and all it's agreed on?
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